Baby Showers for Subsequent Children

I guess look at it this way even if you hadn't given everything away don't you think you would still need more since they are twins.

I know a lot of people who had showers when they were pregnant with twins regardless of how many older sibs they had.

The idea of having a baby and expecting other people to fund the experience is rude to me. That said, anybody who wants to bless my baby is welcome.

Instead of a baby shower you could suggest a meeting of the babies shower. After the new ones arrive have a party for everyone to meet them. You can always put gifts not necessary on the invite. People who want to give you a gift are going to no matter what. Having a shower past the first child I agree is awkard. I never attend these showers as I feel it is just a ploy to get free stuff for the baby.

Every baby is a gift and worth celebrating. I don't see anything wrong with having a shower. I don't know if I would actually have a registry though. I see their usefulness, but I am never comfortable with them. Perhaps if you have a large item the group could contribute towards, you could suggest that? Otherwise, let people come up with what they want to give you, if anything. Congratulations! Oh, and I don't think you were irresponsible in this. I see it as God's providential hand in your life, blessing you richly. It's all about perspective. Stories like yours remind us that God truly is the one who gives life.

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I had a shower for my second baby as well as for my first. It wasn't my idea; it was a surprise (the shower, not the baby).

I wish we could start a fashion of recycle-themed showers for subsequent children, because baby things do wear out if they're not given away! In my case, that second shower was a "used" one, long before it became a fashion, with my friends giving me things of theirs that they knew I could use and that they didn't need any more. I was delighted. If I had been expecting twins, I'd have been twice as delighted.

I'm also happy that your MIL is excited about your new family members (that's something that *didn't* happen with us), and I hope you'll be more excited about them when you feel better. Maybe your mother-in-law would be willing to consider a recycling theme; it's trendy right now, and would go well with a beautiful (and non-recycled !) luncheon. Instead of registering, perhaps you could make a list of what you'll need that your friends could hunt up at second-hand shops - or their garages - and wrap beautifully.

First of all congrats!

Secondly, as the mom of multiples, don't look a gift horse in the mouth!!

Go ahead and register. What's the harm? Let her go ahead and host something. It will make her feel important, you'll get things that you won't then need to go buy yourself, and you'll be celebrating your new additions.

At worst, people won't buy from the registry.

Edit: I see registries not as asking for gifts, but to let people know what items and styles you like. At the very least it could be used as a shopping list when the babies arrive for hubby or MIL to get the last minute things without having to decide a second time.

If you don't like showers, then have a 'sprinkle'... where people bring diapers, wipes, washclothes, etc. inexpensive items vs. cribs, carseats, etc.

Well, first of all Congratulations!

I agree with you.
If your MIL is "a very successful woman" then she should know better.

Tell her you will receive gifts anyway, and you don't need help "replacing" what you discarded. Tell her that you can afford to replace the things on your own.

Good luck!

First off baby showers are gifts for the parents they are gifts for the babies! It's a birthday party of sorts.. It's a celebration and too many people see it as gift mongering and it's sad! If you have family WANTING to throw you one you should feel blessed, my mom is of the persuasion it's tacky and we aren't well off enough to afford everything and it's freaking scary... not to mention this time it's a boy so alls we have is a ton of girl stuff.. so now I'm left panicking for the next two months, selling off toys to buy a crib, you name it. Feel blessed that they want to celebrate your newly expected twins, don't expect much and have fun!

I don't think you should feel bad because you have other kids or for giving away your other baby stuff. That doesn't matter. My thought on baby showers is to get together and celebrate the new life growing inside you and to receive presents for your little ones. Nothing wrong with that. You enjoy being pregnant and just have fun. When you go register, if you do, you click for everything and people are only gonna bring you what they want or can afford anyways. So don't feel bad. I have 3 children. My first two girls I never had a baby shower and with my third, my sister threw me a baby shower and it was awesome. Family and friends came and some close neighbors. It was beautiful and people brought lots of gifts! So they do it from the kindness of their hearts so you shouldn't feel bad just because this pregnancy wasn't planned or because you gave stuff away or because it's not your first baby. You enjoy that baby shower and go register honey....LOL! Well good luck and take care and don't stress over this.

