Anxiety About My 18Mo

I wish that I could tell you that it gets better, but I have a 6 yr. old and a 3yr. old and I always get so worried when they are ill. I get so frustrated w/ myself because I wish that I could just keep a level head and not get so wrapped up in it. I think that it just goes w/ what kind of person you are. I am a worrier. I spoke w/ my doctor and she did recommend exercise and it does help. Its just hard finding the time. I wish you a lot of luck and happiness.

my daughter will be 2 next month and i'm still having anxiety/panic about certain things. i can't have anyone else drive her anywhere unless i'm in the vehicle (and i'm a complete mess even then) i've only allowed my mother to have her overnight once and i was definitely NOT myself. some nights, when she bumps her head (which i know kids do all the time) or for some reason isn't moving (sleeping soundly lol...i have a video monitor) i go in her room and check on her about 20 times before i can go to sleep. i do have panic/anxiety attacks though, and am bipolar, so i'm not sure if it's truly normal. though when i tell my mother these things, she just laughs at me and says "ah...still in the new mommy phase!" so i'm assuming it is normal. i'm in between therapists (the one i just recently had was horrible...called dyfs for ME because i was upset over a family member in the hospital NOT for any fear of the safety of my child...so i had to kick her to the curb and am waiting for my apt. w/ my new one) so therapy MAY help, i know that talking to my friends who have kids themselves usually helps. even if they tell me i'm crazy and need to just let go, or that kids get sick, or hurt and it's normal...just to get it out at that moment does help. so maybe therapy could help you, if not, just talk to some friends/family that have kids themselves and see if that helps.

Dear Dear S.,
I hope your anxiety over your son never goes away!!! I have two children, and am anxious over every cough, sniffle, and diaper rash. It is perfectly normal, but you should find some time for youself. If you want to work out, the YMCAs have babysitting, and it is not difficult to go for 30 minutes. I know it is hard to make it a priority, but you need some time for you to unwind or you will go crazy. Find something that works for you.
I hope this helps.
C. Thomson

S.-

It is completely normal to worry about your child! My mother tells me that you NEVER stop worrying about them, even when they are grown up! I have two children (2 1/2 year old and a 7-month old) and when they are ill or out of sorts, I am stressed about the situation. It is very difficult to balance being a full time mom and having a full time career (I work full time too and commute from Manhattan to Long Island every day). I find that a strict schedule (and sticking to it) makes it easier to get everything that you need done. Some may consider this anal, but it makes my life easier and it allows me to spend as much time as possible with my children. Best of luck and don't be too hard on yourself!!

I think you are totally normal :-) I have twin 6 year old boys and a 3 year old girl. i still get tied all in knots everytime one of them gets sick. The eating thing maybe some sort of stress response and i don't think it would hurt to talk to someone if you thought it really necessary. I too have a life so hectic it makes it next to impossible to excercise on my own. Try encorporating excercise into your daily routine, like after dinner take him for a walk, even for 15 minutes, it will do you a world of good, and drag your husband along to chat or make him stay home and do the dishes :-) since your cleary a busy lady, maximize your time when you can.

Honey let me officially welcome you to our old fat moms club.
parenting is a daily challenge, we hate to see our kids sick,

i worry daily,

My oldest is 12 years old,
puberty is much more horrible than i thought.

Whats horrible aout the little ones ( my youngest will be 2 in april) is they cant say whats wrong and can really describe what is hurting,

in a few years its easier and less stressful because they can explain it all to you in more detail.

Thats when you thin out,

I ahve a gym membership, i never go to it,
I thoughht i would wake at 5 am an try and go but i am far too tired most days.

So belileve me in a few years you can work out regularly and eat less snacks and be more active with your child or CHILREN at that point.

