I have a son who is 3 years and 3 months old. I started potty training him a couple of weeks ago and he took to it pretty quickly (with an ultimatum of no diapers...he is very strong willed, but when he realized I wasn't going back, he started using the potty). He is capable of going numerous days without an accident, but there are days where he just refuses to try. Like today. He was fine this morning, told me he had to go, went poop on the potty and everything. Then, he told me a few hours later that he had to go and there was a little poop in his underwear because he had started going, but wouldn't finish on the potty. I eventually let him get up and a few minutes later, he was back on it for the same reason (I could see it coming out and showed him the tracks in his underwear). Well, this time, he kept saying he didn't want to go and wouldn't try. In fact, he had a complete screaming hissy fit about it. I had to let him get up (I would normally make him sit there and give him lots of stuff to distract him until he goes) because we had to go get my daughter from school. Ever since we got home, I have been checking him and asking if he needs to go periodically and reminding him not to go in his pants. Well, I checked him a few minutes ago and sure enough, he had gone in his pants! Not to mention I have no idea how long it had been there because he didn't tell me he had gone. Seriously??? I KNOW he is capable of it because he has gone as long as 4 days without a single accident and will tell me every time he needs to go, but he is so stubborn that he just "doesn't want to" today! So, what do you do with a kid that is old enough and you know can use the potty when he needs/wants to, but refuses to try? I have taken away TV and his favorite toys (that he EARNED by using the potty in the first place when we started out) and told him that he can have them back when he decides to go where he is supposed to. Any other ideas on how to get a strong willed kid to use the potty?? Again, I know he is ready, so I don't want to hear that he isn't. He has done if for several day stretches a couple of times now. He just has a day here and there when he just refuses to try. Not sure if this has happened to other people and if you have any other suggestions. Thanks in advance.
Thanks for the suggestions. I have been making him clean up his underwear and I point out (when he does use the potty) how much easier and faster it is to use the toilet so that he can be done and go on with his playing. He has been a handful all afternoon. He hasn't "wanted" to do anything (eat dinner "I don't want to", get a bath "I don't want to", well...you get the idea) all afternoon. I'm not sure what happened since he was fine this morning, but he has been a hellion all afternoon/evening. I put him to bed, had a good cry (it really has been bad today and my husband is working late, so no help...figures, right?) and now I'm going to finish cleaning the kitchen, have a glass of wine and go to sleep to try again tomorrow. I think he just had one of those days.
He gets rewards for going and we make a huge deal out of it. This truly is a battle of wills and I'm going to try to ignore it like some suggested and see if that makes a difference. It's really hard for me to ignore when I know he can do it and is having "accidents" simply because he doesn't want to go, but I'll try it. Maybe you're right that he's doing it to get a rise out of me.
Oh, and he isn't constipated. It's not even hard when it comes out, which makes cleaning it up even more fun! There is no just dropping it into the toilet to show him that's where it goes because it's all stuck to his underwear. I have to have him swish it around in the water to get it off. Fun times! Thanks again for your suggestions. I'll back off and see what happens.
ETA:
Wow, now my son has a disorder...I just thought he was 3 and being stubborn. Thanks for enlightening me. :-/
Thanks to those of you who gave me good advice. I am backing off and we'll just take it one day at a time. He will still clean up his messes and get rewards and encouragement for going on the potty (which I was already doing). We'll work the "natural consequences" angle and he will get it eventually. Thanks again.
Funny thing about potty training, the more you want them to the less they do. If you relax about it, they get it on their own. Good Luck!
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How about creating a reward chart that at the end of a full week of no accident he gets a super prize. It has to be something he really wants. Something really cool that he wants really bad. Find that item and make him earn it. After he's gone a whole week and won his prize. Make the next time 2 weeks without accidents. And so forth until it's second nature for him. He has to want it. Some kids use the potty to gain control over their lives. Make him want to be a big kid. Give that a try and don't give up. At first he'll have accidents and you'll have to start the week without accidents over but I think he'll get it.
Good luck. Hang in there, I just went though potty training problems too.