The whole "no baby shower for 2nd, 3rd baby" thing is becoming a thing of the past.

Its like white after labor day........no one cares anymore.

Now everyone wants to throw, attend and have baby showers for subsequent babies. Because its a celebration of a baby!....not an occasion where you can see how many things you can get. The mindset is all changing now. Ive noticed in my circle that 1st baby showers are real big with tons of gifts. Second , third and on....its smaller and mainly the gifts are diapers and clothes.

The men even throw "pamper" parties now....its like a barbeque with drinking and normal guy behavior, the only difference is guests bring a bag of diapers.

I would go ahead and register for things you know you need regardless of if you still had all your stuff (diapers, wipes, bottles, etc.) and remember w/ twins, you would have needed stuff anyway.

if she wants to throw one, I'd let her. Maybe you could suggest a "diaper" shower where everyone can just bring diapers, maybe of different sizes, so that you'll have plenty. My guess is that that's what you'll need the most of for awhile. You shouldn't even need a second crib until the babies can move on their own, they'll most likely sleep best together.

Get a grip on yourself. Most people who love you and want the best for you and your upcoming new additions to the family will look forward to having this kind of celebration.

Having your family and friends help purchase the things these new additions will need is important and vital. It really does take a village and I would want my village celebrating with me right from the start.

I say be practical. Think of how much help this will be to your family thereby freeing up some needed finances down the road. You will be needed two of most things. It will add up fast.

I feel the same way as you do. I'm very uncomfortable with showers for subsequent children. Yes, every child should be celebrated, but we celebrate in different ways. I really don't like making people feel obligated to buy me a gift. If they want to buy the babies something, they will whether there is a shower or not.
If this were my mother in law, I would let her know that it makes me uncomfortable and insist on not having it.

If you are able to afford replacing the items then suggest that she host a "meet the baby" party at your home after the baby arrives. I went to one recently and it was lovely. People (of course) brought gifts, but it wasn't the "focus" of the party.

I have also attended a "Sprinke" party where we were the momma-to-be did not register, but we all knew what little items she needed. Think "small but useful"- nail clippers, receiving blankets, socks, no-scratch mittens, clothing, shampoo, lotions, etc. Things that you wouldn't likely reuse anyway. Her mother and MIL gave her a double stroller and the rest of us gave her small item.

I think registering for 2nd or 3rd children is a little tacky, but I wouldn't be offended by an invite to come celebrate a new baby. Then again, I'm the type the buys a shower gift and then sends something small after the baby is born- babies are wonderful and it's a great reason to celebrate!

If she really wants to do something... encourage her to keep it small and intimate. Remember that she's excited too!

Congrats to you!!

I tend to agree with you in this situation...particularly regarding registering. Why not compromise and let her throw you a very low key "diaper and wipes" shower. We did this for a friend of mind who had 2 kids VERY close in age. It's a way to celebrate the baby (because all babies deserve that), but not put any expectations on anyone, just a simple gathering to shower mom with essentials that she wouldn't have already gotten with the first shower....i.e...diaper, wipes, etc. If anybody knows the circumstances and wants to give something else/additional it would just be a bonus.

I'm sure most of your friends and family that you would invite will be understanding to your situation and would love to contribute something for your TWO new arrivals. :)

I'm now pregnant with our 4th child after dwelling of not having any more so I thought I put most items in the garage sale long time ago & some I donated I don't feel bad for doing so just need to buy them again or borrow the play pin & swing from my sis she insisted so i'm ok with that we do have the crib high chair breast pump & lots of girl clothing left over so if it is a girl she is well stocked.I would never imagine having a shower for my kids just my first I feel it isn't the responsibility of others to provide for us this is what we wanted this is what we will do to provide for them if they would like to send a gift great it is well accepted if not no grudge from it.Put your foot down if this isn't what you want plus you feel it isn't right then tell her plain & simple.

