Any Ideas on How I Can Get My Husband to Listen to Me?

The no pets thing seems very very strange.

The rental market is glutted all over the country (although many rentals go on the market for summer, most go right back off again in the fall... the market is still awash).

We've rented all over the country. Pet friendly rentals are what we've done for over 30 years. Granted pitbulls and german shepards are hard to rent with (because most apts and housing management companies don't accept them), but I only know this in passing from reading the forms (No place we have ever rented allow pits, and many have a 60lb weight limit). Pet deposits (non refundable or partially refundable in ADDITION to the regular deposits of 1st & Last + Cleaning) are common/ the norm... and most states limit the max pet deposit to be around 2 months rent. Although the most we've ever paid is 1 months.

As far as happy mediums go... I would think that would be seeing if a friend or family member would be willing to care for 2 of them for a year.

I agree with you that children are not equal to pets. What is his take one renting vs buying? Maybe you can find a good house to buy instead of renting. Sometimes there are landlords that will allow you to rent. You will have a harder time renting with that many animals.
Good Luck!

I am confused. Is your husband working? Why is your house on the market? Are you trying to down-size given the economy? If you plan to stay put for 10+ years, buying a MUCH smaller house with a fenced yard might address both of your concerns. If that is truly not an option, do you have friends or family that might be willing to be "foster" humans to the pets until you get your house in order?

Since I don't know everything, here are some questions that might help (or not)>

Does your husband suspect that you aren't working hard at getting a job, any job for now so that you can keep the pets?

Does your husband suspect that you aren't calling individual homes for rent to see if they are dog lovers too. It could be convincing if you invited them over to see your home now to note the condition of the carpet and furniture.
Does he think that you don't like any of them, or just some of them, and he loves them all? Does he think that you refuse to give up some expenses that he finds less important than the dogs (like getting your hair or mails done weekly or buying clothes frequently or going to weekly movies or buying ready made meals?

Giving them up is hard for animal lovers. All these things could make him very stubborn about the issue without having to accuse you of these things.

I'd suggest: Get a quick summer job (YMCA summer counselor?), cut out all unnecessary expenses, ask him to help you save money by more grocery shopping and meal prep, cutting his expenses and unnecessary items (Starbucks? Fitness Clubs? Eating out and entertainment, clothing allowance) Bear the burden together.

I presume you both made the decision to adopt. Course, if he just brought the animals home to you, then still do your part but expect a lot more from him. Like getting an extra part time job.

If you can't afford them even when you have a good job, well, that's an issue. The family shouldn't suffer for years because of a bad decision. Show him the budget numbers and ask him for ideas on a long term way to afford the animals. IF he's unwilling to do that, you may need counseling. It can be really cheap through a counselor that goes on a sliding scale. Ask United Way for a referral and if you might quality.

Regarding renting, try a private rental house. If they will consider pets, you might try to convince them that they are good by inviting them to your home to see your carpet and furniture (and how it smells). If it is really good, you could try to either negotiate the pet deposit down or invite him for regular but scheduled checks at the rental house and that he can break the lease if he makes two regularly scheduled checks and you haven't fixed the problem. That shows confidence. Remember that those homes may have been their pride and joy and you should leave it every bit as good or better as when you rented it. They may have to return to live in it or sell it and may not have spare money to fix what you and your pets hurt or destroy. Odors are sooooooooo hard to get out.

I've rented my whole life (still am), and have had cats, dogs, pigs, etc. etc. etc., Are you sure you can't find a rental that will allow them? I've always found that if you seem like a good candidate, they will overlook the pets. Also, especially in the case of cats, you could maybe tell a little white lie and accidentally omit them from your application.

And I agree with the idea of inviting them to see your current home (assuming it's in good shape).

In response to Stephanie, below -- DON'T tell them right off the bat that you have pets! Let them meet you and see how wonderful you are first, THEN tell them about the 2 dogs. :)

While I do not have an answer for you, I wanted to let you know that despite the many people on here who are pushing you to keep the animals and keep looking, I, even as an avid animal lover, support your wanting to tone it down. I don't know you, and you might not have the luxury of time to "keep looking" and I agree the kids come first! The truth is, rent or not, animals or not, you have to do what you have to do to keep your sanity and your family intact. If the expense of four pets is stressing you out, GET RID OF THEM! It doesn't mean you don't or didn't love them, it just means that you can't give them the best care right now--'cause I gotta tell ya, if it came down to feeding my three children or my four pets, the pets would starve! And it sounds like it may come to that with a house on the market that you possibly cannot afford on your current income.

It is not an easy decision, and I don't know what to tell you about your hubby, but I did want to lend support to you in the sea of " your family will resent and hate you" 's. They will get over it if that is the decision you have to make for the welfare of your family.

