I found a parenting book that I really like. Problem is DH won't even consider looking at it let alone read it. We have different parenting styles and we've both agreed we need to try a new approach...and be on the same page. I think this is a great resource, but he wants nothing to do with actually looking at it. He asked me to just tell him the key points, but that has always fallen on deaf ears in the past. I also think it would be beneficial for him to read all of it, not just the "what to do parts." I think it would be helpful to both of us to know the reasons WHY this could work and and how our current actions may not be good for our kids (self-esteem, encouraging more nagative behavior, etc.) I am very open to reading about different approaches and ways to make these years easier on all of us, but my husband just refuses to read any information. I'm not at all saying it's this approach or nothing, I'd just like him to be informed on this so we can decide together if this approach is a good fit for us.
Any thoughts???
Thanks so much for all your suggestions!
Sounds really silly, but when I want my husband to read something, I just leave it in the bathroom "accidentally". Sometimes I leave a bookmark in there at a section I think is important for him. He thinks that's where I left off in the book. Eventually, he picks it up when he needs some reading material in there!
You need to build him up. Tell him he's a great Dad and that you respect his opinion. Tell him you want to work as a team. To do so you have to find a parenting technique that will suit both of you to a degree with perhaps a little bit of compromise in order to meet in the middle so that you can parent in harmony. Tell him you will read any suggestions he come up with and you know that you consider your children very important and that he will read what you suggest. As your children get older it is so so important that the both of you are on the same page. Trust me you need to take care of this. If you don't you will be fighting and resenting each other when those kids start grade school.
Tracy,
Instead of "pushing" the book on your husband what if you sent him an e-mail or "summary" of what you feel is important for him to know? I know this may sound silly, but maybe he's just tired after work and doesn't want to HAVE to READ?
Funny as it sounds, my DH and I have some great conversations or openings to conversations over IM or e-mail. It lets him process the information in small doses at his convenience.
Personally, I would make it like, "Since _____ has been happening, I think we need to have a new joint approach to these issues. Since you asked, I have created a list of the key points I think we need to use. I would appreciate your support in making these changes happen.
1)This is the new approach. And here's why."
Then, if and when one of the issues you've addressed comes up and he "falls back into his old ways" or doesn't use the new approach/techniques just tell him he needs to go review. That gets you out of the nagging/telling him what to do role. HE ASKED FOR THIS - SO GIVE IT TO HIM. And then tell him to GO BACK AND READ IT every time he forgets.
That's my 2 cents. I hope you find it helpful.
S
Same problem I have with my husband. My solution was I went for the 1-2-3 magic approach to try out and bought the husband the DVDs. My husband won't read, but will watch TV until he turns into a zombie. If you don't have your heart set on any particular method, try this one. Or see if yours has audio books or DVDs also. This method seems to be working for us right now.
There is a parenting philosophy called "Parenting with Love & Logic" that has many easy- and fun-to-read books, videos and tapes/CDs you can purchase at www.loveandlogic.com. My husband listens to the tapes during his commute to and from work. Also, it helps that the men who founded this approach (Foster Cline and Jim Fay) use a lot of humor and examples fathers can relate to.
There are a lot of hospitals that have seminars on different subjects & parenting is usually one of them, eg. Copley or Provena. I suggest finding out the schedule & just sign up for it & take him along. Men & books dont mix so why upset yourself. Another suggestion is to go Super Nanny style, get a poster board & write out a list of ten things that the kids do that are naughty & write the parents discipline technique next to it. Maybe make a couple boards & keep them throughout the house so he cant escape it.
I've been really lucky because my awesome husband is currently reading "The expectant father" and reads pages in Weisbluth's book that I tab for him. Maybe you can try saying the ped said he should read it too. Good luck!
Replace the cover with a picture of football players? LOL!
Actually I've found that some men just don't like reading that type of book. I've had better luck with couple's classes. They're great because they encourage you to talk about things with your hubby with an instructor present. Plus, there are other men there so your hubby won't feel like he's doing something "girlie" (for some reason men seem to think parenting books are for women only!)
Otherwise I would respect that he doesn't want to read the book and you could sit down with him and discuss the key points, using the book as a reference. You can drag a horse to water...but you can't make him drink!
Just be careful with parenting books. Sometimes they get you thinking that their technique is the *only* way when sometimes the best thing is to go with your gut. You KNOW what's best for your child!
Good luck!
LOL at some of the responses - I like Jen's idea - leave it in the bathroom. You can also just lead by example trying out what you're reading and maybe he'll follow. It is so important to be on the same page - kids totally know when you're not and will take advantage of it! Hopefully he'll see the positive in what you like and are demonstrating and see the bennefit FOR HIM (key) in trying out the techniques...good luck!
