Hi moms, my 4.5 year old son had an assessment this month with the school district. I'm still waiting for the assesment report, but they said he qualified for services. I was wondering if it's possible for kiddos within the spectrum to exhibit the behaviors more significantly when not around mom/dad. I ask because I don't really see symptoms. His daycare people said his behavior was "different/quirky" but not majorly - just enough to wonder. Eye contact at home is good. He's very verbal and his tone of voice is not monotone. He's very smart, knows letters, colors, some shapes, can count past 10.
EDIT: He's very verbal - started talking early, and one of his first words was "sample" (we go to target a lot and they have samples LOL of food). His sentence length at home is at least 6-10 words.
He's a happy kid, very social - at least when he's with me. I don't know HOW he is when he's not, and I know that school will be all about how he functions independently. I've just never dealt with this before and wanted to know if it's possible for symptoms to be present in different situations but not in other situations - I don't want my son to be labeled, misdiagnosed, but I don't want to keep my head in the sand if something is just a bit off and it's just not obvious at home.
Can you give some feedback on this? Thanks!
Please read The Einstein Syndrome by Thomas Sowell--it is a short book. We went through the same thing until we found out he has what is described in the book and we went to go see the doctor the book is based on--it was not autism--we just needed to teach him differently and the doctor told us exactly how. That was 5 years ago and my son is doing great! Do not delay in getting this book--it is on Amazon etc.
On the one hand, I have seen this with severely autistic, nonverbal kids. At home, when they're in a familiar environment, when they're in their routine, they're very calm. Away from home and the familiar, they go into panic mode.
My own son also exhibited this when he was younger. He did not, does not, have Asperger's, but when he was younger he had sensory processing disorder and exhibited some Asperger's symptoms. The outside world, especially chaotic peer-group situations, was just too overwhelming for him, and he really shut down. We had all kinds of possible diagnoses thrown at us, but for a lot of reasons (loooong story), we wound up sending him to a Montessori preschool and just really carefully monitoring his diet. The results were fantastic, and today my son functions just fine in a standard, mainstream, kindergarten classroom.
So, yeah, with any disorder related to social functioning / environmental processing, a child will react differently in different environments. And, while I want to be careful about speaking too strongly on this, I do think there's a tendency to over-diagnose and over-pathologize in our society. My own son did better in a "normal" preschool where they were just tolerant/respectful of differences in personality than he would have in a special ed environment -- but that's just him. Still, hang on to your own observations, and your own sense of what you son heeds.
Sometimes at home we are used to the behavior so it doesn't strike you as abnormal.
Sometimes a teacher or caregiver has gone to a seminar on whatever and comes back seeing whatever in every kid they see. Other times you have a crappy caregiver like my son's preschool teacher. Granted Andy has autism spectrum but she was he has straight up autism and I should accept that he will be my burden for the rest of my life. She based this on eye contact, which is also an ADD thing, touching books as he walked down a hall which I will still do, and self isolation on the playground even though the witch encouraged the other children to pick on him. Yeah picked on kids tend to stay away from the kids that pick on them, crazy I know.
So I guess what I am saying is listen to the teachers but also listen to your heart. You know your kid a lot better than the teachers do.
Oh every teacher that has had Andy since then hates that woman as much as I do. Apparently her evilness showed in the report that follows Andy.
I am not really sure about your son, but my now 6.5 year old, Drew, was so "quirky" and extremely smart for a 3 year old (when he was 3) that I even thought maybe he was on the spectrum. Now, he's still quirky and a very smart 1st grader. He is very happy and social. I say all this bc my current 3 year old, Sam, (I have 6 children) IS autistic. He is not Aspergers, he is AUTISTIC. Knowing him compared to Drew, I never had anything to worry about. I was told, by the school district personnel that help us with Sam, that Aspergers may be getting removed off the spectrum bc of overdiagnosis. I mean, some people are just quirky. How awful to be diagnosed as different. Can't they just be different and quirky? I feel so much sometimes that people are trying to fit the kiddos into a mold of what they want for their own kids. I know people don't mean any harm, but sometimes, the kids are just the way they are and there is no diagnosis or "condition". I wouldn't trade my Drew Drew's quirkiness for the world! And I wouldn't trade my Sam either. Good luck to you and be your child's advocate - if you think he's ok, I bet he is. Prayers for ya'll!
