Bath Time Blues

I can't say this is tested and true, as I'm remembering this from my childhood...
We had a sprayer at the kitchen sink and mom would call it the beauty parlor. I'd lay down on the counter with my head/hair in the sink. My mom would very successfully wash my hair without any water in my face. My little girl is only 4 months old, but I plan on having a "beauty parlor" of my own when she's a bit older. :-)

We went through this with my daugther as well who is now 3. While she still whines/cries while we wash her hair, she is much better and at least we are at the point where we can rationalize with her. What worked for us was not washing her hair every bath. That got her to enjoy the bath time playing and having fun without the anxiety. Then, we got her goggles. I learned through swimming lessons that she HATES water in her eyes, any kind, but if she is wearing goggles she tolerates it. So you can try that as well if she will wear them. I made it a game - she picked them out at the store and then wore them all over the house. They can be her special water protectors. Good Luck.

Dear J.; After reading the other responses I have to agree with the one who said if she likes to play in the water how dirty can she be? (Most people on the planet don't take a bath daily.) Also the problem may be fear - I once read that children can be afraid that they will go down the drain with the water. But since it is just a stage, why not get out the wipies and wait it out.

D.

Hi J.!

We had to do this with my daughter and it worked wonders. She loved the pool and sprinklers too so we went to Target and let her pick out a swimming suit that was just her "bath suit". (Right now is perfect, they are on clearance) She wore her bath suit in the tub. We just put a little water in the tub so she could lay down and get comfortable with it - without the water covering her face. At first, it was really hard. But she got use to it after 2 or 3 baths like this. I did it every other night at first and then it got to every night. Then we started to where we would let her wear her swim suit one night and the next night not. After we did this for about a month, she was fine. No swimsuit and she loved bath time. It took a lot of patience on our part but the battles were eliminated.

I also have a friend that tried something with her very determined little boy. She got a very small, very cheap pool and filled it up on their patio and bathed him there. He thought he was swimming and they eventually went inside. With our weather still warm, might be a good option.

Good luck.
M.

My mom would add food coloring to the bath and we got to mix it in and watch what color the water turns with blue and red mixed together, etc. We also loved playing with measuring cups and bowls and spoons in the bath. I tape a piece of paper to the bathtub wall and let my kids paint with watercolor paints while they bathe, so that might make it more enjoyable and distracting for your daughter as well.

I also wouldn't worry about bathing her every day if she hates it that bad. Or here are some variations of a bath that my kids love: I fill the baby pool in the backyard with clean water and bubblebath and bring the baby soap with me to wash them down and that is their bath for the day. They think that's so fun. And for some reason, they also love for me to fill the kitchen sink with warm water and bath them in that. My son likes to play with the detachable faucet spray nozzle while I soap him up and then use it to rinse him off. Bathing them in the kitchen sink is easier on my back as well, since I don't have to bend over at all. Just make sure you have everything you need like towels and baby soap right there next to the sink before you start. And sometimes just do a bubblebath (or bubble baby pool) and don't worry about washing her down at all. Soaking in the soapy water will get her clean enough.

What if you let her wear her bathing suit in the tub just to play in it a couple of times a week - without it being a real bath? That way, she'll associate it as fun. Maybe add some colored bath fizzies and give her some goggles! Don't even mention the word "bath" - until she starts to feel positive about being in the tub. When you see her enjoying herself, say, "Isn't taking a bath fun?!"

Get a CD player that you can use to play some fun music in the bathroom too. My kids always took baths while listening to a kids cassette player (safely away and up on the counter) with some music we recorded from the library (for free) with fun bathtime songs. They loved it!

Get a doll that she can take in the bath - that she can wash its' hair.

Let her make her own shampoo visor - from foam at the craft store. Use the one you have as a template. Let her color and decorate her own...and she could even make one for her doll. Let her wear it even when she's not in the bath. They even have some cute princess tiara shaped ones at Michaels!

