At What Point Do I Throw in the Towel?

GEt rest and help-nothing is more important than the family you have and the baby you are carrying-and I mean nothing.

Why go to the doctor at all if you aren't going to follow the advice given?

I would take that advice and try to make it work...everything else needs to fall into place with the Dr.'s advice. Everyone else in the family will need to step up to cover things that you can't.

If you are 70% done with the renovation, then how much of this would YOU be doing anyway. Give the workers their directions and let them finish their job...

Let me see, what could possibly go wrong?

I have a good friend who was told to rest. Who could not possibly think about missing her brother's wedding.

She started contractions there. Deliver her baby son at 26 weeks. CP, a hemorrhagic bleed in his brain. If you could only understand the pain they have been through. The financial stress. The family stress. She would tell you that a remodel and it's related stress is NOTHING in comparison. It's been 15 yrs of fighting for his life, his health and the stability of the family.

There are times in our lives when the people we love most have stupid, shortsighted ideas. That's when you need to use your head that God gave gave you and listen to the medical doctor's advice.

Just turn to your H and say, very calmly, "I don't intend to put me or the baby at risk for to do so would cause untold grief for our whole family. And if you can't see that right now, I'm sorry, but I will not change my mind so the next few months is about growing a healthy baby because I love you and our family too much to put all of us at risk."

L.,

I was on bed rest at 6 weeks with my daughter due to a blood clot. It was one of the most challenging times of my life. I always took care of people not the other way around. It was very humbling. My Sunday school class brought meals to my family for 7 months. People took my bonus daughter to her dance and karate lessons when my husband was out of town. I had 5 miscarriages previously so everyone was pulling for us.

High blood pressure can lead to hospitalization (I know you are aware) and pre term labor. Your baby could be born early and spend a lot of time in the NICU. You could be hospitalized for weeks trying to keep from delivering prematurely. You might remind your husband that in that scenario not only would it be hard physically but also financially if you don't take care of yourself now.

Please take care of yourself. Please know you are neither lazy or irresponsible. To continue on in the stress you have, in my opinion is too high a risk. Blood pressure issues are serious. You want to take good care of yourself so you're there to take care of all who depend on you.

Blessings!
L.

I had doctor recommended rest, which I blew, so then bed rest for my third pregnancy. I tried my best to follow it, but I had in-laws "caring for me" while husband traveled and some other massive stress keeping me up and running, and I was not forceful enough about my boundaries. So I rested, but not nearly as much as I was supposed to. And I was super stressed the whole time about everything I was doing.

Three weeks before my due date I started bleeding profusely and raced to the hospital for an emergency c-section. I had a placental abruption. By the looks of my ultra-sounds when I entered hospital my baby would not have survived labor, so I'm lucky I opted for c-section. It was one of the scariest things that ever happened to me and to this day I shudder when I look at my daughter and remember how close I came to losing her.

Construction is not all that important. You'll look back one day and wonder how you could have been on the fence about whether to play it safe or not.

To workaholic stress cases, "get some rest" sounds like foolish frippery. But there is VERY REAL danger in ignoring that advice. Many have learned the hard way.

Throw in the towel? Please don't think of it that way. Your doctor has given you good medical advice. Did your husband go to med school, and does he have firsthand knowledge of what happens to pregnant women and their babies when they suffer from pre-eclampsia?

Take care of that unborn baby by taking care of yourself. Don't feel bad about reaching to others for help if your husband is unwilling to lend a hand. You are not lazy! Please! You have four kids and a home renovation. I want to take a nap just thinking about that. Best of luck to you!

Your baby is your most important 'construction' project right now!! Get into bed, mama!! It is ALWAYS worth it to err on the side of caution, especially when you have an unborn child at risk.

Your husband helped you create these kiddos, and he can help you take care of them. Your husband is part of the construction project, too. He can help manage it, too.

Please don't make excuses for him, or yourself. The baby is priority right now, period. Good luck and please keep us posted!

It's better to start resting up now rather than be forced into it later on.
How chaotic would your life be if you end up on bed rest - or worse - have a miscarriage?
I don't know if your Hubby thinks this is just something you can work/push through but it doesn't work like that.
You can't ignore the warning signs your body is throwing at you.
You NEED to start slowing down.
You're not lazy - you are growing a human being and you are not as young as you use to be.
Who CARES what it looks like - you need to offload more tasks to other people.
Landing yourself in the hospital would make you feel much worse.
Hubby needs to get a grip with reality.
Every pregnancy is different and it looks like this one is not going to be like your others were.
Take him with you to the doctor next time you go and have the doctor explain it to him in no uncertain terms.
Get use to saying "No - I'm sorry - but that <what ever task it is> is beyond what I can do right now. Someone else is going to have to take this one on.", walk away from it and don't apologize for it.

I'm not sure from how you worded the question, if your husband stands by the fact that you resting would be a bad idea, or you -not- resting & needing to be medically placed on bed rest, is a bad idea. I'm hoping the 2nd!

You have teenagers, so you are probably of an age where your pregnancy carries more risk than when your first kids were born. And being a mom of 4 kids already, I'm sure you have the weight of their world on your shoulders, to make sure that things in the household are running smoothly - chances are you are the "go-to" person for everything.

So putting yourself on rest doesn't need to eliminate that. But it does entail empowering your teenagers & other kids (to their capacity) for helping out with the house - you'll need to be more of a project manager, vs. a hands-on worker.

If resting yourself means staying off your feet, think of the things that you do which can be delegated. If your teens are of driving age, they can do the grocery shopping for you, or a neighbor/family member could with a list provided. Same thing for cooking meals & cleaning. There are also things that can be let go, or hired out for, during this period.

