Baby Sleeping Problems Grouch Hubby

My son has a full out tempertantrum at 8 months. He did this after I took a toy away that he could not have. I knew I was in for it. He is now 2 and boy was I right. He is not a very good sleeper either. When he was little I would go in there every 15 min for so and tell him it was time to go to sleep. I work full time and so my husband works nights so It was only me at night. It got really hard to keep getting up and not getting any sleep. I finaly gave in as well and tried to have him sleep with me. This just made things so much worse for the next night. I have several girls in the office I work in that had there children sleep with them. One has a 12 year old that still crawl in bed with her in the middle of the night. I was told over and over again not to start that. So finaly I just let him cry it out. First for 5 min then 10, then 15, then 20, etc. He got the point. I also has a lot of the things you put on the crib and play music and they can watch stuff on it. I attached a lot of toys as well. anything that could keep him busy . He still does not sleep well as a 2 year old, but now he is at least quite in his room. He knows he has to stay in there until it is light out and then he can come and wake me up. Good luck!

I am sorry that your husband is not helping and is adding to your stress.
It sounds like you are doing a great job and just try talking to him again.

♥

You can't "make" him be anything. But he sure sounds like he's acting like a jerk.
I wouldn't be comfortable with letting a 9 mo cry and scream for an hour. Have you tried the technique where you let him cry for 5 mins, go in, say nothing, pat his back & leave and repeat?

You guys need a plan and need to pick about 3 nights to implement. It will be 3 awful nights. If anyone knew of an easy noiseless way or a magic wand to do this--they would be a millionaire. Your husband is gonna have to man up and deal. men just can't take things like women can, IMO. If it were up to them to birth the babies, we'd have been at 0 population LONG ago! ;-)

This is why we only had one child.. My husband and I both, must have sleep. Especially when we were both working full time.. I just cannot function without a full nights sleep.

Please have patience with your husband. Get him some really good ear plugs.. Maybe try "cry it out starting on Friday", so your husband does not have to get up and go to work the next few days without sleep.. Also remind him that a infant , baby, toddler and young childs sleep patterns change every few months.. So heads up..

What my mom suggested to us and it helped was when our daughter woke up in the middle of the night, try to give her 5 minutes to go back to sleep. If not, get up feed her, and change in as much dark as possible. if necessary get a nightlight. Do not speak to your child do not engage your child the entire time.. We also discovered that cold baby wipes shocked her so much she would scream and cry, we purchased a diaper wipe warmer, it changed our lives. Maybe also time to consider a pacifier.. We had a friend who would leave 4 of them in their childs crib so she could reach around and find one on her own if she woke up.

I am sending you strength, patience and a good nights sleep.

ok. I don't mean to criticize... but... you just called your husband an idiot. C'mon... he likely didn't sleep very well last night. A 9 month old in bed with you, when you are not accustomed to it, add to that your spouse totally disregarded what you suggested (I'm betting he wasn't "all for" bringing the baby into bed with you either)... of course he is mad. Probably less at your son than at YOU.
I'm not saying that you have to do the cry it out to please your husband... but you guys need to work together and not undermine each other. He was TRYING to support you... trying a new method for your son to get to sleep. I learned from my husband, that you (as the mommy) can't always be the only one that knows anything or has a valid idea. Otherwise, you get what you ask for: no help b/c nobody else knows anything anyway (sarcasm intended).
Maybe do some research on different "cry it out" type methods - (the good ones.. you do not just ignore your child) and take some of your husband's ideas and give them a shot.

K.-

I'm with you on not doing the Cry It Out method. I don't see how it's beneficial to anyone no matter how many people try to sell me on it.

From your account of the situation, there's no excuse for how your husband is responding to it. We all handle stress differently, but a 9 month old doesn't know what they're doing adversely affects us. Wouldn't it be awful if there was a real issue such as an ear infection that you just don't know about yet?

We've asked our pediatrician about issues with our kids' sleeping. Our son is awful, our daughter is a rock star. He said it's normal for kids to go through different patterns of sleep. Just as you think you have a schedule, they're likely to change and throw everything off.

