ANXIETY Over Daycare! :-(

Hello T.,
My name is Isabel and I currently own and operate my own in home child care facilty. I can definately appreciate your situation because I was too molested, on several occasions as a child so it is unimaginable to think that it may also happen to your own child. You always want to prevent harm from happening to your child especially if you have experienced it first hand. My suggestion to you is to get on this website https://www.dfps.state.tx.us/Child_Care/About_Child_Care_...
The state requires all child care facilities, both in home and free standing to register and get licesed with them. The state lists each and every one of the facilities online at the website I listed. You can look up a place by name, address or even zip code. Each child care facility is inspected a minimum of at least once every few years and most facilities every year. The state lists all the findings of the inspection online so that you can look up everything about that facility before you even think of enrolling your child. I hope this is helpful to you and Good Luck.

Try finding a church daycare that is local for you. This may help with some of the anxiety. Do background checks on the teachers. The school will provide you with information if you ask for it. Get references of people whose children have been going to the daycare a while. Let the school know about our fears and the reason behind them. Try to also put it in God's hands and let him lead you in the right direction. -G.

Hi T.,
I know EXACTLY what you are going through. I also was Molested as a child by a childcare provider as well. It has been hard throughout the years and I have been a SAHM with both of my boys and with my older one when I decided to go back to work my parents watched him and now I have a 15 month old as well and I am a child care provider and have been home with him since the day he was born, I tried child care where I have worked but he always was sick and that's when I decided to stay at home. I only have my son and a 4 month old baby boy.
I also take care of children nights and weekends.

I suggest for you to have a small in home childcare provider and make sure and check on him unannounced, check for references and back ground.
If you would to talk please contact me at ###-###-#### or ____@____.com
I hope this helps..
Thanks and Good Luck

Just my feelings from choosing a preschool - I had a definate "gut" instinct when walking in a few. The one I chose made me feel great, and I've never had any hesitation.

Trust your instincts - if you feel uneasy about a place when you first walk in, you will never feel uncomfortable. Also - the benefit of a smaller group/class is that your child will get sick a lot less, since there are less germs to go around. I used to work with people who would purposely medicate their child so the daycare wouldn't know they were sick, hoping to have some time to get work done before the daycare called and made them pick up their child. I would definately ask if they kick out parents who habitually send sick kids. Good luck!

Hey, T.. I have worked at several child development centers around Dallas as a music teacher and have also had my own 2 girls (now 8 & 4) at these centers.

I can imagine, given what you've personally been through, how difficult this transition is for you. Let me let you in on a couple of things.

A lot of moms will opt for a nanny, babysitter or a homecare situation. One of the disadvantages to these situations is the freedom it gives to those who may inflict harm on our children without being detected. That is why I have always opted for a "center-based" care environment. In a "center-based" environment there are a lot more people to answer to and rarely are the teachers alone in a room without an aide or helper. Most of these teachers don't want to be left alone for liability reasons. If I were in your shoes, I would definitely choose a "center" vs. a nanny, babysitter or In-Home care. You can also visit the state website for childcare licensing and check on places you are considering to see about any potential violations. Keeping in mind that they don't usually get too specific about what those violations are...they may be something as simple as "a small ant hill was discovered on the playground"...which are hard to keep up with during a rainy season. You might feel more comfortable choosing a center that is NAEYC accredited. If they are accredited by the NAEYC that means they have to adhere to certain standards set forth by the National Association for the Education of Young Children which has lower child to teacher ratios and many other quality standards.

T.-This is never an easy decision. I personally am more worried over home care than daycare. There are good and bad ones with both. Childcare centers are monitored more and have more people in and out. They also have health out and fire dept. on a regular basis. Always follow your gut when checking out centers or homes. I know the director at Childtime on Hedgcoxe now and she became a director after she herself had a bad experience at a childcare place. Her children are grown and she stayed on to make a difference in as many children as possible. She is wonderful and parents as well as the children at this school love her. The kids always run up to her when she enters the rooms. I would check them out...Good luck!

Daycare doesn't have to be horrible, you just need to be careful. I would first find out from friends/neighbors that live around you who they use and see who they recommend. I would also check to make sure they are licensed with the state (which will require them to meet certain criteria) and I'm not sure but you may also be able to check and see if there have been any complaints filed against them. The biggest thing next is to go and see for yourself. I would recommend going during the day when the kids are active. Take with you questions. Don't be afraid of offending, if you have a question ask it because you are possibly entrusting the most important thing in your life to them. I would do a search on the web and they may be able to give you some questions to start you off with. I would definitely ask what are their standards for employees (I am pretty sure anyone licensed with the state has to conduct background checks on prospective employees, but you might ask to be sure). i would start looking now so you can work your son into it. I would also stress that even as young as he is watch for his reactions after spending time there. I had a bad experience with my first daycare. My son was 2 and he cried everyday when I left him and I thought it was just anxiety of me leaving. After seeing some of the sub standard care he was receiving I wished I had paid attention. At his second daycare, he probably only cried the first couple of days when I dropped him off and then he quit where with the first he was still crying after 6 months! Good luck and i hope you find a daycare you are comfortable with.