I say just openly accept the shower that she wants to host for you and if ppl invited feel its unnecessary to spend money on a gift because of the situation that you explained then they just wont attend
Twins are usually an exeption to this rule and ppl seem to be drawn to twins so Im sure ppl will want to help out with more baby stuff
Good Luck and Double Congrats

If she wants to give you a shower then let her. ask for diapers and wipes and only the most basic stuff. although with twins your going to need at least one more crib and at least one swing. can you ask for any of your stuff back when the other people are done with it?

I *totally* understand where you're coming from. We're in a weird stage in this country terms of "every child should be celebrated" vs. "a shower is to help the parents-to-be get started." There is a compromise, which is what we did. Instead of having a shower for our last two (of three, but the oldest is 18 - a boy - and the young ones are three and one - both girls), we had welcome parties. Both parties were when the babies were about six weeks old. People went crazy buying things (mostly clothes) for our oldest daughter. So on the invites for the youngest, I really stressed how generous everyone had been before and that our youngest wasn't really in need of anything but love. Not exactly true, as it left us with purchasing all of the big stuff, but I'd rather do that than rely on others for our choices. And on the other hand (because really, I can have it both ways, lol), I didn't want my youngest to be the only one who wasn't celebrated.
I was pleasantly surprised, by the way, that only about half the people brought a gift for our youngest. Even better, they didn't go crazy buying things as they had a few years earlier.
Best wishes for a happy and healthy pregnancy, and for finding a path here that satisfies everyone at least mostly.

In most cases, where you had a girl two years ago, had a shower and are expecting another girl, and having another shower, I would be annoyed at another shower invite.
If my friend were unexpectedly having twins, I would be ALL for her having a shower! I say go for it! You are going to need it and Im sure people understand!
Congrats on your bonus babies!! LOL Thats what I call my third! My little bonus. :)

Super congrats, btw! Hmm. Tough one. I agree, it's a little weird. But if you can't avoid it, perhaps just put more reasonable items on the registery. Keep the big ticket items off, that way you won't feel like you are asking for things you feel you should buy yourself. Everyone loves to get gifts for babies! It's not like wedding gifts. People truly LOVE shopping for little ones, so don't feel too bad.
Also, perhaps you get control of who you will invite. That way you can invite a nice small group of people and really make it about the celebration and not the collection of items. Just trying to think about how you can resign yourself to it with it not being so uncomfortable for you.
And, when the time comes to have it, just enjoy it:)

I am in a similar situation as you and am actually thinking I may opt out and say no to my MIL. We just found out we are having a girl after two boys so she wants to have a "sprinkle", as some call it. I agree that every baby deserves to be celebrated, but we didnt have a sprinkle for my second son so I feel really weird about it. I dont want to give him anymore "middle child" ammo later in life. ;)
She is so excited about her soon to be grandaughter that I hate to disappoint her and say no, but for some reason it just isnt sitting right with me. And I in no way want people to feel obligated to giving us gifts! So I am thinking of letting her know that if she wants to have a small family get together to celebrate, maybe a little dinner or something, then ok, but as for a big, "invite all your friends and family" event, Im going to play the "it's too stressful" card.
Also, I had a friend that had a small sprinkle when she had a boy after a girl (only 20mnths apart) and I heard so many negative comments about it. She registered too as a request of her family and a lot of people thought it rude. However, she is one of those that doesnt really care much about others opinions so it didnt faze her and I thought the party was fun and enjoyed getting together with her family and friends.
Its a tough choice!
Ive never been big on the baby celebrations after baby is born. I am a bit of a germaphobe and I hate the thought of lots of people passing my baby around at a party! And then I always feel like my after baby hormones and a big group of people would be overwhelming. Overwhelming for the baby too I would think! Anyway - good luck to you! And CONGRATULATIONS on the twins!!

I just posted the same question a few weeks ago (ANOTHER Shower?!?) my then youngest is 13 mos and my oldest is 3. We thought we were done, but #3 got here about 2 weeks ago. Between the first two, I had 5 showers! When my MIL called to ask if she could throw me one for this baby, I thought it was excessive, esp since my daughter was barely one! But she's like your MIL, can't tell her no, and I did try to politely decline. So, we had a nice lunch with a couple games and those that wanted to bring a gift did so, most brought diapers.

