Anyone Else Irritated by This Question: "Is She a Good Baby?"

I always thought easy or hard. It's just a general question. Sort of like when you get married and everyone asks you "hows the married life?" I don't mean this to be rude, but I tend to save my irritation for bigger things. Just me though.
Next time tell whoever asks you, yes...he never changes his own diapers, he vomits on you, all he does is drink, and stay up all night....lol, at least it might make YOU laugh. =)

Never heard anyone say she/ he is a bad baby. If I ask if the baby is good I just mean is the baby easy?
Personally, I don't like it when people refer to babies as "it" :-)

I think you are overreacting a little. Its just one of those questionst that people like to ask. My son was not a "good baby". I wish he was, aka, content to be held by everyone, eats and sleeps well, ect. My son only wanted me to hold him, only wanted to breastfed, and slept poorly for the first few months. So when people asked me, I said "No, he's not". I know they wanted me to say yes, I did too. But that was the way it was. It's not their fault, its no one's fault. That was just the way it was!

My baby threw wild parties and took my car for joyrides.

Bad baby. Bad, bad baby!

I think you are putting way too much thought into this.

I dont think its an irritating question, it has been around forever. It's a conversation starter along with allowing you to vent as a new mom about your baby. "Well right now she's kind of a bad baby, not letting me get much sleep" OR "Right now she's a wonderful baby, doesnt cry much and lets me rest".
It's really all about the baby being very demanding or not too demanding.
Being offended by such a benign question is being a tad sensitive.
It's how moms of all ages begin a conversation with you.... HOW you ANSWER is what is more important than how the question is asked.

What they are meaning is "Is everything ok with the baby?" Are you going through colic, or do you have reflux, are you able to get a little sleep yourself, are they eating ok, etc. This question never has bothered me and it's actually one that I use quite frequently myself.

Ut oh, I didn't realize I was annoying people. I have asked that a lot thinking that new moms ( I was once) are people who love their babies, like to share about their babies and sometimes mom is exhausted. Usually people seem to like it that I ask that. I now ask forgiveness.

Are you PMSing today, lol? I have asked this question myself and you and everyone else know we just mean, does baby sleep good or not good, doeas baby eat well, does baby cry alot? Don't be so sensitive!!

I don't think people mean it as a "label".
It's sad but true, some babies are easier than others.
It might be nicer if it was worded differrently. Maybe not.
I think it's just a way of asking how things are going with the baby.
It's not a good vs. evil thing.

That's just my opinion.

I just think it gives people some kind of conversation piece. It's kinda like saying, "How is it going today?" Most of the time they don't want people to stop and have a long conversation but they just want to show they care. I used to replay that all of my babies are good babies.

Yup. I don't like labels on kids..

Yes, that irritates me. My son was about 10 months and we were at a playspace in the mall. He was happily sitting and watching the other children run past him. A mother asked me how old he was and then said, "
Is he naughty?" I was stunned - how can a 10-month-old possibly be naughty? A 3 or 4 year old can be naughty (by making poor choices) but a baby?! Good grief!

I get annoyed by questions like that too. When my daughter was little, and people would ask me if she was a good baby, I would reply, "Yes, if you don't count her smoking cigars, drinking tequila, and taking the car without permission."

my little girl was very well behavied for me and i think if we have another it will be the opposite as she slept all night well from 9pm to 5am from a week old every single night unless she was sick

I think 'good babies' doesn't typically mean the alternative is a 'bad baby'.

There is such a thing as difficult and easy babies. Really, it's just the semantics. Difficult babies are usually more high needs, colicky, constant screamers, very poor sleep habits, difficulty with feeding, ultra sensitive, often with medical problems.... It can be very difficult and one with an 'easy' baby could never possibly understand that.

Try not to be offended, it's just a question in which lots of mothers talk about the needs of their infants and give each other advice or support..

"Is she a good baby"
Is just another way of asking easy or hard baby.
I'm not sure why anyone would get bent out of shape over it.
My first was a bad baby. HIGH HIGH HIGH needs.
My second was a good baby, laid back .

a good baby is one who is amiable ... does not cry unless it is needed, allows everyone to hold him/her when ever, sleeps when he/she is supposed to and allows mommy to have a great experiece being mommy ... you know those mommys who have the post baby glow b/c they actually sleep for 4hrs at a time before nursing and baby does not fuss or have Cholic blah blah blah ... my kid was satan compared to what a "good baby" is supposed to be! And if ppl asked that question I just laughed and said he is good enough for me!

I think what they really are asking is 'is she an easy baby' ? And yes it's annoying, but not nearly as annoying as the dumb things people say when you are pregnant.

This annoys me too. From birth, babies are being judged. It's sad, and selfish really, because "good" babies are the ones that are easiest to take care of.

And, of course "good" implies the alternative is "bad". They're opposites by definition.

