Asperger's in 8 Yr Old-need Advice!

Spectrum doesn't make you uncoordinated. They hate team sports because a social concept like a team is not intuitive to them.

My son loves bowling.

My son was diagnosed at age 3 with Autism/Aspergers (he is now 15), he is very high functioning. We are very involved in Boy Scouts, he has been involved since he was in the 2nd grade and recently earned his Eagle Scout award. Scouts was a good choice because my husband and I were very involved. He participated in baseball for a few seasons (loved the practices with his "friends" but hated the games). Tae Kwan Do was a good experience for him, we had a patient, friendly teacher.

He still has trouble making friends but we keep encouraging him. We offer to have friends come over and "hang out" but he never seems to think of that himself.

He had OT, PT and Speech Therapy at school and it did a world of good for him.

Best of Luck
M.

I recommend starting from a different premise.

You mention your son's challenges, but what about his interests and his talents? The Asperger's/ASD community is incredibly diverse, but some of the most common fascinations include: pure mathematics, technology/machines, music, trains / transit networks, baseball and other trivia-rich sports. Whatever his "thing" is, that's his strength. Build off his strength.

Sign him up for a math club, a computing class, a band/orchestra, whatever. Look out for Facebook groups for your general area, and for families of kids with ASD and throw out a thread: "Anyone up for a visit to the train museum? Personal space respected. Common interests very welcome." That kind of thing.

But you have to start from the premise of where he is now, and what makes him shine. Not an age-typical norm.

PS. In response to another comment on this thread, low muscle tone IS part of the classic physiological "profile" for ASD. Doesn't happen 100% of the time, but happens more often than not.

My son is on the spectrum, now 7, diagnosed at 4. I also have various extended family of different ages and diagnosises, so feel free to instant message me and I'll give you more info if you like :)

You need to find the "right" group - one that will accept him for who he is. My nephew, now 30, was in scouts and it was NOT a good thing. But if the group/leader get diversity and acceptance, it could work.

What does HE like? Use that. Find a club, a group, whatever, that touches what he's interested in.

Re. sports, possibly non-group team sports like swimming, track, tennis could work. They are individual, yet in a group. Ask him what he likes, what makes him comfortable, what excites him, what interests him. He's not "typical", but that's OK!!

Do not be afraid to find other kids on the spectrum as friends. They "get" each other, and being with people who get you, who you can relax and be yourself with, is the best possible social situation to be in.

Does the school provide OT to help him with the low tone issue? If not, request it. Google may be helpful for finding exercises for him.

I recommend a blog called adiaryofamom.wordpress.com - it's written my the mom of an autistic and a typical girl. It's FANTASTIC. She has TONS of insight, stories, and also links to autistic adults who blog about their lives. It's a wonderful resource. She also has a facebook page.

My 22 year old son has Aspergers. It does get better, I promise. One activity that helped him a lot was Tae Kwan Do. Make sure he has a teacher that is gentle and patient and not like a drill sergeant. Since it is not competitive and individual but within a group, it helped and also helped him with concentration in school, etc. We also got him in group speech therapy that focused on pragmatics. He may feel more comfortable interacting with adults rather than peers. That is ok - it is likely due to having a high IQ. It will even out later when he is older. Are there any swim programs near you? Also contact Special Olympics.

Hi D.. I've worked with kids and adults with developmental disabilities for most of my adult life. Over 14 years.

What you're describing....well, I don't want to be blunt but I want you to think about what you've said here....okay? Just hear it from someone else so maybe it will sound different.

Let's say it this way/I heard you say....

My son is 8 years old and he has been diagnosed with Aspergers, which means he doesn't like to be around people, he doesn't like to be bombarded with multiple sensations all at once, he can't process it all and it's like being in a fugue state, very very confusing and distressing.

BUT I want him to participate in some group activity. I want him to be around people and deal with it. Scouts might be good, he won't know anyone there and since they run around being active he'll likely sit down somewhere and put his face in his hands and be totally miserable. Maybe we can do some play dates, again, he doesn't have any friends so these would be strangers and play places are often loud and congested.

Do you see what I got out of your post? It doesn't sound the same does it?

