Another Sister-in-law Drama - What Would You Do?

I think one of the best ways to deal with it is to just let the SIL know how you feel about the situation. Only talk about it/mention it once... then it's over and no more discussion necessary. I would just explain how you felt about the situation and say that you know she is used to older dogs, but with a puppy you can't expect for them to leap down out of her arms. Don't really "blame" her or say "you thrusted him down", kind of put it in other terms that aren't so hurtful to her... "I just wanted to let you know that when you tried to put the dog down, he just wasn't ready for that. You really need to set him down carefully on the floor, because he's still learning. So next time I would appreciate it if you could do that for me." I would say something just to get it off your back. If you don't feel comfortable saying something, have your husband. I know when I'm upset with my SIL my husband shares the same feelings so he tends to step up to the plate and say something to her so it doesn't burn the bridge (since afterall, he is her brother). Good luck and I'm sorry to hear your little puppy is having seizures, bless his heart. The doctor didn't think he ruptured a disc or anything like that happened, right?

By the way--what I said about "next time"--don't let there be a next time! If she is coming over or something, put the doggie away in a room or something if you can. :)

Hey J.,

What does your hubby think of all this? In laws are such a sticky area! I have troubles with my in laws (save for FIL) so I feel your pain. I feely admit I feel hatred towrds mine. The saving grace in my situation is that they are all in New York, while we're here in Omaha. 1500 miles apart does wonders! But that's not a viable option here, so we'll have to figure something else out.

A lot of how you proceed will probably hinge on how your husband feels about the situation. If he's as upset as your are (and as I would be...I can't stand when people are rough with animals) maybe he can take the lead here and talk to her. At the very least she should apologize. Even better would be if she offered to pay the vet bill. If this poor puppy will possibly have these seizures for the rest of his life as a result of her mistreatment of him, then she should apologize and pony up the dough for the vet. And even then, I'm not sure I could really forgive her. But I suspect you are a better woman than I. :-) Because if it were me, I would probably tell my husband that he is free to see her with the girls, but I would not be joining. Animal cruelty is sort of a deal breaker for me, blood relative or not. Is she a bit unbalanced? I can't imagine a well adjusted adult behaving that way just because your husband was pointing out that the puppy didn't appear comfortable with how she was holding him. At best she sounds selfish. As far as forgiving her, remember that in order to forgive someone the first requirement is that they want forgiveness. You can't truly give absolution when someone doesn't ask for it. She hasn't indicated that she wants forgiveness, so I think you are right for not forgiving her. And really, until she apologizes and asks for forgiveness, I wouldn't have anything to do with her. If she had done that to one of your kids, it would be over, right? Well, I know a puppy is not an actual kid, but in my family, pets are family members, even if they're not of the human variety. Slightly below kids on the family totem pole, but certainly above crazy sister in laws. In other words, I think you have an obligation to the puppy more than the SIL. Her feelings come in second to the innocent creature she harmed. This was not some rude comment; her actions caused severe harm to another living creature. Until she shows remorse, I would say that she is not welcome to visit. Hopefully your husband is on board, because he should deliver that message. If your husband doesn't want to talk to her, then you might tell him that until this is worked out, you would prefer not to see her (but don't stop him from seeing her). Tell him until this is resolved to your satisfaction, you don't want to see her. That way, maybe your husband will have a talk with her (if he doesn't want to already). Oh, and make sure that apology is made to the both of you. Telling him she's sorry ain't good enough; she needs to face the both of you. I hope this helps, and I'm sorry for the little guy!

M.

Hey J., Well I can really relate to you, I had a new born puppy I raised from 1 wk old his mother could not feed him and the owner was allergic to him. Bandit was a shitzu and of all the puppies which 2 were given to vets, he was the only to survive. I know i am avoiding the subject about your SIL but I wanted to let you know a little about my story first. I discovered that bandit was also dropped at a very young age my little niece dropped him. I find it really sad that my niece at that time was only around 2 or 3 and she was so upset about it she knew at that young age what she did was wrong. I know she did'nt mean to do it, but she was truly sorry. Your SIL should have admitted what she did was wrong and tell you and your family she was sorry. We can't teach little ones to be good to animals if we don't ourselves. I think you should talk to her about the puppy and explain she could at least ask how the puppy was. I also wanted to tell you Bandit also ended up with seizures his was due epilepsy (not sure about spelling) I know it's really hard to watch. If you wan't to talk about the situation or about your puppy let me know. M.

