Baby Shower Ettiquette

it does not matter if it is the first or tenth baby. If someone wants to throw you a babyshower then have one. each baby is different and deserves to have his or her own shower. I enjoy going to baby showers, even if it is my friends second or third child.

I say buy what you need and if a friend wants to have a shower luncheon for you that's ok, too, but you don't need to register, anymore.

I think the old school approach that only 1st babies get a shower is a thing of the past. However, I have found that 2nd (or 3rd) showers are more of a sprinkle (meaning no big ticket items) or have a unique theme:

1. Bring frozen dinners or baked goodies to help the new mom out.
2. Shower M. (meaning bring spa gifts, cute/cozy jammies...stuff for the tired M. vs for the baby).

I remember a very similar situation to yours being asked of Miss Manners not too long ago, and to paraphrase her response:

Baby showers were designed to help the expectant parents buy all of the necessary (expensive) items for baby. Second baby showers were only considered okay if enough time had lapsed between children to suggest they may need all new essentials.

It would be terribly tacky to not only ask/approve a shower to be thrown, but to also register. Sorry, hubby is right.

If friends and family want to provide gifts to your baby, they will.

Blessings to your and your family!

Your hubby is right. I received an invitation to a baby shower for my co-workers THIRD girl in 5 years, and I was appalled. She had registered at babiesrus and the whole nine yards.....I didn't attend.

By all means, celebrate the new baby with a meet and greet once they've arrived. People will visit and bring winter outfits and goodies for the baby! When I was pregnant with #2, my friend had a luncheon right before he arrived, and everyone brought a package of diapers! It was simple and fun!

Have you considered skipping the baby shower and having a "Baby Welcoming" once the baby's born instead? This will give people a chance to get to see your new blessing and people usually show up with a gift for the baby and sometimes for the parents.

If you still have the urge to have a baby shower, how bout wording it as a casual BBQ again, people will more than likely bring a gift but, this way you're not putting yourself out there asking for stuff.

I'm thinking as a person who attended your 15 month old daughter's baby shower and knowing this one is a girl too, my gift to you would be diapers!!! As a mother of two (one still in diapers), I think diapers as a present ROCKS!!! There you go, have a baby shower but, make it fun by ask people to bring a box of diapers for a raffle on a basket of some kind, or something nice that you might already have at home but, not using. Ok, so you wont have new summer clothes, a swing or bouncer but, you'll be saving a bundle by having a good supply of diapers (don't forget to ask for different sizes)!!! It ultimately depends on the type of friends and family members that you have, some will be happy to attend your next baby shower while some might have a bad opinion to put out there. Do what feels right for you and enjoy whatever you end up choosing to do!!!

Congratulations on your new baby!!!

Odd.... Firstly, because you don't throw yourself a shower. It is even not traditionally acceptable for a member of your immediate family to throw you a shower. It is something someone else decides to do for you, and consequently, something you don't have a lot of control over.

If someone asks, you can offer that calling a celebration of this pregnancy a "shower" may be off-putting, especially for those who may have attended or participated in some way in the last shower. I have read of alternative names (such as a "sprinkle the sibling" event.) Or perhaps a theme party alternative where everyone brings diapers or frozen casseroles to be thawed and eaten after the delivery? Again, it is really the decision of whoever is throwing the party, but if someone shows interest in throwing you something, you can give hints as to what you may prefer.

Oh, and from what I have read as well as my own experiences, I wouldn't register for clothes. It is hard enough to get people to stick to a registry for bigger, more essential items. (Yes, I registered for that car seat because I did the research and it's the best and safest for my vehicle as well as a color that won't make me puke!) I keep a baby registry on Amazon.com that if nothing else is a reminder of some of the things I may wan to get later. If someone asks if you're registered somewhere, it makes me think they're actually interested in getting you.... something. Clothes, however, are something you tend to get "showered" with (pardon the pun) whether you register for them or not. Most people doing the shopping will be much more motivated by what they think is cute and wish to purchase more so than what you're actually interested in dressing your child in. (Perhaps you'll get gift receipts.)

(BTW, I am in my second pregnancy and plan on having a Welcome to the World Party a few weeks after delivery. Sometimes, however, family politics make it difficult to turn someone down when they offer to throw you a "shower." Sometimes all we can do is cross our fingers and hope for the best.)

Good luck to you.

