Balancing Kids, Housework and Hubby

I want to recommend http://www.flylady.net/ also, like someone else did. She shows you that a lot can be done in 15 minutes, she gets you going with set routines, and she teaches you to not expect perfection. Good luck!

I work full time, hubby is in grad school full time, our one and only is 6.5 months old. we invested in maid service (every three weeks for the time being). hubby and I are both tidy by nature. our son generates extra laundry, but isn't terribly mobile, so his mess is contained. Apart from a bit of tidying, folding the laundry once a week, and giving the sinks/ toilets a wipe, and wiping up the occasional spit, we don't do house work. The way i figure, we've got enough to do without worrying about the dusting, moping, vaccuuming, windows, stovetop, bedding, etc.

I get to see my son for about an hour in the morning and up to 3 hours every night and on weekends only. I'm not going to pass up on that to scrub the tiles.

on weekends, I nap when he naps. hubby cooks and does the laundry, we each put out the trash, i do the grocery shopping once a week, bring baby along, and have it delivered.

I felt the same way you did about the housework. since we've gotten the cleaning service, I know its being taken care of, and I can let go. also, it means that if my husband wants to play with baby, or read the newspaper, i am not resentful that he isn't pitching in with the cleaning.

good luck navigating this.

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Get an Ergo baby carrier and wear him piggy back while doing housework. You don't have to entertain him - the fact that you are wearing ("holding") him will make him super happy. You'll be able to get stuff done while snuggling your baby. If you can take a pocket of time on the weekends during naptime for hubby, do that. And if you can invest in a sitter every few weeks so you both have some time together, do that.

Check out Flylady.net for house cleaning help. Let your expectations of perfection drop a little - it's never going to be like it used to be!

Take care!

Your house will never be the way it was pre-kids -it just won't unless you decide that having a clean house is more important than your child, your marriage or your health & sanity. I decided early on that "something had to give" and it was not going to be me. There were times when my house was such a disaster!

Relax your standards. Decide what you can let slide. There's an old poem about cobwebs can wait but your baby can't. Your husband won't care about the house as long as he's sexually satisfied - I learned that from experience. They'll complain about every tiny thing if they feel neglected - but if he's a happy, satisfied man the sink could be piled high and he won't care. Sex is also a great way to connect with your husband now that you lead very different lives. Men are much more open and vulnerable when they're in the afterglow (and way more willing to agree to do chores - be specific). ;o)

As for your son - get one of those things that hangs from a door that they can jump in - move it to whatever room you'll be working in. Once he starts to walk and run then all bets are off - you'll get way less done. Then the trick is to keep him out of your house so he can't mess it up. Parks, pools, malls, grandma's house.

Good luck.. Bottom line - a clean house is a nice thing to have - but not a neccessity. ;o)

Your "only contribution" to the household is NOT housework! You are cornerstone of the family: you're the M.! You have such a huge job and "contribution," which is taking care of and raising your son.

I am struggling with the decision whether to quit my job and stay at home and one of my fears is that I will no longer be "contributing" in the sense that I am not bringing in an income, but have realized that a relationship is not about counting who's "contributing" what and which contribution is worth more. It's about living together as a family and getting done what needs to get done. If you can get some housework done, but not all of it - that's fine. Other commenters are very right that once your son is old enough to cruise around you will have what seems like almost no time to get any cooking, cleaning, laundry or grocery shopping done. Some days will be better than others and your and your hubby's standards will have to be lowered unless you want to drive yourself batty with endless bottle washing and dirty laundry. :-)

If you were working, you probably wouldn't feel so defensive and could use the excuse that you didn't have time to straighten up because you had to rush to work or just got home and needed to cook dinner. Think of your "job" raising your son as the same thing. Some days that I'm at home with the kids my husband will come home and see that our house is a mess and I just let him know that my time playing with the kids is much more valuable to me than picking up after them every second and cleaning dirty dishes. He gets frustrated because he's a neat freak, but my response is: if you want the house cleaner than this, then get a maid! :-)

(Guess my comment isn't that helpful in terms of giving you a solution, but just wanted to let you know I can empathize with you!)
T. M.
http://www.theoutlawmom.com

With a 4 month old...it's all about the baby right now--and that's OK.

Try to schedule your days so that he's home for his naps, meals etc. Plan maybe on errand per day or every other day.

Do your stuff around the house during naps and spend some time with hubby after he's sleeping.

You can't so it all or have it all at the same time. The creator of that myth was a liar!

Enjoy your son!

Let the house go.
Just keep it clean (don't even try to keep it straightened!) and don't bother trying to do it daily. 1x a week is good. We pay a housecleaner every 2 weeks, but I realize that not everyone has that luxury.

In another 6mos, when DS is mobile, you won't have the time to stop and worry about housework. Period. You have to let it go.

DH time is after DS is in bed. Some nights that means mustering up the energy for sex. Some nights it's just watching TV together.

Your son is small and truthfully doens't do anything right now. So it's easy to feel like you're just letting him lay there while you focus on other stuff. Trust me....that will turn around completely in a few months. As soon as he's mobile and into stuff, you'll have no choice but to make him the center of attention.

