My son is now sixteen months old. I am a single (divorced) mom living back with my parents and sister. My ex-husband has never been in the picture, his choice.
My son is very demanding of attention. You would think he was starved of attention by his behavior but I think the opposite may be the problem. With a doting mother, aunt and grandparents in the house as well as great-grandparents who often visit my son gets TONS of attention. However, things are getting very bad...
He will scream for hours because he wants to be held all of the time. He does not sleep through the night. I've tried everything his Pediatrician has recommended and nothing works. He does not have a cuddle object, he instead has formed this attachment to people. I've tried carrying a particular stuffed animal everywhere, he sleeps with it and I've taken away all other stuffed animals but he still doesn't form an attachment. He loves to dance to music and will ask for it to be put on but will throw a fit if you aren't watching him. He demands someone's constant undivided attention.
I am a first time parent and would not be surprised to find out that this behavior is attributed to mistakes I've made, but what may I do know to correct the behavior? I want my son to be happy and thrive and be able to be independent.
My mother says she's never seen a child like him, she loves him dearly but says he's the most difficult child she's ever encountered.
Any kind advice or constructive criticism is welcome. Thank you very much.
I have to live back at home here because I am attending school full time and cannot afford a place of our own without an education, a degree. Unfortunately this also means that my son and I share a bedroom.
My son will even scream until the point of vomiting. He'll get so mad he'll bang his head on things or run into objects, purposely trying to hurt himself because he knows if he's injured he'll get attention. How much can he understand at only sixteen months. I've tried time out but he doesn't care, he just laughs while he's in there. I've tried letting him scream it out at night and he threw up THREE times in two hours because he was screaming so much.
Sounds like you've gotten some great advice. What worries me is that you refer to "mistakes" you've made in parenting. PLEASE, do NOT blame yourself. Parenting is always confusing and difficult; first-time, single parenting is as challenging as it gets. (Speaking from personal experience.) You are a caring mom who is doing what she believes is best for her child. Try to remember that and don't be so hard on yourself!!
Wow, M.! You've got a lot going on and must be so-o-o frustrated!
It sounds like this may very well be situational but there's also a strong chance that your son could have some special needs, like asperger's syndrome or mild autism. I think you should investigate this if only to rule it out, especially after what your mom said. I'd see if your county Intermediate School District could evaluate him for you. They have a lot of early intervention programs that are government-funded then they'd continue to work with him as he grows. You could also have him privately evaluated but it sounds like you couldn't afford that. There are some early-on programs thru other community organizations, like the county community mental health and public health agencies. You can speak to his doctor too to get an opinion there. Head Start is trying to get a grant to work with 0-3 yr olds in the fall. You might check with them too.
I'm wondering if, as you seek an evaluation of him, you could take this summer to see if you can give him an extra- strong dose of touching and affirming, mainly with you, and lots of verbal calming and reassurances. Keep him with you even more and focus on him so he feels more bonded with you as his #1 caregiver. I actually think it's good that he sleeps with you. Sounds like he feels out of control quickly. This definitely is not a child who should be left to try to cry it out. Must be terrifying for him! He's got something important going on and it's going to be up to you to find out what it is and meet his needs.
I'm glad you have a lot of support. This would be worse probably if you were alone with him all the time. He definitely is a high-needs baby! Recognizing that is the first step to getting the help you need to love him through life.
God bless you, M.! You can do this!
I don't think it's bad that your son is forming an attachment to people rather than objects. That said, I can understand your frustration. Go to the library and check out some books on parenting children with "high needs". I recommend "Parenting the strong willed child" by Dr. Laura Markham and "The Discipline Book" by Dr. Sears
a 16 mos old has a hard time processing...they understanding more than you think...but not the reason behind a time out. I.e. I don't believe that they understand they are sitting in the corner because the prior action they took was "bad". My daughter just laughs too.
You obvioulsy can't have a child throwing up everytime he gets upset and you also can't keep giving in. I would start small. Make him wait 5 minutes for something then 10 minutes then 20 minutes....As he gets more mobile and independent this will get better.
Good luck!
All toddlers are demanding! Have you tried co-sleeping? Some kids just need more touching. The crying it out thing...I believe it is cruel and unusual punishment. You are very lucky to have the love and support of your family at this difficult time. Be kind, but firm and acquire the art of patience...this will pass.