They even have shampoo rinse cups if she doesn't like the hat:
http://www.onestepahead.com/catalog/product.jsp?productId...

Here's a site with ideas too:
http://www.ehow.com/how_4578_wash-toddlers-hair.html?ref=...

Best,
C.

Wow - that sounds intense. It sounds like she is scared. I think we sometimes do not understand how scared kids can get over things, and how primal that fear can feel. My daughter had a similar reaction over pooping in the potty - for whatever reason, it was so scary to her that she could not deal. What was helpful was a combination of strong encouragement and backing off. Sounds contradictory, doesn't it? But it is not. I believe the key is to give your daughter the absolute last word in whether or not she gets in the tub, and how long she stays there. (Really - if she is in water all the time outside, how filthy can she be?) BUT: offer the tub to her every night. At this point, you are probably dreading the bath time experience as much as she is right now, so pay extra attention to presenting it as "no big deal". Do not show the least bit of apprehension, because she will feel it and it will feed her fear. Stay completely calm. Be matter of fact and upbeat about bath time, but acknowledge that you see she is afraid. Reassure her, and encourage her to "try". If that means she is willing to get in the tub, but then wants to be out in less than 30 seconds, consider that a success. If that means she does not get her head wet, then so be it. And talk up any success to her: "Wow - you did it! You took a bath even when you felt scared!" But DON'T force her. And if she chooses to not get in the tub at all, then your job is to say OK, and move on matter of factly to the next thing. Forcing her will only make her sense of panic more intense. You may have noticed that she cannot hear you or take in information when she is that scared. Making her take a bath in that state will actually make the process take longer. It might help for you to tell yourself that this isn't about bath time as much as it is about helping her work through a fear.

When I tried these things with my daughter around the pooping, she spent a long time resisting the potty. But she would "try" almost every day. One day she pooped on the potty, and her pride was off the charts. Not only did she poop on the potty, but she overcame her fear entirely. And she knew it, and she felt GREAT! She's never had a problem since.

Hang in there!

Get into the bathtub with her and hold her facing you on your lap.

We had the EXACT problem with my son, who is now 3 1/2. It wasn't until he took swim lessons that we were able to finally get him to quit screaming as soon as we mentioned "wash hair". He was petrified of the water in his eyes and on his face but LOVED to just play in the tub. We also put just two inches of water in the tub and showed him how to lay down. It took several times but he learned to trust us and that the water just covered his ears....not his eyes. After that, we were able to very carefully wash his hair and as long as we didn't splash his face, he was ok. And to tell you the truth, it was my husband that was able to do this with him. So for several months, I would wash his body and Daddy would come do his hair. I think it was becuase in the beginning I would get frustrated and just finally wash it and it was a HUGE struggle that ended up in tears and water running down his face and in his eyes cuz he wouldn't cooperate. Last night at his bath I was able to lay him down and get him all washed up including his hair. One drop of water hit his eyebrow in the end and he was instantly standing but we were done and I just praised him for being such a big boy and letting me wash his hair. I always keep the towel right where he can dry his eyes if he needs to. You might try also having a bath every night like someone else said. But don't wash her hair every night. Let her start to like the tub again and help to make that a fun time. We did that too! And that really helped. Good luck!!

Hi J., Tell your daughter she can take a bath in her bathing suit. It worked for me. E. in phx

I have 3 little girls..... all of them have hated water on their faces..... not sure why. My oldest loves to swim, but still doesn't like water on her face in the tub. My other 2 still don't like water on their faces, but I tell them I will do my best not to get it in their face .... that seems to help a little. I have them look at the light in the bathroom & it seems to work pretty well..... she will out grow it. :) It is a hard thing to deal w/ though!

Hi there. I know exactly what you are going thru. My oldest had that same problem right around the same time. We did the visors, toys, bubbles, everything like you. Unfortunately for us, those things didn't work either. I know that it is hard, but we just pushed thru it and talked her thru here baths. Eventually, (and I don't remember how long, but I know it wasn't a long time at all) she came out of it and has liked baths ever since. I think some kids just go thru stages where they are more aware of their surroundings and that is what causes things like this to happen. Anyway, I know that this isn't advice to help fix the problem, but I wanted you to know that I went thru the same thing and there is light at the end of the tunnel. Just be calm and patient (but keep giving her baths as often as you can stand) and she will come around. Good luck!

