Assisted Living for a Young Mom (72) with Older Body...

Try Whitney Place in Natick MA ...they are fantastic!

No easy answers, but some suggestions for you to sift through.

Could your mother stay with you or any of your siblings, at least for a while? This would give you a chance to monitor her health (both physical and mental.) It might also give you (or the housekeeper) a chance to clean up her place while she is not there.

When you visit her, start casually picking things to throw out. Be firm but do it kindly: "Mom, this sale is over" or "I know this is cute, but it's broken." keep whittling away at it.

I agree with those who said to go with her to her doctor's appointments, because her doctor will probably not discuss her with you unless she is there. (confidentiality laws.) It would help to find out why she is falling so much, and whether or not she is depressed.

I was surprised to learn that when I finally made that big step to becoming "the parent of your parent" my mother would actually do what I said. (We had always had a someone argumentative relationship.) One day, after a long period of trying to figure out what to do, and her rejection of all my suggestions, I just called and said, "Mom, pack a suitcase, I'm coming to get you. You're going to stay with us for a while." After a very short pause, she said, "OK" and when I showed up at her house 2 hours later she was sitting there with a suitcase open, and she asked me what she should pack. That's when I realized how much she needed to have someone else in charge.

Best of luck to you. It isn't easy, but parents are part of the package of being family!

it isn't the age, it is the issues..she coudl fallagian and not be able to walk..maybe meet with her doctor and then meet with her and her. She is not in a healthy place mentally and physically she really needs to be in a home with some one watching out for her and making sure she is fed, clean and safe but not removed from others and in a hospital. \
Some peoel can have these isses inth eir 50's-60's it is not about age it is about her bones, her balance and the hoarding casuing her not to be safe in her own home

Hi, we had to place my FIL in assisted living when he was 74 due to him falling quite frequently. His doctor said he could no longer live alone and living with us was not an option. He was very angry with us at first but eventually got over it. To be honest, we told him it was either this or a nursing home. It turned out to be the best decision. He was still able to have his own "apt" and privacy, clothes laundered, apt cleaned, three meals a day. It gave us peace of mind knowing someone was always around if he needed it.

There is also a site called www.aplaceformom.com that can help you find the right care facility for your mom. Maybe you will find something that she will agree to.

We have been going through the same thing with my grandmother. Her mind is in great shape but her body not so much and it has been a struggle getting her out of a purely independant living situation. Granted she is 83 and 10 years older than you mother but all her friends are younger and I swear she still think is she is 65! It is not easy but you need to do what is best for her and for you so you are not resenting her. I imagine you have your own family you are trying to take care of as well as helping her out. Good luck

My mom says the facility is called Heartland. they have them all over the country.
http://www.hcr-manorcare.com/
To see the facility my moms friend is in, the zip code is 78759
I could not find one in MA. but it looked there may be some in CT..

This sounds just like my moms best friend except she was only 69 when they had to find an assisted living place. Her children started attending all of her doctor appointments and found out she had not been telling them everything about her health.

I strongly encourage you to look into her actual health and speak with her doctor about what you are observing in the home. Her doctor probably has no idea about anything except the falling and only then if she has told him/her..
This will give you a clearer idea of what she can handle and what she cannot.

BTW my moms friend is now 70 and is in a beautiful assisted living community. It actually has 3 levels of care. She has her own apartment, but lately her health has been deteriorating (not a surprise to the family) so she is in their medium care area for the time being. If she gets better, she can go back to her apartment.

I am sending you strength.

I'd think long and hard before I pushed her into moving. Keep a full-time housekeeper......that will be cheaper anyway. Don't expect your Mom to live like you do. Encourage therapy for the hoarding, but in the end as long as she can stay independent the better off she will be........ in my opinion.

She has fallen too much. What's going on? I would be looking for a solution to that more than anything. If that problem could be addressed perhaps everything would get better.

talk to her doctor (without her around) and ask if he'll "suggest" that it's time to move someplace where if she falls again, she can get help faster..

You might want to check out Home Instead healthcare services or a similar agency to see about getting personal care and companionship services. They are $22 an hour and up in California where I live. My mom is even younger than yours (63) and we had to move her into assited living after she broke her hip. we (my siblings and I) were hoping that it would be temporary while her hip healed, but it has been since August and she is seriously more depressed after moving. I hope your Mom has the resources to put off that kind of move for as long as possible. My own mom has become withdrawan and doesn't participate in any of the activities at her place. Have you talked to your mom about depression and perhaps antidepressants?

