At What Age Does My Husband Stop Giving Our Daughter Diaper Change &/Or Baths?

My fiancee' daughter is 3yo he is a weekend dad & has to do everything & she wants him to. now he wont let her in the bathroom with him anymore, though he does give her a bath since you cant leave a child alone anyway. he washes her hair & styles it, he dresses her, he potty trained her, he is very close, honest & a great dad! He would never stop doing any of that for her. she doesnt or hasnt wanted him to anyway. In fact when she goes potty she wants her privacy but she wants him outside the door to talk to him..lol

Hi L.,
When does a Mom stop bathing/diaper changing her son???

There is no difference if it is a warm, loving home. You daughter will be closing the door on both of you soon enough :)

t

As the father of three girls, the youngest is 3, I would say he should keep changing diapers until she doesn't wear them anymore, and continue the baths until she can do it on her own.

I don't think they're boys or girls until 6 or 7. Before that, they're children who need to be taken care of. If they need something done that they can't do, you do it.

My almost 4yr old hasn't completely mastered the wiping after a BM, so I frequently help her out.

There should be no gender issue here. If your husband is worried about what other people will think if they find out he's still caring for his daughter, tell him to disregard their comments and realize he'll have a stronger bond with his daughter, which far outweighs anyone's disapproval.

I had never considered that the father of a girl baby/toddler would ever have to ask that question. It seems clear that a father's role and involvement during this age is as important as her mom's....and that includes her personal care. Putting an adult spin/concern on the natural day-to-day care like bathing/diapers shouldn't be an issue. Please reassure your husband that he's doing all the right things by being a hands-on father.

If he still worries, I'd ask him about single-dads, gay fathers, and grandparents raising their grandchildren. There are a lot of men raising baby girls ;)

The only caveat I would add, is if caring for his daughter in these ways, makes your husband FEEL awkward (despite reassurances above), if he came from an abusive childhood (and it may be raising up the past for him), or if your daughter ever expresses that she feels uncomfortable with him during these times...than by all means, do what feels right for everyone involved.

Little babies/kids are natural, innocent and un-jaded. They don't sense the shame and embarassment over nudity, etc that we as adults do. Most times, kids become that way only when an adult's action/words imply that they have something to be uncomfortable about.

Hope this helps!

Best,
C.

Well, he stops changing her diapers when she is potty trained. As far as bathing her, well, my youngest son is six. I don't bathe him, but he still runs around the hosue naked and we all see him. My older, 10 yr. old, son is a little more modest but not much! Maybe it's different for boys, but they don't seem to care if I see them naked or not. I did however, stop showering with them when they were about 31/2-4 yrs. old. This is when they seemed to start "noticing" the differences between our bodies. Good luck!

that's funny. sounds like a worried dad. our daughter is 3 and our son is 20 months. my husband is always on bath duty. Just one chore I handed over so I could get a few minutes of quiet time at night.
for our daughter, he puts soap in her hand and tells her to clean "down under." this seems to work fine. He does this with our son too.
As far as diaper changes, as long as he's willing to change her, let him do it!

He may just be trying to get out of having to help potty train, or whatever, but she should be ready for that to begin now. Don't wait for your daughter to become uncomfortable or shy about her self - if he is (and since he is questioning it sounds like that is so) then don't have him do diapers. If it's inconvenient for you to have him be totally excluded then be present when it happens - like the nurse in the ob/gyn office. Bathing is a little less personally invasive so that and dressing shouldn't be an issue for a at least a few years. Start teaching her about privacy and boundaries soon (part of the potty training experience) and he can help support that by (outwardly at least) giving "girls" closed-door courtesy when appropriate.

Great Question!

My husband (a Baby Boot Camp Coach) said it is all about comfort level for both your husband and daughter. My husband admitted that after 3 boys it was weird being so front and center with female parts that resembled mine so explicitly.

He changed and bathed her until she was about two, then he would bathe her but hand her a soapy wash cloth to "do her private bits" herself.

He cautions though that Dads that sometimes experience this level of discomfort end up being the Dads that can't bring themselves to hug their daughters once they develop breasts...it is a touchy situation (literally).

Just remind your husband that men have been raising daughters for thousands of years and that it has only been recently that everyone gets so hysterical over this kind of thing. You know if you have a good man and a good father and he shouldn't be afraid to keep being one by caring for his little girl in all respects.

Is your husband uncomfortable w/ diaper changes and baths? He will probably feel more uncomfortable then your daughter will for years to come. W/ diapers, she'll be out of them probably in the next year....she's still a baby. As for the baths, my daughters didn't really care much until they were more towards three, maybe even four. I started teaching them modesty more at that age so they could understand. Hope that helps.

My husband does the diapers and baths with no problem for my 2.5 year old. But he was always hesitant to clean/touch her private areas, even when she was a newborn. And I do not push him. If they need to be cleaned, I do it. Otherwise, I do not see any harm in bathing as long as they are both comfortable with it. I think my dad was bathing me until my breasts started showing up at the age of ten. Then I did not want him anymore.

