Anniversary Party - Welcome Home - House Warming?????

Updated on June 25, 2010
J.W. asks from Tomball, TX
7 answers

My daughter married her husband last October before he left for Iraq. They had a very small JP wedding with close family. Now that he is scheduled to come home in a couple of months I am wondering if it would be inappropriate to to have a party for them? Extended family have not met her husband and it seems something would be in order but I am not sure. He will be going active duty shortly after he returns home so time is short.

Where ever they move to they will probably not be close to family or friends. I was hoping we could help them set up their new home where ever the Army sends them. I am worried about how to present this to others. What should the invitations say? How about food and location? He has some family here in Texas but most live in Louisiana. I want to celebrate their new lives together but how? Please advise.....

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T.T.

answers from Dallas on

If this is his first time to leave for Iraq (first deployment) please please keep in mind that it may be WAY overwhelming to him to have allot of people around him when he gets home. My brother in law has been 3 times...his first time back he saw NO ONE. By his own request. He was trying to digest going and coming back and the whole reality that this is war...and family and...well, you get the idea. What I'm getting at is that if you plan a party, be prepared for that if it happens.

It is NOT however inappropriate to throw them a wedding reception if they were not able to have one before he left. I would word it something like a reception to celebrate their new life together and make sure you have them register so that they get the color/scheme they want (not the purple chicken aunt Mildred wanted her to have...lol) and you can also register for $10 gift cards (or $20) to help set them up as well.

Congratulations on your daughters wedding. And God speed to your new son in law's safe return.

2 moms found this helpful

B.C.

answers from Norfolk on

Definitely ask first. Coming home after a deployment can be rough. He might enjoy it, but it also might freak him out. (We live in an area where lots of military personnel are coming and going. Some guys love a welcome home party. But others hear a balloon pop and they are ducking for cover. They need time to adjust.) Not only that, but the newly weds have not had a lot of time together. Let them have it. Offer to help set them up after they move (they'll only have to pack it up and move it to where ever they go. Moving with a light load is so much less stressful.) What if he's stationed in Germany for the next few years? An international move is even more complex. Take your cues from your daughter and let her drive the pace.

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D.W.

answers from Indianapolis on

Since his time is limited, and no one knows what he's experienced in his time in Iraq, I think it would be best to ask your daughter if she thinks it's a good idea, if he'd be interested, etc.

I know a few people who've returned from their deployments, and despite desperately wanting to see their loved ones, being barraged with questions by so many people is very difficult.

I hope there are some military Moms here who can answer better. In the meantime, I'll reach out to the people I know to see what they recommend. If it were me, it would be a little much under the circumstances and having to meet so many new people, but that's based upon my personality, and he could be completely different.

Good luck! I hope he redeploys safely.

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K.F.

answers from New York on

Please check with your daughter. While you may want to do this for them, he may not be up for a "party" and may just prefer the quiet comfort of his bride. Ask before throwing anything this way you will know what to throw and when. One thing I know about the Army is they take great care of the extended family when it comes to moving and such.

Your daughter may want to register at some store for gifts of the things she needs for the house. She could have them delivered to where she will be.

Perhaps everyone can do a card for him welcoming him home and to the family. They could put pictures of themselves in the cards so he will be able to identify the people.

Please just check with her about what to do.

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G.G.

answers from Chicago on

I see nothing wrong with an informal garden/back yard party.

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E.R.

answers from Chicago on

I think it would be WONDERFUL to have a party for them to start their married life together - and celebrate his safe homecoming!

Family is so valuable and in this day and age, we all seem to get further and further apart from each other. This is a perfect opportunity to have a family reunion, get both sides of in-laws and relatives to meet- and to help out the young couple with some gifts and cash that they will surely need, but might not otherwise get, since they had such a small wedding.

I understand what some posters have said about checking with him and making sure he feels comfortable about it after his deployment. I would say, don't have this party RIGHT when he gets home- wait until he has settled back in.

but also- don't forget, there are probably other veterans in your family and whether they talk about it or not, they will remember what it was like. This kind of family support and embracing of 'normal' life is important and if it is handled the right way, it can HELP your new SIL to adjust back to life at home.

I would just have a big old-fashioned family picnic- make it clear that it is to celebrate their wedding and the husband's safe homecoming as they 'start their new life together!" Have a potluck- rent a big grill or smoker and provide the main dish- barbeque chicken or a pig roast or something like that- and have everyone else bring a side dish or dessert. Get some water guns for the kids to play with and a bunch of lemonade and iced tea and go for it!

Just invite everyone you can, as early as you can and make sure you emphasize how important this is to formally bring the new couple into the family! You're a good mom and this is a great idea- I bet both families will jump right on board with you!

Congratulations!

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M.M.

answers from Hickory on

This sounds like a great idea. I say first find out how many people you are thinking may come. This will then help with what kind of place you need for the party. I would do a celebration of love thing. Do welcome home signs with the wedding ring and doves. Serve his favorite foods would be great. You may want to talk to your daughter about your idea make sure she does not have anything in mind for when he gets in so you know dates that are open and I bet she would love to help. I wish you all the best.

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