Ha! Yeah....I agree labeling babies as 'good' or 'bad' is odd. I get what people intend in terms of meaning 'not fussy' or 'fussy' (?) maybe, but all babies are good in my view! Luckily most people I know ask instead 'does he let you sleep?'. Less of a label and more of a question about demeanor. Labels are harmless depending on who is labeled and for what, or labels can be very damaging. If a child were old enough to hear 'bad' in reference to them, then such a label is damaging. Also, if a mother has a fussy baby and views the baby as 'bad', then her interactions might be subconsciously influenced and she might have a self fulfilling prophecy...baby might feel 'bad' and cry a lot due to the tension more than any amount of naturally occurring fussiness.

I ramble! But yes, labels annoy me but as long as I am aware of them as a mama they have as little power as I determine (to the best of my ability!). If someone asks me if my son is a good baby I just say politely with a smile "but of course he's a good baby!"

I guess what they should really ask is "Is he/she an easy baby to care for?" The question doesn't bother me, but that's because I have a good baby.

I understand bc one of our 2 children was a hard hard baby....he just had a hard time with "colic", gas, teething, sleeping, and always needed to be held. I was so sleep deprived from getting up 6-8 times a night for 2 years that I have little memory of those years. At one point I wondered if he would ever in his life wake up happy instead of crying like the world was ending or he was in pain. Poor little guy! Our other child was born with a more easy temperament and has been a much happier baby. (I still would never have labeled him as "bad"!!!)

I guess I never really thought about it. A baby is a baby. Each one is different. I guess you would have to ask them....well are you a good grandma, aunt, uncle, wife, husband. I believe we are human, and at such a young age, those qualities of good and bad do not exist in babies, they are just babies!

yes!!!!! i have a 12 month old and i was always upset by this question because i felt that if i said anything other than yes she is a wonderful baby, i would be looked upon as a bad mom. i think this put labels on children as well as parents and sets the tone for future uncertainty and for a mother to question her ability to parent

I think people just mean if the baby's personality is calm and easy to take care of versus strong willed kids who fuss alot more than the usual, etc.

My answer to you is this...I have ONE kid....I learned my lesson. Those little people are demanding. "are y'all having another?"...NNNOOOO!!!
ALL babies are "good"...they just happen to be annoying all in the same sentence.
If I could have another baby and skip the first year...well, I might be Michelle Duggar.
My Hubby will be completing his THIRD surgery in the past 6 months....snippy, snippy!!! According to him, either he gets snipped or be VERY unhappy.
The choice IS his really....

Love ya L!!!

LOL, I remember when I posted the question why do people keep saying this about my daughter and still say as recent as today...

She's a happy baby, she's so happy, etc..

and I thought it was odd to always hear it and responders on this board chewed me out but they didn't understand ***I was wondering why people always say that. Like, what are they used to seeing in a baby. ***

So to answer your question, yes, it can be annoying and most times I just smile myself and move on.

Yes, this always irritated the heck out of me. (I have 4 kids.) I'd usually respond using different wording that told them what they wanted to know - "She's a very happy baby" (usually what they mean by "good") or, "She definitely likes things her way" (for my child that did cry a lot.) Don't let it get to you! :)

I have never heard anyone say that a baby was a bad baby whether or not it slept well, spit up, or cry. I think mostly they are just asking if the baby sleeps well at night or if it has its days and night mixed up. Newborns general have one 4 hour sleep with the rest being about 2 hours. Basically I think they want to know if that 4 hour sleep is during the night or during the day. Second I think they are asking if the baby is needy or colicky.

I myself often ask if the baby has its biggest sleep time at night or is it keeping mom up all night. I've never got the idea that anyone was annoyed by the question. I have never asked if a baby was a good baby or not. They are all good. Having their days and nights mixed up or having colic is not the babies fault and they have no control over and really mom doesn't either.

I have 3 children and attend a church of about 2000 and have been asked all kinds of strange questions about my babies. I see no need to become offended. Basically they just want to admire the baby and don't really know what to say so they ask the question most people ask with no desire really to know the answer. Its just awkward chatter.

I think, honestly, you're being a little unreasonable--though I do kind of get what you are saying.

I think that if you are suggesting that when people ask if a baby is a good baby they are saying the baby doesn't cry, sleeps well, etc. and that if a baby does those things then he/she is not as "sweet" or "special".

I am the first to say that my son was a difficult and delightful baby. He had a smile like a thousand watt bulb and colic. I'm comfortable with that, I've earned my grey hairs and wrinkles in the two years since he was born I've probably aged three times that. The important thing is that I know and always express that there is value to being placid and there is value to being spirited. I always try to put it in a positive light, because the truth is there is nothing I'd rather do in my life than be his mommy. If our next child doesn't run me through the ringer, I'll hardly know what to do with myself!

I always say "yes!! the best baby ever"!! :D

Sorry, I am laughing because it is definitely among 'dumb' things people say when you have a baby. Instead of being irritated just realize that people don't know what to say and they feel like they should say something. My current question that amuses me is "How did your daughter get her red hair?" I mean, really, doesn't anyone have any education in genetics? I had one person actually say, do you dye your hair brown? (Because I am not a redhead).

