Hi AF
Boy do I have experience with rectal cancer....I am a nurse and have cared for many patients with ca. Last year I learned what it's like to deal with it as a daughter. My mom thought she had a bladder infection. After months of searching for the problem she was diagnosed with rectal cancer metasticized to the bladder, ovary, uterus and greater omentum(a connective tissue which helps hold the abdominal organs in place). She did not need a colostomy because the tumor wasn't as low as your hubby's, however, she had 1/3 of her bladder removed, and a total histerectomy. All of her lymph nodes were negative, thank God! Anyway, despite the fear and pain she has responded remarkably to chemotherapy with minimal side effects. The chemo for colorectal ca is less harsh than some. It has been a year now and she is in complete remission. Colorectal cancer is very treatable when found early enough. Shortly after my mom's surgery, my former brother in law, 37 years old, was diagnosed and did have a colostomy. His is temporary and he has adjusted so well to it, he has decided not to go through another surgery to have it reversed. He too is tolerating chemo well.
I know this is a very difficult time for you and your family. The best advice I can give is to maintain a positive attitude. I believe this is why my family members have responded so well to treatment. You will have a lot to do with how well your husband adjusts. The biggest hurtle for a younger person is the fear of what a colostomy will do to their sexuality. Fortunately, a low colostomy produces formed stool. The higher the bag the more liquid the stool is. Therefore, he will have a more regular bowel elimination instead of a constant one. He will want to limit gassy foods, but I believe you will adjust well if you put your minds to it. Just remember, this procedure is a life saving procedure. There was a time when this wouldn't have been an option. I recommend getting in touch with an ostomy nurse before he comes home from surgery. Usually one is sent to see you before discharge from the hospital. I cannot stress enough the importance of proper care of the stoma (opening in his lower abdomen) which is covered by the bag.
Go out and by him some sexy, loose fitting shirts. He won't be so self conscious in them. Focus on his beautiful hair, eyes, etc...Try to remember to treat him as you would like to be treated if you just had a mastectomy.
Let him deal with this in his own way and support him in his decisions. We all deal with life altering events in different ways. Some people have to talk it and cry it to death until they are so sick of it they just move on. Some people just dust themselves off and get back in the game. It is very important for you to reflect upon how each of you have dealt with grief or loss in the past. The likelyhood is that you will each deal with this in the same ways as you have before. If he is not a talker and you are, find a support group or a girlfriend, or a Mom from Mamasource. Conversely, if he is a talker and you aren't, encourage him to find a support group. Just accept each other's unique response to the situation. It is happening to both of you.
Recent studies have suggested that people who don't dwell on loss often recover more easily. For others it is a slow process requiring patience from themselves and those around them.
Before you know it you will be getting through this process and helping others who are just starting. Feel free to e-mail me and let me know how you are doing.
Love and Blessings to you both,
T.