I hope you get back to a restful spot soon. To prevent your husband from being a bear, can you take your son to another room and get him back to sleep that way? A spare bedroom, the sofa? Something that doesn't affect your husband's sleep and temperament?

When you say you let him cry for an hour, did you just leave him scream that entire time or did you go in to attempt to soothe him? When we let our son CIO, we would go in every 10-15 mins, lay him back down and say goodnight. Doing this assured him that he wasn't being abandoned, but it also taught him that crying wasn't going to help him get his way.

Keep in mind, sleep training isn't going to happen overnight...it will take several nights. Some nights will be better than others, but in the end its worth it.

Something else to keep in mind, studies show that babies that go to bed between 7 and 8 PM sleep more soundly and longer than those that go to bed later. Being overtired and/or overstimulated leads to less restful sleep.

My son is 22 months old and we did sleep training when he was 4 months old (I refused to have a child that was dependent on me putting him to sleep). It took 4 nights of using the technique from Tracey Hogg's "The Baby Whisperer". From time to time we have to do a "refresher" (like recently with the transition to a bed). He was a 7-7 sleeper with 2 naps (4-5 hrs total) until about 2 months ago. Now he goes to bed at 8:30/9:00, takes 1 nap for between 1 1/2 - 3 hrs.

As for your husband, men are wired differently. My husband was very against letting our son cry but he trusted me and knew that I wouldn't do anything to harm our son. You both have to be in agreement on whatever you choose to do in order to be successful.

Its hard when you have a baby that isnt sleeping which in turn affects everyone elses sleep. Perhaps you can tell hubby in a firm way that you are doing the best that you can do and flat out tell him he needs to be more supportive and not critical. You cant magically make the baby stop crying. Maybe the baby needs to go to sleep earlier? By 9 mos my daughter was sleeping from 6:30 to 6:30. Maybe you can try going back in and just patting your son and doing the shhhhh, but not pick him up. you may have to do it for over an hr or so or for numerous nights until he catches on. we did that with our daughter to teach her to sleep in the crib. It's kind of like CIO method, but we didnt just drop her in there and abandon her and let he cry insessantly. I would go back in at 5-10-15-25-35-etc minute intervals to let her know we were still in the house but it was night time and it was time for her to sleep and she wasnt getting out of the crib. I always did the shhhhh and patted her but didnt pick her up. We did that for one night (about an hr)and she caught on and has slept from 6:30 to 6:30 since that (she is now 17 mos). Maybe he is teething or has some post nasal drip that is waking him up? Maybe he is too hot? It could be a number of things.I feel for you and hope that you can make the situation better soon. Hubby needs to realize that baby is a baby and he cant help it...its no ones fault. Good luck!

yeah, you are doing the right thing. my husband was sometimes frustrated too when our son was younger because baby was very high needs. thats probably what your son is like; he just will not accept substitutes and that is ok! :) its just a part of who he is.

i dont know how you get your hubby to understand that. make sure that you are still fulfilling his needs too for private time and just time together, whether he likes backrubs or whatever. that will help him feel a little better.

i think you are doing the right thing, sometimes when we as mothers do the right thing it seems like the wrong thing to everyone else. i think that you just need to stay patient, and let him have some time to relax or something. guys are so wierd about babies! my husband was the youngest of everyone in his family; his 2nd cousins are having kids at the same time as him. so he really had no idea what babies were like, where i was the 2nd oldest in our family that lived nearby anyway and i took care of the cousins all the time. so its just different. if your husband is limited in his experience with kids, he just doesnt understand and has preconceived notions about what babies are really like.

definatly dont cry it out. or at least not until hes older. right now he is telling you he needs you; not trying to play games with you. like i said, i dont really know how to get your husband to understand that what you are doing is what your son needs. my husband understands it NOW but there were certainly times he didnt understand it back then.

if you feel comfortable, try to arrange a dinner out just the 2 of you. nurse baby before you go and after you get back, so that he probably wont need anything later. make sure you can put baby down for a little while and take care of your husbands needs. remember, hes not being selfish either, men have needs (just like babies!) and if we dont fulfill them they get aweful cranky too. so do your best, i know how you feel, but you wont regret making time for your hubby! :) it might help him too if he feels that baby is monopolizing you!