And to those who talk about Dave Ramsey, I watch and follow him as well, and many times he has said that while he loves his dogs, they are not as important as his family, and he would get rid of them if he needed to for money purposes. He would tell you to get rid of them.....I tell you do what you need to do to survive.

Definitely try to check into private owners leasing out their residence, instead of rental agencies. Maybe even check into a lease/option. (A lease of private home with an option in your contract that later you can buy the property and the lease payments will apply to the principal). Almost all of the corporate rental system disallows pets over 20 lbs or more than one or two, MAX. But with a lease-option, you may find a seller who will agree to allow your animals, based on the hope that you will treat the home as your own as you might want to buy it soon.

We have one dog. A German Shepherd, very well trained, clean, a part of our family. One of us. We had an extremely difficult time finding a temporary place to live while we built our home a few years ago. Finally, we came across a place that was less than ideal, but that was being rented by a private owner, who had a family member that also had a GSD, whom they loved. They were willing to give us a shot. No one else would rent to us b/c the insurance companies for the properties wouldn't allow it.

If it is going to be a short term plan, then perhaps finding family to "farm out" some of the animals is an option.

It is a tough place to be. Pets are some of the biggest victims of the current economic climate.

C. you are a wise woman... and my husband would be thrilled to hear your thoughts! I do not have an animal lover at home, so he would be happy to shed any animal baggage, I however would not. Though, with all my love for pets I can still understand exactly where you are coming from, you are not asking too much. I havnt read other responses, so I apologize if this is redundant. Have you heard of Dame Ramsey - Financial Peace University? He has a really great course - and a plan to get out of debt, we are testimoies of his philosophy "Live like no-one else you so you can Live like no-one else". That means cutting back, renting and getting rid of any extra costs you can. You are on the right track sounds like - just need to get the husband on board. It would be good if the great idea of renting or whatever it (the idea) may be - is "his" idea. If he or you havnt heard of Dave Ramsey i would suggest you look into it... and then maybe slide some paperwork in front of your husband or have someone (male) he trusts sorta introduce him to the idea... maybe it would grow on him and he would see the value. Do you have any friends or family that would be willing to keep a pet or two or three for a short time... until you are in a better financial place? Maybe that could be a short term compromise? It sounds like you are thinking very level headed and clearly... more people need to be willing to make short term sacrifices for long term financial freedom... way to go girl. Also, I was thinking surely there was some apt place that would take rentals with pets... maybe with a bigger deposit or something tho... perhaps keep looking, expand your search radius slightly... offer to pay a bigger deposit? idk
Maybe this will help some... I sure hope so. Best wishes... and Many Blessings.
A.

We rent and have pets. We did not look at apartments, only houses. Also we have a renters insurance policy that covers any liability incurred (i.e. dog bites) by our pets. Now, this may or may not be available on your renter's insurance policy depending on the type of dogs you have. If you have pit bulls or rottweilers, they may not be covered. A friend of mine has a Rott mix, and she was able to get her dog certified as a therapy dog - and because of that many LLs were fine with this dog where they wouldn't have been otherwise. Therapy dogs have passed tests to be fine with children, the elderly, wheelchairs, sudden movements, etc - basically they are not a bite risk.

Also, please be aware that taking your dogs to the pound is an almost certain death sentence for them, especially during the summer when literally hundreds of unwanted pets are dropped off every week. In our local shelter, they get over 75 cats PER DAY. They adopt out an average of 6 per day, most of them kittens. You can do the math from there...

I think you can find a happy medium here - look for a house where the LL will let you have your pets. Maybe you have to offer to put down a little extra deposit, but that's not the end of the world. I think forcing your husband to get rid of his dogs is not entirely reasonable unless you've exhausted every other possible alternative first. He will not ever forget it, and it will cause a rift between you. It doesn't sound like you need that kind of stress in your life with everything else that is going on! Try to compromise on this if you can.

what luxuries do you have? ex cable, internet, cell phone's (with home phone). sit down one night and go over all the bills and maybe chose a medium like 2 of the animals, or 2 luxeries.. of course i can't lie, i would get rid of a lot before my dogs, i would pawn off all my movies, and even let a car get repo'd (as long as i had another working car) if i had to before my dogs....animals can be like kids, but like you, they can be replaced just not easy to do.

I didn't read the responses so sorry if I repeat. My husband and I are renting right now until we can move into our new house and when I was looking I was able to find townhouses and single family homes to rent that accepted pets. Some have breed restrictions and some places, mostly apartments, only allow small dogs and cats. Rarely have I seen a place that doesn't allow pets, of course, I am in a different city. I know you said you don't want to buy right now because of finances, but what about buying a townhouse instead of renting or buying a single family? I know around here, when you buy a townhouse, the inside is your responsibility, but the outside of the house itself and the grounds are taken care of by the complex. Of course, there might be an HOA fee attached. I would look into renting a house or townhouse so you can keep your pets if buying is truly not an option. I'm not preaching to you, but if you do decide to get rid of your pets, PLEASE don't just choose anyone. Please research people and give to a good home. Sorry, I don't mean to imply that you are that type of person, because I am sure you are not, I just feel that animals deserve love and respect too. Good luck to you and God Bless.