Where I come from you get one shower, no matter how many kids, but out here, they throw you one for every kid. All babies are a gift and should be celebrated. Embrace it, doesn't sound like you have a choice anyway. ;)

Good luck, and congrats on your babies!

I agree with you to a point. When I found out my 2nd was another boy, I didn't have a shower because I already had everything I already needed (if someone insisted, I was going to insist on a book shower or diaper shower or mommy shower, but the church that was insisting didn't end up actually following through-was fine by me! I don't like being the center of attention either!)

I am now preg with #3 and I will only have a shower if it is a girl (at least that is what my sil said when she found out I was preg..."hope it is a girl so we can have a shower"), but only because I have no girly stuff and will prob only be for clothes (I have all the other things...why would I need doubles just so it is pink...hint, hint grandma! LOL!) Anyway, I think you "need" a shower because I believe showers are "needed/appropriate" when there are big changes (different sex all of the sudden, lots of years between kids, multiples), so I would let them throw you a shower to help you get some doubles of things that you will need for the added baby-even if it is just TONS of diapers!!! :-) Congrats on the twins! So exciting!

I have said this before to other posters who asked the question about baby showers for 2nd, 3rd, etc. babies -

ALL BABIES ARE MIRACLES AND ALL BABIES SHOULD BE CELEBRATED.

Let her throw you a baby shower - if people don't want to attend then they don't have to. But IMHO, I think it is lovely that she wants to celebrate the impending birth of her new grandchildren.

Congratulations on you double miracle.

God Bless

Your story sounds just like mine. I was sure we were finished at 3, gave everything away slowly and just as I gave away the last of it....basinet and highchair we were pregnant. I had a sister-in-law who kept asking/wanting to have a shower and I, like you, felt it tacky.
I told her that we'd wait and see if we needed anything. I just put the word out there that we needed baby stuff again and by the baby was here we had everything we needed. We didn't have to have a shower and we didn't buy but a handful of things.
You could try using this same approach. You may need to have a shower with twins AND I don’t think a shower for twins is tacky. No one has two cribs, two swings, two car seats, two everything. Good luck.

I think every baby deserves to be celebrated really! Even more in your case since two are coming. :)

I see no reason to celebrate the new babies, but there are different ways of going about it. A full fledged shower? Probably not appropriate. The registering part is really the only think that would be inappropriate for your situation. You should have a luncheon or brunch where you receive clothing and diapers/wipes.

Tell her that while you appreciate the suggestion, you would rather have a celebratory gathering more so than a shower?

Accept the shower. I'm against subsequent showers as a general rule but your case is the perfect exception. Two of the subsequent showers that I went to were for families having twins - even if you hadn't given things away already, you would still need things. I too was thrown a second shower because I had 6 years between my first two children and none of the guests at the second shower were at my first, which had been a very small affair for just one side of my family.

In addition to gear, you'll need so many clothes and diapers! Just let you MIL know that you want it to be very low-key.

We gave away everything after my 3rd child (because we were done LOL) and then along came our 4th, less than two years later. Because we had given so much away to friends, they were very happy to recycle it back to us for one more go around. I bet once people find out you're expecting (especially two!) you'll get lots of offers for gear. You can stock up on that and then focus your registry on clothes, diapers and smaller items.

Congrats!

Have the shower! I had showers with all of my kids! My first and second sons were surprise showers thrown by my husband and my last baby, the daughter who was 5 years after the son, was thrown by my son's godmother. I didn't register for my first two since they were surprises, but registered for my last one! It was so fun. If people love you and want to lavish things upon you let them. If they are family and good friends they will want to, believe me. If they are fuddy duddy's who don't want to celebrate you new additions then they really weren't that great a friend in the first place in my opinion.
L.
Wanted to add - When I registered for my daughter I put things on there that I thought we would need. Diapers, wipes, butt cream, shampoo, lotion, snack bowls, some clothes (but for when she was a bit older 9 months and up) I didn't put any of the big ticket items on because I garage saled a TON before she was born.

I think that a shower is appropriate, since you are expecting twins. You obviously would not have 2 of everything, even if you did keep your baby stuff!