Asperger's Syndrom

You will find alot of info online and from Mamas with kids with AS....I am an Auntie who knew before my In Laws (who are raising the nephew since he was an infant..they wouldnt face up to anything "abnormal"...finally had to when he was older...but I am a child care professional and knew something was up form the time he was about 3...anyways..)

I did a big term paper/case study for college a few years ago on Aspergers, and came across a great book that can help other kids who are around Aspergers (I am an older gal who went back to school, BTW~)... Its called "All cats have aspergers too"
http://www.amazon.com/All-Cats-Have-Asperger-Syndrome/dp/...

Its really a great resource as it can explain for even very young children, some of the issues that AS kids experience, so they can try to understand..like why he yells at her...or doesn't look in her eyes when speaking to her...or talks AT her, instead of engaging in a conversation....or needs things a very specific way (routine and ritual things...my nephew..even at almost 18 eats Chicken fingers/tenders with a bowl of ranch dressing at every single restaurant we go too..pizza place, chinese, burger joint, etc....ALWAYS).....I HIGHLY recommend this inexpensive book!

You will just have to explain to your daughters about aspergers.... anything you can say to them so they don't take what he says or does personally is all you can do. I would get some books on the subject and educate your daughters on their cousins syndrome to teach them empathy and tolerance for him. And, they need to be able to learn to walk away when he gets to be too much without feeling guilty.

It is difficult. The way he relates to his environment is altered in comparison to the majority of the population. You know him, and likley how he percieves his world. I would gently take him to the side, and talk with him in a calm voice. Get his perspective on the situation. Then calmly tell him what is not ok, and then tell him what an appropriate action would be. If he doesn't want to do it, tell the children to take a "need some space" moment where they can each cool off.

I used to work with a young man who had Aspergers. Usually, all it took was a quiet discussion to help him see what was happening from a different perspective in a non threatening way. It worked wonders. It also took a lot of patience.

I reccomend doing some research on the subject. I am sure there is literature on it. Look for Aspergers and Parenting to see if you can find some tips.

A neighbor child has Asperger syndrom. He is 7 yrs. He does better in small groups if its large group of children its hard for him.
The mom is wonderful. She tries to attend the neighbor functions just for about 20 to 30 min before a problem arises. She said if she doesnt catch it before that her son becomes more disruptive.
He also plays very nicely one on one. Sorry I don't have any thing else to mention.

If your 4 yo can handle it, maybe try explaining to her why he behaves the way he does?
When my 4yo step daughter turned four, her father and I had to explain to her about her friend having cerebal palsy. She took it all on board and understood to the best of her ability.
She also has a cousin with aspurgers who is older than her, and he seems to have outgrown that sort of behaviour, so maybe there is an end in sight!

This boy cannot understand the perspective of your 4 year old. He doesn't know how to communicate with her when there is a problem---to him she may seem like a very badly behaved person, because he doesn't know how much she doesn't know, and he will not deal well with "chaos".

Try teaching him what he can do or say that will help his frustration with her.
It's like with the 4 year old---we can't just say what NOT to do, we have to replace it with a behavior that they should use instead. Sometimes parents have special words phrases or actions that a child understands or responds well to, and he can learn what will work with your daughter, to help her understand what he wants (although she may not cooperate, because she is 4, at least she will know why he is upset).
You can also tell him that when he feels frustrated he can ask an adult for help, or he can give himself some time alone to calm down, or whatever will help him stay calm. Ask his parents for ideas that will help.
Try to supervise as much as possible, to prevent trouble. As they both get older it will get easier.

We are going through something similar with my nephew and his sister. The thing is that he wants to be the one in control. When he yells at his sister, we correct him just like anyone else. I think the key is to treat him as normal as possible. A little child who loves the older child isn't going to understand that he really isn't trying to be mean but that he has this condition.

We have started giving him time-outs just like a regular kid. If you treat the kids as special, then as they growup they will throw it right back in your face.

One thing that I am trying to teach my neice is something that is used at my daughter's daycare called 'Bubble space'. That is the amount of space you take up. If my daughter is trying to hug the nephew and he starts screaming I say, 'Bubble space' and she knows to back off. Once when they were arguing, I made the recliner her bubble space and the larger sofa his bubble space. After a few minutes he called me back into the room to say 'Aunt M., I think the whole room is my bubble space, so she has to leave'. I told him to think again and walked away.