The funny thing is I am in the exact same situation as you...I have 2 cats 2 dogs and they are apart of the family...and we have been trying to find someone to rent to us for months now. Our dogs are crated and house trained, and they still don't care. We are torn as we do not want to give them up , but we are trying to look at whats best for the family. It's hard :-( The best way is to try to find a private renter with property that doesn't mind animals. The first thing I mention when calling is " We have pets, will that be an issue?" and they'll tell you right off the bat yes or no. Some people will even ask for a small deposit in case of pet damage. Good luck, I am still looking too.

Go to your local Humane Society.. they often have a bulletin board.... and rental places listed that will take pets.
I have seen that at our local Humane Society.
Or go there and ask them... they probably know of places...

You nor he is "wrong"... it is just differing 'emotions' about it and priorities.
Or you can try placing the animals with friends/relatives... whom you know. And thus, your Hubby may feel more comfortable that way, giving them up? And he can see them?
And yes, pets are expensive.

good luck,
Susan

Pets are nearly always negitioable. Have the rental agent check with the homeowner and see if any kind of arrangement will make them comfortable such as higher deposit that is partially refundable to cover cleaning costs and potential damage. There will always be those owners that say no, usually because of hardwood floors and large dogs or people who dislike the potential of cat odors but it doesn't hurt to enquire. Many rental agents and property management companies post their own pet policies when owners might be willing to compromise just to get a tenant in. My mother owns two rental properties and while her listing says no pets because it's easier to deal with she is an animal lover and anytime a tenant has requested to bring their pets she has always worked out a deposit she is comfortable with to secure any potential damage. Don't force your husband or kids to part with the family pets, they will resent you. Unless of course maybe a grandparent or aunt/uncle would be willing to be foster/adoptive parents. Perhaps that is a compromise you can all agree on if it is possible. Or there is always the approach I have taken when in tight spot...just don't admit to ALL the pets. Bottom line unless you have destructive cats who pee on carpet and will leave an odor the landlord nor the property manager is ever going to be cruising by without 24 hours notice or if there is something seriously broken. You could just have "2" animals like say 1 cat and 1 dog, or 2 dogs and no cats, or 2 dogs and 1 cat. It may be a shade dishonest but you will still be paying a deposit and if you stay on top of taking care of the property, don't cause any damage, disturb the neighbors with excessivly barking dogs left outside, and pay your rent on time then it's a case of no harm no foul ya know... Just a thought.

I'm just wondering who's doing the house budgeting. Sometimes men don't see it because we do the addition and subtraction, even though they give the dough. Maybe if he's involved (more than just looking) at the monthly budget, he may start to realize things, and even come up with solutions where he can cut, where he can't, and vice versa with you.

It's not going to be easy. In fact I'm still trying with my husband. I can't offer much advice, because I'm almost in the same rut...financially. But I do support your decision. Giving your animals doesn't mean leaving them astray. You can try neighbors, close friends, officemates, your kid's friends family, basically a proper place to stay for them. Off course this takes another effort.

My friends were in the same situation. She lost her job and they had to go into foreclosure on their house. So sad. It's happening a lot here.
Anyway, they had the worst time finding a place for their animals. Neither of them would give them up. Well, that's not true, they considered putting the cat to sleep so they could keep their dogs when it was the dogs that were keeping them from finding a rental. It's upsetting to them, but in all truth, their dogs are naughty. One far worse than the other. She has chewed cabinets, every window screen, every window blind. They swear they have good animals, but the truth is....some landlords don't want to find out the hard way.
Some are willing to rent if you can come up with a huge pet deposit that you won't get back if there is any evidence of piddling or damage.
They are literally living in an RV in rented space because it's the only place they could have their dogs.
Dogs are pets and part of the family and these things happen, but they couldn't find anywhere to live with their dogs. Going through a foreclosure, they weren't in any position to buy another house.
They live in a trailer with two big dogs and I don't know how in the world they haven't gone insane. But, they were agreed....the dogs could not and would not go.
The most well behaved one, they could sacrifice. The cat.
Anyway, I don't know what the answers are, but you'll have to figure out something. If you can buy another smaller house, that would be great. If not, maybe you know someone who can foster your animals for a while. I live where people have barns and farms and they will take well behaved animals so at least you know they are happy.
This is a tough one and I hope you get some great responses.