Don't stress mama! You can't control it all.

O.,

Many moms if not all of them feel the same way you feel right now, all of us would like to have the perfect balance to have time for everything and everybody in the house, in our homes. It is just not possible, it is hard to reach perfection. However, I learned time ago that it is better to do the basic in the house and give more time to our loved ones.
I proudly keep my house clean, not spotless though (I have 2 boys!) but it looks nice and is totally liveable. There are days during the week that I clean deeply one room per day, I have a basket at the bottom of the stairs for us to take the things out of place and place them in the respective room. Whoever takes up something upstairs, has to take the basket down to its place...funny, but it helps to keep things out of the way.
I do little bit every day, I do not vacuum or mop every single day. I do laundry 3 times a week, and I try to leave Saturday afternoon, evening and the whole Sunday to share more time with the kids and my husband. Little by little that is! What I do often but not every single day is taking some time aside to just play a board game with the kids (one hour) or go to the playground or library or park etc. I home school them and we work together every single day, so we need to do something to share other things. Bedtime also is a very important time to share with the kids, read a story, talk about their things etc,...just 30 minutes, sometimes turn into one hour! But it is great.
You can find any minute to share with your kids, just relax a little bit and do the house stuff, cleaning, laundry, cooking, etc...little by little. The basic! and sometimes you can do it together with the kids as a team...! One kid clean up the toys, another unload the dishes. Time for my husband?...it is hard but we leave the evenings to watch a movie together, talk, and weekends to spend more time.....we read together sometimes, we go to the Y and swim while the kids are in the kids' area......We don't have babysitter, we take turns to take care of the kids.
I want to have time for everything but it is not easy. I like my house very clean and organize, but it is not always possible at level all moms want, but I do what I can to have the house clean and cozy. Do not worry, spend time with your loved ones by doing different things together, you don't have to go every single day of the year out to share with your husband or kids. Make your home enjoyable and remember: time flies, the house will be spotless and neat and tidy...but the kids will be gone and you and your husband will be too old....
Oops...something else...your role as a mom, woman and wife is a wonderful journey, your contribution is GREAT and more what you think, You are the PILLAR of your home and house, without you many things won't be possible. Relax and be happy, life is too short ..and when you feel overwhelmed just take a deep breath and take a walk....

I have so been there! Some days I still am. It's so tough to keep up with everything, to find and keep the balance between spending time with kids and hubby and taking care of the house/cooking/shopping/etc... It's taken awhile to realize that, as a SAHM, I am not merely measured by how clean or dirty the house is. The mother sets the tone for the entire family and home. Is your husband mentioning something about the house feeling messy? Maybe when hubby gets home, you could ask for 30 minutes of him taking care of the baby while you do one or two things around the house. It will make you feel better and give them time together. Then...RELAX. Enjoy your family. One more thing (and this was easier with my second) - don't worry about spending every second entertaining your baby at 4 months old. They love to just be where you are and explore their world, hear your voice, and take it all in. If you're folding laundry, have him on the floor with you. If you're vacuuming, you could have him in a sling/carrier on your chest or in a baby seat nearby. Babies and kids love to be involved in whatever you're doing; the whole day doesn't have to revolve around "playing", especially at 4 months. Hope this helps!

I have to work full time, take care of two young kids, my husband works, goes to school, takes care of the kids, and we also have to keep the house clean.

Yike. No wonder my house is a freakin' mess.

Cut yourself a bit of slack, your baby is young. Don't think it gets easier though, because it doesn't! Especially if you plan on having more kids! Just get used to the house being kind of messy. As long as its sanitary, no one is going to judge you! If you pass up memories with your kids for a clean house, you can't get that time back.

I do some stuff here and there when I can when my son is sleeing, he is 7 months old. When my husband comes home I hand him the baby and do some other things that I couldn't while it was just me and the baby. I tell my husband that even though I stay at home it is hard to keep up on everything and I need some help. I also have my mom close by so if I need to I can drop my son off for some granmother and grandfather bonding time while I scrub my house. The way I see it, if I am handing my son to his father they are spending time together and that is okay. He doesn't see your son all day like you so there you go. Don't feel guilty. Also maybe do a little extra something special just you and your husband once your son is in bed. That might help with the bonding time, date night is also a good thing too.

You have to figure out a priority structure. Like number one is spending time with your son, number two.....one thing that is for sure is that your sanity should be above housekeeping.

The easiest way to come up with your personal structure is think about what will or will not have a long term effect. If you don't spend time with your son giving him the attention he needs it could effect him for the rest of his life, reasonable time mind you, he doesn't need you 24/7. If you go nuts and end up in a rubber room you will not be able to spend any time with your son......if you don't clean the house the carpets will get stained, you replace the carpet, there is no long term effects to a messy home.

As long as you take care of what is needed, and again time for yourself is needed, then the rest is gravy. At least for me this reduces stress and once the panic of stress is gone usually everything falls into place.