First of all, she shouldn't be doing that with her dog either. If it was me (I worked at an animal shelter for two years and I'm not standoffish about my animal rights opinions) I wouldn't have been as understanding as you. OK that's an understatement and I would've said plenty of things to her that can't be said on here. What she did was cruel and SHE should've been responsible for the vet bills. And at the very least the very bad word could've said she was sorry. I just can't believe that she didn't even say she was sorry. I'd try and mention to someone around her (loud enough that she can hear) that pup could have seizures for life because of the little spill he took. You can be more vague if you'd like but make sure she's somehow aware that this is HER fault. All because she wanted to throw a tantrum. I don't know what to tell you about how to deal with the anger because when it comes to my animals or people I care about, I can hold a grudge for a long time if one of them is hurt especially if it was on purpose. And even if she didn't want him to get hurt, she still KNEW there was a possibility. Grrrr... I can't stand people. Good luck on dealing with her in the future.
J.

Aw poor puppy! If it makes you feel any better we had a dog once with seizures. He never outgrew them, but lived a good life with them. He got out of our yard though while no one was home, and by the time we went to the pound after looking for him, he'd had another seizure and they had to put him to sleep. Said they can't watch something like that happen and not know if it's infectious to the other animals. A great dog though, I miss him.

Anyway, your SIL sounds like she has some issues. I would venture to say that if you have had troubles in the past, maybe she is trying to take her distaste for you out on the dog. On the other hand, maybe she is just use to her dog and not your little puppy. Or too, maybe she is just nuts.

I know it's very easy for anyone to sit here and say "Talk to her about your issues" but I think when push comes to shove if it were me, would have a very hard time talking to her about our relationship. I know that too because my own sister is hard to deal with and I often feel a lot of anger toward her for a lot of the things she does. There are also people, like my sister, who never really see a problem with what they do so bringing up what you don't like is generally just a nice way to get into an argument that won't get anywhere but leave you both angry and frustrated. But you may want to do that, she could be much less inclined to come hang out with you afterward!

Look inward and see what makes the most sense in your heart. Do you believe you will acheive something good by confronting her, like making yourself feel better, or having a better realtionship with her? Or will you just argue and ultimately feel worse about it? You never really know, but you have to ask if the best potential outcome outweighs the potential risk. Good luck!

I don't know what other issues you have with her, but it sounds to me like your SIL may have some personal problems.

I would definitely sit her down and both you and your husband tell her how you feel about her behavior (and the effect of her actions on your dog). Let her know that her behavior is not acceptable in your home, and that if she wants to spend time with your family, she needs to be respectful of all of you.

If it were me, I'd bring up the cost of veterinary bills, since she didn't even apologize, but you seem like a nicer person than I am. ;)

Hi J.!
I am all about forgiveness but you are so in the right. She owes you more than just a simple apology and you (or your husband) have every right to confront her. She needs to know what kind of hurt she has caused your sweet little pup and also your family! I realize it will probably be an uncomfortable situation but it all depends on how you approach her.
I hope it goes well for you - so sorry this happened!
M.

I understand that family members are hard to avoid and to deal with, but it sounds like your family needs to set some strong boundry lines with your SIL and make sure she stay within those boundry lines.

I also believe your SIL should be held accountable for any and all medical expenses first and foremost for the injuries and the sufferings her actions have caused and that will continue to the family pet. I also agree with the other response that said the authorities need to be contacted, behavior like this by an adult can lead to other animals and humans being hurt, mangled or even death to occur.

I am not sure how old or mature your SIL is, but it sounds as though she could be on the immature side, have the need to be the constant center of attention and/or maybe even a little jealous of your family.

I expect people to treat me like I would and do treat them, if they can't do that then they have the problem -- NOT ME! We have 2 dogs and 2 cats and they are like members of our family. When people come into my home, I demand respect for myself, my family and our belongings, if one can't do that, then they are not welcomed in my home, even if they are family.

