My 13 year old daughter finally opened up to me that she has been feeling depressed since July. I knew something was wrong, but she would not talk to me about it which killed me on the inside. All she said is that she has been feeling very depressed, but she does not know why. She told me that everyone (NOT ME) has been telling her to "just shake it off". She told me she doesn't know how to just shake it off, and it has not gone away. I called her pediatrician and they recommended that she see the child psychologist in their office. Luckily, they had a cancellation and we can get her in tomorrow to be seen. I'm just curious if the confidentiality laws between a patient & doctor apply when it is concerning a minor? Is there a point when the psychologist can tell me something? I just want to know what is causing her depression. If it is something that me or my husband can change trust me we will make the change for our daughter's health!!
Some answers to some questions that may pop up -
She is going into 8th grade (same school as the last two years)
She has not had any falling out with friends
She has been outside riding bikes and walking with her best friend all summer
Nothing has changed at home - No fights between mom & dad
No boyfriend - She's not interested yet (Thank Goodness!!)
Well, my daughter was hospitalized last year for depression. They would not tell me specifics about what was discussed but we did talk about action plans and concerns. It is up to my daughter to tell me what she is feeling. We have a pretty good relationship and I am her "safety", the one she talks to when she is feeling anxious or upset. I push when needed but otherwise just listen.
Mom, depression is not always caused by our lives or our emotions and out side forces. .
Sometimes it is our bodies. The brain is not getting what it needs. It can be physiological. Hormones can wreak havoc on a teens body and mind.
It is excellent that she will be seeing a doctor. I am not sure about what the doctor can tell you. I assume she is still young enough that they will discuss everything with you, with daughters permission.
Stay calm. Do not jump to conclusions. treat this just as if your daughter had a really bad cold or allergy.
Follow the doctors suggestions and instructions. Act very matter of fact around her. Save your emotional side for when she is not around.
People suffering from depression shrink from all of the questions, so try not to ask her a ton of questions, because I promise, she does not know the answers and is exhausted having to keep it together all of the time.
I'm sorry you're going through this. I just wanted to let you know that my 14 year old daughter has been in almost the same situation since May. Her pediatrician (like yours) recommended she see a psychologist which we did immediately. I stayed for the first half of the first session and then the psych talked to my daughter alone for that session plus another 3 sessions. My daughter shared a lot of what they talked about with me without my asking her about it. After 4 sessions, the psych talked to both of us together and told me that she thought my daughter was perfectly fine and was not "situationally" depressed. In other words, her mood was NOT the result of her being upset about friends, family or anything else going on in her life. DD is an unusually happy, compliant and outgoing girl who doesn't get caught up in any drama.
Pediatrician and psych both suggested we see an Adolescent Pediatrician to check hormone levels along with some other blood work. DD had been getting her period roughly every three weeks for the last year or so - big change from her usual cycle. She was miserable for most of the rest of the month - even for the week after her period - because of the weird hormone swings. After a full exam and workup, the Dr put her on the pill. She's only been on it for 2 weeks so she's adjusting. she thinks she is feeling an improvement already.
I urge you to have her pediatrician refer you to an adolescent specialist or ob-gyn to see if there's a physical (hormonal) component. It's very common and very treatable. Best of luck to you.
To answer your question, I'm not sure what the confidentiality laws are, but ask your daughter if it's OK for the doctor to share some of what they discuss. You can also ask the doctor how it works, but I'm sure if your daughter is OK with the dr discussing their sessions with you, then the dr will.
I would talk to the potential psychologist about their views on ethics, clinical practice, and confidentiality regarding treating adolescents. Some doctors think that creating privacy for the child/teenager in all situations except where they are a danger to themselves or others in necessary for proper treatment, especially in when establishing a trusting environment for talk therapy. Other doctors think that they need to share more information with parents on an as needed basis if there are ethical questions that arise (shoplifting, lying) or other behavior that may put the child in danger (sexual activity, drinking).
As far as specific information ("Well, she was upset this week because her friend Vicki said something mean.") that will never happen. The "cause" you are looking for may be genetic predisposition or hormonal, and not necessarily situational. Talk therapy is not a way to figure out everything your teenage daughter isn't telling you, it's a way for her to sort out her complicated depressive emotions with a licensed professional.
A very bright light in all of this is that your daughter is self-aware enough to recognize that she is not feeling her "normal", and she is now reaching out for help because she recognizes she may be depressed. Your job is to take her words very seriously and work to find a good fit for therapy. Ask her doctor what you can do to support her as well; they may have suggestions for you or your family too.
Good luck to you and your daughter.
It is more than likely that this is not situational depression caused by a specific event or events. Depression is often caused by chemical imbalances and can't be "shaken off" no matter what. Robin Williams is a perfect example. Depression is an illness that medication can help.
I don't think the doctor will tell you about what they talk about, but I'm almost positive that you will be included in decisions about meds. Most important, keep an open line of communication with your daughter. Don't be judgmental and as hard as it is, be patient with her and the depression. Depression can be a lifelong disease.
