Am I Overprotective?

I think you did the right thing. Driving conditions are more hazzardous at night, because it is dark. What they really wanted was to spend time together. You provided them with a safe place to hang out.

Take care
J.

I would have done the same thing as you.
If my son has permission to do something, I would not let him randomly change plans mid-stream, especially that late at night.
Tell him that next time he needs to plan ahead if he wants to sleep at a friends house.

Nope, not over protective. At 16 he doesn't need to be driving around that late at night anyway. It's call being a parent, being responsible. The problem is that many other parents are way too lenient with their kids, so then the caring parents get a bad rap LOL

You go with your mama gut and we make decisions for good reason! I would of done the same. No need to be out so lateeven for a teen!

You did the right thing. Don't ever second guess yourself when it comes to your child's safety - who cares if you're the bad guy.

At 16 - kids think they are invincible.....

Responsible or no - a Sock Hop can be VERY draining and driving at night on a road that they don't drive EVERY DAY can be bad...

So, no. I do not think you were being overprotective...I might have offered to drive them to the other person's house...I like that you had them sleep at your place....25 miles at night on back roads - well....it can be dangerous...

Try explaining that to him - that while he might have felt GREAT at the time - driving at night can be draining and all it takes is ONE second of not looking, one second of laughing at a friends joke that an accident happens...

GOOD LUCK!!!

I agree that it was too late at night to have a change in plan. I think you did the right thing. Too far & too late for that.

I think you were being reasonable. It was too late to be out. It was also spur of the moment. I suggest that sleep overs have to be arranged in advance so that everyone has time to consider them. Say, ask before the sock hop so that you could consider what you think is best.

Do you have a curfew for him? Curfews are good as a guideline for deciding such things.

I'm sorry that you're so scared he'll have a crash. Yes, that is a possibility but only one of many for not being out this late. I suggest that having a crash not be the main reason for saying no when you talk with him. He believes it will never happen to him. As Momma L. stated remind him of being a new driver and less alert at that time of night. That there are drunks on the road. etc. A general rule that plans have to be made in advance will get you out of this sort of thing as well. For one thing, at 10:15 you're tired and not able to make a decision as easily. You don't want to be put on the spot at the last minute.

Good that you let them stay at your house. This is a very reasonable compromise. You did the right thing!

Don't worry about it. You are a M.; you have a right to be worried and overprotective. It wasn't so terrible that they had to sleep at your house. And if your son gripes at you, tell him that.

I think it would have been okay to let him go.
1) The guy has never had tickets
2) He seems to be a responsible kid
3) 10:15 for a teenager is not that late for teenage boys
4) There are drunk drivers out on the roads at ALL times of the day, not just night
5) He asked, instead of assuming, so you have to respect that in a kid
6) Kids at this age make plans on the fly.

I think you should have a sit down with your son, tell him how much you appreciate his honesty, his respectfulness in asking and accepting your answer (after a bit of begging) and talk about why you made the decision you did. Maybe suggest to him that plans be made in advance so that YOU feel better about things and HE feels better about the outcome.

Parenting...the hardest job in the entire world!

better safe than sorry is my philosophy. I do not think you were being overprotective and I think that you did the right thing. Kudo's to you for sticking to your guns!

.

I thought that in the State of Illinois the license for under 18 was only valid for certain hours and that there were limits as to when they were allowed to travel with other people underage with them and how many.

My thought on this is even though he asked(let him know you are proud of him for asking permission). Then talk to him about all the reasons you said no. Find area car accidents that have occurred after dark for teens and the end result. People get out of bars after 10pm-2am and not necessarily even though adults understand that they shouldn't be driving. The fact that all teens think they are invincible until they are found dead from a car accident or have to relearn how to talk and walk. Also if they stayed at your house what did they miss out on other than the 4th persons company of which his parent probably said no to being out and about as well. All you can do is tell him you love him and want him to see not only graduation but get to where he has a great self sustaining happy life.

