Any of Your Husbands Change After the Birth of Your Child?

My hubby became much more of a nervous ninny. I've labeled him the helicopter husband because he is always hovering over me saying "be careful." At first I took this personally, but learned to laught it off. I'd rather have a nervous ninny than a disconnected daddy.

As for me? Pretty much the same.

As a couple, we definitely need more "we" time but who doesn't?

My husband is much more stressed when they're little. He gets better as they get older. It's a good thing I don't give up before then.

I believe my husband changed for the better. It did take him awhile to want to take our son anywhere on his own, but he has always helped when he can. He also has always been good about helping with cleaning, cooking and dishes.

Actually, at first he didn't change a bit - and that was the problem! He continued to live like he was child-free and left me holding the bag a lot. Our marriage took a huge hit because of that. As our son got older he slowly began to act like a father. I think that is normal for many men.

Absolutely, he changed for the better!
Not that he was a bad guy when I married him ;)
He really wanted to be a father which I think makes a big difference. He was 33 when we had our first and he had been building his business for about 5 years prior to that, so he was fairly secure and settled.
He just became more of a homebody (not always a good thing lol!) and more concerned about saving money and taking care of his family.
We have never lost sight of ourselves as a COUPLE. That's the biggest mistake I see couples make when they start having families, and it's really sad. Yes, being a mom may be my top priority but it's not my only one. We make time to take care of ourselves and each other as well.
What helps? Lots of laughing and lots of sex!

It's inevitable. Didn't you change? I am accepting of the evolution in our marriage knowing that we are evolving and will continue to evolve throughout our life together. This is a stage and a phase until we move on to the the next phase, and the next, and the next. I've learned to love new things about him, continue to keep lines of communication open, try to understand how the changes in me and the dynamics of our life together affect my spouse. He says he misses me alot. Misses the times when it was just us. I know what he means but we always talk about the time when our house is quiet and our children are older--it will be just us and kind of a sweet "reunion". I really relish and appreciate our new life because it means that we have new things to discover about each other--just when you thought you knew everything there was to know!

Yes, he loved me before but was in absolute awe of me after.....good change :)

He became less nice because he knew after having a child, I would probally not ever divorce him.
He denies it, but I am 100% convinced.

The birth of a child is a major event. Everyone involved, including grandparents, will of necessity make some changes. I'm thinking you must have a more complicated question in there somewhere.

What helped would depend on what change you're concerned about.

I think everyone changes after children. If people don't change, I wonder what's wrong with them!! Becoming parents, requires change. I actually think people set themselves up for failure, if they hope or expect everything will be the same after children. It just can't be.

As for us, I believe we both changed for the better.

We both changed. Not for the better.
I am less patient and forgiving with him (willing to look the other way when he does something really immature or annoying).
He became more critical of me and expecting me to take on more of a "traditional" wife role... not something I was raised to believe in or am willing to do.
It's been rocky.
Lowering my expectations has helped a bit.

I agree with Dragonfly. I think we both changed for the better. We're much less selfish than before (not that we were really selfish people, but we think of others more now that we're parents). My husband is an amazing father, and that has made me look at him differently. He is an excellent husband as well. It WAS difficult when the kids were younger, simply because we were so tired all the time, and we had so little time alone, but we got through it together.

Now the boys are 7 and 14, and our marriage is stronger than it has ever been, and it is constantly evolving, like Frometoz said. I love where we are now, and look forward to where we're headed. :)

Well mine changed when he started working 9-5 instead of 12-15 hr night shifts 2days on and 3 days off type schedule. He use to help w/ the laundry and keeping the house picked up. Well not anymore unless he is having company over. Trying to keep up with our 5,4,1, and 2 mo old. This house is far from spotless. If he complains something isn't done then I tell him to do it himself. But I still love him. :)

I think my husband changed a little for the better with ME and the birth of OUR daughter, compared to when he was married before and had his sons with his first wife. But he was a lot younger than too, and older and more mature now, so maybe it was more about that than the birth of a child. And the fact that he had been through once, then twice, already.

We've both changed and our marriage changed. It no longer centers on us, but on our family. We had to change. Sometimes we fail and sometimes we succeed. We work hard to keep what we have and we work hard to make sure we give our children a good life (and I'm not talking about "things").

There are times when he drives me crazy and I do the same for him! :) BUT, he is a damn good father. For someone who wasn't given the time of day by his own father for most of his life and who has a mother who leaves much to be desired, he does a wonderful job with our kids.

It helps me to remember that we're in this together and when I need help, I need to ask because if I wait for him to read my mind or just know that something needs to be done, it will never happen. Often as women, we expect our husbands to "just know" the same things we know and the truth is, they need some reminders and a little bit of nagging sometimes to fully understand the needs we have. It also helps to be appreciative of the help and efforts, no matter how small. If you constantly tell a man that he cannot do something as good as you can or if you never say thanks, he will eventually stop trying altogether.

My husband changed tremendously after the birth of our twins. We had spent nearly all our time together before, but he stayed at home while I was in the hospital with them and spent a tremendous amount of time playing guitar with his bachelor buddies the first couple of years. When they were about 2 he started to bond closer to all of us. They could ask him to do things with them at that age, and that made all the difference. Our marriage has had it's ups and downs , and he had 2 affairs a few years ago. One was emotional and one was more. We got back together and he is more committed and hard working than ever. Sometimes letting go of pride and saving the marriage is the right thing.. I joined a couple of women's groups which helped a lot. One group is Moms of Preschoolers or MOPS. They offer scholarships for those who can't pay the small fee to join and the $5 a meeting. They offer childcare and coffee and food. It's a great way for moms to nourish themselves, especially mentally and emotionally. They have great speakers during part of the meeting. It's an awesome group for moms.

Mine changed a little after the birth of our 2nd. Then more so after the passing of his mother. After our 2nd was born, we didn't go on a "date night" for months - it took me a loooong time to put 2 & 2 together, but once we found a sitter and started doing weekly date nights, things got muuuuch better.

Now that we've moved, it's been almost a year since we've had a date night and lo and behold, things are not so great around here. So I need to take my own advice and find another great sitter so we can start reconnecting our marriage!