I lived in an area for 11 years. I didn't like the place I lived in for the first 4 years (well, the first 2 years for SURE). I'm crying while I type this....we were fortunate enough to be able to move over a year ago and all I want to do is LEAVE. My husband didn't want to move back to the place in which I was raised because it was an hour from where he works. We live 35 min. from where he works and I'm miserable a lot of days. I just don't know anyone. It's hard to make new friends in MI. because people have longstanding relationships and family here. I've tried mom's groups, book clubs, etc. It's not usually this hard!!! Even my kids have made friends and then NOT made friends and so forth here.
Anyway, my parents are an hour away and I miss them - and where I grew up. It was so much less materialistic. I know the economy sucks and I'm lucky that my husband is employed. Please tell me (nicely) that it will get better....
Thanks for responding. I believe it's going to get better. I do work PT out of my home - this is new within the last year. Mechanic Mama, I don't actually live in Clinton Twp. Clinton Township is where I grew up! I actually live in Oakland County and OMG what a difference!!! Thanks for giving permission to "go home" more often. It really does mean a lot. Miss it so much.
My kids are small right now, but once they're school aged, I have every intention of volunteering. I'm really looking forward to it!
"MommyCakes," PLEASE don't use my thread as place way to vent....you don't have ANY idea what things are like....I don't have much family or friends left here and you don't know the dynamic of what it's like for those which are left...Wow, must be nice to be as confident as you....moderators, WHERE is the DELETE button?!
I am sorry and totally understand. From experience you just have to try meet people (library, grocery store, kids' school etc). trust me, I have done the 'try meet new people' for the last 12 years, every couple of years, and it sucks. but hang in there. it can't get any worse right?
If you're joining moms' groups and book clubs to meet folks, try another tactic: Join groups or take classes in something that really interests you, but with no expectations of making buddies. Focus on your interest and on the topic. You will be among folks who have the same interests in the same topics -- so you should start out with at least that one thing in common. If you click with some folks on other things as well, that's a huge bonus. Sometimes being a "joiner" just to find friends doesn't work, when pursuing an interest, and then finding friends there because you already have one thing in common with them, does work. It's worth a try. Even if you don't connect with a buddy to see outside class or group or whatever, you will have furthered your interest or learned something and that's only good.
Another way: Connect with the community. Volunteer -- the library if you like books and like organizing things; the shelter if you want to help the homeless; the food bank if you prefer; whatever. Get to know the community better and give to it, and you may be surprised to find how grateful people are. And you may find friends that way too.
Embrace the place and it may embrace you back. Fight it and long for another place, and nothing will satisfy.
Hi Lady,
Welcome back to Michigan! I'm a former eastsider who moved to the westside 8 years ago---huge difference. It took me about 3 years before I got used to this side of town. It will get better. Here are some suggestions: If you live in a sub, take walks around the neighborhood. You will run into the same people over and over. Eventually, they will talk with you. Go to the park regularly. Do you have a dog? Dog people always talk to each other, it's a bond they share. Join a community center where you can take a class. If the community center has a special rate for residents, then you will run into the same residents after time. Church is a great way to meet people as is school. I've heard of this website meetup.com. I've never used it, but you may want to check into it. You could also volunteer at your children's school. I volunteered and met many people. I know it's tough, but hang in there--all you can do is keep yourself out there and you will make friends:)
It will get better. Find a church. Do some volunteer work. Find something that you like to do and there will be other people doing it too. That way you will find people you have something in common with.
At some point you are going to have to learn to "Bloom Where You Are Planted."
I should get better. And just make plans to go stay with your parents on the weekends if you really feel the need to go back there and see everyone there. I can understand your husband not wanting to drive an hour each way everyday that is a lot of gas but an hour each way for you and the kids (Even if he dosn't want to go) once a week is not as bad. I know how hard it can be to fit in in places like that.
Good Luck and God Bless~
Just don't give up your old ties. You can maintain a social life from 30 min. away. My husband and I had to move about 30 min from our hometown in order to buy our first house. Real estate was way too expensive for a first time family buy so we spent about 8 years in a town that was not our favorite place. We made the best of it, made friends with neighbors and kids friends parnets. We joined the YMCA down the street, volunteered at school and just kept busy while always planning and working towards moving back. We did just that about 4 years ago and are happily living in the town I grew up in.