Note: dont make a big deal out of accident and have him clean it up. When he does have a accident simply comment "that too bad you'll have to start over on earning your cool prize"
The more negative you react to him, the more difficult it will be. He definitely does sound old enough BUT it also sounds like it's heading downhill. I would consider stopping before he associates pottying with really negative stuff...or I'd completely toss his underwear and have him go bare bummed. With my boy, that is the only thing that made him care enough to go. I knew he knew how, but if he had no desire, it wasn't going to get done. It sounds like your son is capable, but you're the one with the desire and he's not! Frustrating place to be in as a parent. But, when I took off the underwear, he potty trained super fast. He was aware of it differently. And, I would suggest to avoid punishments...
I would try a very different approach. Avoid talking about it as much as possible, but every 30-45 minutes (or whatever seems appropriate) say, "It's time to go potty." Be very matter-of-fact. Don't fight him on it. It's just something that we all do. After a week or so you can back off and let him take the lead a little more. But it really is normal to have to do this from time to time. My son has been potty trained for about a year and a half, but there are some days that I need to do this. He just gets so engrossed in what he's doing, and that seems so much better than stopping to go potty.
He's going to have accidents. He will more than likely continue to have some accidents for a few years. Kids do that. Many even go through periods of frequent accidents. Don't worry about it so much. It's just part of childhood.
Right now you're really over thinking this and getting upset. Relax, take a deep breath. Your little guy really is perfectly normal.
I disagree, do not give up. There is no reason why a three year old unless there are medical or developmental issues should not be potty trained. Here is my suggestion. DO NOT keep reminding him to go. If he uses the potty on his own then cheer for him like a cheerleader, praise him, reward him, whatever you are doing now. When he has an accident, just change him, say NOTHING to him, no lecture, no words at all, just go about your business, ignore it. This will stop the power struggle once he realizes he isn't getting a reaction out of you. When he sees that he is being praised for going potty and receiving no attention for not going he will come around. Making an issue out of it is back firing. He knows what you expect from him he just wants it his way. He is going to have accidents that is part of the process and if he can go potty sometimes then you know he is capable. It may take a few days to see the change, but in the end he should get it. Hang in there mamma, I know it is difficult but you are half way there. Good luck!!
Its only been 2 weeks, You need to back off and not keep bugging him about it. Give him the chance to figure it out on his own. If he really KNOWS it, he will finally do it when HE is ready. Not YOU. If you keep telling him to sit on the toilet he will never figure out the feeling he needs to feel when he has to go. And in 2 weeks time, even if he did have a couple successful days,, he sill doesnt really know it all. (o:
He's just NOT ready...give it time...You cannot train a child to go potty I have never trained my children and they seem to do it on their own just fine
Frustrating, I know. And trust me, 2 weeks of training is a drop in the bucket, not long at all. The fact that he is strong-willed practically ensures that he will be resistant to training.
Sounds as if he's starting to try and hold it in, very common for strong-willed little ones, and which you do NOT want. What tells me that is that there was some in his underpants, and that he wouldn't attempt to go when you tried to get him to finish, so it was more than likely hard/constipated and he was possibly afraid to go because he thought it might hurt.
~ Sometimes going bare-bottomed helps them realize they HAVE to sit on the potty to go, easy to do at home.
~ If he's in pull-ups switch to cloth underwear so he really "feels" the accidents.
~ Also, (and I realize you have time-constraints) have him sit after breakfast and at regular intervals, don't ask, tell him it's time to sit AND
~ Get a timer so he knows when it's time to go sit, the purpose of potty-training IS to get them to go "on their own." Remember, it's not as important that he tell you he needs to go, as that he actually goes on his own to use the potty. Pull-ups makes a timer resembling a watch he can wear:
http://www.pull-ups.com/na/potty_timer.aspx?WT.mc_id=PUG1...
~ If you have a washer/dryer in-home tell him if he has an accident he'll have to wait for you to do the laundry before he can do anything at all, you need to wash him some underpants and pants or shorts because he went in them. (Obviously you'd have to hide his clean ones.) Sometimes having to wait while you do a load of laundry to do anything like play outside, go to the park, etc., has more of an influence than saying anything to them, just remind him that "he" was the one who pooped in his pants so now he has to wait.
~ Have him get in a cool shower to wash off when he has an accident. After a few slow (yes, it should take a long time) cleaning sessions that keep him from doing anything fun he may realize it's no fun to go in his pants. Keep your demeanor very matter-of-fact, "You pooped in your pants, you have to get cleaned up now."
