I have an almost 5 year old daughter who seems to have regressed to terrible two's, with temper tantrums when things don't go exactly as she thinks they should. She is a very bright, spirited child and we have tried various behavior modifications. We seem to be getting it under control at home (slowly) but we are having trouble at her preschool. They try time outs, and rewards and punishments, but nothing seems to motivate better behavior. She can have good days, but more often they are not. Mostly talking, and being disruptive during learning time and nap time. We are trying to help her label her feelings and work through them to make good choices, but we are just wondering if anyone has any words of wisdom?
Time outs don't always work, especially if they are used as a punishment instead of a cooling off period. And, punishments don't always teach what needs to be done instead of the negative behavior, but it concentrates more on the negative behavior, focusing on that.
Have you read the book How To Talk So Kids Will Listen and How To Listen So Kids Will Talk? (yes, that's the whole title)
Good book.
My son recently turned 5 and we experienced similiar behavior - especially during naptime and the noisemaking. For us, my son was also on the clumsy side and a picky eater - those things together had some refer us to an occupational therapist to get assessed for Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD), which I'd never even heard of, but learned that he DOES have an SPD, and that his struggles CAUSE his behavioral issues. Not that this is what's happening with your child at all, but if there are other things (clumsiness, poor coordination or balance, etc.) that's something to look into.
www.sinetwork.org for more info or if you're concerned.
Michelle,
My daughter did the same thing at 5years..the temper tantrums, non-cooperation, just plain naughtiness. Some days I had to carry her into school crying. It was a long year, but she is now 6 1/2 and I haven't had any of those problems with her since summer (when she turned 6). I had attributed it to her being a middle child, but now I think it may just be something kids or girls go through at this age. Many of my friends have experienced the same "phenomenon" with their girls. Keep up the positive reinforcements and you'll both come out of this stronger!
I have a 4 1/2 year old son who has been having a behavioral regression, like your daughter. I honestly don't know what to tell you, I have been trying to get his behavior/emotions in check for a few months now. At home he is getting better, but like you and your daughter, school is an issue. He will be going to kindergarten next year so I worry that if we don't get his behavior regulated soon, he'll have problems there also. I have really been taking a look at myself and my husband, and the way we 'deal' with him. I've been trying to keep myself calm when he has his tantrums, and really talk to him about his behavior. I try to say things like "Is that the way to get what you want?" or "Could we maybe have done something different?" I try to get him to look at his behavior and recognize the problem, and then we fix it together. I don't really know what else to do. I know a lot of this is emotional so I try to be encouraging, and like you, get him to calmly state his frustrations or disagreement rather than have a melt down.
I realize this wasn't much of an answer. Just letting you know that you are not alone, and if you find any magical fix, Please forward on!
~Katie