I am in agreement with a lot of the responders do not get rid of your animals. Your family could resent you later. There are other ways to pay off dept and to save when finances are tight. Like others have said go over your expenses and see what expenses are a necessity and see what is not and get rid of those. If need be sell your cars and get good used cars that you can afford. I would also look into Dave Ramsey's books and check him out on-line his website has a huge amount of info that have helped millions get out of dept with little money. The other website I would look at is the grocery shrink she is a stay at home mom that has come up with an e-book helping you to get your grocery bill down really low. Her and her husband have been on one or no incomes before and have managed to get out of dept and to say and to survive so I would definately look into her site as well. I wish you peace through this stressful time.

My personal opinion is that if you are able to buy, do it. Now is a good time as prices are still low.
Renting is just money out the window. You have nothing to show for it.

A monthly mortgage payment is most of the time going to be much cheaper than a monthly rent payment, and the money is going into something that is yours to keep. Put those savings (the difference between rent and mortgage payments) into an account to be used only for home repair and upkeep.

Take the time to look awhile before you buy, and you should be able to find something that won't require a lot of expensive upkeep. Not everything affordable is a fixer-upper.

I have one daughter and another baby on the way. If it came down to it, I would do EVERYTHING in the world possible before giving up my dogs. I would see if any relatives would "watch" the animals until we can get back on our feet. I would do extensive research on the internet for rental properties that accept animals.

There's no happy medium. I COMPLETELY understand where your husband is coming from. But in reality, he really needs to bust his butt and try to find a rental property that accepts animals. What about downsizing to a smaller house? If I was trying to find a place that accepted animals and you made a comment to me that animals could be replaced, I would probably have a freaking heart attack! Just telling the truth. I love my dogs so much. They sleep in our room every night and give us unconditional love. Some people think of animals as part of the family. Other's think of them as just property. Your husband thinks of his pets as part of the family. Having him get rid of his animals will probably result in divorce. I sure the heck would divorce my husband, but I don't have to worry about it. He loves the animals more than I do! :)

Talk to your husband about helping you out looking for a rental property that accepts animals or a smaller house. Talk to your friends and family about helping you find another place. Place an ad in your local paper that you are looking to rent a place that accepts animals. Go on Craiglist for rental property. Exhaust all avenues. I've had friends that have rented with animals. They usually have to place a deposit per animal (like $100). Trust me. There are places out there. You just have to be persistent and look. Your hubby needs to look to instead of just putting his foot down saying he won't give up his animals.

Best of Luck.

I would almost bet your husbands real motivation is that he wants to own property. Guys are like that. They can't stand the idea of not being in charge. Saying he wants the freedom to have pets is his way of saying that.

If you really want to get out of debt, there are other ways to save money. I'm with your husband. I wouldn't want to give up my pets and become a renter again for anything.

I think you are being unreasonable. You shouldn't have gotten pets if you can't keep them.

That is a rotten situation! I don't think your husband is being unreasonable. We have two kids, a cat, and a goldfish. I have had my fish for almost six years and the few times I thought he was sick (turned out to be Ick) I was a wreck. We are devoted parents, but our animals are part of our family and I cannot imagine losing them in any way. It is like a death in the family for some people. :( Do you have any family members or friends who might consider temporarily caring for your pets if you keep looking for a pet-friendly rental? Have you given your information to potential landlords so they know your animals are well-cared for, well-behaved, and your home has not suffered damage from them? Some might say no pets but be willing to discuss them if you have good references. I also hope that when you say that you want to rent and you want to have time to pay off debt and car loans (which are both excellent goals and I am right there with you!) that your husband is also wanting those things, too. If you do not have the same financial goals, you are not going to be able to make decisions.

Anyway, that might not be what you wanted to hear, but I don't think your husband sees his position as your pets over your family. Ideally, the two should not be separated. Unless he is suggesting he get his own apartment that allows animals and you and the kids find another one, he is just trying to keep your family (which includes your pets) together. Good luck on this one. Hopefully you have enough time to find a pet-friendly rental. Shame on landlords in your area for not liking animals! :(

I agree that kids come way before pets. However, my husband is a HUGE animal lover. Our dog is worse than Marley (Marley & Me) and he still loves her and would never get rid of her. I think there are a lot of men out there that are animal lovers. Your husband probably thinks of your pets as part of the family (which they are). I am sure there is a house or some place that you can rent where the landlords will allow them. You just have to keep looking. Another thing that could be going on with your husband--he probably would rather keep the house or buy another one as opposed to renting. With the rates on rentals these days, you're better off downsizing to a smaller home and owning it instead of renting. The rental costs I've seen are very comparable to a mortgage payment. At least this way you'll make money in the end instead of pouring hundreds of dollars into monthly rent payments and having nothing to show for it at the end of your lease. Good luck with whatever you guys decide!

Why don't you look into a townhouse to rent or a duplex. I do know that some of them will allow pets. Then your husband can have his pets with a yard to boot. Good luck and God Bless.