I know it's hard to think of giving up all that you are currently doing, for something that right now is only a "recommendation". However, the pregnancy check-ups are designed for this very reason - to catch the changes in your body that are signals for potential dangers to come. If you don't respond to the information now, it can escalate very quickly, & very badly.

A good friend of mine found that out the hard way while pregnant with her 4th. She ended up in the hospital for 2 months prior to delivery, while her husband managed the household & 3 children on his own, leaving them with relatives after dinner to spend the night with her in the hospital. It's not ideal, but it can be done.

So now, you need to do what is best for your health & the baby. Have a family Pow-Wow meeting, & discuss what changes need to be made, & how they need to be accommodated. Get your kids on board to help you out, rally a network of friends/family for errands & chores, postpone or hire out for some of the remaining housework, & proceed along Plan B towards a happy, healthy baby.

Best of luck, I will pray that the rest you give yourself is all that's needed to keep things in check throughout your pregnancy. T.

Wait, your HUSBAND doesn't want you to take it easy? Is he the one making you feel irresponsible and lazy?
I sure hope not, especially since you're carrying his fifth child.
I suggest you take him to your next DR appointment so he can get a little reality check.
Like Wild Woman said, pregnancy is not a disability, but it carries risks and requires care.
Your husband by far should be your biggest caretaker and advocate.
Do what you can do and let your husband pick up some of the slack. He wanted this construction and baby too. It costs more than money, it costs time and physical and emotional support, remind him of that.

Could you put the home construction on hold?

You said you'd feel irresponsible either way you go. I urge you to get into counseling so that you can know that your health and the health of your baby are more important than living up to some unrealistic standard. You cannot be super mom.

After your SWH there are many levels of rest between making no change and bed rest. I suggest slowing down might help with anxiety because you think that it's stress causing higher bp I suggest you talk to someone, perhaps a counselor, about how to manage your stress.

Why are you chasing kids with two teens around? Listen to your doctor.

L.,

I would err on the side of caution. You've got a lot on your plate.

You are pregnant, right? How far along? The doctor already said your blood pressure is high - that's NOT good. IF ANYONE says you are lazy - get a broom and broom them out of your life...you are PREGNANT...no, you aren't disabled - but you are PREGNANT...

You need to stop putting the pressure on you to be perfect, everything and there for everyone....take care of yourself and your unborn baby.

Wait. Your husband is telling you you are lazy? WTH?!?!? Please tell me I read that wrong.

I'm with JC, if the doctor told me to stand on my head to keep my baby in until my due date, I would stand on my head.

Hire someone to come in and take charge of the remodel. A designer, a foreman, someone. Let the control go. Sit on your behind and relax.

Pregnancy is not a disability. Agreed. But you should not be doing jumping jacks and running marathons when the doctor tells you your health is being compromised. You have other children to care for too. Listen to the doctor.

throw in the towel on what? the work? your job? the renovation? the marriage?
your husband thinks that doctor-recommended bed rest is a bad idea while you're building a BABY?
are you really willing to risk your health and your baby's health in order not to look irresponsible or lazy?
i guess i don't understand what it is you're actually asking.
khairete
S.

Dish it out to other people! You need help, and based on what your wrote, it appears that money is very plentiful. You are so lucky that money is not an issue and that you can afford to hire help, so do it rest! Why the hell does your husband think resting is a bad idea???

Hug to you. Take a deep breath.

Now, take your husband to your next doctor appointment. Bring up your concerns & questions and your husband's to the doctor. Sometimes, hearing it directly from the doctor makes it more "real".

I was pregnant & working full time (as primary bread winner) while my we were building our house AND trying to blend a family. I understand the stress. In fact, that period of my life was an extended "aha" moment for me. It was the first time I realized I could NOT do everything myself. Just couldn't do it. There's no harm in saying "I'm at my limit" and in protecting yourself and your child -- and, by the way, thereby protecting your whole family. If anybody has a problem with that, screw 'em.

Seriously. Have your doctor talk with your husband and you together. Then, take a nap.

Hug --

You go to bed rest now.

Why do you care how it looks?

I did bed rest with mine and I had no complications. I was exhausted and sick feeling. It was a few months out of my lifetime. Really no big deal. Rest!!!
I only felt guilty the kids didn't get any attention, but honestly they ran around and played and were OK.

So many great responses here.
As a mom of four, I know what it's like to be that go-to person of a big family and how much more responsibility we have than parents with fewer kids. But you have teens now, they can take on a lot of your responsibility with the younger ones. If they don't drive, teach them, they will need to be taking the littles places when you can't. It's also time to teach them to "run the house" when you can't. Lists lists lists. What do you think is going to happen when the baby is born? You'll be on bed rest (if you do what you are supposed to do lol) then, too.

And, I have to say, I never asked my husband's opinion of what my doctor or midwife told me to do. I did what I was told and took charge of my own pregnancies, his opinion was unnecessary to my decision. Lazy? PLEASE! You are growing a human being! How is THAT lazy?

If my doctor told me to stand on my head for the rest of my pregnancy I would do it! Just ask yourself if things do go wrong and your deliver your baby prematurely or you have a stroke, are you okay with that?
This is your health and the health of your baby. Do not take chances!!!

Yes rest. Have teenagers get rides places and do your best to take it easy. Why risk full blown bed rest later if this can be managed now.

Worst case scenario, your bp goes sky high, you stroke out and both you and the baby die. So I think you should perhaps heed the advice of your doctor.

If your bp is mildly elevated and it isn't preeclampsia, you could ask about taking a bp med. If that controls it, you can continue your normal routine.