I feel your pain in dealing with your mom. It is not an easy situation. Since Mamapedia is more a mom site I don't know what kind of support you will find, but there is another site called caring.com where you can post questions like this. Maybe someone there will have ideas for you.

Best of luck!

Falling as many times as your mom has should be raising red flags with her doctors, never mind with just you and your siblings! Even though your mom is "young", the body doesn't always keep up with the age, and falls and accidents can happen. If her doctor(s) aren't aware of whats going on, perhaps its time that they became aware, and maybe she will listen to him/her/them. What do your siblings think about moving her to assisted living? I know from experience that everyone should be in agreement about what to do, otherwise it makes it very unpleasant for everyone. If she is dragging her feet about moving out of the family home, she won't be happy in another environment, and like the other responder said, her mom isn't interacting and is depressed. That wouldn't be good for mom, either.
I do speak from experience when I know what you are going through because I did have to "watch over" my mom while she was still at home, and it came to an end when I came in one day and I found out she was leaving the tea kettle on and boiling it dry while she took a nap, and then she fell getting out of bed and landed in her closet for I don't know how long! She said it was only a minute or 2, but I knew better than that! She did manage to get herself back on the bed, but it wasn't pretty. She did resist going into a rest home,(not the same as a nursing home), and she never did quite fit it, but it sure made us kids (6 of us) feel more relaxed that she wasn't alone anymore, and there was supervision. Parents never like to give up their independence, but sometimes it has to be done, and with the right words and motivation, it can work out. She sounds so much like my mom, and the way she acted, not wanting people to be in her house, touching stuff, throwing stuff away, poor hygiene, etc. I wish you the best of luck with this. Talk to your siblings and try to be all in agreement about what the best course of action would be. Think about the next epidsode of if and when she falls.... it could land her permantly in a nursing home, and that is no picnic either. That's where my mom is now because she was walking out of her room and she tripped, fell and broke her hip. And then she didn't want to do the therapy and rehab after surgury so now she is in a wheelchair. Keep talking to her about different places, stay on the same page as your siblings and keep them informed because this shouldn't fall on your shoulders alone, and try to talk to her doctor about whats going on with your mom. Sometimes they listen to doctors more than their own family. Good Luck!

I have worked for The Village at Waterman Lake a retirement community in Greenville, RI for twelve years and can tell you that what you are going through is so very common. Here is what you might try. Suggest to her that you need a "break from worrying about her" to concentrate on a personal issue. Ask if she would be willing to vacation for a week or two at a nearby assisted living community, ideally one with a younger population. (We have a separate independent building here, but some places have a portion of the building segregated for less needy residents. It would depend on whether their Nurse felt she would be safe living independently, otherwise she would need to be in an assisted building, but again some are more active than others). Anyway, she can then try it out, and knowing how many residents have come kicking and screaming here and then fallen in love with the lifestyle, she may surprise you and really get to like it. Or if not, she stays for the week or two only, gives you a much needed break, and hopefully make some friends at the place. Then she goes home again, until it is time to try it again. Most places offer this, a vacation or respite stay it is called. And she could do it repeatedly whenever you were at your wits end, or you could plan it in advance. We have a very classy lady who comes for a week every other month and stays in the same apartment. She considers herself much too young and on the ball for assisted living, but loves her vacations here. She enjoys breakfast lunch and dinner with the same table of ladies who she has grown very fond of, and she participates in the social events and is just lovely to have around. But she then happily goes home when it is time, but she has said that when the time comes, she will move in. And her daughter is thrilled because for those weeks, she doesn't have to worry. Now is you mom's case, your goal would be to have the move in happen sooner rather than later, but at least you'd be easing her in. If you call around to places in your area, they may offer this same thing. (Then I would say you could send someone in to clean her apartment while she is "away", but NPR had a story this morning on hoarding that you might want to look up on-line. It sounds like you should let the person be involved in the "clean up"... But that is the least of your worries right now.) Get her somewhere temporarily so you can breathe and clear your head. If she becomes a danger to herself you may have to look into becoming Power of Attorney. I'd be happy to answer any other questions you have on talking a loved one into trying this. Just ask. Best of luck to you, I know how very difficult this can be.