I think you did the right thing. Plus, are there laws against teens driving at night w/ more than one other teen in the car? Just because another parent would say yes doesn't mean you should too. You kept them all safe and they were certainly able to have fun at your home. I don't think "no tickets" is the standard -- no teen should have a ticket, he's only been driving for a short while. Parenting is hard, I think you're doing great. Good luck :-)

I guess it depends on what kind of kid you have. I personally don't think 10:15 on a Saturday night for teen boys is that late. He would have been there before 11. He came home and asked, and if he is responsible enough to do that, then he is probably responsible enough to go. I was the teen that asked to skip school, and my M. said yes because I didn't do it very often, and because at least that way she knew where I was. Teens have a lot more experience in the real world than we did many years ago. If I knew where he was going, that he would call when he arrived, and that he had a phone in case he needed it, I probably would have let him go. Being spontaneous is what being a teen is about, and I think we should encourage that when it comes with good thinking like he did. I'm really impressed with your son!

Depends...why did you say no? Was it because to still be driving he would have broken some local curfew or driving restriction on his license? Because you just didn't want him on the road? You felt something else was up and it didn't sit right with you? If it was due to a curfew, you did the right thing. If something didn't sit right, I still think you did the right thing....a mother should always follow her gut. If it was just that you didn't want him on the road because you are nervous about him being on the road, then yes, you were overprotective.

You let them sleep at your house, right? So NO!! I wouldn't let my 16 year old drive at night either. It's scary letting kids take on that responsibiltiy. Especially at 16 with friendsi n the car at night after a dance? NO WAY! My parents had a rule that no friends were allowed in my car at night at all. I followed it...until I bought my own car at 17. But even then, I have only had one accident that was my fault and that was a tiny fender bender, no damage to my car, and I'm 28.

Eh, I think you're fine. Like others have said, at least he asked. He may not have been happy with your answer but they don't have to be happy with everything we decide. He could be a perfectly safe responsible driver but that doesn't mean something couldn't happen because of somebody else and the more he is driving at night, the more likely something can happen. Not trying to make you more worried, just saying you are perfectly justified in saying no if you are not comfortable with something. He still got to go to the dance, he still got to have a sleep-over with his friends, so it was at his house instead of theirs. Tell him if he talks it over with you ahead of time, so you have a chance to think it over, he can stay over at his friend's house next weekend.

I understand where you are coming from about the driving at 10:15pm.

I have a 16 yr old daughter and she too is very responsible.

At late hours, I am a little tighter on her driving and being on the road with anyone because we are in the Dallas area, lot of weekend partiers and I don't trust the others on the road.

A good thing here is teen curfew. Sunday-Thurs it is 11pm and Fri-Sat it is midnight.

Although your son's group would have met within the curfew, I probably would have done the same as you... had them stay at my house.

I would have said no too - if for no other reason than it shouldn't be a decision/plan made at 10:15 that night. A lesson in planning - not an issue of distrust. Good job M. : )

I think you did the right thing. It's late, he's a new driver... there are a lot of drunks on the road. I'm not letting my kids go on sleepovers anyways though. Any activities that late should be planned in advance. Sit down with him and come up with a set of rules.

I'd have done the same thing you did! And like I always say, "It doesn't matter what so and so's M. said, I say _____." Be the bad guy, your son is safe.

I would have done the same thing. Here, 16-year-olds can only have one passenger with them, other than an adult.

I think you did the right thing.

I have a 16 and 17 year old teen boys and I would have never let them go this late that far away. You did the right thing!

Not over protective at all. Safe, loving and responsible. One day he'll be making that decision without you and will think about driving late at night, in the dark, on backroads differently since you chose safety this way.

The fact that the other M. said that her son could go if you said ok tells me that she trusts your M. instincts, too.

I can see your point. I have a 17 year old. But if he and his friends are safe and responsible drivers, have experience driving those streets at night - I would loosen the reigns a little. Especially if you know and trust the other parents. It's hard to let go and completely nerve wracking when they start driving. I'm always more worried about other drivers - like drunk drivers at night.

I would have done the same thing.

In fact my son had a friend waiting at my house for him to get back from a football game (Germany) and he feel asleep. I called his M. and told her that he was going to spend the night at my house because he was tired and had fallen asleep and lived about 25 minutes away. The fact that the roads were winding and dark and him being sleepy did not warrant my letting him go and crash.

Don't ever second guess your gutt feeling. If he asks just tell him that he made changes to plans a bit late at night and that at 16 curfews are for a good reason. You make the decisions in your home and he has another 2 years before he can come and go a bit more.

Teen years are hard especially as they get closer to 18.

The other S.

PS I have even told my son he had to be home by midnight at 18. The reason being that he had just got license, had to learn to stay away to get home and he needed to learn the area where we lived. Dad asked why the curfew and I explained it to him and after 3 months it was not a problem.