Can I say I feel so bad for your little guy. His world is so hard and confusing. I think this diagnosis is one of the hardest. Kids with other sorts of disabilities do better in some sense. Down's kids are loving and happy and goofy and just easy to be around. Kids with SPD just need to have someone figure out what anchors them so when they need to concentrate they can. My guy wore a backpack with some books in it or a weighted vest. When he did table time they would put it on him and he'd sit there for a long time and completely concentrate. If they forgot to put it on him he'd be bouncing all around and not able to focus at all.

We tried so many things though! A mini trampoline in his room, a rocking chair in his room when he wanted to be alone and a rocking chair in the living room when he wanted people. Wrapping him in a blanket when he was starting to get wound up.

The mini trampoline....OH MY GOD!!!! It was like winding him up with super powered caffeine! He'd be awake for hours and hours and hours! Bouncing on the floor, off the walls, sitting on the couch wiggling, he got so wound up by the bouncing we took the mini tramp all the way out in the country so he wouldn't have access to it anymore.

He did like the rocking chair. I'd rocked him when giving him a bottle so I imagine that rocking motion brought back peaceful happy memories. He'd only sit with me in the rocking chair in the living room. He came in tonight and sat in my lap and we rocked for about half an hour. He got up and went off to bed.

A Physical Therapist or Occupational Therapist worked with him a lot and it was their suggestions about the rocking chair, mini tramp, ball pit, rocking horse, and more that we used. It made a difference.

I know you'd like him to be in there socializing and playing and enjoying it. I wonder if your therapist has some sort of experiment you and your family can do. I think it was someone I read about on FB....they put ear buds in the families ears with loud grunge rock playing then put reading glasses/might have been swim goggles too, on them with Vaseline on the lenses. Then put them in a room of people who were bumping into them and talking to them and touching them. It overwhelmed many of the people who did it but they came away with a better understanding of what their family member might be goiong through.

I would also recommend yoga and therapeutic horseback riding in addition to the others who said Tae Kwan Do. The horseback riding is especially good because it encourages interaction with another living thing who is also very sensitive to what's happening around them. Riding encourages core strength, balance and flexibility.

If you don't already have one, buy a yoga ball. The kids enjoy sitting on it and bouncing which strengthens the core and helps with balance.

As for the social part, start small. Tell him he has to speak to 2 people each day. Start with just saying "hi" as you take a walk. Don't force stopping to chat, just keep walking. Slowly increase the number of people per day. Keep a reward chart and once he's achieved a certain number of "hi"s, take him out for a treat that forces him to interact- ordering his ice cream cone is a good one. Do not allow him to just point. Practice ahead of time so he knows what's expected of him.

You say in your post, "I want to encourage him to be social... but I don't want to push him so he uncomfortable". Know that you are going to have to push and he's going to be uncomfortable. It's just life. Protecting him from those feelings isn't going to help him in life. He needs to learn to deal with the uncomfortable feelings without coming unglued and you can help him develop coping skills like learning to say, "I need a break" is okay. Sitting in the middle of the store screaming is not.

Find a local support group or create one yourself. Arrange play dates with those kids while the parents are nearby. Talking to others and sharing ideas will help tremendously.

Best of luck to you and your boy.

Physical and occupational therapy will help with socialization and muscle tone.

There should be a class for him in elementary school that will help him socially. It isn't considered "special ed" so he should be able to attend. Check into it. Also, give him words he can say. My now 14 yo daughter is an aspie. She would come home from school and not say a word to us. My husband HATED it! So I simply told her, hey, when you get home, please say hi to us and maybe ask how we are doing. It hurts our feelings when you come in and walk right by us. It didn't even occur to her to do that or know it hurt our feelings. Since then, she comes in and says, Hey, how you doin'???? It's hysterical because you know she doesn't mean it, she just knows she needs to say it. But that's an aspie for you, they don't know what to say or do. So when you see your son do or not do something, next time you are by yourself with him, coach him on what he SHOULD have done so he starts to learn. I had to tell my daughter she needed to listen to what her friends were talking about and ACT like she was interested, even though she wasn't and only wanted to talk about what she wanted to. These kids are just different so as their parent you need to continually coach them so they learn. Good luck.

I would encourage you to also get him into PT and/or OT... that will help with the muscle tone/coordination issues.