Babies will change sleep patterns as they grow. It won't always be a peaceful sleep every night, your husband needs to understand that. The more you show frustration with your children, the more they fight you back. They can somehow sense your anger towards them.
Why don't you tell your husband this: Since I seem to have more patience with our son than you do, why don't you just let me deal with him. You know, I have a special needs child who NEVER sleeps. She is almost 3 years old. Over the last almost 3 years my body has been programmed to get 3-4 hours of sleep a night! Your husband should be thankful that he is not in my shoes. He wouldn't last two nights! It's ok to go and rescue baby from time to time, sometimes they need that comfort, and of course us mom's just automatically switch the "mommy mode" on when we hear our babies crying.
I would continue to try and talk with your husband about this, and if he refuses to listen or be receptive to you, then you do what you need to do as a mom. I have a son who is 8 months old and he still does not sleep thru the night either.
Children can be hard to deal with as they grow, that is just part of life. It angers me that your husband is enraged at an innocent little baby.... I really don't know what to say to that except I am glad that your son has you for a mommy!
Good luck!

Check out Mary Sheedy Kurcinka's book, "Sleepless in America." She should have some good tips for you. I didn't belieive in the cry it out method and it didn't work for my kids. It doesn't work for all kids because they all have different temperaments. Mine got so agitated they would throw up, which I found unacceptable for me and the baby. It sounds like your little one is probably overly tired which is a vicious cycle that can lead to more sleep problems. He should be going to bed earlier, although I can empathize because I struggled with that too. Trying getting his bedtime earlier in 15 minute increments every night and make sure he's still napping during the day too. No advice on the grumpy husband. Sleep deprivation can make us all do things we don't do when we are well rested. Good luck. Mary and her book were a big help to me and my boys.

Edited to add: you might want to have him examined by his pediatrician just to make sure there isn't anything physical or medical going on--ear infection, teething, tummy ache, etc. All of those things are very disruptive to sleep and even after they clear up the sleep patterns can be interrupted for weeks, unfortunately.

I hate to say this to you, but your husband is right.

You're sweet baby has learned that he is the boss and not you. I can understand how terrible it is to let them cry it out and an hour seems excessive.

Assuming there is no medical issues like ear infection, reflux, etc. you could do some easier transitions, such as sitting next to his crib (do not pick him us), and slowly move out of the room. There are other ways that are less stressful to you.

The reality is that you need to teach him how to go to sleep in his own bed, not only for you and your husband's sake, but for his. It is an invaluable lesson that will follow him his whole life to be able to go to sleep on his own.

Good luck,
K.

I don't know how to fix your grouch but I did want to say be patient with the little guy...mine is doing the same thing because he is cutting his top two teeth and learning to walk. They just want to be close during this time of pain from teething and uncertainty with the new milestone. Hang in there...perhaps DH can move to a different room where he won't hear the little guy fuss as much so he can sleep well and hopefully relax

Neither one of you is right or wrong so don't let anyone tell you that what you are feeling is wrong. There is probably a reason your baby is waking up now. Trust your instincts, follow your heart, and it won't let you down. Good luck.

Cry it out and get it over with. You were almost there after the hour. If your son knows you'll come when he cries, he'll wake more often and not get the sleep he needs. They won't even remember a night or two of crying it out. Once you get through the first nnight, the time crying out will become less and less til he won't even wake up at that time anymore (It will take a week at most). It is not cruel. Kids throw fits at any age, including this one. You give in and they get steadily worse. Just ignore it. Use earpugs if you need to. He just needs to see he can do it himself and he'll surprise himself by doing it and will have mastered a skill he needs... going to sleep and back to sleep by himself.

Ok you said he use to be a good sleeper how long has he been waking up and you feeding him and bringing him to bed with you ? You have taught him he wakes up and cries mommy comes feeds me and brings me to bed with her and daddy . He is at a age he does not need to eat at night by 6 months they should sleep through the the night with out eating . If he wakes up through out the night you need to go and sooth him in his crib you should not pick him up . Do not turn on the light . As other people have said it will take a couple nights for him to learn it is ok to go back to sleep on his own and that mommy is here . For your husband to get mad there must of been a reason but he should of handled it better you are trying . But me and my husband never brought out children to bed with us that was a big no no in our house because we seen so many of our friends do it and regret it later .

