Another Incident at School

I would be more concerned that your son took the boy back after the teacher took it from him. Your son grabbed that toy back with the adult standing right there. The other kid was simply protecting what was his because obviously the teacher was unable to control the situation. The kid didn't break the skin so to me it was like a dog nippping - it was a warning.

Sorry, but I think you should leave this one alone because I see your son as the aggressor and the other kid being in defense mode.

I would be more worried about my child's behavior than I would be about the bite, personally. Now, an unprovoked attack is one thing, but your son brought this on himself. If it wasn't a bite, it would've been a punch, or shove, etc.

Teachers can't control everything the kids do and biting is COMPLETELY normal for this age. They are still babies & can't express themselves, so some kids bite to communicate frustration or anger, etc. IMO, your son was just as out of control as the other kid & they both need to be taught & reminded right from wrong.

I just saw your other post about the age group, and about the scratches & this is completely normal kid stuff, especially at this age. Kids fall & accidentally hurt each other. It happens all the time. I know it's hard to not nit pick everything, but if you're going have your child in someone else's care and around other kids, you will have to get used to incidents like this.

ETA - so, if your child is 18 mos, then the other one is too, and is still learning, as well. The other child is not perfect & needs to be taught & so does yours. I think some understanding is in order.

I also see where you say your child is "spirited", so it sounds like you have a wild boy on your hands. Please dont' be the parent that thinks their child is perfect & that all the other kids are always at fault.

Kids in that age range bite, hit and pinch. I know, because my son was the biter! Their isnt much a teacher can do to stop a one or two year old determined to bite - my son got sent to time out, told no biting, and had to apologize. He knew it was wrong but did it anyway. He couldnt help himself. Once his language got a little better, and he got better control of his impulses. he stopped.

The teacher can watch the child closely during transition times which is when kids are most likely to bite but there is always a possibility of a problem.

Your son will probably bite someone else, and will probably get bit again, as long as he is hanging out with the one and two year olds. He will also hit, pinch and be hit and pinched. Thats how those kids roll.

The good news - both of my children were bit in daycare. My son bit many other children. No one ended up with a serious injury or anything with long term consequences.

ETA: Just as the biting is normal - so it the toy grabbing. This is why you put your child in preschool - to learn to socialize with other children. Just keep doing what you are doing at home. He is still too young to be a "model sharer."

my #3 was a biter. A horrible one at that!! He would break the skin and my other two would bleed from it. It was horrible! He did it every time he got mad, had to defend himself or yes even bored. He would do it in front me.. there isn't always a warning and not even with an adult right there you can't always stop it... unless you are literally in between the kids and you know the signs and see the child leaning over. If the teacher was even a step behind them or across the table, no there is no way the teacher could have acted fast enough.

What this kid did was protect himself, he didn't do any harm to your child. If anything hopefully it will be a wake up call ( as much as 18 mo can have) on why you shouldn't take another childs toy. Chalk it up to a learning lesson. I doubt after one bite your child will imitate it. He now knows it hurts to get bit, you work with him on proper ways to handle things, unless he gets bit all the time I think he will know better.

Its going to take some time for both of you to adjust to this new enviroment. I think it will be good for both you, also.

Well... not to be harsh... but if your son is stealing other children's toys, those kids are going to fight back. Biting sure isn't a good thing, but neither is not listening to the teacher or taking toys. I think the only thing I'd address with the teacher is asking for suggestions on how to help your son learn to share.

He's 18 months old, so the other child is too, and all of this happens. Give him some time to settle in and learn to share. The other kids will be learning how to interact with him at the same time, and the biting/hitting/pushing/whining (cause you may hear about all of that) will settle down too.

I think you need to take a breath. While I understand you are upset, at this age, biting and hitting happen. You say he has no concept of sharing, but he sure gets the "I want it and I'm going to take it" concept. The perspective on this is if he hadn't grabbed the toy twice and corrected by the teacher then the other child wouldn't have bitten him. I'm not saying it was right I'm saying the other child was protecting his toy.

I think you need to understand that your child was not an innocent bystander on this. Actions have consequences.

At 18 months they bite and get bitten. My DD did (both bite and she got bitten) - it is a normal developmental phase. Just as long as you trust your providers to do what they can to prevent it I don't see this as a major issue. Even if they are on it, it happens so fast...
It's normal to be upset that your child got hurt, but, remember that one day you will be on the other side and your child did the biting/hitting or shoving to another kids...it's part of growing up.

MK, your child would STILL have no concept of sharing even if he weren't an only child. This is normal behavior, and no amount of "sharing" talk will make an 18 month old share. It is a process that has to be taught over and over for a long time. It is a developmental process for children to go through too.

Yes, a child can bite in a flash. It is very hard, I know. Hard on the families of the biter and the bitten.

Is this like a mother's morning out? Or is this daycare for you so that you can work? If it's just a mother's morning out, I think that I would pull him out and try again in a year when most of the biting is over with. An older set of kids probably won't do this.

Good luck,
Dawn

Ours is 19 months old and just started daycare. We have not been the biter or the bitee as yet. The daycare he attends handles biting incidents as follows- All attention is given to the bitee. The biter is made to help the teacher care for and soothe the bitee. the biter gets correction, but the attention is on the bittee first. the biter gets a minder assigned to him to help prevent future biting incidents. the minder reminds biter and everyone else to use his/her words, to share, to touch nicely to take turns etc.

good luck to you and yours,
F. B.