You can absolutely have symptoms outside of the home that you don't see at home. My son was diagnosed with sensory integration disorder - which is what a lot of autistic/asperger kids also have. My son was GREAT at home - where the routine was set and he was comfortable. But, I could see how things outside of the house bothered him. He didn't like crowds or noise or "strange things" (which, there were LOTS of strange things to him). One day, my babysitter called me and said he was having a serious meltdown (which I had never seen him have ever) and so that is the point where I got him evaluated and learned that he did have a disorder. So, yes, you can absolutely have symptoms and issues outside of the home.
You need to 100% take advantage of everything that they offer you. My son was very young when he got his diagnosis, so we did not get any help through the schools. We did all of our therapy sessions through private care outside of school. But, the therapies made a HUGE difference for us and so now he is essentially "cured" and does not need help. THAT will not be the case for you if your son does have autism or asperger's. I'm not trying to say there is a "cure" for that, but for sensory integration disorder, my son was tremendously helped.
You also might want to read "House Rules" by Jodi Picoult. It's a fiction story, but it REALLY opened my eyes to an asperger's child's life and what goes on at home vs. out in the world.
The biggest piece of advice I can give you is to let you know that YOU are your child's biggest advocate and YOU will have to step up and reach out and ask/demand for the help that your child needs/deserves. No one else will care as much as you do.
Even though I had no big issues with my child at home, I knew that something was "off" with him from the time he was 5 months old. It was finally the melt down at the babysitters where we got our third evaluation and a professional finally agreed that something was "off" with him and get got help (he was 2 when he entered therapy).
Oh, and just to add an example, my son got his diagnosis and also entered daycare literally the same week (age 2). Prior to that, he was in home care with very few kids. Well, my son HATED sand. Not really a problem in home care - not much sand around. Our new daycare's playground was completely sand. So, he stood there and cried the whole time they were out on the playground. He finally got over that (after weeks) and would go out on the playground. Then, after a year, they transitioned to a new/bigger playground. Well, he just stood there and cried and cried (for three days before the teacher told me about it). One morning, I took him out to the playground and we went over each peice of equipment. I talked him through each piece and showed him how to play on it (without other screaming kids around and he was with me - someone he was comfortable with). After that, he was once again fine with the playground.
Good luck!!!
L.
Try to discreetly video or film him when you're interacting with him at home. Sit down with him and do an activity, where he's speaking normally and calling out the names of letters and looking you in the eye, and have someone film it. Or if it's just you two, set the camera so it captures your interaction. Film him at other times, like when he's doing normal activities (nothing staged or rehearsed, just casual filming). Bring that to the assessment meeting. Maybe seeing him at home will shed some light on his behavior at school, or maybe if you watch the video you will see some things you didn't before.
I have to say that my son has an Autism Spectrum diagnosis (PDDNOS) and he does more of his behaviors at home than at school. I attribute some of it to the structure that school has. At home he's free to do what he wants (play w/the same single toy non stop). Also, at home he feels more comfortable to talk incessantly about whatever his restricted interest is. At school he doesn't always have to floor as the teacher talks. He flaps A lot in either situation.
I've seen this the complete opposite in my daycare. I have a boy recently diagnosed that's been perfect with me since birth.. well as much as any child is. He's not a problem child. He's a hellion for his mom and grandma and good at school so far. He just started.
If there is any chance you can pull him and homeschool, please do. They change so much over a lifetime. I raised a crazy, hyper active, emotionally combative child to adulthood without medicine and she was hard at home and eventually we were able to send her to school. Her life would be very different today if I let the schools get a hold of her earlier.
I'm in a similar situation, so I look forward to reading the helpful answers you get.