I disagree with letting kids cry it out. How do you feel when you go to sleep upset? How well do you sleep? I would try soothing music. Get a CD of a soft lalabyes or classical music, even soft rock like Anne Murrary and rock him to sleep or almost to sleep then lay him in the bed. Do not bring him to your bed, that will cause him to want to be there all the time. Nurse him in his room then lay him back down. Music really does calm children and helps them have sweeter dreams then going to sleep upset. Be consistant when it comes to bed time. It might take a few nights but with sticking to it will help.

Now about the grouchy husband. Children react badly to stress in the house so take hubby aside and tell him that he is causing more trouble with his spoiled behavior then if he would just be patient. My husband was cranky with our daughter who cried a lot when she was an infant because of health problems and they never bonded like they should have. Now she is almost 27 and making some really bad choices in men because she never had a good relationship with her father. It is something they can never get back, although they worked together on her car a couple months ago and bonded more then then they did in the 26 years of her life. Your husband will regret it if he doesn't show compassion to your son. If he gets physical with either of you then you owe it to yourself and your son to get away... that is never acceptable. Also when fathers act up or shows disrespect towards their wives then it teaches the children to be disrespectful towards their mother and their wives. Stop it now before it does more harm and you are dealing with teens out of control.

In reference to Victoria's comment, I see no problem in calling your husband an idiot if he is acting like one. With that said, I'm glad that you and your hubby are now on good terms.

Your husband is right. You're wrong.
You're both sleep deprived and on edge, so take that into account. It's hard to be nice to each other right now.

When our son was doing the crying thing at that age, my hubby and I had the exact same problem, only the roles were reversed. He would go in and undo all the work I would do with the baby. By work, I mean it IS work to listen to a kid scream it out. If hubby was away, the first night, the screaming would be 1.5 hours, next night 1 hour, 3rd night 30 min, 4th night 15 min. Fifth night, hubby would go in after the first whimper and the process would start all over again. Drove me nuts. (Hubby, not baby.)

Finally, I resorted to making my husband sleep in the basement so he would not hear the crying and interrupt the process. If hubby heard crying, he'd go to our son, who by this time was nearing age 2. By soothing the baby, you're rewarding negative behavior. So I actually had to physically remove my hubby from the situation before it got any worse.

"What to Expect During the Baby's First Year" was my reference. This book is a wealth of knowledge from doctors, moms, and psychologists. I read it cover to cover while nursing.

didn't have time to read all the postings so I'm not sure if I'm repeating ....
SWADDLE, SWADDLE, SWADDLE ..... and I mean REALLY tight! We have twins and due to my husband's schedule (and no family in the area) we had a night nurse for the first 4-5 months. She taught me the secret of swaddling REALLY well. Babies crave it b/c it replicates the tight quarters of the womb and also keeps them from waking up from the sudden 'jerking' babies do. 9 months may seem old for that but it worked like a charm for us. Good luck!

K.-
Last fall my (at-the-time) 1 and a half yr old was waking up every night about 2:15am just screaming his head off and wouldn't calm down. It seemed like night terrors but he wouldn't calm down to go back to sleep. I tried letting him cry it out, no luck - he would just scream forever. I tried picking him up and taking him out to the living room and snuggling on the sofa. Still kept screaming or would doze off and then wake up screaming again in an hour. Tried bringing him to my bed but still couldn't get the screaming to stop. Finally, after almost two months of this I called my doctor because I was exhausted. They didn't think he was sick (no temp or anything) so they said to go in his room, pat his back but to absolutely NOT take him out of his bed. They said it could take a few days and I might get really tired and it would be very hard emotionally but that he needed to know that his bed is where he sleeps but I would be right there to keep him safe. So when he woke up I stood in his bed and screamed I would hug him and whisper to him and lay him back down and pat his back. At first I sat on his brothers bed because he wouldn't stay down long. Then I was able to move to the living room and finally back to my bedroom. It did take a few days and it was hard - but it worked. He has only relapsed a couple of times since November. Hope this helps!
J.