IN YOUR OWN WORDS: "My son wanted the other kid's toy so he took it".

Your child instigated what happened....a bite can happen in an instant. They are like puppies defending their own territory. Perhaps you and dad should start teaching your child at home about sharing.

This is going to happen, no matter what school you go to. It will happen more for your son, since (at this point) he is the grabber. Even when right there, it's very difficult to stop a biting. I think the only thing that needs to strongly be addresses, is working with your son on his behavior. He is only 18 months, he can't be expected to WANT to share. However, he is in an environment where he has to. He can be taught not to grab and take. Especially, not multiple times. (I'm not saying you aren't doing that.) Your son was the instigator, that's what needs to be addressed. If he begins to bite, then you can address that.

I would chalk it up to the age and situation. The teacher was right there and trying to correct the situation it seems like. Your son did instigate the problem. No - biting is not right but it does happen at this age. I have had a biter and one that has been bitten. I don't tend to get too upset about it. (Yes - I got upset when my kid bit someone else !) It happens. And biting does happen in a blink of an eye. Sorry it happened to your LO but I would talk to him about not taking toys away from others and how biting isn't nice.

Children move fast - has your son done something you didn't want him to do while you were standing right next to him? Deal with him biting if he starts biting. Ask what their biting policy is so you can reinforce it with your if he starts to do it. It sounds like the teachers are on top of the situation, and his behavior is what caused the incident. Working toward prevention is going to be more effective for your child in the long run.

What you need to address more importantly is the fact that your son wanted a toy that was not his, and took it - TWICE - and once was after he was corrected. He needs to learn to not take toys and to ask nicely. He'll be learning this at school, but you can practice it at home as well by modeling him sharing with you, etc.

At that age, they don't necessarily have the language or social skills to communicate their frustration. The other kid was frustrated with your son and had no other way of dealing with it. They both need to start learning to share, not to bite/hit, and to find more productive ways to resolve differences. It will happen. I think it can happen that fast even with a teacher standing right there.

It is going to happen about 1 times per week until he's much closer to 3. This age of kids bite, then when one gets past it another one starts, your little one will bite too. It will just take time for them to get past it.

Hopefully this will help alleviate your concerns, http://www.babycenter.com/0_toddler-milestone-socializati.... Notice the comments about how toddlers at your son's age are "fiercely protective of their toys" and that they "may go through a period when they act like mini Count Draculas, biting their friends, but that's usually related to their exploration of what they can do with their teeth and their inability to communicate what they need. Biting (and other forms of aggression such as pulling hair or kicking) usually diminishes as your child learns to express his feelings through words." And under the section for 19 to 25 month olds, it further says "Right now, he's unable to share his things. That's because he lives in the moment and can't envision anything beyond it, so the concept of taking turns — of waiting to play with a toy until after his friend has had a chance — is meaningless to him."

In other words, both your son and they other child(ren) are not doing anything unusual for their age. That, of course, does not mean that your happy that your son is being bit! You just need to be sure to be communicating with the teacher and feel that they are probably addressing/monitoring the situation now that they're aware of it. I'm sure they have dealt with this before -- but you need to feel confident in them so definitely schedule some time to speak with the teacher.

Yeah kids are all learning their manners at that age. Your kid was stealing the kids toy. He needs to learn to share and play nicely. The other kid has to learn there are better ways to resolve a situation than hitting. But at that age its all reaction not action. So I would not be mad at either but help to teach both the proper way to behave

I have an 18 mo DD in day care and this type of thing is pretty common. As long as it isn't happening regularly and there is not a serious injury I wouldn't make a big deal of it. We generally average a very minor incident 1 or 2x per month. The teachers usually have 4-8 kids in the room and only 1-2 adults. Even if they are right there watching, sometimes you can't stop the kids fast enough.

I would ask the teacher about it tomorrow casually like "sounds like we had a little sharing issue yesterday" and see what they say. Don't pass blame too quick because chances are next time it might be your kid doing the biting. Some days I am doing the apologizing and some says the other moms are apologizing to me! Luckily we have a pretty good group where no one gets too bothered and the teachers do enforce time out and sometimes even separate the kids. Overall I think it is good for the kids to learn to deal with it as long as it isn't a regular thing. Good luck!

they're not even 2. they don't have words, so they express themselves in other ways.
how strongly do you need to address it? how strongly are you willing to address your own kid's behavior? (hint- both answers should include plenty of patience.)
khairete
S.

Def talk to teacher but set up a time that is outside of drop off and pick up. There is too much going on during these times to have a conversation. Bitings do happen very quickly and the other parents should be working on resolving that as you should be working with the teachers on your son's behavior as well. It takes a village to raise a child and wee all have to work closely together

Most parents wont agree with me, but I say, let your son bite him back! Taking a toy is somethin you learn not to do by reasoning and talking. The only solution I have ever found for biting is giving the kid a taste of his own medicine. He probably doesnt realize what it feels like. And yes, I bit my son and he never bit again. But then, that probably doesnt address your concern. I would ask the teacher to talk to the boys parents and see what they can do to deter this behavior