Attached Parenting Sleep Question

I coslept and nursed my son throughout the night, but I would put him in his crib for the first part of the night so we could all get some uninterrupted sleep. Then when he woke the first time I would bring him in with us and he would just nurse when he needed and I barely woke up. When he was getting around the one year mark I really wanted to do a little night weaning because I could tell it was more for comfort and routine at that point then cause he was actually hungry. So I night weaned him using a very gentle method. I would still bring him in with me, but when he would nurse I would only let him nurse for a short time...like 30 seconds, then the next time he would fuss, it would be shorter. After a while he realized that he wasn't going to truly get what he wanted out of waking and he just stopped waking altogether. I still nursed him to sleep at night until he moved to his big boy bed at 29 months and decided he was done, but there was no more night waking. It may have been easier for me too because I am sure he learned some self soothing at his daycare cause. let's face it, they don't really rock kids to sleep or pick them up when they fuss. After the point where he slept through we also found it better to no longer do the co sleeping because then he mostly just wanted to play whenever he would be in our bed. It is hard to say what will work for you, every child is different, but I hope that helps a little.

I tried to co-sleep and my son just didn't do well with it and we kept waking each other up. But, I have a friend going through the same thing right now. Her daughter was up every half hour for a week and after a nervous break down, she just couldn't do it anymore.
Her daughter is 13 months so I don't know if it's too soon for you or not. What she did was when Davi woke up, her husband would pat her back or rock her until she fell asleep. She did always go back to sleep. If she woke up again soon after, then Carrie would nurse her. The time in between started to lengthen and Davi slept better. If she was up more than twice in an hour or two, Carrie would go ahead and nurse her because she wasn't getting any sleep being woken up so much anyhow. It got better within a few days and was far better within the week.
The key is to get someone else involved so that you aren't the one lying there saying "shhhh....go back to sleep, yes my boobs are right here, but you can't have them right now". :)

I cannot give you a sure answer to this question rather I will share a bit of my experience. I have found that breastfeeding in the "true" sense of the experience, upon need, often creates a situation where the baby/toddler becomes quite accustomed to you being the source of his or her soothing at his or her most vulnerable moments, such as when s/he is sleepy, cranky, needy/unhappy etc. I also have found that until around 2 or more years they want to be nursed upon waking during the night because this is the most comforting method provided. Just think about it. You are a toddler and you have been breastfed upon need around the clock and you wake up during darkness, everyone's sleeping and you are expected to go back to sleep by "soothing yourself" or by being merely patted on the back or rubbed. Is that as comforting as being held by the closest person to you and being nurtured with their close touch and affection? Don't get me wrong, I don't think it is impossible to teach self soothing and I don't think that breastfed babies do not learn this. In fact, I have found that they are WAY more socially adjusted than the peers I have seen that did not nurse on demand or nurse at all. I just think it depends on a lot of things besides the nursing, including temperment of the individual child. So to answer you, (I know its a little broad) I would hang in there and just stick it out. It gets better and better and that first year of nursing is the hardest. After that I find it is smooth sailing. The bond created is awesome and they wake up much much less during the night so its not really bad waking to nurse them back to sleep anymore. Also, just a thought for you. You mentioned that you plan on cosleeping till 18-24 months but to continue according to his needs. Good for you for self-weaning. Research shows it is the healthiest way physically and emotionally/socially to self-wean. But I have a question you may want to ponder. When they still nurse during the night and you force them to sleep on their own, I have found that they wake up more "startled" and require nursing anyway. Also, it is quite a struggle getting them into their own room because they are used to sleeping next to you and nursing whenever they want or need. I tried it and realized it does NOT work if you do not believe in the crying out method, which I firmly feel is cruel and unwarranted. But each to his own. Different things work for different people and I will not judge others, that's just my own opinion. It does not sound like that is your thing either so maybe discuss this cosleeping vs. self-weaning issue with others in a Le Leche League or a Lactation Consultant who is positive about post-1 year nursing. (Not all are so knowledgable as you'd think they should be hence they only push one year of nursing being sufficient. This is incorrect information.) So good luck with this one and I definitely commend you for a wonderful path in parenting you have chosen. It sounds like you have truly thought through your decisions. Keep up the awesome work!!!

Hi! I would suggest not nursing him to sleep anymore, period. It is not good for his teeth. Little babies can end up with completely rotten teeth from doing that. Once you can wean from doing that I think the rest of it will fall into place. If he is used to being nursed everytime he goes to bed what should be different if he wakes up in the middle of the night. To him, he's up, he wants to go to sleep and he is used to being nursed, so that is what he wants. Try nursing him sitting in a chair and then waking him to brush his teeth, if he has any, or waking him just enough to where he has to learn that going to sleep doesn't mean Mommy nursing him. You don't have to leave him alone, you can sit with him or even rock him back to sleep, but put an end to nursing him to sleep and it will help!

My 2 yr old weaned at around 25 months and we have been cosleeping since birth. He too nursed for comfort pretty much every time he woke during the night and I nursed him to sleep for naps. Since he woke up around 45 min after I laid down with him it worked out better if I could comfort him immediately after the first wakening so I simply stayed with him and then got up after he went back to sleep. If I was gone when he woke up the first time then it seemed to take a little longer before he would settle back down. This is what worked for me and it was nice to get a litte cat nap in if needed while I waited to make sure he was settled in for awhile.

