Back to School

Updated on August 02, 2011
S.T. asks from Huntington, NY
7 answers

Here in NY we still have another month before the kids head back to school. Now that my kids are teens I've noticed the annual fluctuations of their emotional well being and self-esteem that corresponds with the school year and Summer vacation: As the school year progresses and the kids spend much of their time in an environment with 600 kids in middle school and 2500 kids in high school with minimal moral, ethical or social guidence from the adults the kids moods and emotional well being declines steadily until late Spring when school gets out and the kids are cooked. Then they spend summer with their families, with thier youth groups, they do volunteer work at camps and food pantries, they spend time with kids of your choosing and not with mean kids, kids with huge family problems, etc. (You know what they say hurt kids, hurt other kids - so I understand the dynamics.)
By the end of the Summer they are back to being the person they're meant to be. They are confident, caring, hopeful and ready to conquer the world.... ...until school begins and the cycle begins again. Even our youth pastors have noticed this pattern - they say the Spring is the toughest time of the year cause the kids have been beaten down by the social environment.
I didn't notice this as much in elemntary school - more now that the kids are teens, Is this more common to the NY area or do you see it with your kids in your part of the county too?

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So What Happened?

I do think that much of it depends on the part of the country that you live in and your school district. We live in the NY metro area and in a very liberal school district with some VERY expensive waterfront areas. The teachers and staff are uber-liberal - anything goes, clubs and activities that, in my view, are not age appropriate. there's a dress code but from what I've seen it it not enforced (tiny leather skirts, fishnetstockings with over the knee boots, I could go on). If a conservative teacher makes a stand or calls home on a student the parents threaten lawsuits - so the the teachers who would otherwise be the voice of ethics and morals are silenced. Both my kids are in extracurricular acitivities (sports, flagline, dance, youth group, working as sunday school helpers, etc.) and my HS student takes honors classes. so there are lots of positive kids around them - but it seems that there are a lot of mean kids out there. As an example of the teacher's judgement - when my daughter was in 7th grade her Italian language teacher showed a foreign movie in class that included & condone teen drinking, girl on girl sexual activity, liberal use of the f-bomb and other curses and berating parents. I went to the school to personally complain to the teacher and she was astonished that I would find that inappropriate...

Anyway - thank you for sharing your perspectives. We are a conservative Christian family and find that our worldview and values are vastly differnet than most of what is around in our part of the country. It's to be expected but tough on the kids. Life lessons I suppose.

More Answers

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A.S.

answers from Boca Raton on

We see it here in southern Florida too, except now it doesn't affect our family as much because we started homeschooling 4.5 years ago with one child, and two school years ago with my older son (who went to traditional school through 9th grade).

It's amazing actually - when we were in traditional school, my kids were so worn out and tired by the end of the year. I think, at least in part, it had something to do with the toxic environment, and they were in private school!

Is homeschooling perfect? Of course not! But it has been one of the best things ever for our family. We absolutely love it, and our kids are not isolated at all.

PS: All that being said - I hope you guys have a great year, and enjoy the rest of your summer.

3 moms found this helpful
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C.W.

answers from Allentown on

I don't see it with my kids... because they're homeschooled. They are who they are year-round. ;-)

It is an interesting observation, though!

3 moms found this helpful

L.A.

answers from Austin on

Nope, but our high schools are not that large..

Here the kids are cared for by their teachers. Parents are very involved at the school on campus and tons of school events.

I also find the students that are involved in activities.. Band sports, the arts, theater, etc.. have a special group and are kept busy with positive activities.. Also the students that are in activities are too busy to be involved in negative things.. they are trying to keep up with their school work, complete their community service, some of them work as well as participating in the large amounts of events that go on each year.

2500 students is a lot on one campus, I can imagine if you are not in some special school activities, you could feel lost.. Just make sure your home is the gathering home, the place that your kids and their friends want to gather.. You will learn a lot from what they say and probably be included in their discussions..

Just because they are in middle and high school, does not mean they do not want or need you around.. Many times, they embrace the parents being there.

1 mom found this helpful
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A.M.

answers from San Francisco on

Wish I could agree with you, but not really.

I like 'em in school. I love their school. Their quite large, public school. I like the kids they associate with in school. I love what they do in school. My last year with one in high school...sniff...

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M.M.

answers from Washington DC on

That is why I homeschool my 2 youngest.
My oldest daughter has swum against the current for many years. It's really hard to be a conservative christian in a public high school these days. But I have seen the changes. Very subtle, the music, the clothes. She has black tshirts, but wants black tees with Christian messages.

Also in elem their world is controlled by you. We pick most of everything they do. By the time they are in high school they choose what they want, foods, clothes, friends, music, for the most part. Which is good to let them be their own person, but the influences are really not always what we want for them.
It is this time that they need us most, to guide them in the right choices, who is a good influence, what is appropriate garb, but yet still allow for their own personalities, their independence, or what they think is their independence.

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S.H.

answers from Killeen on

How interesting. My oldest is just going into 7th grade and now that you mention it, I totally see this pattern with her.I had pretty much just chalked it up to her age. Thanks.

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L.M.

answers from New York on

I agree with you to a point. There is a difference in their behavior and personality.

Our high school isn't quite that large (I think 1500). Since my kids are in honors classes, for the most part they are not exposed to the "general public". Also, when they're in school, they get to see many of their friends that aren't around during the summer, and get involved in their music (band & choir) and other activities.

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