It's great that your daughter opened up to you and that you listened. If they do suggest meds, be very active in the process. It can take awhile to get dosages right and sometimes the side effects are not fun. But stick with it. If her depression is caused by a chemical imbalance, it won't just go away.
You and your husband might also benefit from some counseling. Not because you are having problems, but because it can help you help your daughter.
Let her know that no matter what, you are there for her. If she needs someone to listen, if she needs to cry for no apparent reason, if she needs a hug. But at the same time be sure you aren't suffocating her. Speaking from experience, that can be almost as bad as feeling alone.
And although this sounds scary, be aware of the signs of suicide. And don't be afraid to talk about it with your daughter. I saw a great video that Mayo Clinic did about talking about suicide.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=3BByqa7bhto
Take care!
I'm truly sorry you are going through this! Be VERY thankful that your daughter opened up to you! GREAT job on not ignoring it or telling her to shake it off, either!
Depression isn't just a "mental" thing - it could be a chemical imbalance in the brain. I hope the doctor does a blood test to see if her going through puberty is messing with her chemical levels.
I don't know if you really live in Kansas, but I searched for laws on minors. I've linked them below.
http://kansasstatutes.lesterama.org/Chapter_65/Article_56/
http://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/456472_6
Hopefully, your daughter will tell you what goes on in the sessions. She might ask you to join in - I don't know. What would I do? I would let her know that I'm here to fight for her and she needs to tell me what she wants me to do, and I would state UNEQUIVOCALLY that I am NEVER giving up on her and I believe in her.
Good luck!
The first appointment will most likely be just an evaluation. The psychologist will probably talk to you because s/he will need your daughters' developmental information (birth, developmental milestones, etc).
The psychologist's job is to make your daughter feel safe enough to get to the root of her feelings. This will be the priority. Your need to know or role will be secondary to this.
The psychologist will explain this to your daughter, and will probably have you both sign a Release of Confidential Information (ROI).
The psychologist WILL share the information that is necessary to help your daughter ONLY, or will let you know if she is at great risk of harm. The psychologist will communicate and educate you and your family when she has enough information to do so. This may take a few sessions.
Best of luck to you
There is a doctor/patient confidentiality, even when the patient is a minor. The doctor will not tell you what they discuss, but he will share some feedback with you and will discuss any meds he/she is considering with you. For meds, however, your daughter will have to meet with a psychiatrist - psychologists do not prescribe meds. Also, the doctor will share with you if he believes she poses a danger to herself or others, which doesn't sound like the case. I know you want to know, but you may never get to know unless your daughter chooses to share it with you. So glad you got right on it!
Some of it could be just the transition into the teen years and growing up. There could be some issues of bullying...or it could just be internal. Getting her professional help is a great step. At 13, she's young enough that they may be able to share with her parents but may be old enough to have her wishes honored regarding disclosure. Ask you doctor's office to be sure.
There is a good chance there could be sessions that you and your husband would be included in but disclosure would be with your daughter's consent or according to law (remember, she's got to trust the professional or they can't help her).
They should not invite you to stay during the session, they "might" allow you to come in at the beginning to visit for just a moment about how the weeks been going. They'll ask YOU "How were things this week"? and that's about all that is said until you leave the room
If she says "I want to commit suicide" or "I want to die" or something along the lines of "I'm going to hurt myself" or even make a threat against someone else the doctor is legally obligated to notify the proper law officer that could help in that situation.
If she is going to hurt herself they have to tell you but they can and will commit her without your consent if they feel it's a valid enough threat.
The line between parent and child confidentiality is a fine thin one. They will not tell you what they talked about, if she's telling them stuff about your family, what is depressing her, etc...that is confidential.
My son suffered from severe depression. At eighteen In our state he had to commit himself to treatment even though I took him to the hospital both stays Here he was legally an adult. Getting help for her while she is young is wonderful. He suffered a long time without us realizing he needed so much more help than we could give him. He has since been treated and is on meds and although he still battles bipolar disorder he is for the most part happy with ups and downs. I would imagine in your state it is somewhat the same. I'd be straight out with the doctor or institution as well as your daughter about what role you want to play in this. And chose somewhere where you are allowed to be active. Good luck to you and a hug for both you and your daughter.
You've gotten good answers here. I just want to add (as the parent of two girls -- 26 and 16 -- who both had depression issues at one time or another and both saw therapists) that you should have her Vitamin D level checked (and any other bloodwork she hasn't had done as well). My younger daughter's therapist recommended the bloodwork, and we found that she was super low in Vitamin D, which can possibly cause depression. She took 50,000 international units of Vitamin D for 3 months and it made a world of difference for her. She continues to take a supplement every day. I'm not saying this is what is wrong with all depressed teens -- far from it -- but it certainly doesn't hurt to have it looked at.
Hugs to you. I've been in your shoes.