I don't think you really should register at all, sorry. You will get gifts when you have your baby. These are all things you can get on your own. You should have plenty left from your last baby. It stinks seasons are off, maybe you can consign what you have and buy what you need for this up coming baby. Good luck!

I think personally that one baby shower is enough. If you have all the gear already why would you need new stuff? I know it would be nice to get new stuff for this baby and if someone wants to get you something then you could tell them what you would like.
Usually people will bring lots of clothes for the new baby anyway when she is born so I don't think you have to worry too much about that.
I have two two sons born in opposite seasons but the youngest had a different growth curve to the older one and all the clothes ended up fitting him at the right time.
So my honest opinion is that it may come off as being greedy if you register for gear that you already have.
Good luck :)

IMO if this is your 3rd, you shouldn't even be having a baby shower. I like the idea of a baby shower for new parents.

I know some people say "celebrate each child", but since your last child is of the same sex and only 15 months old, I would definitely feel odd having a shower, even if someone offered to throw one for me.

In my experience, it is not appropriate to register or have a shower for your THIRD baby, especially since you already have a child of the same gender as this one. If someone wants to throw you a very simple diaper shower, that is one thing, but to register for brand new baby items is, in my opinion, uncouth. Besides, it sounds like you already have most the gear you need, which is usually the most expensive stuff. Just my opinion, hope I didn't offend.

Personally, I wouldn't want anyone to throw me a shower or expect one after having the first baby. I'm due with baby #4 in 10 weeks and only had one shower for my first one. But I guess everyone does things differently. Just don't be offended if some people don't show up or give gifts, especially since your last two are close in age. Mine are all 18-20 months apart.

I had two showers and three kids. Obviously the first baby. She was a girl. Two years later I had a boy and no shower. Two years after that I had another boy, and a big shower. But the last one was a total surprise. My neighbor just had her 6th kid in 7 years and made a friend of mine feel obligagted to throw her a shower - never mind she had one with the last one, less than 2 years ago, and her husband's work throws her showers with each kid. I think THAT is overboard. I think your close friends and family will get you stuff anyways, but maybe not do a big shower. Just do a close friends and family luncheon or something. But honestly, whatever you want to do, because you are the M., is the right thing :). Good luck!!

I personally haven't heard of anyone having a baby shower after the first child, but that doesn't mean it doesn't happen. If no one has offered to give you one yet, I think you are jumping the gun by even registering. If someone asks you, then it would be fine to go ahead and register.

If no one offers, then you can just maybe register for the things that are absolutely necessary in case family or friends ask you what you may need. Definitely keep the list short so that you make sure you get what you absolutely need and not what is just a want. Don't register for clothes, just let people know you need them for the seasons according to the time of year your child is born. Good Luck and Congrats on your new upcoming little one.

I can understand wanting to have more than one shower (I just hosted one for a friend who had her 3rd baby...1st girl, but still the third baby). However...for any of the showers that I have been to that the woman already had a child or the children were close in age, there was never any sort of registry. Most people showed up with the things that you will really NEED like diapers, wipes, clothes, and burp clothes, and realized that if you WANT new things, that is on you. Even if I got pregnant tomorrow, my son and this next child would be almost 5 years apart and I don't think I would necessarily register for some of the items you have. If family members ask what you would like you could maybe ask them for those things, but personally, I wouldn't feel comfortable asking for that stuff when I'm on my third and number 2 and 3 will so close in age. Good luck!

It all depends on your group of friends or family whether you have a shower. In my group of friends we throw showers (or sprinkles) for every baby born. I am currently pregnant with my second girl and am having a shower in a few days and yes I did register and did put other things other than basics on it too!

I think your hubby is right. I had a boy in April and then another boy two and a half years later, in September. I did not have a shower the second time, even though some friends offered. I explained that I already had everything I needed. Some of my friends ended up getting me gifts anyway, after the baby was born - but, that was totally up to them to do.
Congratulations, by the way!

I'm pregnant with baby No.2, and they will be different genders. I personally have told family and close friends that I don't want them to throw me a shower. They are concinved that I should, since one is a boy and one is a girl. I told them that I don't feel comfortable asking for gifts again since my children are only three years apart. I've decided that I'm going to host a Welcome Baby lunch instead. If people want to bring gifts that's fine. You might want to go that route, especially if no one has offered to throw a shower for you. Most people will bring a small gift, and who can resist buying little girl clothes : ) I'd keep a registry just incase people are curious if you have one, most people who want to buy you something would look, but I wouldn't announce it.