Hi T.,
I feel for you b/c I understand the anxiety. There is so much on the news about horrible things being done to children. I will say that first, ask God to guide you in this decision. Even if you aren't a religious person, still ask for his guidance. Next check out the dept. of family & child protective services (link below) for any daycares/home provider you are considering to see how many and what type of violations they have. I prefer daycares over home centers just b/c I figure there is less opportunity to be totally alone with the children. And for me, since I have boys, I choose a center that had only female employees. I also wanted a school without a pool, and one that only had field trips once they were older (2 or 3 y/o). Now my son is old enough for field trips so I take vacation time and volunteer to help watch the kids. I'm an extra pair of eyes which the teachers like, plus I can ensure my child is accounted for. Hope some of these suggestions help. Don't feel bad for being anxious. You are the parent and he depends on you guys to make the best decisions for him....:-)

http://www.dfps.state.tx.us/Child_Care/Search_Texas_Child...

I so understand your concern for your kids. I stayed home with my son till he was 18 mo old. We put him in a Church Childcare and thought he would be safe there. WIth all the things you hear today I checked and re checked the childcare providers and centers.

When I dropped him off he cry for a few but he adapted. He had fun and got good reports but when he was ready to start potty training they said they take him and they wouldn't. After 7 mo they asked if he talk he wouldn't say anything at school but at home he talk all the time.

Then we found out that he got in trouble for something they didn't see him do. They said it was on the security tape. I went to the Security Manager and he said that there was no one he was on camara cause only the exit doors are on camara not the play area. So the Director lied to us and they put him in Time Out for 2 1/2 Hours for a 2 year old. I have been told 1 minute for every age, and I would go so far to say 5 minutes
if he did something bad. Thats just to name a few, but after that I could never trust them and spent days worrying and crying.

I will never trust a childcare center again.

I now stay at home with my kids and have a home childcare.
I choose to teach care and love kids the way I hoped others were suppose to love my child.

Good luck and just because its a Large childcare center don't think things can't happen. Because it did with my son, he was just a number. I want more for them than in over crowded non caring centers. Why pay for others to not care about your child. I hope you find a safe place.

Hi,

I have never been a stay at home mom but was a little scared to leave my son at a day care at such a young age. As it turns out, my son loved day care! He never cried when I dropped him off and this made it so easy and truly put any fears to rest. Of course, I believe that the childs personality plays a huge role in how well they handle day care.

Another thing to keep in mind is a lot of day cares have web cams to where you can watch your child and day care workers online. I know kids r kids provides this service for free. Even better :) My first couple of months I watched him every day but as I felt more comfortable, I would rarely log on.

Check to make sure they are licensed faciltiy and make sure they have rules about the number of kids per room, depening on the age. I know in Texas the law states that for 3-4 year olds, it's 30 kids per teacher. I personally think that is high! However, some schools say 15 kids per teacher. Ask questions. Some cities provided you with information on day care centers violations. You can see who and what has happened at the school you would enroll your child in.

If you are concerned about your child being left in a hot van, ask what their policy is to make sure children aren't left behind. I'm not sure for all schools but the day care center I go to doesn't drive the kids unless it's to school and back.

Personally I've never been a fan of home day cares only because I think it's important for kids to be around the same age and I like the structure of day cares better.

Anyway, I hope this helps!

R.

Hi T.,
I have a story that might make you feel better. Similar to you, I stayed home with my son for the first 13 months of his life and when I was 4 months pregnant I was offered an exceptional consulting position that I could not turn down (my family could also benefit from the money). I was just terrified to put him into a daycare setting and furthermore, I secretly looked down on parents that “stuck” their kids in daycare. I also didn’t have a good experience during my childhood… I know that can make these time extremely difficult!

I shopped around and interview about 20 daycare facilities near our house and picked one. They are nationally accredited for age appropriate academics, have viewing rooms for the parents, the building is safe, clean, and well maintained. Their doors are secured with electronic keypads, and can be opened only with a passcode, the teachers are never (or very rarely) alone with the children and I can honestly say that I would trust any one of them to personally care for my children unattended. All of the teaches are wonderful and some even go to classes on their own time to learn things for the kids i.e. Spanish and sign language.

When we went for the trial day, Tyler played and had a wonderful time because I stayed in the class to observe the interaction and talk with the teachers. The first “real” day, he screamed and cried… it was awful, I felt like I was abandoning him. By the third day, I waited in the observation room until he calmed down (about 15 minutes) and he just started to play. Prior to daycare, my son would get a little anxious around crowds, especially at family gathering where everyone wanted to hold and talk to him, he would either cry or want to be held by my husband or me. Within a month of daycare, he became this outgoing, overly friendly, wave and say “Hi” to everyone child. He started remembering his “Friends” names, talked about his day at school and using 3 words together to talk (14 Months), singing ABC’s and could count to 10. by 15 months, he was using a big boy cup, remember to put it in a “safe zone” so he didn’t spill, could dish up his own dinner served family style and when he was done, liked to carry his plate to the trash and scrape it clean… all things he learned in daycare. It is almost like the pier pressure helps the learning process.