I was super irritated by this comment too. Got it all the time--made me want to punch them! J/K--But yes-- I don't like to label my children good or bad--- I love them just as they are and to say someone has a "bad baby" because they have reflux or colic etc. is irritating!

Hi mom-

I HATE the 'good/bad' reference. For me...it mostly came from being preggers with twins...and one twin had some cardiac anomolies. Because it was twins...they kept referring to megan (the 'typical' twin) as the "GOOD" twin...and shannon as the twin with issues...It was as tho shannon...by virtue of her medical concerns was bad...

I have never been a fan of the 'good/bad' thing...but that sealed it for me!!

Take Care
Michele/cat

Lol, I thought it was a funny question when my kids were babies. I think when people refer to a "good" baby, they mean ones that sleep well at night and don't cry much. However, I can't say that little babies who cry and wake up often at night are "bad" - they are doing what babies are supposed to do, they are normal babies. Personally, I feel that all babies are good babies :) A new baby who does not cry much and sleep through the night is not showing good behavior, it's not something they are choosing to do. I understand your irritation.

Labeling can become a huge problem in child-rearing, and so I can appreciate your concern and annoyance. A parent's label of 'good' tends to elicit warmer, more connected behavior of parent toward baby, and 'bad' tends to increase the parent's tension in body and voice. These are subtle, but the baby picks up everything on a subtle, physical level in her first few months. So the first few bricks in the foundation can be laid a bit crooked, and nothing added in the coming years will be quite a strong.

You can't really educate well-meaning people about this, though, other than to happily say something like, "She's just perfectly herself, thank you." If you get snippy, they might assume she's a 'bad' baby who's not allowing you to sleep at night or is fussy all the time. And even if one or both of those is true, it's not the poor baby's fault.

.

I always thought it was a weird question, because I can't imagine anyone would ever answer "no" but I certainly was not irritated or offended by it.

I consider both of my boys good babies andthey were both totally different from each other. one cried alot but never really gets in trouble my oldest never cried was always happy and never got in trouble of course I am refering to toddler years. now baby years if we judged by how much they cry my youngest would be a brat. :) a very very bad baby but I considered him a good baby. what annoys me worse than is he a good baby is the expression is my baby normal? define normal :) my kids are good for my kids and normal for thier normal

It's small talk. Nothing more. No one would dream it would offend. And it shouldn't. It's fun to talk about whether they are quiet good babies or handfuls. What else are you gonna say about a little person that doesn't do anything? I don't ask people that, but it never bugged me.

not offended. Its a way of describing and easy or difficult baby. No baby is easy, but some are easier than others, and those are the good babies. But, I think it would be very very funny if you replied that you had a bad bad baby.

I, too, am annoyed by calling babies "good" or "bad". As the momma of a "bad" (colic/reflux/high needs) baby, what am I to say? Is he a good baby? No, my baby is a very bad baby, sorry!! LOL I love him with all my heart, and I think he's a hard, but GREAT baby! : ) When people ask, I typically call him good, but challenging. I think that's a more positive term.

i guess ur aunt meant that the baby isn't fussy or cries a lot. Everybody has told me that i lucked out because my son is good. Even when he's hungry he doesn't cry or get in a bad mood like most kids. IDK, i've heard that from every mom out there. I always wondered too but if they say because he's not fussy or doesn't throw a fit when he's sleepy,hungry,or dirty diaper, they consider that a "good baby" I've heard stories about my husband that he was a fussy baby and my son is completely the opposite..I guess thats what they mean.

I think people ask that question to see if the baby cries a lot. That's pretty funny though, if I ever have another baby and people ask me if he/she is a good baby, I'm going to say "No, she's a terrible baby, where can I send her back??" LOLOL. Personally I think that all babies are born with their own little personalities, and it's our jobs as their moms to help them feel safe at all times, so there is def no such thing as a bad baby. lol

My MIL always wanted to refer to my DD as being good. I don't like it, it's labeling. I asked from the beginning that DD never be referred to as being good or being bad. She is a mild mannered, laid back kid, she has good days and she has bad. She's not bad.

Now, I do have another child that is totally different and I have to be careful what I say with reference to his personality. I never want him to be referenced as my "bad child."

So yes, it annoys me. There are so many other ways people can ask about a baby/child's demeanor without asking if they are "good"

My first was the fussiest baby EVER! He was seriously never happy until he started walking on his own. Every other baby I would spend any amount of time around seemed to be very quiet and content just sitting there and I was very jealous. Now, I have a 4 month old daughter and she is the happiest baby ever! So, I catch myself saying shes such a GOOD baby to everyone because I'm so happy that she is! I know, it sounds weird saying a "good" baby, when you really think about it. And I never called my son bad, I would just call him fussy cause he was!

Yes, it totally annoys me, as well. And for the reason you mentioned... it is just instinctual for a baby to cry, etc. It's not the baby's fault and yet from the time they're born, people are trying to put labels on them.

At the same time, I don't think people are deliberately trying to annoy people by asking that ridiculous question. I think there are just too many people out there that don't think before they open their mouths.