Am I in for a Rude Awakening?

I put it to my son like this...he knows what behaviors we accept and what we don't. The world is full of kids who do both. How HE choses to act is up to him. Who he choses to pay attention to and follow is his decision. If he wants to question us or use bad words other kids tell him is okay to use, that's up to him however, HE is the one who is going to get in trouble, not any of those kids.

hth

Part of growing up is testing and trying things out.
Testing boundaries and rules, seeing where you fit into society and how society works.
I already KNOW that my daughter will at some point be sneaky, lie, be deceptive, and break rules.
It is a part of life.
ESPECIALLY as teenagers.

My rules are no lying, be honest, I will always be MORE angry at a lie than the actual thing itself.
No sneaking, just be honest and up front, if you are doing wrong, stop. If you are sneaking, clearly you know it is wrong.
I have ZERO rules as far as language, she can say anything she wants EXCEPT name calling, no calling people names or putting people down. No hate speech.
But I don't care about shut up or swear words.
And DO NOT judge anyone or anything until you try it or get to know them first.

My daughter, who is 6, told me that she will always love me, no matter what.
I told her that some day, probably when she is 14, she is going to tell me that she hates me and I am going to remind her that when she was 6 that she said she will always love me.
She said she would never say she hates me. I told her just wait and see :)

There are all sorts of liars and connivers in the world, and some of them start very young.

This is a great opportunity. The first thing to teach your daughter is that she doesn't have to believe everything that older kids say! This third-grade girl is trying to be controlling. Would she act this way to a fourth-grader, or even another third-grader? I think not. Your girl doesn't have to pay any attention to her or do anything she says. She can learn to say, "No, I won't bring my DS [whatever that is!] on the bus; no, I won't say that; no, I won't do that." She can repeat those words as often as necessary. If, by chance, the older girl starts getting threatening, your daughter should know what to do about that, too.

This is teaching-about-peer-pressure time.

My daughters have always been amazing. I was always very lucky with my older daughter that she was strong enough to be the leader so other kids didn't influence her, not so lucky with the younger one.

I can tell you between 9 and 11 they turn into these evil monsters that half make you laugh and the rest of the time cry. Then they go away to college and you have that amazing girl back.

Do everything in your power to empower your daughter to believe that she doesn't have to give into peer pressure. They don't always believe you but those that stand up for their beliefs tend to be very popular, especially in high school.

Good luck!

you're doing a great job....keep it up!

Is it possible to ask for a seat change on the bus?

& yes, there's lots of kids like this out there....just keep teaching your DD the "right" way to live!

I agree with your values and I would not be making any playdates with that girl. My daughter always tells me and I try not to overreact. I ask her what she thinks about it and if she knows why I don't allow x. She then explains it back to me so I know she knows. I also tell her it is not her job to parent this other girl or to make her behave. That girl is choosing her behavior and one of the consequences is some people are not going to want to get to know her better. Plus, the religous aspects.

No, lying and conniving don't go along with getting older. It's just one girl. And now that your daughter is in the outside world (school), she will be exposed to all kinds of negative things, AND positive things.

But if you do a good job of parenting, which it sounds like you are (your daughter talks to you), you will be able to counter the negative influences she will inevitably come across.

My daughter just turned six and I am experiencing similiar things. I just let her know that she knows right from wrong. You are a leader and not a follower but I do understand the need to fit it. So I think this will be a hard thing as a parent. Just keep talking to her and let her know that her choices cause consequences good or bad. Wish me luck as well :)

Are you sure you aren't talking about my daughter? Well, the same, except mine is in 3rd grade. GREAT kid, just mouthy at times! Tell your daughter that your rules are to be followed at ALL times.

I don't care where we are, who we are with, etc...the rules that my husband and I have are the rules that always take over. My kids know this since we've been telling them since they were little. So, even though someone else told your daughter to bring her DS to school, she knows better than to do it.

People raise their kids differently, and in my home we go for a more strict (but fun!) atmosphere. The rules are there for a reason. And sometimes we break them just for fun. But still, just remind your daugther that people are going to tell her to do the wrong thing, and she needs to remember what set of rules she needs to follow. I find this works well for punishment also. If they know they break one of your rules with someone else, the punishment still stands.

Yes, you are. The world is full of kids like this third grader. You just have to have faith in your parenting and hope for the best. And don't be naive to good grades, great behavior and obeying your every word....because even the best of kids can fall into the wrong group.

ADDED:

And yes lots of parents have different degrees of right and wrong. For example my daughter is allowed to say oh my gosh or OMG but my sister does not allow her daughter. (Mostly because my niece goes to a parochial school and they don't allow it either.)

Different rules and norms in different houses. It's not the "older" that's going to get you... it's the different rules and different norms. Because, yep, your daughter is and will be exposed to all of them.

Just think how many times you've heard "If all of your friends jumped off a cliff, would you?"

It's most parents constant lament as soon as kids hit the school years; their kids wanting to do what other kids are allowed to do and they aren't.

Friends and classmates and frenemies and enemies are ALL influential. Some things your daughter will pick up, some other kids (who aren't allowed to do things your daughter is) will pick up from HER. Conversely, both your daughter and others will pick up positive things from each other.

But yeah, the differences mean a LOT of conversations over the next several years.