I used to pack up the kids and go for day trips to meet friends and family, go to B-day parties etc. SOmetimes we'd spend the night or weekend at my Mom's house in order to spend more time in the place we loved. It wasn't always easy with little kids but the result was that our children grew up with a very strong connection to this place. Moving back was almost like moving home for them too even though they had never really lived here.
Just make a plan to get where you want to be eventually and make your time where you are as good as it can be.
Think positive or it will rub off on the kids. We moved here from Great Britain - 8 hours by plane, so a 1 hour drive is a cinch to do. At least you can still shop at the same stores and have the same TV and sports teams!! I'm sure that over time you will be able to make meaningful friendships. Most of mine came from neighbors and from the kids school, but also from Moms Club. Just keep trying and eventually it will click with somebody....
*WAVING FROM LIVONIA!!!*
I have lived downriver my entire life. My best friend didn't know ANYONE downriver (she lived in Livonia - where I work all her life). I met her through a mutual friend and we became best friends almost right away.
It will get better.
And no offense but in Clinton Twp, they do tend to be a bit more 'uppity' than downriver. ☺
HUGS AND HI!!!
It will get better I'm sure. I've been where I am for 8 years and have yet to find a niche or true-blue friends but I've learned that life is what you make it. Definitely go see your parents who are close. My nearest family is a 17 hour drive. Try to get out and see what your new area has to offer, there's nothing wrong with doing things on your own.
It's okay, it will get better. I know exactly how you feel. I really dont know anyone where I live either. It's hard, because I wish I did so I could have play dates for my son or some company.
My parents live an hour away too. I make it a point to at least see them once a week. Takes awhile to get out there, but it is worth it.
Make a day or two a week to go see your old friends and family.
The military moves you after every three years.
The first year you get to know the area, the people, the customs, it's hard.
The second year you start to join and make friends. People see you and realize that you are OK.
The thrid year you have a routine and start to know the people who work in the area, grocerystore clerk's name, the cleaner's name, certain waitresses
Year 4 and you are part of the community. You are a regular.
Sometimes it takes longer, sometimes you are at "year 3" after only a year.
My hardest moves were to NC after 5 years in one city in IL. We then moved to CA, VA, and back to NC and back to VA. Even though we moved back to the same area of VA leaving NC the second time was awful, I was part of the community, my daughter part of the movers and shakers at the highschool. We were there for 4 years.
Your mom is only an hour away. You can go while the kids are in school and have lunch, or go shopping.
It's easier to fit in sometimes if you volunteer or work at the school or hospital, or the SPCA.
It's going to get better. I missed my family too when we moved, but I was 19 hours drive time away.
Its not my fault people don't see all my advice as helpful. :p
Honestly when I felt isolated, this was when Andy was really bad and I didn't want to deal with the public, I made a lot of online friends. I learned so much about the world from people all over the place and I am still friends with some of them 9 years later.
I know it isn't the same as friends in real life but it can be enough to get you through the hard times. :)
I was on here a month and a half ago whining about how hard it was here and how nothing was working. I know you've been there longer.
I still don't have a BFF or another mom I can rely on here, but I do have family 2.5 hours away. I've been home almost every other weekend. That works for me. When we moved back, we knew we couldn't move into the same town as any of family. That doesn't work.
An hour is nothing! It is so easy to go "home" once or twice a week to visit and spend the day. Maybe make a plan to go every Thursday or every other. Then you know it's coming and can look forward to it. The gas money you save on your husband's gas each day now should allow you to go once a week.
The other suggestion I have is to volunteer somewhere or get a part time job. If you have little ones at home, go to the local school and ask to do something. It opens the door to communication with other adults.
It will get better, but you have to have the attitude that it will. :)
moved here 21 years ago....at the time, my DH wanted a farm, but I insisted on a neighborhood. When I was arguing it out with him, I kept saying, "no, you will not isolate me out on a farm. What? Am I supposed to stand in the grocery store with a sign around my neck -please be my friend?" OMG....yes, I actually said that to him! Flat-out insisted on living with neighbors, with people I could talk to & enjoy. In the end, our neighborhood was an excellent choice....& still is. Our support team is awesome & non-invasive.....the best possible kind!
Keep trying....maybe get a part-time job or a volunteer position where you can come into contact with others on a regular basis. You may have to break out of your ?shell? a little to get those other moms to take notice...? & I would seriously ask yourself....if you are the reason "why" you haven't made friends. One of my daycare families lived in this area for 2 years & never, ever settled....simply because they both wanted to be with their families. They were joyous when they returned home......
Hope some of this helps!
