Anxiety in Preschool

F.,

Hello. Could it be that he is enjoying his time with dad and doesn't want it to end? Maybe he thinks if he can get out of preschool he can hang out with dad more. Maybe Dad can make it a discussion in the car on the way to preschool that they are both headed to "work". Just throwing an idea out there. Or maybe it is an age thing and he doesn't like NOT being able to say "bye" to mom.

Hope this helps!

You can take him out and he can always start preschool next year. You can look for other ways to interact and socialize with other kids with out him being left at preschool. I have nothing against preschool, my three year old goes two days a week and loves it. But some kids would rather be with mom and thats fine. Find a few English speaking kids for him to play with during the week. He will learn to speak! One parent should speak your native language at all times and the other parent should speak English only. It is a proven method for bilingual toddlers. I used to teach English to children and it is very effective when one parent or teacher speaks English only no matter what. I hope this will work for you.

Stick with it--it takes at least a month for them to acclimate. I have had my 3 year-old in day care/preschool for 2 years, and he just changed to a new one 3 weeks ago. He is still sad when I leave him, but I can't get him to leave when I pick him up! They are not good at transitions at this age; they want you to stay with them, even though they like the new environment. If you can stay for a few minutes, and your husband too, it might help. Find out who his friends are (he has them, whether he mentions them or not) and reinforce that with them. Maybe organize a play date with some of those kids at your home. Good luck--it will get better, just hang in there!

I totally understand. He does need to socialize and it is hard to let them go. My son just started 3 yr. old preschool and is really bored.

Your son needs to feel included, and because of his language difference he may be being excluded unintentionally. My son has a genetic disorder where he can't sweat (so we don't go the park often) and he has only 5 teeth (so his speech can be hard to understand). I thought he would have to get help from a speech pathologist, or have learning difficulties... until I tried another language. His Spanish is good, his English is confusing. I wanted to teach him Spanish from the beginning... and have (basics here and there) but caught grief about possibly confusing him.

He may be feeling "different" and kids really pick up on that. I would post an ad on this site and see if you can get a play date with another child who speaks the same first language... it may give him some confidence to know he isn't the only one... and he may take off from there.

-good luck,
T.

Hi F.,
Seems you have narrated our story.. My son is three years old and we just got him enrolled in a preschool. He had been very excited in the beginning for about a week, but later he lost interest and started crying.. and wanted to stay back home. We too speak a different language at home, and that was definitely one of the factors of him being cranky and un-adjustive.

But i assure you that you got to be a little more strong, and try out some of our tricks that we tried on our kid, and i am glad that they worked with him.

--First of all, tell him that he has no other way out, rather than going to school. Tell him the importance of school, which will help him to be a good and mannerful kid. Tell him tht you went to school when u were a kid and every other kid goes to school.

-- Secondly try and speak some english with him at home, i would not suggest you to completely leave your native language, but it would be more beneficial if you could use certain words and sentences that will help him acclamatize with the school and his peers.

-- this one really did wonders.. we bought some toys for him, and kept them away from him.. and told him that he would get a new toy everyday if he is good at school and would play and enjoy rather than being cranky.. and it works.. everyday when he comes back from school, he says mummy i didnt cry at school, and i give him a new toy..(it is not necessary to buy expensive gifts, small little toys can be equally accepted)

-- U said that your husband drops your kid to school, if possible u should also accompany him for somedays, and talk with his teacher about your kid, tht really matters for her to understand your kid's state of mind. Also make him learn the names of this classmates, and discuss with him of wat all happen at school everyday. this will help develop his interest in school.

-- In our case i drop my kid everyday and pick him up, n he beleives that mummy stays outside the school, and waits for him until the school is over... Thats wat we have told him, to make him comfortable, that we are waiting for him outside the school..

Try all these tricks , i hope that will help your kid do well..

Beleive me , it will all work, but you got to be patient and understanding..

let me know how it worked.

good luck
S.

Hello!

It is a common mistake people make to think that the school will teach your child English and so you don't have to. You seem to have a wonderful command of the American language, and so your child is already at a huge advantage! As a teacher in a school with an 80% hispanic population (and about another 8% that speak other languages besides English), I say PLEASE teach him as much English as you can BEFORE he gets to school. And 3 year olds do have to conversate a lot!

It is very hard to teach all the basics of Kindergarten to English speaking kids, much less teaching others a new language and the entire curriculum. You can absolutely do both at home. Teaching in both your native language and English is the best way to go. Some families have a room or two in the house that are only English speaking rooms. In the bathroom and at the dinner table, we only speak English, but in the rest of the house, we speak Spanish, or in the kitchen and the car, or any other two combinations.

As for his reluctance to go to preschool, talk with him and ask him if he's scared or sad, he may volunteer something. Also, you may work with him on a few basic sentences in English (May I use the bathroom, Thank you, Please, be quiet, stand up, sit down,and colors, numbers, and letters) so he can start recognizing the words his teachers are speaking.

Start asking him if he has friends. Start with a name or two. My daughter really liked that "game" and started trying to learn the other kids' (which shortly turned into "friends") names.

I hope this helps. Use what you like, don't use what you don't. But the most important thing to do is TEACH him English. You can only give him a huge advantage over other children if he can speak both as soon as possible. What a wonderful gift to give him!

I think a lot of kids feel some anxiety at preschool no matter what. My son had a hard time going at first, but eventually he realized that we were always coming back to get him. And the social benefit has been GREAT! However, I'm sure your sons lack of being able to communicate with the other children is causing some issues. I think it was unwise of your friends/family to assume that he would learn English in school. Learning anything is hard enough, but add a language barrier and it makes it even harder.

I think the best thing you can do is to start having one parent speak his native language to him and the other speak only English so he can attempt to catch up. A friend of mine did this with her daughter from birth (both parents are bilingual, the father only spoke his native tongue, Spanish, to his daughter while the mother only spoke her native tongue, English) and now she is completely fluent in both languages.

I assume his teachers, as well as most classmates, only speak in English to him. If that's the case, he probably just wants to be with people who understand him and who he understands. However, I think the social benefit of preschool outweighs any language barrier. I say keep him enrolled and start helping him learn English. If he understands what is being said in school, he'll enjoy it a lot more. Once he has a better grasp on the language, if he's still having issues, then you should speak to his teachers to see if they have noticed any issues.

Good luck!

I have a 2yo and a 4yo from Russia and I understand that language is a big deal when socializing with other kids and being watched by English speaking adults. One great resource I have found is ChildFind. You can call them and refer your child for speech therapy, behavioral issues, socialization issues, academic delays, or self-help issues. They evaluate your child for free and if they qualify, they will provide speech therapy and / or preschool for free. It is part of the no child left behind grant. I am extremely grateful for it since both of my boys are speech delayed and have some behavioral issues that are beyond my expertise. They are great and smart kids, but I'm grateful for the help to get them ready for kindergarten. Maybe they could help you?

Best of luck,

M.