Sorry, but I think your hubby is right. I would never agree to a shower for my 3rd child, not even if someone offered to have one for me.

At many stores, items for which you register that are not purchased, can be bought by you at a discount. So, you should register for everything & anything knowing you can get this discount in the end (Babies R Us does this). I think anyone who thinks you are being greedy by registering for certain things is probably not the person you would want at your shower anyway!

T.
www.mydiaperbabycakes.com

For a second daughter the best option is to host a sip-n-see at your house for friends/family to come and see the new addition. Many people will bring little gifts to this sort of fete.. You just have some bowls of snacks and some wine or whatever you drink..

Get your diaper bag from walmart.com- look up the jeep clamshell
it's big and PERFECT for multiple kids! (and it's only $15)
Check places like Ross or TJMaxx for sheets, or hit up second hand shops.Second hand shops are great for clothing too- lots of mom's that get too much stuff sell it off- so you can find new things for less than new prices. I know everyone wants brand new sparkly things for the new baby, but sometimes it isn't feasible. As far as "basics" those things are super cheap and you can buy them as you need them.

The thing about multiple showers for 1 mom is that people start to think you're just out for gifts, which sucks. I used to avoid friends that held multiple showers because I thought it was sort of greedy that they expected gifts for the bridal shower, wedding, housewarming, 1st kid, 2nd kid, etc....

I think he's right. At this stage of the game (2 kids in) I think you & hubby can provide what you need. I'm sure you'll still get gifts from friends/family.
Congrats on #3!

I am surprised you registered at all. Sometimes, if there is a large gap or the babies are different sexes I could see having one with a second child, if there is a very large gap in ages maybe even a third, but with 2 girls so close, and this being #3, I personally would not feel comfortable having a shower. If people want to give you a gift, let them decide what to bring, something that is from their heart.

sorry, but unless your family or "crowd" usually have a baby shower per baby - this is one of my greatest pet peeves. Usually your first shower is for your babies - not just the first.
You can seriously find ANYTHING you want on craigslist. As I've had to upgrade - I've just begun looking regularly and been able to find exactly what I want - from high chairs to organic bedding.

consider looking into "Blessing way's". It's a celebration of the mother and reproduction each time and usually either hand made or very thoughtful gifts are given or mom requests one major need that friends come together to support her with.
If you search it - I'm sure plenty of links will come up or message me -and I'll get you some.

congratulations on baby #3!

Wow, I didn't know many people felt that babyshowers should only be given to the first child. Well, I believe the birth of a child should always be celebrated if the parents want to celebrate it. Although I wouldn't start a registry. I would host or throw a welcome baby home, a small get together celebration or a come meet baby party if I wanted a shower. Starting a registry does state that you expect things and just from the responses on here - it sounds like many people would think you are greedy and some even disagreeing on babyshowers for the 2nd, 3rd baby. I'm not sure if the people on your guestlist feel the same way. You know them best but telling people about your registry WILL probably make everybody feel like they are obligated to get you something.

And congrats on your babygirl. I also have 2 and am expecting my third. My third is also due in December - my 2nd is also 15 months old - born in April. My oldest is 6.

I think it is funny that people question why a person would need things for a second or third child. You are already juggling finances and space for the first kid(s) and any assistance would probably be awesome! I only have one, but I see my friends grateful for any gifts/loaners they can get. If kids are close in age, you have to have multiples of some things (pack-n-play, crib, high chairs, boosters, etc.). That is not even counting consumable items (diapers, A&D ointment, wipes, shampoo, etc.) If they are farther apart, even of the same gender, you probably gave away most of the toys, clothes, etc. from the first to friends and/or others who needed them more than your already overstuffed storage did. If I have a second, I know that I would need to start over for all of the basics. I have kept some of his 2T and 3T stuff (what wasn't too worn out and full of holes and paint stains) just in case. However, it doesn't help me much during years one and two.

I say more power to you and your family/friends who are willing to support you! Whether you do a "sip and see" (I have never heard of that, but I like it) or a traditional shower - you need what you need. Congratulations!

