Am I Loosing My Mind?

I think you're seeing sexism in action. We women are so conditioned by society to be the "fixers" that, if something goes wrong, it's either our fault, or at least our job to remedy the situation. Instead, try looking at some of this as you being a grown up and a bit impatient with other people's nonsense or lack of responsibility. Maybe you're not losing your mind, but losing your patience.

If there's a drama mama at school, that's her. It's not something you caused, most likely. All you can control is how you react to her.

If your husband is being a butt head, why isn't that on him? Maybe he's just being a butt head. Maybe he's depressed or stressed. But blaming you for everything? Maybe he thinks you're an easy target because that's so much easier than accepting responsibility for his own problems or for venting in a healthy way. So, walk away from it. Stand taller, don't shrink away.

So the trainer is MIA - that's frustrating if you found someone you like, but just because the trainer has problems in his/her life or because the pay is so low that he/she went elsewhere (or whatever it is) doesn't mean it's your problem. Maybe some of the class members are reacting to that. Maybe they've been in the class too long and need a different kind of routine - I'm about to move on from my own long-time class as well, because the instructor is just going through the motions and not really teaching or paying attention to help with form or technique. Maybe some of your classmates are injured or stressed and need a different type of strength training or something like yoga. Maybe they have a medical problem and have instructions to change something up. Maybe their husbands are being butt heads and they are switching their schedules to accommodate the men. But the main thing is, why assume you are the cause of this?

Being a hermit was, apparently, unsatisfying - so you changed it up. Maybe you had kids and decided you had to be out in the world. Being alone is a great thing in many ways, but avoiding getting the mail because you don't want to speak to anyone after a week is a little more than I'd be comfortable with. If this is a sign of depression, think about getting some help. Maybe you're reacting to the end of summer and the shorter days/cooler temps and not doing well with that. Seasonal affective disorder and similar conditions affect people's moods.

And you go back to that societal pressure at the end of your post, saying you have to get out of the slump "for the children's sake." What about YOU? When do you matter? When do you get to come first? Maybe you have a kind of malaise because you're always putting others first, and you're having a hard time finding anyone to put you first. It's a good idea to give everyone something to do rather than let it all fall in your to-do pile. Give every kid a chore, and take an entire day off sometime on the weekend and let your husband cope with everything - kids' schedules, getting them dressed and fed, finding the stray sneaker, and oh yeah cleaning a toilet and preparing dinner. Maybe you'll feel appreciated. Meantime, take the day and go do something FOR YOU that no one else likes doing, and don't make it an errand for them. Go to a museum or have lunch with a friend or walk in the woods - or all of those things, and don't apologize to anyone for needing to nourish your own body and spirit.

Tadpole,

Please. Get to a therapist and a doctor. It sounds like you are slipping into a depression.

Tell your husband that he needs to HELP you - not "hurt" you. Everyone has bad days, however - you are getting a lot of stuff at once...tell your husband you are NOT to blame for everything - however - LISTEN to what he's bitching about. Is this a change in you? Or a change in the situation? You need to tell him he cannot continue to berate and/or demean you with the blame. He needs to help. Be your partner.

I doubt VERY SERIOUSLY your friends or crew have changed because of you. If you feel that strongly - reach out to them and ask - is everything okay - I noticed you're not a fitness classes.

Please don't become a hermit. That's not good for you - nor is it a good example to set for your children.

If out if your "slump" is medical - do you have a medical issue? Go see a doctor and tell them what is going on.

Okay well based on the fact that in your history you have a pattern of "becoming a hermit", it leads me to believe that you may have either some social anxiety or perhaps you are anxious and read too much into things. I'd stay start with the husband. Talk to him. First ask if he's ok/unusually stressed and go from there. If he is, talk it though with him and know that is why he has been a pain. If he answers no then explain you feel like he's been short/distant/rude with you lately.

As far as the drama mama, well without more info I can't really say but I will say that if this woman has a pattern of being drama and other people note her as such, then it probably has nothing to do with you.

Gym people...well if you saw this trainer every day were you paying them? If you were/are then I would inquire about this person's whereabouts with the desk. As far as class people, it could just be a coincidence that they moved class. Are they all friends outside of the gym? Do you see them hanging together? Maybe one decided to switch and they all did to be with her/him. I would just casually say something to them next time you see them, like I miss seeing you guys in X class, where did you go? Or hey I noticed you switched classes, wanna grab a smoothie after we do our thing sometime?

I would also suggest at least considering counseling. It might be a good idea to have someone to talk with and become conscious about why you do things you do or feel the way you feel. The biggie thing I learned from my counselor was that once I identified why I felt the way I did (and why I felt I needed control), it made it so much easier to change my approach/expectation of myself and others.

What about just asking folks the question "am I doing something wrong?" There is no problem with outside help for self-inventory - it is a good way to see if it IS you or if it is just a weird star-alignment of circumstances. Ask hubby right out, "am I doing something to piss you off lately?" Ask the folks you were going to the gym with, "is it just me or is everyone avoiding me lately." Even if folks aren't truthful, you should be able to tell by their body language (which is why it is important to ask in person). Be a little self-deprecating and find a little humor in what might be your quirks when you ask, like say "geez, I know I can come on a little strong, but maybe I overdid it or said something off-putting and offended you - if so, I am so sorry, but I feel like you are avoiding me or something".

