Another Potty Training Dilemna

My son went through a period like this also. I finally went and got a bunch of "little" surprises that I wrapped up like a present and put in a fish bowl. Whenever he went in the potty and flushed he got to pick out a surprise. You can get all kinds of cheap things at the dollar store. Since he does not know whats in the gift it may make him curious as to what is in those gifts. Of course one day I ran out and he went in his pants and when I asked why, he said there were no more prizes:) so not sure if you want to try this or not.

This sounds like something that may need to be checked medically to rule out anything. I could not imagine what could possibly be making him back track. Has there been any trauma in his life lately? (You know, trauma for us is totally different for kids. It could be something minor in his life that happened or it could be something like a move, a death in the family, a scary movie or something)

I hope you get some awesome adivce for it. And good luck!

Have you been talking about school a lot? Could he be nervous about going and trying to find a way to get "disqualified" from school?

Even if you don't find out the source, maybe watch out for making a struggle out of the potty, in case he likes the attention from the struggle.

Perhaps occasionally you could point out how being in diapers holds him back from activities or privileges, but just say it matter-of-factly. He is smart enough that he might realize that diaper free is better and make the change on his own.

Hi! I struggled like crazy with my oldest daughter who is now 4. She was super stubborn and it took me a year to potty train her. It took me 2 days with her sister! I tried everything from timers/watches, movies, dolls, books, rewards, sticker charts etc... She just felt like fighting me on it and I hit a point where I thought I couldn't do it anymore. I called her doctor in tears. I asked if she had any advice that I hadn't read in books, heard from people on mamapedia, or from friends on facebook. She told me to completely back off from potty training for 6 weeks. She said don't even utter the word potty, don't talk about it on the phone with grandma or auntie, don't encourage toilet usage ect...Basically she told me to ignore it completely. I found this very difficult as I wanted to be the one in control of the situation. However, her strategy worked! Once I backed off for a significant amount of time, my dear daughter decided to do it on her own. Maybe this would work with your son too. Good luck and hang in there. He will not be peeing and pooping in his pants forever, although I know it feels like that right now.

Hi L.J.,

I can really empathize with your situation. My son wasn't fully potty trained until he was 5 1/2! He would pee without a problem in the bathroom on his own, didn't need a pull-up at night but completely refused to poop in the toilet. He would poop in a pull up! You can just imagine. There was shame for him because he knew he wanted to be like his friends. I tried everything. Between my doctor and I we finally got it out of him that sometimes it hurts to poop. So the doctor recommended Miralax to soften the poo. At first, even with the Miralax he didn't want to try pooping in the toilet. So what I did is this. I made this customized (with photographs of himself with his friends, pictures of things he likes and funny drawings of people saying positive things about him being a big boy etc.) big poster chart and broke it down into steps that need to be done everyday for pooping only. The first line read put pull up on and sit on toilet seat to poop. Once he did this all for one week (we had a sticker for each day so he could see his progress) he would get a prize. For each day he did that, I gave a very small reward. In my son's case it was a gum ball or a marshmellow or some $1.00 toy but if he did it consistently for a week he got a big prize (in my son's case it was a lego set he wanted) at the end. This big prize, I displayed up on a shelf in the bathroom so he could see what he was working towards. He at first fought me and wanted the big prize right away but I told him "I'm sorry this big prize is for the end of the week" you can have a small one for today for sitting on the toilet and pooping in your pull-up. It took almost a week for him to get the idea but he did. We stayed on line 1 for almost three weeks (with a big prize at the end of the week). Then we moved on to the next line on the poster which read sit on toilet to poop without pull-up. Again we went through a bit of resistance and I had the daily prizes and another grand prize at the end which was prominently displayed. I tell you when he finally pooped on his own I was so excited but had to contain myself and tell my son "I knew you could do it! Good job". "Let me get your daily prize and at the end of the week you'll get the big prize". We ended up on this step for almost three weeks with daily prizes and a big prize at the end of the week. The last line on the poster I can poop by myself!. At this point, rather than me walking with him to the bathroom and helping him I told him that he can go in there now and he did this for one week. Again with a daily prize and a big prize at the end of the week. Now he is fully potty trained but it worked! I think a combination of the miralax with a daily reward and big prize system as well as a visual poster to see his progress. We did spent a bit of money on the big prizes that he really wanted but you know what we were so desperate at this point that we were willing to try anything. He hasn't had an accident or has regressed in any way. I know its a bit of work but it worked for us. I hope this helps you and you can apply it in your own way for your son.