When I stopped working for 3 months in May to have our second son, we made the decision to let him stay in school for 2 days a week over the summer. Keep in mind that this was financially taxing… so we did it strictly for him. He can count to ten in sign language, knows all of his colors in English and Spanish, knows the complete alphabet and can actually count objects up to five and knows the result of taking away or adding a teddy bear (addition and subtraction).

Daycare actually helped our little boy to become more outgoing and enhanced his educational process. I hope this helps ease your mind. Please let me know if you would like more information on the center that he attends.

Camp Fire USA's Child Development Center
2700 Meacham Boulevard, Fort Worth
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http://www.firsttexascampfire.org/WorkFamily.htm

Good Luck!
E.

I would try to find a center or home that is liscenced by the state and I would also drop in un-announced A LOT! I know that day care is a scary thought...I myself am a work-at-home-mom so I don't have to put my girls in daycare. But, Good facilities do exist. My mom ran a home day care for years and those kids loved her (and us) like family...and the feeling was mutual! I don't know when you would have to start training, but hopefully you have enough time to really research your possibilities and maybe you could start by taking your son one day a week and see how that goes? Best of luck to you!
S.
____@____.com
www.stacybrazington.myarbonne.com

Remember to drop in when they aren't expecting you too! Check out the referrals on Mamasource for child care, because mom's that really go the extra mile seem to be drawn to this site and they are the best referrals!

I can certainly understand your anxiety, as I had a bad experience at daycare as a child, as well. I can only advise you to do your research amd visit the center multiple times, unannounced before making your decision and afterward, while your son is in their care.

I had a very positive experience with the Primrose Schools franchise, so you may wish to investigate them. Visit their website at www.primroseschools.com for more information.

Good luck to you!

god bless you, best wishes in your search

I understand your anxiety. I have my son in daycare and when interviewing daycares I specifically chose a large daycare center. I figured if my baby couldn't talk his protection is lots of eye such as a large group daycare. Lots of teachers, older kids and parents coming and going. On top of this I picked a daycare that has video cameras in each room that I can log into from work and watch. The center is also close to my work and I frequently pop in unexpectedly just to see how things are going.

Hi. I had some bad experiences with my first son while he was in daycare in Arlington. Because of this I am now a stay at home mom. My second child has never been in daycare. I decided to watch kids about 4 years ago because of all this. I too get paranoid watching the news and hearing about all these daycares. How can you accidently leave a child in a van???? This kind of thing frustrates me and I am really scared to trust many people even my own friends. Anyway, good luck with your search and I recommend Children's Courtyard. They are expensive. If you go with a home daycare- just make sure you interview. You can sometimes get a good feeling about someone watching how they are with their own children. Then again-the bad experience I had when my older son was that age- I thought the lady was really good. She lived in a huge nice house and was registered. It was very clean and the kids were very good. She had 16 years experience.

For all you moms out there looking into in home daycares. I think smaller is better! That is my opinion. If someone lives in an apartmetn or a small area then I think they will keep their eyes on the children better. Unless the person in the big house has a special room. This is only from my experience.

Good Luck!

N. B.
Mom Advice Central-http://www.mymommycentral.com

hi there T.,

you are definetly not alone when it comes to fear of finding great child care for you little one. i am a former elementary teacher and i've seen and heard about all types of bad child care experiences. bless your heart for what you went through as a child, i'm sure it's made you an even more protective parent (as it should have and would have to anybody). i am now doing licensed by state child care from my home. i only keep up to five children at any given time and am not a typical at home facility in any way (many people chose at home child care thinking it's "cheaper" this is not the case with the child care i provide). i currently have three chldren staying with me ages 4 monnths, 19 months, and 3 1/2 years. the children i keep all come from excellent families that check me out from top to bottom before choosing me to care for their angels (checked references, both parents came to meet, etc). i only take children whose parents are looking for high qualilty care and not just looking for inexpensive care (even though i do know for so many hard working parents the price is very important). the 19 month old would love to have a child you sons age to play with and i'd love to care for him. i currently have two spots available. if you would like more info please send me an email or just give me a call and i will send you my resume and other info. i do offer evening, weekend, and overnight care when prearranged and i would love to meet with you so that you could tour my home and ask me all of the many many q's you may have. i have lots of high quality references also. if you do go the large facility route, i recomend primrose schools, i have always heard and had great experiance with them in the past. they have excellent programs for the three's and fours age group, very developmentally appropriate!

god bless and best wishes,
C. white
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