As long as he's not doing anything inappropriate it shouldn't matter. She sheouldn't have any reason to feel uncomfortable around her dad, but if she does for some reason then yeah, I would stop. But my daughter is 7 and she sometimes still needs help getting her hair washed properly and my husband will still help her out with that and he was still involved in the diaper changing until the very end. Taking care of your child should be a bonding experience for both parents, but unfortunately there are some creeps out there that have made it so that normal parents question the smallest things that you wouldn't think should be questioned and aren't meant to be bad. Anyway, I would think that there is no need for him to stop changing her or giving her baths. :-)

When she can do it for herself. I have help raise several children and I have two of my own and children do not have a problem with either parent cleaning them. I did it until I taught my sons to do it well enough for themselves.

I wouldn't worry about it yet... My oldest just turned 3 years old and my husband still changes her diapers... (Yeah, she should probably be potty trained but its been an on and off interest/attempts. It will happen soon though...) and gives her and her younger sister baths. Kids are innocent it shouldn't be a problem unless there is some concern about Daddy making a wrong choice... (And diaper changing usually is all business...) Basically I think they are ok to a point for several years at least. As long as he is comfortable with it let him do it... don't let him get out of it all too soon... Mommy's need the help when they can get it. Good luck and God bless.

I would say whenever your daughter starts asking for more privacy or if she starts requesting that only her mommy bathe or change her. Given that she's only 18 months old, I think that's a long way off. LOL

My daughter is 4 and my son is 2. My husband still helps me bathe both of them. My daughter hasn't said anything yet about wanting only mommy to bathe her. So until then, we'll keep doing what we're doing.

I think if your husband is feeling uncomfortable it is time to stop. My daughter was a chubby baby. She had lots of rolls. When she would poop I tols him he needed to check all the rolls and folds to make sure she was clean. This made him uncomfortable. So he asked if she had poopy diapers if i could clean her if I was home. He did okay if my son only 18 months old was poopy. So it was not a poopy copout. It was this day in age should I be touching my daughter because of all the acusations out there. He did okay when I was gone but he would tell me about it when I was there.

Daddy may just want to feel safe. If he is feeling uncomfortable then take over. However until she is potty trained tell him not to worry. Teach your daughter that until she can wipe her own butt good That it is okay for the daddy, maybe grandpa even the doctor to touch her private parts. Let her know that anyone else is not okay.

My daughter is 3 years old. She is potty trained. She wipes her who who okay, but if she poops she calls for help. Wiping her butt for my husbands is okay. Diapering and checking her baby folds was weird for him.

If he is uncomfortable it is okay. Let him know you are there for him. There are too many bad things out there now that a dad needs to be careful.

If you have more questions or concerns about this area please feel free to email me.

There are no worries or shouldn't be at this point as to improper behavior. If she becomes uncomfortable with the showers, then your husband should stop. As for the diaper changing, that should not be an issue.

Hi L.,
well to be honest don't know either is there's a set time when they are little.
It's really what you- or more so your husband are comfortable with.
My little girl just turned 5 and her dad still gives her baths once in a while (usually on weekends). I'm mostly the one that bathes her but it's only because I stay home with her.
We do teach her privacy and I would say that if she was uncomfortable with it then things would change.

Really though we bathe or clean our kids rather quickly I would say. As they get older they are better at washing themselves and we just pop in and check on them or help when we need to.
My daughter knows to clean her own private areas to which we (or I) teach her the proper way to do it.
So guess it hasn't been an issue just yet.
Her daddy is her daddy who also takes care of her that's all she still sees right now.

M.

My kids (2 girls and 1 boy) are almost 4 and my husband is still very involved in the whole process (taking them and helping them in the bathroom, baths, etc) In fact, one daughter, who is a 'Daddy's girl' usually asks for him when given the choice. I would just say to play it by ear. For sure once she starts 'developing' it's probably time to hand it over to Mom, but till then enjoy the help!

I agree with the other responses. She'll be out of diapers long before anything is considered inappropriate. As for baths, go with what your family is comfortable with.

Well I'm on the opposite, I have two boys and I've always been the one to diaper change and give baths. Diaper changing shouldn't be a problem, unless she still wears diapers in school but what happened to me and my boys with bathtime was, I would just give them a bath like I always did until one day my olderst son asked me not to go into the bathroom with him because he didn't want me to see him, so I went over with him how to take a shower so he could do it by himself and I let him take over from that point on.

In my opinion, he could keep taking care of her in that way until someone feels uncomfortable. That usually happens around age six - way past the diaper time, which ends about three years old.

Hi, L. -
A daddy would certainly never have to stop changing diapers. Babaies are long, long out of diapers before any sort of modesty would kick in with them. I think the same would apply to baths - mostly because they are grown enough to handle things on their own. My daughter is 5 years old and daddy still
gives her a bath, but giving her a bath has gotten to where it's just staying nearby and helping her make sure all the shampoo is rinsed out of her hair. She is just starting to want to shower on her own and is learning to do that. I think girls transition out of needing Daddy's help long before having Daddy help would be in any way inappropriate. Modesty will take over on it's own, I feel.
Good luck.