Ambition and Motherhood

isn't part of being the best mother doing what we feel is best for ourselves? to teach our children to be true to themselves and follow their dreams we have to do what we feel is our calling and it is not always just being a parent. i feel a woman can be the best mother as well has have a career. it will take a lot of energy and balance on your part but do what you feel you are best at doing.

Hi C. (nice name :-)),
I wanted to respond to your request because I felt I should share my oen feeling with you. I too, have felt this same way. My kids are ages 3-15 (this month), and I can remember way beck in the early days of my mother-hood journey struggling with this same conflict. I wanted to do what was best for my child,(which I believed, and still do, is staying home with then), but I also wanted to develope a part of myself that I hadn't yet explored.
Long story short, I finally discovered (through maturity and watching life happen) that what is best for our children is for us to be happy, contented mothers. I have stayed home with my kids all these years, but only because I found peace and fullfilment in it. I have done what I need to do (more about that in a minute) to be happy in what I believe my kids need from me. You need to decide with you rhusband what is best for your family and what your kids need from you as a mother. When you have come to am answer, you need to do whtever possible to make it be the best experience for all of you. If you decide being a working mom is what your family needs, then make it work out to where you are all happy with it. If that means only working certain hours, or making it a point to attend field trips with your child, or volunteering in his/her class, then make that happen. You have the power to bring happiness and contentment to your family in whatever decision you and your husband have made.
Now, having said all that, I'll go into what I have done only because you touched on it in your request. I am a home daycare provider. This means I get to stay home with my family and I am "doing somthing". I don't mean to imply that just being home isn't enough, because it most certainly IS!! But my passion has always been children. I want to be a pre-school teacher someday and I have always loved being around children. So for me, home daycare works because it is actually fullfiling one of my own personal goals at the same time I am doing what I think is needed in our family. Home daycare may or may not work to do the same for you. If you only want to make money, I suggest not doing it. Not because the money isn't good. On the contrary, it's great, but it's such demanding work, no anount of money is worth it. It's only worht it if you like it. I love it, so it works all the way around for me.
I see that you are a military wife and I noticed where you live. So I assume you live on or near the base. Are you aware that you can actually be licensed through the base and do home daycare whether you live in base housing or not? I am licensed this way and if you wanted to find ot any more about it, I would be happy to answer any questions. Yo can send me a message and I'll respond. -C.

I am as ambitious as they come.
I've tried many business "ideas" while staying home. Some worked -- others not so good. I've been home now for 7 years & my youngest is starting preschool this fall. I"ve just started working at night -- and about to figure out my fall schedule without taking away from my youngest (3 1/2) -- my older two just started school. I think each woman is different & has to decided for themselves. But I also have to say that if there is anyway you can "swing" the financial aspect at all -- it is so well worth it to stay home during the primary years. The schools take them at 5, and they are in school for most of the day. Most women live well into their 80's. We, ambitious types, will have plenty of time to set the world on fire when they are all in school. I'm not saying some part time work here & there -- won't help the financial part....but our children really & truly do grow up so quickly. I don't know a woman who says -- "I regret not working more when my kids were little." I always hear the opposite. But in the end, it is all up to the mommy & her own individual decision. Don't listen to any of us!
Tara O.

need Balance I am sure this can help. Hi! Keeping yourself Motivated is the sure key to your success with running your household, having time with kids, (family), etc. I used to teach preschool & work in the health profession, but since my accident I have been forced to be home and out of work. I am grateful to be able to stay home with my kids. I took up working from home www.themomteam.com/anewlife, in my spare time and have been tremendously blessed with extra income finding I still have time to be a wife to my husband, a mom to my kids and a Nana to my 2 Grandchildren. Best of All I have peace of Mind!

C.,
Remember that you teach your children to be ambitious and self-sufficient by doing so yourself. You also teach them to honor their own needs when you honor yours. It's completely possible to balance both (tricky, but possible) and single moms do it all the time. Fill yourself up and you will have plenty to give your kids. Fill your kids up only and you end up teaching them to be martyrs. I think it's time moms teach their kids that it's right to follow our dreams and do what we want and need to do in our own lives. We are women, not just mommies.

Go for it!
K.

The balance is finding out what makes you happy. If your passion and joy is in the work you used to do before being a SAHM then you should go back to that. If your passion and love is now with kids then a change in career is in order.

The hardest part comes after you figure out what makes you happy and then what is the best scheduling for your family. But if you decide that you want to work during the year and have summers off or only work part-time through the year...Stick to it. As you know many "conventional" jobs are M-F 9-5 but if you stick to your guns with potential employers you will find the one that is the best fit for you and your family. One that is willing to work with you.

If you are able to start your own business, this is great! But remember that you only get back what you put into your business in the first few years. So, be ready to put babies in tow and pass out fliers, drop off orders, and whatever else it may take. The good part of this is that if your boys are on a schedule you can plan your day around them instead of the other way around.

Best Wishes!

You might look at the reasons you feel like you want to do well on the "outside". The reason I say this is some women think they aren't successful unless they do it all. Sometimes you get pressure from friends and family to be "more" than a stay-at-home mom.

For me the decision to stay at home with my son has been an amazing one. I would hate to miss any of his day to day changes but I understand that's not feasible for everyone. I had a hobby that could have easily turned into a business but I made the decision (and believe me I shed some tears over it) that it was more important to me to spend these first years exclusively with my kiddies. I will have my whole life to work if I choose too but I'll never have these first years again. It's important to look at what will work best for your family and what feels right for your family-no one else's. Best of luck to you!

Of course other people feel the way you do. It's a fine line trying to figure out how much of yourself do you sacrifice for your family to thrive. It's a delicate balancing act trying to maintain several roles as a person without losing who you are at the core. Motherhood is selfless. You give and give and then when you're exhausted and burnt out, you give some more. So you need to switch those gears sometimes and take on something different. Whether that be a hobby, a job, girl's night out or something like that. You need to take time for yourself so that you're able to be the mom they deserve.
I've talked to and personally tried doing the home daycare thing to no avail. It's difficult. You get no sick days. You are at the mercy of other people and their schedules. It is hard to get daily chores done and even harder if you have to leave the house. There's a lot of work involved. A lot of conflict among the children that you will have to resolve continuously. And you will rarely see another adult. Unless you have some outlet where you can interact with other adults on a regular basis, I would not advise going into that field. It's fun for a while, but not every day. You could sign up to do some babysitting though. It's not a full time commitment and you'll make a little extra on the side.
We only have our children under our care for a relatively short period of time. I prefer the staying home with them at least until they are in school. But I have many friends who returned to work and school early on. They are also great moms. Each person has their own idea of what being a mom is to them and how much they can put into it. Spend some time thinking about your idea of being a good mom. Pray about it if you pray. You will know in your heart if you're doing the right thing.