Baby & Funeral Ettiquette

My daughter was 1O months last year when we took her to a family funeral. Loving on a baby can be very therapeutic and I went with that. I did leave my 5 year old with my in-laws he would not have understood what was going on and his energy level would not have been therapeutic.

Don't take the child to the funeral or visitation. There will most likely be a reception at a family home after the service and that will be a more appropriate place to bring a baby.

Blessings....

I would bring him. He will bring in some light to their lives, even if it's temporary. Being around a baby always lifts people's spirits.

I would try and find a sitter~

The person you need to ask this question of is the relative(s) that is planning the funeral.

My parents died a couple of weeks apart. We took my 18 mos old granddaughter to the first funeral. It was mostly relatives that attended and they enjoyed her presence. But my brother, who has no patience with kids, didn't like having her there. We left her with a babysitter for the next funeral.

We did take her to the dinner after the funeral so that relatives could love on her some more. A baby is a symbol that life does go on and helps us look towards the future.

Every funeral I've ever been to has had at least one baby there. Even if the baby makes noise, people don't mind. Babies are a part of life, and their joy makes people smile - which is something we all need in our saddest moments. When my grandfather passed away, my oldest daughter was almost a year old. She was fascinated with the incense the priest was swinging around, and actually reached out and grabbed at it as he walked by! Even the priest laughed, and everyone commented, yep, you can see grandpa in the granddaughter! (My grandpa was quite a character, as is my daughter.) So, even though my baby WAS somewhat disruptive, people still talk about it, and how glad they were that I brought her.

Don't take. If there is a lunch or family meal after the funeral, that might be better.

I've always thought the little ones at funerals keep a bit of happiness in the atmosphere. If he gets disruptive during the funeral take him out to the back and stand with him. Everyone will understand! Also, you may want to check if there is a staffed nursery for funerals at that church.....if you don't mind leaving your little one for a 1/2 hr. or so.

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Hmm...as the mother of a ten month old...I would not take my baby to a funeral. Yes, they are beautiful and lovely to look at, but they are also loud and rambunctious. I think it would be best to leave the baby with your husband or a babysitter if you can. I just took mine to my son's conference at school and she was crawling all over the place, babbling, and squeeking. I can't imagine her at a quiet funeral.
L.

I took my son to a wake, I think he must have been like 2 yrs old. I don't think I'd ever do that again, he slipped away and almost knocked over the casket! Thankfully that did not happen. I am not sure about a baby that age bc they get so vocal sometimes. I would say, sit right by the door so you can get out quickly if needed. Take care.

Take the baby and sit near the back. If/when he makes a noise, leave and wait outside.

I took my 10 month old to both my grandmother's viewing and funeral. We only lasted about 5 minutes in the funeral, but I was really glad I took him. As sad as it is, its a family time and so totally appropriate for the baby to be there. Also, family from around the country enjoyed seeing him and playing with him. My grandmother loved babies, and I'm sure she wanted him to be there, and would have been proud to see everyone admiring him.

I've taken babies to 3 different funerals and/or viewings and people always seemed happy that they were there.

I know you've already gone and have lots of answers but I feel very strongly about it, so I still wanted to answer.

Babies and children are a part of family. They belong at family events, even funerals. You were very cognizant of the fact that he could become disruptive. I agree that you should be prepared to step out as necessary. Kids should go and be made to behave during funerals, and babies should be taken out as needed, but they can be/are often a source of joy during funerals and an otherwise very sad time...a reminder that life goes on or a distraction/comfort during the grief.

When my husband's grandmother passed away, our daughter was very young. He was VERY worried about her being noisy/crying during the funeral. She started to whine a little, and he almost got up to go out with her, however, we got her to stop very quickly. After the funeral an uncle came up to us and asked if we were going to take her out during the funeral because she started to fuss. Hubby said yes...to which the uncle replied "I'm glad you didn't . Mom (grandma) loved her grandkids, she wouldn't have minded and she wouldn't have wanted you to take her out. If you'd gotten up I was going to stop you." It really touched me, and it changed my perspective quite a bit. It was a moment I'll never forget. (I still would leave w a screaming baby though LOL)

My daughter was about 1 when my husband's grandfather passed. We had to take her, I was worried about her behavior and the seriousness of the situation. It turned out everyone was glad she was there. Her "light" helped everyone deal with the situation. I let her visit during the visiting and viewing portion of everything. I took her out during the service and didn't sit graveside, I let my husband be with his family then. Who's closest to the departed? Depending on who is actually more..."shaken" by this should be left to grieve, the other should be on baby duty. As it was with us, his family, I watched her.

i took my daughter at 9 months and she giggled and cooed in the back and yelled mama midway through the whole croud laughed and still talks about her making the day happier...if ur baby cries then i'd walk outside or to the car or leave but i'd go with the baby if i was you

Bring him to both but have an exit plan for the actual funeral in case he gets fussy during the service. I have found that children at these are pleasant reminders of something joyful and my relatives have always delighted in seeing my children at wakes and/or funerals.

depends on he age and how close the relative is. Anyone less than imediate I always left them with a sitter. Its the last thing you want to hear at a funeral is a crying baby. It adds to the discomfort of mourning. Especially one that is crying non-stop or being naughty. Nerves are usually frazzled enough. If you think your baby is minimally fussy then people do enjoy having children around, it re-enforces the need for living life. I brought my nine month old to my mothers funeral. She was fairly well behaved, then I brought her to my aunts funeral a month later. She was sick and teething and it was so embarrassing I spent most of the funeral in the mothers room trying to quiet her and missing the entire service. I was not able to mourn properly. My husband does nothing to help in these departments, and while it was my aunt that passed he sat in the church pew while I missed it. I was very disappointed and angry in the least.