Aieeee! How frustrating and upsetting it must be for both of you. I have the EXACT same challenge. My daughter is close to 5 and we have been wrestling with it since she was less than a year old. I recommend Bach Flower Rescue Remedy before you announce the bath and every 15 minutes including a dose after out of bath. I also recommend high quality lavender essential oil, high quality lavender bath products and involving her in the big girl work of adjusting the water temperature, turning off the water, pouring water or dipping her own head in water to rinse, etc. Does the visor not work? I have a special kid's rinse cup with a rubber side that lays against the child's forehead. My daughter can even do it herself now using that. But it is still a precarious situation with explosions possible at any moment. Also how about introducing the shower on the wall as a sprinkler to stand in for fun then show her how SHE can be in control of the water by moving forward and back with her back to the showerhead and bending her head back just a little to get the top rinsed. That also seemed to help a little with my daughter. Good luck. This is a stressful thing, I know. I do tell her every bath that she freaks out in: you know, this is something the WHOLE world does--washing and rinsing with water. And they do it from the time they are born until they get old old and die. You will, too. Let's find ways to make it fun and easy so you can get busy being a big girl and do other things.

Hi, J.. I have noticed with my daughter that if I only bathe ehr every 3-4 nights, she fights me on it worse, and if I keep it consistent and do a bath, even for just a few minutes, every night, she is better. She absolutely hates water in her face, too--I know sounds crazy, and I don't know if your daughter is still a little young for it, but I read somewhere to have them act like a coyote and howl at the moon--it gets them to tip their head back, and then you can rinse their hair without it going into their eyes. It helps to have a book with a coyote in it first, and we have lots of those, being from AZ--my daughte rlikes the book, Listen to the Desert. Also, what are you using to rinse her? We have one of those replaceable shower heads that you can bring down and is on a long hose (sorry--tired and can't think of the name of them right now). Then she gets a soft, steady stream of water instead of water dumped on her head. I even let her do it herself sometimes so she feels in control, and then finish up for her where she missed. Hope it helps--it is very frustrating, but it does get better!

Bath videos from Sesame Street? Have you tried the shower/ with or without her? Or putting on calming music while she bathes? Putting her in the bath after you have filled the tub? Any children she is friends with? Maybe you can have a bath time play date LOL! Also, maybe don't call it bath time- try swimmin' time or something cooky or wacky that she likes. Hope it helps!

My daughter is the same way. She doesn't hate the bath, but getting her hair washed. I have tried getting in with her and letting her lay back on me. I have tried putting the wash cloth over her eyes. We have tried ear plugs (she hates the water getting in her ears. I have tried letting her lay down on the kitchen counter and rinsing her hair with the sprayer. Every hair washing ends up with me frustratingly pouring water over her head as quickly as i can and then just drying her eyes and face. No matter how nicely i try to wash her hair she screams and cries and squirms. I have not found a solution,but i wanted to share my story with you. I have read some of the responses and thought that if they don't help you at least you will know that you are not alone.
Maybe her body isn't dirty, but i can see her dirty scalp through her thin hair. I wish you luck with washing your daughters hair.

Have you tried bathing her in a kiddy pool? Perhaps putting the kiddy pool in the bathroom but not in the tub? Or maybe you could bathe her outside (sprinkler or pool)in the afternoons? If and when you do this let her know that bathing in the kiddy pool is the same as bathing in the big girl tub. Ask her everytime you do this if she is ready to go in the big girl tub. As she gets older and understands things better she will make the change. Sounds crazy but it would keep you sane and still make it fun for her. What about just a sponge bath? She might be too little to tell you (verbalize) exactly what is wrong so you can address it. (Maybe soap got in her eyes and it hurt or the water was too hot or cold?)In the meantime....be patient, all kids eventually like being in the bath. I feel that the most important thing at this age is to make her feel secure. Something a sensitive and understanding parent like yourself can easily do. I think building confidence in children is about letting them do things in their own time, when they are ready (with a little creative help from us of course!) Ah, and don't forget to put a note in your baby journal. Maybe one day when she's a Mom you'll look back and tell her "You never liked to take a bath when you were little until I ________!" You sound like an awesome Mom! Hope this helps you!

