Any Advice for a Mother Who Will Be Divorcing, with a Almost 2Yr Old.

My advice is tell the lawyer what you think, but remember that he's still your son's father and trying to control visitation based on your preferences - potentially denying his father his parental rights because you don't agree with him - may very well teach him some values you didn't expect to teach him. Ones that aren't necessarily any better than the ones you think your husband would teach him.

I have been in the same situation as yourself. A very controlling person, drinker, drugs, abusive, etc....
My Bottom line is, don't take it anymore!!!! Stand up for yourself and your son. As a mother, we all have to look out for the best interest and safety of our kids.

My advice to you is, when you go to the lawyers office, tell your lawyer about all of the concerns you have about your ex and the visitation. Your lawyer will make stipuations as it pertains to the visit. If your ex doesn't follow the stipulations, tell your lawyer......

I was also a SAHM, staying at home was no longer an option for me and the kids. I have 4 wonderful children and making sure they are supported is my number 1 goal. After working at a job, I decided that I didn't want to punch someone else's time clock. There were things that I was missing out on with my kids while I was at work. Things like school functions, the daycare was raising my kids, etc.

So, I invested some money and started my own business.. For any of you that would be interested in more info.. Please drop me an email.. I am always looking for more help with the business..

Your situation sounds very similar to mine (Wisconsin). I am a SAHM recently divorced. I have not worked in several years, but will start looking soon. I have a 5 and 2 year old. I also was very concernded about alcohol use while he had the kids. I had it written in the temporary order, that he could not use alcohol for 12 hours prior to receiving the children or during the visit. I was able to administer a breathalizer if I suspected his use and suspend that placement. I also had this written into the final divorce order. If you don't have this option, then it's your word against his. He signed them both in order to avoid a long, expensive family study. Many attorneys will tell you that if it is written in the order for him not to drink, then the same must be applied to you. This is not true.
This process eases my mind a bit, however, I really don't know what goes on over the weekend at his house. Just remember to get everything written in the order. If your attorney won't do it, then find another. My first attorney discouraged the "no use" language, so I found another who worded it exactly as I requested. I also set up the transportation schedule so that "receiving parent" transports, so that if he smelled of alcohol at the start of the visit, the kids were still at home, rather than me having to get them back in the car crying and confused and bring them home.
If you'd like to hear the exact language, drop me an e-mail and I will provide you more info.
Be strong and don't give up.

You are dealing with an alcholic. Be sure your attorney knows this. You probably can't stop visitation unless he shows up drunk then you can call the police and have them explain to him why he can't take a child in a car and drive drunk. However there is little you can do once he picks up the child. He will hopefully have the good sense not to drink and drive whith his own son in the car with him. You need to document his activity as much as you can now and in the future.
I would also advise you to call a local battered women's shelter or helpline. He is an emotional and verbal abuser and he has convinced you that this is all your fault. It's not. You usually do not have to be a resident at a shelter to receive advice they can tell you about your rights since they differ from state to state and sometimes county to county. Counseling would be a good idea so would a few Al Anon meetings, these are the meetings for family members of substance abusers.
Good luck sweetie ***** REMEMBER IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT*****

I'm not from Iowa but I say explain everything to your lawyer like you did here. Your lawyer will be the best in letting you know the laws there. Trust your gut.

I am not familiar with laws in Iowa, but just wanted to say hang in there, take care of yourself, and your son and try to stay focused on what is best for you both. You definitely want your own legal representation to make sure everything goes smoothly and it sounds like you are already addressing that.

I recommend finding a way to get in touch with other moms with young children dealing with divorce as well, the support will be essential.

Good luck.

Sorry I do not have any expert advice, but be true to yourself. Way to go for getting yourself and your son out of a negative relationship! I would see if their is any couseling available through a women's shelter for abused women/children. Your doctor may also be a good referrel souce. Good luck and take care!

I wish I had some great advice for you. I'm sorry you're going through this. I will offer prayer for you. I pray you will have the strength to keep going and not give up. It sounds like you are doing the right thing, even though it must be a lonely road. Rebuilding will be good for you, just don't be afraid to ask for help from good friends, family and church. If you don't have one, find one. God is the main source of strength and comfort for me. I would never have made it through my pain without Him. God bless you. Psalm 121