Asperger Syndrome

Don't be so busy...take a deep breath...and get involved. I find that when I am "too busy", my 2 year old seems to want the attention the most. I get frustrated too, but once I take a step back, stop what I am doing, and play with her..I am more relaxed.

Nanc

I still have the same problem with my son at times and he is 24. Overtime, my wife and I have developed ways to deal with his Asperger part. He was diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome and physical disabilities at age 4. Over the last few years, I have spent time outlining the events in his life.

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G.,

I find that what works with my son (4, HFA) is to warn him at 10 minutes before he has to be done, 5 minutes, and then 2 minutes. It forestalls some of the meltdowns if he knows, instead of interrupting him in the middle and saying stop right now.

As for wanting you to be involved in what he is doing, HURRAY!! you know how hard social interaction is for some Aspies? I know that's no consolation in the moment, just wanted to cheer for him. How about a schedule? A lot of our kids respond very well to an established routine, especially if it is written down and posted. You can put one up for him and one up for you, and during those times, like getting out in the morning, or making dinner that are very busy for you, block those times into your schedule, and block "play by himself" into your son's schedule. After a little adjustment time, he will understand that this time is when Mommy makes dinner and I do puzzles. Or this time is for eating bvreakfast and mommy makes lunches. It will get to be routine for you to be unavailable for play during those times. Just make sure you block in lots of "Mommy plays with me" time, because it's important, and you will need to be able to point to that block of time when he asks during the times you can't. Then you can point to the schedule and say "This is time for mommy to make dinner. After we eat it is time for us to play together." THat way he knows he will still get what he wants, when it is time for it.

Best of luck!

Jess

Hi G.,

Is your son receiving any speech or occupational therapy in school? I imagine that his therapists and/or teacher work on calming and redirecting him as part of their routine or therapy. They would be great resources to find out what works for him. I am a speech therapist that has worked with children on the spectrum from toddlers to kids in elementary school and this is always something we work on. All children are so different and the one's that work with him on a weekly/daily basis at school might have some great tips to calm him quickly. Plus, it would be nice carryover for him to have the same methods used at home and at school.

Take care,
H.

My 15 year old also has a very mild form of asperger. The good news is that he is smart, sweet, and wonderful. I had the same frustation problems that you describe. I found that going to where he is, making sure I had his atention, and telling him: "I'm doing X right now, I cannot play with you, but after X is over I will" helped a lot. Good luck! Having a different child is difficult, but you will also find lots of joy in his uniqueness.

G.,

What about joining a support group. Maybe other people who have a child with Asperger Syndrome have suggestions to help you. My nephew has Asperger Syndrome and the parents joined a support group as well as went to talks about autism. This seemed to help them handle the situation.

My son has moderate aspergers and is now 16. He initially was the same until I pointed out that we can be near each other but working independantly on different things. It took a while to get the idea to take hold, but he is very content to work at a table next to my table. He'll do models while I scrapbook so we both get to do something independantly but still together. I also set a timer in the kitchen for only a specific amount of time. When the timer goes off, we stop. No ifs or buts. I always say "If ifs and buts were candy and nuts,we'd all eat like kings!" and that stops any arguments. If he fails to comply willingly, he loses time when we come back to the projects. Patience is the key to success. Persistence in setting limits is mandatory. Just like time for bed or time to eat or time to get up for school - there's a time for projects and he must learn to work alone. It's not cruel or mean to let them know you have other things to do or other interests and not give in. Take two or three 'count to ten' timeouts if need be but stay the course. It takes a lot longer for Asperger kids to get the idea, but eventually they learn.

Enjoy the uniqueness of your child! You WILL eventually treasure this time. :-)

My son is now 19 and he wasn't diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome until his early teen years. I often wish I could go back in time, knowing what I know now. I was working full time when he was age 2-12, and he was in daycare. I was always "busy" fixing dinner, etc when we got home in the evening. How I wish I had spent more time playing with him! Sometimes when we think we are so busy, we need to stop and check our priorities. He is very intelligent and doing well with independent-study college courses, but I think our relationship would be better if we had spent more time together while we had the chance. Once they become teenagers, they really don't want to spend so much time with mom. I know it's hard to stay patient...take a deep breath and be thankful for this beautiful child. Best of luck to you!

Hi G.,

I don't have any experience with Asperger syndrome, but I thought that I would mention a couple of really great books that have helped me in dealing with moments of frustration or anger. The Power of Now and A New Earth, by Eckhart Tolle have really helped me in my daily life. Tolle talks about the importance of being truly 'present' in our life and how it effects the outcomes and relationships in our life. If you can try to be 'in the moment' with your son at the times that you typically lose your patience it will begin to transform the outcome of the situation.
I know that it may sound too simple, but it has really worked in my like. Just thought I would mention it in case it can help you too.
I wish you and your son all the best!
B.

My friend has a child with Asperger's and the things that drive other kids to distraction soothe him and ease a transition for them...she plays music while he is doing homework(he is 10 now) and it helps him concentrate...he needs background noise to be calm....also she says when he is getting out of control she puts her pointer finger on the front part of his ear and taps on her finger with another finger and it immediately calms him...they also have a very controlled diet for him and it helps a lot...good luck, I wish I could help more...

Please look up the Tomatis Method, a Listening Therapy specially for children with Asperger's Syndrome, ADHD and other learning disabilities. It's non invasive, non surgery, not counseling. Just a listening therapy that aims to set right one's inner and middle ears, which control our concentration & memory. My explanation may seem insufficient, but please type it up on the internet because for sure, there are centers near you. My own son, who has ADHD, underwent the therapy & there have been definite improvements. My sister in law has the license to open the only Tomatis Listening Center here in Manila, Philippines, the second such center in Asia. Both mother and child take the therapy together, & I myself have seen a significant improvement in myself even though I wasn't able to complete the sessions due to a busy schedule. During my sessions at the Center, I've spoken to many parents with similar concerns & reactions as yours. They're glad to have taken the Tomatis Listening Method for their children. There's not enough space in this box to tell you the improvements in individual children that their parents have actually shared with me. Please just look it up because if I believe it will help lift a big load off your shoulders. You have to try it. R. D

G.,

My son is in the process of getting a diagnosis, so I am not sure where on the spectrum he falls. As others have stated I find that keeping him from having a tantrum and spending time comes before doing the dishes. Do get me wrong I don't give in to every thing he wants but rather than deal with a fit that may last hours I would rather bargain. Example I say ok I have to cook now so 10 more minutes and Mommy has to stop but you can keep playing or help me. I also have 2 other boys so I have my 4 & 2 yr old sitting on the kitchen counters most of the time while I cook. Sometimes I let them pretend they are washing dishes. It may sound like child labor but I also involve them in cleaning, they think we are playing but actually I am trying to get housework done. I also work full time so some days this doesn't work and I have to wait until after bedtime to clean but somedays it does. Stay calm and remember you are not alone. Check out www.poac.net lots of resources out there.

Good Luck

Hi I feel your pain.My 5 year son has Aspergers Syndrome also.I lose my temper frequently also.The advice I got from an Autism Support was the same count to ten and refocus,.My email is ____@____.com if you want to vent anymore.Aspergers is very frustrating since their is no treatment and I find no one has answers for us.