Background
We met our neighbor (a family on the same street three doors away) a few years back. They said hello and that we should get together since their daughter is the same age as one of ours. So we said sure, anytime. And the husband said he'll drop a note in our mailbox. Never heard from them again for more than a year. Then last summer, he came by with his daughter and chatted with us and did this every other Saturday after noons or so. And the kids ride bikes in the street together or just play in our yard. Our kids find the girl pushy and bossy, so they never really hit it off. In the fall (October), we got an invitation to her birthday party. So we went. The kids had fun. It was like two parties in one. Open bars for the adults and lots of food; Children's entertainer for the kids. November came, we invited them to our daughter's birthday party. We received no answer. They didn't come. In January, the husband stopped by and apologize for not coming to the birthday party. He said he was out of town and his wife forgot to bring the daughter.
The invitation
A few weeks ago, he stopped by (on a Saturday morning) and invited us to a memorial at his house that same day! I wasn't home at the time so my husband who answered the door said "I'm sorry for your loss" and made some excuse that we can't go. The guy didn't elaborate who the memorial was for. We thought that was really odd. Would you have gone?
They could be weird or they could just be introverted people. As an introvert, I've been known to do or say things that people label as weird. It's just because I sometimes get uncomfortable in certain situations. Then again, they could just be weird... I would try to withhold judgment until you know more about them.
I would have asked who it was for and if there were anything I could do, if he needed childcare, or maybe it was for the dog. And the girl wanted her friends to come say goodbye, you never know.
I had a very introverted neighbor once. She was nice enough. I made her my friend. I would go over with some excuse to be there, her mail, a plate of cookies. Anything to let her now I was available. She didn't talk much and hubby would wave every day. They were just quiet people.
Very weird! Please punch your husband for me for not asking who the memorial was for ;-)
Very weird....I would not have gone and would be leery of these people...they may be just flaky but something doesn't sound right! Especially when it comes to your kids-SAFETY first! I would still be cordial to them but try to avoid socializing.
No now i want to know who its for. SO WIERD!
No.....that is not only unusual it is strange.
Probably not since we haven't developed that much of a relationship up till this point. It would probably be kind of odd being there when you don't really know the person who passed away and you really don't know your neighbors. I'd probably just drop off a card and a cassarole at sometime during the week and leave it at that.
Umm no. Kinda creepy imo
Is it possible someone in their immediate family passed? Have you seen the wife and all the kids?
I would think it's awkward, but I don't think it's creepy or that there is something weird going on where you need to watch your children around him.
My neighbor invited me to a memorial at her house for her uncle. I'd never met him, but it was an opportunity to learn about an extraordinary life, and to give some hugs to our neighbor. It was a lovely afternoon. I do not regret going, and it did not feel odd. I was touched that she thought to invite us. You never know how important your friendship is to another individual, though that person may only play a minor role in your life. I think being neighborly and looking out for people in your community is important.
I probably would have gone... When people are going through a loss, they act weird. I have gone to funerals for people I did not know. I went to support the people who were his family that I did know. Maybe go over and acknowledge the fact that they lost someone close to them. They would probably really appreciate the thought. Only if you want to, of course.
no way and I wouldn't go to the girl's bday this year either if invited.
That is weird... why would you invite someone to a memorial at your house unless it was someone they knew?? Heaven forbid, was it for the wife??
No, I do not think he is odd but just doing his best to be neighborly. He may not have intended to notify your family of the memorial at the very last minute, but he probably had been very busy preparing for the memorial, not to mention grieving. So please cut the guy some slack. Had your husband inquired, he probably would have elaborated more on who the memorial was for. And yes, I would have gone. A neighbor was reaching out at a time of loss, it would have been the least I could do.
At this point, I suggest you stop over with a basket of flowers/plant (or something), apologize for being unable to make it to the memorial and offer your condolences. Then you will likely find out who passed away.
(And no, we don't need to know the deceased personally to attend a memorial. When our friends' parents/siblings/spouse die, we attend the funeral even if we never met them but to show our sympathies to our friend.)
As for the frequency of your 'socialization' with your neighbor: you know how busy and hectic our lives are that time just flies by. Months even years pass by without our realizing it. And yes, we would love to go everywhere we are invited but our lifestyles just don't permit it at times. I am pretty sure you can relate. Just be glad you have a friendly albeit busy neighbor. Your kids don't have to play with the daughter, and it's not like they have the time anyway.
I probably would have asked him then and there-really.
is the family odd? they ae 3 doors down and you only se them once in a while? the kids don't go to school together? the kids in our neighborhood go outside and play. when the time changes we see everyone all the time.
When people are mourning they can do some unusual things (believe me I have been there). Maybe they were concerned that you might think that they were having a party and didn't want you to feel left out....maybe they just needed a lot of people around them to help cope. Maybe they are just weird...I am not sure. But if I had to speculate, I would say maybe it was just them trying to be nice (as in my first thought about not wanting you to think they were just partying).
I am not sure that i would have gone because I would have most likely assumed they were just trying to be nice and I am not much for memorials even when I have to attend, so don't feel bad about that. Maybe offer to bring them dinner or a dessert or something.
The people seem... odd. Not necessarily bad/odd... just like with the kids... you didn't hit it off.
As far as the memorial... we hold wakes in our family. They're raucous affairs that people often mistake for another kind of party all together. Kids playing/swimming and sleepingbags/movies, adults drinking (or not... about half the people in my family drink, nothing to excess). They're celebrate life parties. We've often invited neighbors (We'll be having a wake on Tuesday, if you'd like to drop by, please feel free. We'll have kids stuff set up, are potlucking, and there'll be beer & wine in a serve yourself kind of way. It's likely to go quite late." NO IDEA if they're holding an old fashioned wake, or if it's something else. Just what we do in our family.
Hello, He sounds like a "Wierd Allen". I wouldn't have gone.
K. K.