I would take him. Funerals in my family are for being with family, of all ages. If the funeral is at a church, they might have a place to go if he gets fussy.

I hope there are a lot of babies and children at my funeral!

Personally, I'd take him to the visitation (hopefully relatives will keep an eye on him while you pay your respects and visit briefly with immediate family) and get someone to watch him for the funeral.

I have ALWAYS brought my children to funerals, no matter what age. This is a VERY important part of life that deserves the attendance of all. My grandmother died last month and I took all four of my children including my youngest who is 8 months. She fussed the entire time (it was during her nap time). I just took her out the back doors where I could still hear the service but not disrupt everyone. My other three children (ages 3, 5 and 11) sat with my cousin towards the back of the church.

Everyone there was thrilled to see them and interact with them at such a difficult time. My aunt asked if we could go up and put a flower in her casket before they closed it and we all did. I did not require any of my children to do this, they made the choice themselves. We were all VERY close to her since she lived a few short minutes away we saw her often.

I say take your baby and just be sure to have a plan for fussiness so everyone has the chance to mourn in peace.

Bring a Mommy's helper with you. Someone who can step away with him but leave you there for the ceremony. That way people can see him but during the ceremony there won't be a disruption. Also it depends on the baby. I never could have done it with my first child but my second was a calmer baby and probably would have fallen asleep in the stroller for me.

Obviously a 9 month old is probably not one to sit still for very long. Is there someone that could watch him during the service? What I mean is if you did take him, could someone possibly watch him outside or in the lobby just during the service? I'm sure your family would like to see him but you sure don't want there to be a disruption. Just an idea. :)

Sometimes when we are surrounded by grief having a baby to play is a great relief. I am sure your family members will enjoy seeing him. It is a reminder that life goes on and we need to concentrate on the living and not our grief.
If he gets disruptive, needs a diaper change or is hungry take him to another room and take care of him. Take some toys along and let him sit on the floor and play right beside you.

Where will the funeral be held? In the funeral home? At a church?

When I attended a funeral for my great-aunt, the church staffed a nursery for all the kids.

If this isn't the case, maybe you could check to see if there will be other kids and set up a baby sitter for the funeral for all the kids and then gather them back up and take them with you if there's a gathering after.

Especially since your family is expecting to see him there, I would definitely take him, he IS family. Sit near the back or to the side on an aisle to make a quick exit if necessary, he may not care for the setting. If you're prepared to exit quickly when he begins to fuss, I don't think anyone will mind him being there, so don't feel horrible if he is disruptive. Babies and children of all ages at wakes, visitations and funerals are a reminder that life indeed goes on ✿

I would take him, sit towards the back and take him out if he becomes disruptive. My son would have slept through any sort of function so I would not have worried about it.

I think you should take him but with an exit strategy (of course).

I do think children should go to funerals, especially family members'. I remember that my parents didn't take me to my grandma's or my aunt's funeral when I was 5 and both times I felt very betrayed b/c I knew them very well. When I was 10 I went to my grandfather's funeral and really enjoyed it. I mean, I was happy to be able to see him off to heaven and it was important to see the rest of my family who "weren't going anywhere for a while". I know at 9mos old your child may not have these perceptions but I think your family would be happy to see him as long as he's not disruptive.

Our daughter was at a funeral at 6 weeks old. She did great. I sat on the a side close to the side aisle, so that in case she got fussy, I could slip out.

Family and friends loved seeing her. It is nice to have the new life to bring hope.

I think children are always welcome at a funeral of a family member. However, for me when my paternal Grandma died I wanted to be able to focus on the funeral for my healing. I had my mother (my parents had been divorced for 15 years) keep my babies and she brought them to me after the actual ceremony for the family time afterward and they were at the visitation the night before.

The rules I grew up with said that if baby is family, baby can go. If it is a friend and the friend had a child the same age as your child, children can go. If it is a friend but without children, no go. If the person is family and that family member is "important" like a political person or some such, then children that are direct decendancts.

And as always, if in doubt, ask your mother.

visitation yes funeral no

I would get a babysitter if it is close by. If you have to you can take him to
the funeral home but keep him out in the lobby not in the visitation room.
As far as the funeral, is there a mass. That could be hard for a 9 month old.
So IMO have someone watch him if you can. If you cannot, then you just
have to go with it and plan to walk outside with him when necessary.

Take him. Sit at the back. Leave the sanctuary if he becomes disruptive.