~ Always have him help with cleaning up after an accident, so he knows going to the potty is his responsibility, of course you are there for back-up.
~ And always have him put the poop in his underwear in the toilet to show him this is where it goes. (I do this with my little guy when he poops in his potty as he will eventually be going there.)
Here's a link on Potty Training Resistance:
http://www.pottytrainingconcepts.com/CTGY/Potty-Training-...
Hang in there!
i would simply have him help you clean up the mess. Don't make a huge deal about it, just tell him he needs to go on the potty next time because it isn't fun to clean it up for anybody. Accidents happen--and I agree that he's just trying to exert some control. Show him what the consequences are
Stop imposing your will on him.......it won't work...EVER!
YOU think he is capable but emotional maturity goes one step forward and two steps back. Punishing him is setting up trauma to his psyche that should never be there because he soils his pants??? Come on.
Encourage him and stop discouraging him wheter he forgots or forgets on purpose. The more you persist, the more he will resist!
Another thought is, he could have Sensory Processing Disorder and is not feeling it all the time consistantly. This is very common. I work with these kids and the moms usually have the same story as yours with kids 3.5 and up.
I applaud you for doing the no diaper approach. I am no where brave enough to try that (Also I can't find underwear to fit my 2 year olds skinny butt. seriously is 2t the smallest size they make?) We are trying the "potty train." meaning we seriously at like a train when heading to the bathroom. My toddler thinks its hillarious and follows us in there. but I feel for you in the area of pooping in the potty. my kid doesn't want to either. he will go into his room shut the door shouting see you latter, and poop in there. If we try to put him on the potty (because we know what he is about to do.) he will wait it out and then poop in his room as soon as he has his diaper back on
I have no advice but just want to say I sooooo feel your pain!!! Our twins are three next month. One is completely potty trained, including sleeping. His brother sounds just like your son. He was completely trained with pee, but we still had to work on poop. Now, pooping is fine but he pees his pants all the time! He used to care (would do a "cowboy walk" when wet). Now, he tells us excitedly, "I go pee!" with wet undies and pants. Ugh! Come on kid! It's totally a battle of wills right now, and I am so done! Training two at once is not my idea of fun!
I have three boys and the first two were easy! The last, not so much! I tried when he was two, then two and a half, then three. Ugh! Strong willed little... you know what! I thought at the beginning of the summer that since his older brothers were home now, he would learn easier since he would have them to watch, but as it turns out, they were so much of a distraction that it was no help at all. He didn't want to stop doing anything to go potty. So the older ones (7 and 5) started school a couple weeks ago. My youngest is now 3 years, 8 months old. The first day the boys went to school, I told Jake that he was potty training (gave him warning the day before of what was to come) On that day, I have him undies, pointed him to potty and he was not having it. I told him he couldn't watch TV, play with his brothers toys, no Wii, until he went on the potty. He was so stinking bored that he finally went! So we started each day like that. Every time he asked to play something, my answer was to go potty first then he could do whatever he asked for. Anytime he had an accident (twice while he was playing the Wii), he wasn't allowed to play it for the rest of the day. I truly believe he was so bored that he was forced to focus on the potty stuff, just so he could be rewarded with some fun thing to do. And after the first two days, he realized he had to maintain that focus or that activity would be removed if he had an accident. Jake started potty training Aug 22. He is now fully potty trained, even at night and naps. I hope this helps. Strong willed kids are so hard! Just make sure that every time he has an accident, you take something away for the rest of the day. And it has to be something he loves (mine loves the Wii baseball game) If he has too much stuff, it can really distract him. Best to make him potty, then give him one thing every time he potties. When he has an accident, take stuff away for the REST of the day.
Best of luck!
Jen
Mom of 3 boys ages 7, 5, 3
It is more psychological than anything. My daughter was potty trained at 2 1/2 and my son took a lot longer, even when I knew he could do it. He needed to want to do it. Every child is so different. Mine was doing great until he had an accident at pre-school. He refused to try for a long time after that. I waited until he was ready again and in the meantime I began reading as many children's books as I could find about potty training. My son loves dinosaurs and I found a book called "Dinosaurs Love Underpants." After reading that book a couple times he was motivated and pretty much did it on his own. You never know what might trigger that motivation. Good luck, I know it's not easy! I agree with the person who said the more we push the less they want to.