He naturally became less and less dependent on bf for sleep as he came closer to 2 yrs old which makes sense. I would periodically try to just comfort him without bf especially if he wasn't fully awake. This is much easier to do when you are aware of his patterns, etc. The only time it was really hard were the times right before he cut a tooth and the handful of times he was sick when he would wake up quite frequently.

I too believe in comforting your child according to his needs and have seen first hand the difference in children who have been left to cry it out alone. It is different to have them fuss while you (or your husband) are holding them. After my son was around 18 months I started night weaning a little to help decrease the wakenings. He was old enough to understand that "nummies" went night night for awhile.

This is my experience and some of what worked for me. Feel free to email me privately if you have any other specific questions.

All the best.

Karen

First of all-- GOOD FOR YOU FOR NURSING!

I have been co-sleeping with both of my girls since birth. The older is 3 1/2 now and transitioning herself to her own bed. We night weaned at 18 months or so. It was at that age she was able to understand that nursies go to sleep until the sun comes up. There were a couple nights where she woke up a lot but we got through it fairly well! She still nurses (just not in the middle of the night and has stopped needing to nurse to go to sleep). My 1-year old is still nursing in the middle of the night.

Is there a problem with nursing him in the middle of the night? I just feel like "if it ain't broke- don't fix it". If it calms him quickly and you both get to go back to sleep-- why not leave it alone for now.... People seem to think that it's the nursing that's the problem-- and it's not- it's a solution. Cut out the nursing and the problems will be elsewhere. How would you feel if he woke up on the hour needing to be sung to or carried about? That may end up being more work!

Good for you for co-sleeping and nursing your little guy! I would suggest you check out the Mothering Dot Commune forums and ask this question there too - there are a TON of moms there who have similar philosophies (extended nursing, co-sleeping etc) and should be able to provide you with some insight. I am happily still nursing my 18-month old son, but we stopped co-sleeping a long time ago (it was more like co-not-sleeping for us). Anyway, you can find the forums at www.mothering.com/discussions/

You absolutely can do it without CIO. The key is that you have to follow their cues and work at their pace. It is a developmental milestone, not a switch we can turn on.

I recommend the book "The No Cry Sleep Solution". I am pretty sure it has info for co-sleepers too. I didn't co-sleep after 2 months, but I nursed on demand around the clock. My son just slowly began needing me less. I would wait a minute or two to go to him if he woke up crying and sometimes he would go back to sleep. Now he sleeps through the night some nights and nurses once others.

Don't try to change things if there are other factors (sick, teething...) At this age, the additional waking could be teething pain (even before you see anything)... or a growth spurt.

I COMMEND you for the approach you have taken. It is SOOO much better for baby and you. When your LO sleeps through the night, you will know it is because he feels safe and secure enough to, not because you have silenced him and he knows that noone will come when he needs them.

You may have heard of this already, I didn't read though all the postings but I just bought the book "The No Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantly. So far so good. She has specific sections in there for breast feed, co-sleeping babies and how to get them to sleep longer and not get up to nurse as often. Good luck.

I can also only tell you about my experiences. I breastfed both of my sons for over a year. I would keep them in bed with me for the first couple of months and then right next to my bed in a bassinet or crib. I too breastfed them to sleep. They became so dependent on me. My second son was much worse than the first. If I brought him in the bed with me he would be nursing all night long. He was literally sucking the life out of me. If he woke at night, the only way to get him back to sleep was to nurse him. I was getting so frustrated. He was on solid foods then and I always fed him right before be, I knew he wasn't hungry. I too did not want to let him cry it out.

We decided that my husband was going to put him to bed and put him back to sleep if he woke up. Yes there was major screaming for a couple of nights(they are small, but very smart), but my husband was holding him and comforting him so it wasn't like he was all alone. It was rough at first, but he did learn to go to sleep without nursing. You just have to be consistant. There were times were we regressed when I nursed him to sleep during the day because I was so tired.

So if your husband is willing, you could try letting him put the baby to sleep everytime for a while.

Good luck.

I highly recommend "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Dr. Marc Weissbluth!!

My baby would only breastfeed, no bottles at all and yes fell asleep to the breast. He weaned himself with no help from me at 15 mo. Once he was roaming around the breast held little interest. He went through several periods where he no longer fell asleep in the old way-about 9 mo. after which he remained awake after breast feeding, and about 18 mo. when he started waking up at strange times. There were some rough nights but I just comforted him through them.In general I would say the basis of breastfeeding etc. really helped him and created an amazing bond. I think you have to trust that the child will continue to change and develop but that there are times when it changes and you just have to hang in there through the changing times. For my child abrupt changes from the outside never worked. He could work things out gradually and as he "matured", and it all when quite smoothly. I agree that "getting" your child's temperament is essential. They are all different. Kudos for being such a caring mom.

You might not like this but this is what I did. First, I never slept with either of my boys, EVER. I started sippy cups as soon as they could hold their own bottle. I started baby cereal mixed with juice or formula every night right before bed very early on, with my doctors blessing. On the side of my sons crib hangs an aquarium. Not sure what the brand is but, he got to the point that when he would wake up, he would roll over, hit the aquarium button and go back to sleep. Both of my boys have done very well. I've never had the problems of breaking from the breast or bottle. I've never had a problem with self soothing. I've never had a problem with breaking from a pacifier. Both of my boys do like to have their ears rubbed. Just along the inside. Good luck.