I think anything goes these days. I personally would not have a 2nd or 3rd baby shower - but I have attended many 2nd and 3rd showers for people with kids very close in age with no issue. Its really up to you and what you feel comfortable with. I think that even if you don't have a shower a registry is nice - when ever I feel like giving a gift to someone its nice to have a registry to buy off of. I had one firend who had a gift card only shower for her 2nd and then I have had some other friends who have had Sip N See's - basically a little bruch wine party right after the baby is born people can bring a gift and come see the baby - typically you or somoene in your family has it at your house - so the expense of a big baby shower is toned down and people get to meet your new addition.

For my friend, we did a welcome baby party with just very close friends and it was her 3rd. Those of us who hadn't already brought her gifts when the baby came brought her some cute outfits (they're all boys, but this was the first one born in a different season), but it was just close friends and gifts weren't mentioned. The nice thing about this is that you can have pictures of a baby party for your child's baby book, without asking for gifts from your friends.

For my second, (both were China adoption), an online adoption group I didn't know the first time around threw me a little cybershower (we do them for all in this group) and none of us had given gifts for any of our other children, and we didn't invite any other friends from other circles who gave us gifts before, so there wasn't a "greed" issue. Most of us already had kids of another gender, so we mostly just did clothes.

In your case, you might try a welcome party or open house so people can meet the baby. Some will bring gifts but they don't have to. Limit it to close friends and family who might be giving you gifts anyway, unless you hear of others who WANT to be invited. People probably aren't asking to throw you a shower because lots of people only do them for first babies, when you don't have gear yet. I have been to very few showers for 2nd babies.

Unless someone in your family has told you that they will throw you a shower, do not register. Baby showers are only for first baby's or a first baby from a new marriage, not for 2nd or 3rd babies. It's not that you don't need anything, of course you do and I am sure people will get you gifts, but there is no need for a big party. There is nothing wrong with having a shower, but if no one is going to offer definitely do not register and assume you will have one, or throw one yourself. It is never appropriate to throw yourself a shower, then you are just asking for gifts.

Instead spread by word of mouth things you may need or want for the new baby. I'm sure you have friends, coworkers, and family that will be happy to get you some stuff.

Good luck!

I am pregnant with my second (a girl)- my son is soon to be 4 years old. I have to agree with your husband and even take it step further. I think creating a registry is in poor taste, esp since you just had a baby not too long ago.
I had a shower for my second a few weeks ago. I just told the hostess to tell people to bring diapers, wipes, and girl clothes ONLY if they ask. Otherwise, anything they give me is appreciated. (I ended up getting a ton of useful things.) Hope this helps.

I would only attend a shower once, and having ONE child myself, I would not have another shower. However, gender could be an exception, but you already have a daughter. So, it's a personal decision to have one and what you register for. Perhaps the basics is playing it safe and won't be a turnoff.

I go with tradition and think it is inappropriate to have more than one large shower like you do with the first. I think a small get together with closest friends and family is fine as long as they don't feel obligated to bring more than a pack of diapers or wipes. I agree with your husband that registering for any baby after the first is a bit greedy even if the baby is a different gender. Just my opinion.

Ok so I only read the first like 4 responses and I just had to respond. I do not think you are being tasteless or in poor taste or whatever was said. I am a firm believer in having a get together whenever you have a baby. It is a very exciting time, whether it is 5 years after your last child or 15 months after your last child. It is something to celebrate. Now going to the top with all of it (huge cake, decorations, games, the whole 9) might be a bit much, maybe just a little get together and on the invite just put that you registered for some things so if anyone WANTED to get something, they have something to go off of. I like the registry because people can choose from things that you NEED, instead of just getting a baby gift that you dont need. I know with some of my friends that have made a registry, I will look at it again after the baby is born and get something off there that has not been bought yet and give it as a welcome home baby gift. I just dont want you to feel bad about making one. It is not selfish or in poor taste. I hope this helps, and hey lets focus on what is really going on here, YOU ARE HAVING ANOTHER BABY~ good luck and enjoy~

I don't think that it would be greedy at all. First off, this baby needs just as much acknologement as the others, so there is nothing wrong with wanting some "new" things for him/her. I have a friend who I threw her a "baby sprinkle" for her 4th child even. I think it's important to celebrate them as well. We called it a "baby sprinkle" because you don't need everything anymore so it's not a shower but just a little sprinkle. I thought it was a cute to call it that and everyone was just as happy to be there then as they were for the first 3.

You shouldn't ask for one or for gifts (because telling people you registered = that). Of course, if someone OFFERS...all bets are off.