I hope things can be resolved in a friendly matter without anymore hard feelings developing. You need to hold your ground with your SIl. Forgiveness is a GREAT thing, but you also need to set the boundries on what behavior is acceptable and not acceptable in your home regardless of who it is and if they can't or won't comply then other actions need to take place to keep your home the safe place it is for the entire family and pet.

Katina K

Oh my goodness! I am so sorry to that sweet little puppy! He's doing ok now, I hope...I think if my SIL would have done something like that I would have slapped her and told her she needed to leave immediately and that she didn't need to come back! That might sound harsh, but you don't know my in-laws...you have to be that way in order to get through to them. If my SIL had done that to our puppy and the incident would have had the repurcussions that your situation does, I would have a seriously hard time ever wanting to see or speak to her again, let alone spend any time with her. I know that family is family, but a person should only have to put up with so much before they put their foot down, and so NO MORE!!Been there, so badly wanted to do that. Good luck!

I am so sorry that your family and the puppy had to go through that. One responder wrote, "I'd slap her in the face" well, not me. She would have been knocked out cold and woke up on the ground, outside, in the wettest part of the yard I could find, face down no doubt! If it were me, I would defintely let her know how the heck I'm feeling about the situation and would not let her around my kids due to her behavior. What if it had been one of your girls and not the puppy? What if she get's mad enough at you that she takes it out on one of the girls? Whether the husband likes it or not she wouldn't be coming to my house until I could forgive her.

pets are family too, more so in a way then inlaws as the pets are in your house. if it was me, I'd tell her flat out until she can act like the adult she's supposed to be then she's not welcome

I don't know how you keep your mouth shut--wouldn't work for me for 2 seconds! I think it HAS to come from him. Boundaries!!

I would definitely make it very clear that she isn't allowed any where near your puppy again, and let her know that the puppy now has seizures. In my head, I can picture her saying "Whatever!". She ought to feel really stupid for what she did. Maybe since in her mind, (it was an accident), maybe in some worped way, she doesn't think she needs to apologize. A little remorse from her would probably help pave the road to forgiveness, but good luck. You probably won't see it. Good luck to you and the puppy. Poor thing! For some reason, I can picture this gal in my head. I think we probably all know someone like this, unfortunately.

Okay, I am very blunt but your SIL is an evil bi*ch. What would you do if she would have done this to one of your kids? To me, an animal is not just an animal. They are innocent and are living and breathing creatures too. If she would treat an animal like this, she would treat your kids like this too. I wouldnt be able to forgive her, she needs mental help.

Wow J.~
You are deffintly much nicer then what I would have been. I don't think I could have even said a word to her if it was me. and if i did the words that would have come out would have probably ruin our relationship forever. Now I do think that you (or your husband) should talk to her and tell her that you did not appreciate it. However I know from experince that that is not an easy task.
You are deffintly in the right on this one that's for sure! and I can't beleave that you sil would be that rude or hartless. when i say hartless that's because anybody that i know and even my self would feel horrible if they did that. I have a dog that has siezures luckly he had gotten them later in age at 6yrs. But if he play's to hard or runs to hard then he will go into a seizures. and we had a couple friends over with their kids they were playing with our dog. and he doesn't stop playing untill you stop. so he ended up going into a seizure and the kids and the parent's were very apologetic! and it wasn't even thier fault it just happens. so I think that you are owed at less a i am so sorry. Good luck and try to talk to her or you will just boil over it untill you say something that you may regreat!
Good luck
J.

Honestly, I think your sister-in-law needs help. If she does this kind of stuff to a defenseless puppy, she could escalate to a human. They talk about this all the time on Animal Cops. They start with animals and then on humans. My prayers are with you.

oh that poor puppy!! my heart goes out to him/her. a puppy is like a child, you wouldn't do that to a baby!! I'd go off on her. no it won't change the outcome but i'd sure give her a peice of my mind. and she wouldn't be welcome in my home. family or not, you don't do that kind of thing! I am sorry!!!!

Your house your rules!!! I think that you need to lay down the law with your SIL. Actually your husband needs to talk to her and let her know that that bahavior will not be tollerated. And if he and the family are not willing to set boundried with her then maybe she can only visit when she is invited and then there will be only so much that you will tolerate before she has to leave. I think that she needs to take responsibility for what happened to your fanily pet. That was rude and even if it was an accident what kind of a person doen't say sorry or even acknowledge what had happenend!