When my son was in scouts, one of the scouts was also HFA (High Functioning Autism, also called Asperger's), and his mother came to the meetings. She could easily recognize the times when he would get overwhelmed and could remove or redirect him. Parents are encouraged to be involved with the cub scout programs, so you wouldn't look that out of place.

The weighted backpack is a good idea... many HFA children are also SPD, (Sensory Processing Disorder), and do well with a weighted vest or a weighted lap pad for seat work.

As far as noise being overwhelming, have you tried having him wear ear buds when you are in noisy situations?

If you do go with scouts, talk to the scout leader and see if they can do activities around a table instead of sitting on a floor... you might be surprised how well they will work with you and your child.

My husband has Aspergers and my son (3) is also on the spectrum. I applaud you for tending to this now because if left to their own devices these kids think of ways to cope which are even more problematic.

IMHO the fact of the matter is that Apies really don't care about anyone else, they don't understand or give social clues and they usually have low self esteem which is why competitive activities are not good. Even in a more individual sport like swimming he will likely not make friends or if he does he will not be able to keep them. You can coach him on when and how to say hello and ask how you're doing but it won't change the fact that he truly doesn't care (with all due respect). People will catch on to this falseness of manner quickly and won't want to be around it. Im not saying that social activities aren't important, Im just saying they won't fix the situation. Because he doesn't read social cues he likely won't internalize how to socialize through osmosis like you and I do. He needs to be educated by professionals on this very important life skill.

Look for a place with services for people with developmental disabilities like Aspire here in Illinois, they have social groups lead by therapists who work on these issues in the group dynamic and individually in OT. A good university health system will have specific social groups as well. I found several on the autism speaks website.

If he's burying his head in his hands and has a hard time around strangers in groups, putting him in a group of typically developing peers may result in him withdrawing, acting out, or damaging his fragile self esteem. He needs to be built up. Bring him to a group like I mentioned above so he can acquire some tools on how to manage within a safe and structured environment.

Also, you might want to find a good private therapist versed in Aspergers. They will be able to explain and teach your son how communicating with others will ultimately benefit him (which is what its all about).

PT is good for his core strength issues (which my son also has). You said he was diagnosed, whoever did the diagnostic would have used a team approach and should have resources for all of these areas. Also, if you have a diagnostic then all of these services will be covered by your insurance until he is at least 21 years old I believe.

Someone mentioned the public schools. We don't have anything like that here in Chicago but if they offer it where you are thats great.

Physical/Occupational therapy for the muscle tone issues, which also led to Social Skills therapy to work specifically on picking up and understanding social cues and appropriate responses. My kid is not into team sports but likes karate and recreational swimming. Both help with tone, and karate helps with focus.

My friend's spectrum kids (2) went to social skills classes through elementary school. They liked it and my friend thought it was helpful.

For an activity...how about swimming?

You should look into United Through Hope. Dr. Harrier runs the program. If it's too far for you, she may know of something similar closer to you. You might also look into The Listening Program. My son also does this through his speech therapist. I know of OTs that are also trained in it too. My son has made amazing progress. My son is 10 and just came back from camp at Charis Hills in Sunset, TX. He could have never done this 2 years ago without the help he has received.

Do not push him to the point of being uncomfortable. That would be counterproductive and might actually cause him to become severely depressed.

People on the spectrum don't need the kind of social interactions that the rest of us do. They can be happy living somewhat solitary lives. Their needs are met by doing what they're passionate about.

Find what he's passionate about. Does he like to play chess? Enroll him in a chess club. He might naturally interact with other chess enthusiasts. Scouts might be good as well. A lot of the badge work is done on your own, or with your family. A lot of the outings and camping trips etc..are optional. I wouldn't try to set up a play date unless you have personally witnessed him interacting with the other child. If you just pick someone and invite him over, it could be very uncomfortable for your son and the other child. If the other child asks to go home right away, this will not help your son's self esteem.

Does he receive occupational therapy? If not, he should. Behavioral therapy will teach him how to function in normal society (the classroom for now, and the workplace in the future). He can be taught coping mechanisms and proper responses to different social situations so that he can say hi instead of burying his face in his hands.

Expecting him to be able to say hi to people is fine and appropriate, but forcing him to play a sport or join a group just so that he'll have to socialize is not, and will backfire.