I think kids do/say what others do/say with confidence. My daughter is 5 and doing the same sort of things. Her preschool was private and she is now in a public school and she walked around wide eyed and in awe with everything new (the real world). I initially panicked of course thinking my child would be ruined, but then I pulled myself back together and now talk to her and guide her into deciding things; like does someone who lie make a good friend? would a good friend do that? do you have a choice to...? Also in regards to repeating 'words' she hears I told my daughter she may use ANY of them, but ONLY in their correct context. So whenever she hears a new word we look for it in the dictionary and make up a sentence in which it is used correctly and comment how it does not make sense in the context she heard it. Turned out to be a great learning moment, she's learning good vocabulary and learning that slang is incorrect. Good luck.

You should expect that any child will test the waters, even the best behavior and well meaning, especially as they grow and are exposed to more and more (especially older) kids. Keep doing what you are doing and teaching them right from wrong and it will go a long way.

In our home, my kids know that lying will get you in twice as much trouble as whatever they may have done. Telling the truth does not equal no trouble at all but a whole lot less than lying about it. I would rather them make me disappointed or unhappy w/ the truth but I will make their life miserable if they lie.

Your daughter sounds like mine. All kids pick up bad habits at school and/or from other kids. They do things when they can get away with it. I would explain to her that people have different views on what’s words are right or wrong to say. And that you would find out if she sneaks something out of the house. I remind my daughter (and my step kids) all the time that I was once and kid and something’s never change. There is nothing they can try that I or my hubby hasn’t tried first.
It is important that you always be involved in her life. Let her know you expect her to not behave like this other girl.

My daughter is 4 and I've already had to talk to her a few times about how something might be okay in someone elses house, or so-and-so might be able to do XYZ, but that doesn't mean it's okay for her. She already knows that "stupid" is wrong and if I catch her saying it, I just say "Excuse me?" and she knows right away she messed up and apologizes. Kids are sometimes going to be influenced by other kids, and sometimes they are going to make mistakes in the process of choosing which behaviors to emulate. Sometimes they are going to see what they can get away with. All you can do is keep reinforcing your values and expectations at home, and praise her for making good choices. Also remind her that a true friend will not try to get her in trouble or do the wrong thing by going against the rules (whether they are school rules or your own personal set of rules).

Go with Mona! :) While you can't control the other girls behavior you can only make an impact on your daughter. Continue to be consistant and keep the lines of communication open. At 6 she still needs to understand that there are consequences for poor choices made. Sounds like she is a good kid. Positive reinforcement and encouragement for her to continue to make good choices.

I've always had great communication with my daughter and when she made great decisions like that to not bring her DS on the bus, I would tell her I appreciated her good decisions. Our kids are going to have outside influences and be tempted and this is there chance to make proper decisions. Teach/reinforce her to be strong and not follow bad behavior. Not all girls go through horrible stages...unless I am just the most lucky mother on the planet.

OMG, I could have been writing this, but my DD is only 3. Same words are bad language in our home, as well. Just explain that not everyone has standards like in your home.

We use other kids CONSTANTLY as bad examples. When my oldest was 3, we had used unruly kids as exmaples in restaurants so much that he saw a kid throwing a tantrum and looked at me and responded with, "We don't act like that." I smiled and replied, You are right. We don't. We are respectful to others around us."

In fact, we just sold our home and moved to get away from the awful kids across the street. We decided to rent until our kids are grown, so we can move if we get bad kids around us again. Our kids couldn't even eat dinner in the house without these kids playing in our front yard during dinner hours. I would NEVER send my kids across the street to play in someone else's yard when their kids are not out. I know I can't shelter them forever and I don't plan to. I just want them to be kids long enough. (We also started homeschooling, so now we have even less bad influences. Our kids are VERY social, but while they are growing and figuring our who they are, we have more influence. Once they have a strong ethical foundation, then I can worry less about these influences.

Reward her for being honest. Take her out somewhere and when she asks where you are going, reply, "I am rewarding you with a treat for telling me what that girl on the bus said AND especially for not lying to me or taking your DS. I am really proud of you for being such a wonderful daughter." Then, reiterate how proud of her, you are, multiple times during the outting.

To add to what Jackie said...you have given her a good start and she knows what is right and what is wrong. Now you have to start allowing her the latitude to learn about the outside world and trust that you've done your job...so far. Keep reinforcing that people are different and sometimes have different rules. The rules in your house are what they are.....she needs to respect those. She'll explore her boundries, you want her to be able to adapt and react to situations when you won't be there to advise her.

I'll always remember a situation when my son was about 12 or so and playing an indoor soccer game. A player from the other team took a shot at one of my son's teammates....kicking him in the back of the knee which knocked him down. The refs didn't see it...everyone in the bleachers did. Nothing happened to the kid...the coach didn't even pull him, even though I suspect he knew. I was so angry I swore that if my kid ever did that I'd go pull his butt out of the game myself. But then I got to thinking...would I really? Just as soon as I thought that I realized that it was a moot point...didn't matter...my son would never do something like that. He knows better and respects the rules of fair play.

Keep talking to your daughter. Enforce your rules as necessary. Tell her you know that you can't be there with her all of the time and that you expect her to do the right thing...but also that you know that she is human and we ALL make mistakes. The important thing is that we continually strive to be the best person we can be. Good luck. I'm sure you've given your daughter that good foundation on which she can make good decisions. Be well...D.