Sometimes we all get a little paranoid when it seems like the world is avoiding us, when in reality it is just happenstance. However, the only way you will know for sure is to ask :)

Good luck!

This is so broad that it's hard to answer. I'm going to try to separate things a bit.
Your husband - is there something going on at work or unrelated to you that is affecting him? This past spring my DH had a personal issue that really bothered him, and it made him act "off" with me. It was really hard. I knew what the issue was, I couldn't help with it, and it had nothing to do with me, so I tried to just give him time to work through it. He did and got back to normal on his own after a few months, but it was really hard to keep from taking it personally while he worked through it. If something like this is going on with your husband, give him some grace while he works it out*. On the other hand, if there is not something that you know of that is bothering him, wait for a non-confrontational moment and just ask "Honey, you've been acting off lately. Is something bothering you?" Marriage is all about communication, even when it's hard to do.
(*not an excuse to do anything abusive or treat you poorly forever, there is a line in the sand with this)

Trainer: Trainers are paid employees, so if the trainer isn't around I am 100% confident that it has nothing to do with you. It's either a scheduling issue at the gym or a personal issue keeping him/her from work.

Other people in the class: Were you actually friends with these people or just casual gym-acquaintances? Again, my gut is that this has nothing to do with you. However, if they were friends, just drop them a note and ask "Hey, I haven't seen you at the gym. Is everything ok?" If they are gym acquaintances, then, like the trainer, I'm sure it has nothing to do with you.

If things continue to bother you, you might want to talk to a therapist about seasonal affective disorder. Maybe you are taking things more personally because of the weather? Or the tension with your husband is influencing how you interpret everything else around you?

Do you really think that all these people would switch times just because of you? Aww, Tadpole, you really ARE in a slump, sweetie.

There are always gonna be drama-mamas at school. Ignore them, even if it IS hard. Don't let your husband get you down. Like Margie said, if your husband is moody, leave him alone. Don't let him make you feel like you are LESS. You're NOT.

If you like your instructor, ask the gym when her schedule is and see if you can match it.

It's hard to say.
Unless you are arguing with every single person you come across, I wouldn't try to over think it much.
Some conflict is to be expected - some people really enjoy the drama and bickering.
I don't like to fight but I won't bend over backward and whistle Dixie to try to please everyone either.
There's a broad middle ground.

If being a hermit didn't make you happy before I'm not seeing how returning to that would be an improvement.
The fitness class has been good for you both for the exercise and socializing - I see no reason to stop going.
As fall continues and holiday season approaches - people get tied up in family plans, travel, cooking, gift buying, card writing, class parties, concerts (and all the rehearsals for them) - it messes with everyone s schedule.
I think it's fairly common for people to drop the fitness classes for awhile - and then there's this massive return to the gym right after New Years.
Try not to take it personally.

I'm not great with people either.
I've learned not to share everything - all my news and frustrations - all the time.
I try to wait till someone asks how am I doing - and then keep it light.
It's important to listen to other people and let them do some sharing.
I've really had to get a handle on bragging about our son.
We've got a neighbor who gushes over her kids grades and I smile and say "That's wonderful!" no matter what.

I get a little bit of social anxiety from time to time. What helps me is reminding myself that no one really cares about me (other than my friends, family and social circle). Like everyone else - no. I don't even factor into things. They are concerned with their lives and friends and families. So - no, it's highly unlikely you pissed all these people off. They are just focussed on themselves - because we all are pretty self involved really.

Did drama mama go to your gym? Did some of her drama spill over there? that's the only thing I could think of. But trainers don't switch classes to avoid people - my best guess is trainer switched schedule and people are switching around to find best class to suit their needs. That happens a lot. It's not you.

I have learned with my husband that if he is moody - to leave him alone. I have a son like this also. It's like letting them have space. Best thing.

I do not have to take that on. Remember, we don't have to solve other people's problems or moods. That was really good advice I've gotten over the years, and from on here. When I read questions from moms wanting to know how to make their husbands feel better, I don't get it. They're adults. So if he's blaming you - don't stand for it. You don't argue or defend yourself - just leave the room and go do something nice for yourself.

Later on, sit down and have a chat. Say 'now's your time to communicate. If there's something you need to get off your chest or want to talk about - I'm listening". If he doesn't - that's his problem. You were ready to listen. Beyond that, you don't need to hear his complaints. That's crossing a boundary. That's his problem - don't take that personally - and don't become a hermit because of it.

You may want to retreat back into your comfort zone - but don't. Better to be you :)

Sounds like you need to seek out counseling. And if your husband is being a butt maybe marriage counseling is called for.
Have to talked to any of the others that were in our class to see why they changed. I could have been a scheduling thing.

Some of us are wired to turn things around as if we did something wrong but honestly most times it's just life rearranging things. So unless you remember having full blown arguments with everyone I would just relax! As far as your husband goes you need to take the time and talk to him. Obviously he is stressed about something and taking it out on you. So talk to him when you guys are maybe relaxing one night. The drama queen at school is never gonna change....leave that one alone. Gym life/trainers/friends change and trust me that's not your fault. They probably adjusted their schedule to fit their change....don't worry! Please don't resort to your hermit ways! You will meet new gym pals before you know it! And things will be fine once you talk to you husband. Hang in!!