Hi Jeannette, I agree with Laura, it's probably a stage. My almost 5 year old did that around that age too. Now she plays in the tub and even takes showers, as long as she has a washcloth to wipe her eyes if they get wet. I understand your frustration, it will get better!

aybe swim lessons would help. my grandson started swim lessons at 6 months and he loves bathtime. as a matter of fact, if anyone, doesnt matter who walks in the house he asks them for a bath and of food. he is 14 months old now. a lot of the time he actually gets from whoever he asks, a bath and of food. he isnt starving and isnt dirty he just loves to eat and bathe. he tries to practice his swimming in his little tub blowing bubbles and sticking his face in the water. we also have lots and lots of toys in there. swithc them around each week so they are always "new" toys. he is not allowed to play with them unless he is having a bath. you may try getting her some bubbles and taking her in the bathroom at odd times of the day and practice blowing bubbles into the tub. maybe not saying "bath" would work, how about lets go wash your feet and dont wash her hair that time . maybe she doenst need her hair washed every time. Charlie has a plastic tupperware bowl that he fills with water and pours out over and over again. yea he sometimes splashes his face with it. maybe a cheap plastic tea set from the dollar store and you could have tea parties in the tub.

We had the same issues and tried everything, too (visor, toys, etc). What ended up working and still to this day does (he will be 3 in Nov.) is he likes to cover his eyes/face with a DRY washcloth and we do bath all together so my husband pours the water over his head with a cup while my son holds the washcloth over his eyes, and most importantly to him, I am holding his hands over the washcloth and helping his tilt his head back. When one of us is not around to hold his hand he does not like it and cries again, but not always now. He has come a long way just by doing this.
Hoep that helps you, too.
J.

Sounds like the problem isn't the bath, but getting the face wet. My kids have the same issue (2, 4, and 6). My two-year-old cries and wants out the minute I wash his hair, but my other two have learned to adjust. We have a towel ready, and whenever their faces get wet, they want to wipe their eyes. It drives me crazy, but we make it work. (My six-year-old doesn't do it as often, so we are making progress!) I wipe my little one's face as well, and I'm sure he will soon learn that he will live through bath time. I hope this helps. A.

Try a bath ring OR try bathing her in the sink. She's up at your eye level, it's a smaller space, and she can play with a plastic cup. Maybe even let her dump water on her own head.
Hope that helps.
The Mommie Mentor, www.proactiveparenting.net

Have you tried taking her in the shower with you in the morning ? That's what I did with my kids. If the floor is slippery have an old towel for her to sit on. When it was time to rinse I would sometimes hold her (can be slippery)in the water. Make it a game...call it rainy day or waterfalls. Maybe she can bring in a toy that would like to play in the rain too ? Hope you find something that works because not bathing/showering should not be an option.

My daughter was like this from the time that she was 11 months old until she was 3 1/2 years. I have tried everything that all of your other responses mentioned. and the only thing that helped me was time. For that time period, my daughter wouldn't even sit down in the bath tub. so she basically took about a minute bath for a year and half. So the best advise that i can give you is to be patient and stay calm and eventually she'll get over her fear.

My sons have gone through stages where they hated the bath, too. Have you tried taking her in the shower with you? Tell her it's like the sprinklers. I got a bath cup online (it's now at Walmart, like $8) that has a soft rubber part on the front that molds to the child's head so when you pour, it goes around the face. HTH! My kids wouldn't keep the visors on at all.