Sorry for all the spelling errors, I was just to lazy to correct them,LOL

Take care

M

Hey S.,
I've no doubt you're getting a lot of replies to your post. yes, I feel the same way often! It is hard to just relax sometimes. Being a working Mom (ALL moms, really), I often feel like I'm on a race track all week long. I'm trying to do it all. I have to perform at work, show that I'm still in the game even though I'm a family woman. I want my time with my girl to be as high quality as possible. Not just spent just doing my chores with her (feed, bath, change, etc.) I carve out time to speak with her daycare to make sure I'm aware of everything going on there, make sure she's getting nutritious food, etc. I try to make sure my husband and I are still connecting as a couple, that we spend time talking. Also, despite a more progressive attitude, I'm still expect to do wife-type things...laundry, tidy up, etc. I mean, my brain is a buzz with covering all the bases. I think if you're a certain type of personality type, it is harder not to do it all and do it all as perfectly as you can. It's a great skill to let go of a few things and know it's still going to be okay. I too have lost my work outs. I keep thinking that if I can just get 1-2 days in, it will become a habit. My friend who incorporates her workouts does it at 5:30am. I think that is just the trade off. You have to do it when you probably aren't keen on doing it. If you get stressed and eat more, just make sure there isn't anything too bad you can reach for. Keep cut veggies, etc. nearby and snack on that. Grab and apple. Drink a huge glass of water. Something sorta healthy. Also, if you are noticing that you're stress is maybe not within a normal range for you, absolutely go see a therapist. Why not? You have to take care of yourself. My best advice is to make one change at a time, and start slow. Like maybe just make it a goal this week to find 5 therapist phone numbers, next week your goal will be to call them all and set up an appt. Perhaps if you get in touch wih your anxiety first, it'll be easier to work on the eating and exercise down the road. Good luck, and I hope you feel better!

Hi S.,

I can relate to your situation in many ways. I am a 32 y/o mom of a 19 month old boy. I went back to work full-time in December and my son has been sick ever since. He has had numerous colds and ear infections and will be having surgery next week to have tubes put into his ears. It's difficult not to feel anxious or gulity when he gets sick. I've cried myself to sleep thinking about his surgery but have been reassured by many that it is a fairly simple procedure and he should really benefit from it. I started to work out last week and must admit that I feel a little less anxious and although I was really soar when I started, I now feel more relaxed. It is difficult to make time to work out with everything else we have going on in our lives. There just aren't enough hours in the day. Luckily I have a treadmill at home. It was donated by my MIL and it's pretty old but it allows me to get exercise at home. I also try to do the workout routines on Cable. I have optimum cable and it has a free fitness channel on demand. I don't know if you have Cable tv but it's great. You can pick from yoga, pilates, aerobics, cardio and muscle training. They even have latin dancing routines. I do my workout routime after I put my son to sleep. My husband also started working out with me so we motivate each other. I don't know if this is an option for you but I hope this helps. You are definitley not alone!!!

I know a little about anxiety - I deal with it on a daily basis. My doctor has been trying to get me on prescriptions for years. But I have found that several things help. Eating well and taking supplements, B vitamins in particular. I began taking a terrific B-Complex and what a difference!

I am not sure how you feel about vitamins but it worked well for me. I get mine thru www.mall-talk.com

They are different than anything else I've tried. They are Istonix, it's a powder you mix with water and drink (and it actually doesn't taste bad). I had been taking b vitamin pills and didn't feeel much difference but with these I did!

Plus - Yoga - - it is wonderful! Especially if you can get out and go to a class so you are not at home - it's much easier to get your mind relaxed if you not in your own home. And there are some great cd's for guided meditation. I have found I feel really great. I just started Kelly Howell's Universal Mind Meditation - got that at Barnes & Nobles - it is really relaxing!

Good Luck!

Hi S.,

I guess you can see by now that you are very much not alone. Sometimes I feel like it's maternal hormones gone awry! I'm a single Mom to one, and I tend to isolate myself. I always feel more balanced when I get out and see friends, with or without the little guy. When your life has a balance of being all the different things you are, you may be able to get more perspective. For me, I need more companionship (I try not to use it only to discuss my worries about my child), for you it may be something different. A hobby you dropped, reading a book or a favorite TV show. I love going to the movies; the show, the popcorn, the pals. Now, when I do go, I feel like I'm on vacation, it's exhilarating.

Your son is still very young. Don't berate yourself if you can not get to the gym right now. Yes, excercise would help, the benefits are endless! Eating right too. Just don't be too hard on yourself, an 18 month-old is a very demanding little creature.

Of course, a therapist is a great way to get perspective. It's hard to find time to see a friend or a therapist when you work full time and care for a child.

You will get yourself back, it takes time.

All the best,
C.

I just wanted to confirm that you're not alone and agree with the other posters that this is a normal part of motherhood.