AND if you have a very close friend or sibling you could quietly confide in - someone who loves you without judgement - you could ask THEM to tell others how much it would help you out if someone gave you a bouncy chair and someone gave you diapers and so forth.

Be open to nice hand-me-down clothes and bouncers as well.

I understand.. I dont feel comfortable to have 2nd baby shower after the 1st baby shower, but I like the idea of Welcome Baby Brunch or lunch instead of.

Our close girlfriends and I like to surprised our friends whoever is pregnant after the 1st baby with more diaper packages, meals for 1 or 2 weeks, and chip in one gift card at dinner with friends a month to few weeks before birth.

sorry but I agree. you have a 15 mo old so you must still have mostly everything that you would need. and even if it is a diff. sex that does not matter when they are young you can use pink/blue whatever. all you really need is clothing and you might just get that as gifts when they come to visit, or you can get cheap stuff at a used childrens clothing store. as for soap and stuff I feel you just buy them on your own personally. I would not have a shower for a second kid let alone third esp if I had a 15 mo old. I am not trying to sound rude so I hope I did not sorry it is hard bc you can hear my tone, LOL. I am just stating what I would do.

he would have been right several years ago. but its a new game now. i had my second and planned to give myself a diaper shower. which is what most ppl are doing now. i would stick to having a couples diaper shower with letting ppl know you are registered. * I see a lot of suggestions that you have a party after the baby is born. i have a jan and feb babies. thats flu season. i am so not up for having a ton of germs in my house right after the baby is born. no thanks :)

I think you should register for things you need or will use. As far as "basics" gp you probably have some from your last one. It will be up to the purchaser what they end up buying you but I odnt think I ever looked at a registry (no matter what # the chikd) and thought someone was being greedy. As long as you give a good price range of stuff I think you register for whatever. The other stuff you mentioned all fall under basic to me I wouldnt think of them as extras.

Oh and we are hving our 2nd in dec as well and a friend reccomended that since not the 1st child a good thing to do is a diaper raffle at the baby shower. You buy something pretty cool and for every one that brings diapers they get a raffle ticket and at the end someone wins the cool prize.

If somebody offers to throw a shower, a more appropriate response is to suggest a sip n see after the birth.

why don't you create a registry with www.depositagift.com for service oriented stuff, like babysitters, swim lessons, etc. things that are really useful and make sense. at the end of the day, money is the most useful gift so that you can put it towards what you really need, and this is a cute way for people to contribute.

Perhaps I'm "old school", but I always thought baby showers were for 1st babies only. When baby number 2, etc, come along, anyone who wants to give a gift, will do so. For family members and close friends, I always gave a gift for each new baby. That was a choice I made. I have to agree with your husband. Maybe you need to rethink the registry. Or at least some of the items you included.

I don't think you are being greedy but your children (especially the girls) are close enought to easily use what you have (barring any damage or safety issues). People should not be asking you if you are having a shower (if they do, your answer should be "if someone throws one"). I think that a small shower would be appropriate...nothing big but maybe a luncheon for family and close friends/co-workers. Basically the necessities should be on oyour list and a few other things.

I agree with your husband. With my third I just did a registery for things I wanted to buy. I had a couple friends and family ask what we needed. I told them about the registery. I don't think you should have a shower. Maybe we welcoming dinner w/ close friends and family when they baby is born. You'll get clothes for sure.

Until someone is offering to give you a shower, I would keep it down to basics and clothing. You can always add things later. It's only been 15 months since your last baby so I think people would expect you to have kept all of the necessary & more expensive "gear" (especially since your last baby was also a girl) and registering for those things may raise some eyebrows. It's different everywhere, but in some parts of the country, people only give showers for the first baby or if they are spaced really far apart or a different sex. Wouldn't you have crib sheets, towels and burp cloths from your last girl? I do understand wanting "new" for each baby...

You will most likely get gifts of clothing after you new baby girl is born anyway so you should be fine! I would start saving some of your daughter's clothes now, because as the little one gets older, they will probably work for her...the 4 months won't matter that much in most seasons :)
Congratulations!

Yes and no, but who cares what people think? You need what you need. I thought I could use a lot of my first daughter's things for my second, and ended up having to get quite a bit more. And we also had the clothes issue, as one was born in Febuary and the other in October. It doesn't sound like you're going overboard and asking people to buy you Swarovski-studded pacifiers, so I wouldn't worry about it. And I'm sure people will ask if you need anything, everybody loves getting gifts for a new baby! Good luck!