I had to read your post twice to make sure I didn't write it!!! I'm dealing with the EXACT same thing. My son has started preschool and I'm afraid they will boot him! I've tried it all too. What we're doing right now is putting him to bed. He hates to be put to bed early so if he goes in his pants then he has to come home, eat, and go right to bed. It's awful but it does seem to be working. It's very hard because I hate not spending any time with him. He is having days that he doesn't have to go to bed early and is more willing to sit on the potty. Since I know that he's got no physical problem I've explained that going to the bathroom in your pants when you could use the toilet is against the rules and we don't break rules. If we do there are consequences. I have been fighting this for 6 months and just started the new 'rule' this week. It was my husbands idea. I resisted it for months because I thought it was too harsh or would make him feel like a 'bad boy'. It really hasn't been. He understands the rules and although he does cry about going to bed early he does go to his bed and stay in his bed. He hasn't been 'traumatized' like I feared. He went in his pants on Monday and Tuesday but used the toilet on Wednesday and Thursday. We are making headway and I don't feel like I'm scolding, begging, and getting angry. It feels like I've finally stopped fighting him. He knows his options and can make his own decisions instead of me forcing him to sit on the toilet while he cries only to have him poop his pants 10 minutes later. Every family is different and I'm not a whip cracking disciplinarian. I'm a time out mom all the way so this was a hard choice. I know I can always change my mind.

Honestly...and this is just my two cents....I would back off completely....with my kids...pretty much every time they backslid as far as potty training goes...it was a control issue...he may be feeling like he isn't in control...and going to the bathroom is one thing he can control. Finally (now that I have 4 kids...what can I say, I'm a slow learner...lol)...I've learned that (at least with my kids)...I don't make going to the bathroom an issue...at all. I remind and 'ask' in the beginning...but once I know they've got it...I lay off. My son that is now 4 had more accidents the more I 'reminded' him...he's pretty much completely accident free if I don't say a thing...the only time my daughter struggled was when my brother that she was really close to left for a 2 year mission for our church...I tried all kinds of things at first...finally...I just put her in pullups at night...and tried to be patient with cleanups during the day...I didn't say anything to make her feel 'bad' or 'what's wrong with you?', 'you know better..' etc. It took care of itself pretty fast. My mom once told me I started having a hard time when I went to kindergarten...started wetting the bed all the time...she kept making me clean it up/help change sheets....then she talked to my kindergarten teacher and my teacher suggested that my mom just clean it up...don't worry about it...if i wanted to help...great...just be positive...and don't make it a power struggle...I stopped wetting the bed within a week. I think with food and going to the bathroom...if a child doesn't feel in control of what goes in and out of their body...it's easy for it to turn into a power struggle. (not that my kids eat a lot of junkfood...we just don't have much of that in the house...but that's a totally different subject :)) Good luck...and don't stress :)

Kids do this at times and it becomes a mental thing and also a mental game. My two nieces did this to their parents and it was the strangest thing. They potty trained and had no problems peeing in the toilet but they would hold back the poop and refuse to go at all. One of them did this so badly that it actually caused an obstruction and it landed her in the hospital from the impacted stool in the bowel. At that point, they ended up taking their child to a therapist to speak about this. It had something to do with issues of control and how she was trying to put all her efforts of controlling what she did and when into her bowel movements. To her, it was the one thing that she didn't have to do if she didn't want to. I know.....?????....strange, but this was the big epiphany that came out during the therapy. Of course, her younger sister saw all that was going on and all the attention that was focused on it and she started doing the same thing. Now they had two kids with this issue at the same time. It was unreal but you're not alone and I wanted to pass this on to you so you know it.

My youngest daughter used to hide in corners or go under a table when she had to poop and was also giving me issues about pooping in the potty. Granted, she was 22 months and potty training but when it came to poop, she gave me trouble. If she pooped her pants I would have her help me clean everything and also dump the poop that she made into the toilet no matter what. Then I would say, "next time, the poop should just go in the toilet so we don't have to clean." I saw her heading to the corner one day so I grabbed her, she screamed, I put her on the potty and kept her there until the poop fell into the bowl. She didn't like it but I figured if we could just get this done ONCE it might be over! It worked. After she got finished crying and acting up, I just lavished her with praise and made such a big deal over it that she started laughing and smiling through the tears. It never happened again. From that day on, she made it to the toilet and had no problems. I must have gotten her over the hump of her fears or whatever they were and I also broke the habit cycle of her hiding under the table or in a corner. If I saw her heading there, I'd redirect her right to the toilet. Sometimes a little tough love followed by support and praise is all that's needed. My daughter was not damaged by me keeping her on the toilet and insisting we get over this.....it actually worked!

is he afraid a part of him is going in the toilet?some kids go through that. ask him if he needs baby diapers again i bet he starts going.