A. did a great job of responding but I must admit that I've tried a few of the things she mentioned (which some people LOVE to do so they may work for you) like scraping and reading and these just stress me out more. I get annoyed that I can't finish a book so I stay up 3 nigths in a row until 3 am to finish it. I start a new album and get so engrossed the same thing happens - dishes and laundry build up, etc - until I'm done with that event/topic/trip and then I stay away for months...

So I suggest that if you can find ANY time and you enjoyed exercising before then do that. Get some new tapes - you might enjoy something different now like a relaxing yoga or pilates tape instead of a hardcore workout. But I promise you, not that i'm good at staying on track with my exercise either, but when I am I feel so much better. I sleep better and have more energy. They have many tapes now with just 20-30 minute segments. Pick 2-3 nights when it's daddy turn to check on your son once he's down for the night and thrown on your sweats. Even if you just stretch and do jumping jacks as you watch lipstick jungle. You'll feel better in the morning and will want to do it again on the next "daddy-duty" night!

Find something that will work for you and carve out some "me" time to do it. I think the 18 month mark is a pretty consistant point when "over-committed" moms start to feel this way. Just realize it's ok to back off a bit. Your husband should be ready for a bit more responsibility, your son should be ready for a bit more independence and YOU DESERVE IT! Good luck!

I think your anxiety isn't unusual. Try substituting eating with some sort of quick exercise or house cleaning. That should help you feel more positive about yourself. There's something about being a mother than makes many women feel that if there child is unhappy or sick or in any way below average, it must be the mom's fault somehow. After 17 years of parenting, I still struggle with accepting that I can't give my kids a perfect life. It would be helpful if you could get advice from someone whose opinion you trust so you could determine if this is routine "I'm not Supermom" guilt or if there is something you need to change. If you still feel overwhelmed, it would be a good idea to talk to a therapist a few times. He or she might be able to help you see things from an outsider's perspective. Your own or your husband's employer may provide several free visits to a therapist through an employee assistance program.

Hi S.,
In the past I often was anxious about my baby in those circumstances. I encourage you to enlist the help of yor husband to care for your son after work for an hour or 2, so you can get out and exercise (which will always make you feel better-in many ways) or take a relaxing bath or whatever. Even if its for 45 minutes doing some Yoga in the living room, it will help you cope with your anxious feelings by empowering you and releasing some energy. You need and deserve some YOU time.
Good Luck.
N.

I am a big advocate of therapy, however, that's a hour a week and a co-pay, one on one. You said you used to work out regularly, thats' what you should start with. Curves is a great idea for you. They have a 35 min work-out plan. Also, the way it is set up is, all the equipment is set up in a circle, so as you work out with other women,and you talk. Talk with others that may have the same, or similar issues. So you get a quick work out, friendship, and a kind of group therapy. Killing two birds with one stone. It's inexpensive and quick. Why don't you try the free week try out and see. And if that does not work, you can try therapy.

S., everything you wrote describes my journey as a mother. I think everything you say is a typical part of motherhood. The anxiety about illnesses (my biggest problem), not knowing how to cope, feeling like you have no business what-so-ever being responsible for another human being (took me a while to feel like a mom).

There were some issues I could not handle on my own after my first son was born so I went to my ob/gyn and he gave me some help on coping. I wish I could go see a therapist because my anxiety about illnesses is almost crippling but I have no time - I am a mom! So what do I do? I come here and read that I am not alone & when I give advice it is almost as if I am giving myself advice - so helping others moms is kind of like my own do-it-yourself therapy. Oh, and shopping helps a lot too!

I fantasize about getting in shape once my baby is in kindergarten - forget going back to work - I want to be thin again!

So what I advise you do is find something to help you cope; reading, computer time, gardening, shopping, grocery shopping(it really helps me because it is money I have to spend & I do it without the kids), scrapbooking, etc. If it does not help and you feel you need a little more than ask you dr. for some help or a reference. You certainly are not alone there and asking for help is ok.

My best to you!
A.

You sound normal to me. I don't think any of us figure it out! We cope day to day and illness to illness. Please do take care of yourself first, it is the best way to provide for others.
I am sensing a bit of guilt that your son gets sick at childcare. Are really wanting to stay at home? Maybe you should talk to close friends or family or a professional and figure out what it is that is really making you so anxious and then address it.

Hi I am the mom of ten kids and still feel uneasy if one is sick. Most of them are super healthy..so I don't go through it very often, I think it is normal..I usually try to pray for them and for myself to feel peaceful since my normal response is to worry about them. I think it is our mother's heart identifying with them.~D.