Battle #4,729,224,033 - North Chili,NY

I think you did the right thing by getting them up at 6:30am and assigning them chores. You're right, they should not be sleeping until 2:00pm. Every day ask them what they did to contribute to the family/household. See what they have to say for themselves. It's not right that they lounge around all day long, they should help out. Also, you should limit time in front of the tv and video games. That is a waste of time. You should have them do something more productive (practice an instrument, read, etc.). Good luck.

Honestly... probably the same thing :)

After a few days of waking up at 6:30 they will probably get "why" they have to go to bed earlier.

Sorry I do not have much to offer. Good luck!

<grin> Yup. I agree with you that you were being mean. So here's a few things to think about:

If there's "no good reason" to be up late... is there a good reason to be up early?

Why does a person need a "good" reason to be up late OR up early? If someone told you you weren't allowed out of bed until 2pm (because you weren't working the next day so you have no good reason to get up early), you'd look at them like they were nuts.

Think for a minute WHY you yourself WANT to be up early. A job to go to, sunshine to enjoy, etc. Each and every single reason you list out for being up early is ALSO a reason for being up late.

Same token, each and every single argument you would present to someone about WHY you don't want to stay in bed until 2, are the same arguments that someone would present about why they don't want to be in bed by 11 (can't sleep, have things to do, etc.)

I mean... if your kids were little, sure. Assign a bedtime. But your eldest is an adult... I'd already served my time in the USMC by the time I was 20 (signed up at graduation when I was 17), and your youngest is almost an adult. "Mommy says to go to bed" works with little kids, and is necessary for little kids... but if your adult child and older teenager are being respectful of other people's sleep, why would you try to control their sleep? If they have chores to do, they can do them at any point when the are awake. Even if they slept until 7pm that's still early enough to mow the lawn, vacuum, and do other "loud" chores.
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Now, if they were being DISrespectful of other's sleep (waking people, that is) that would be a problem to deal with, but by a "quiet after x time", not a "bedtime".

Just my .02

i'd let them stay up as late as they wanted as long as the were respectful of YOUR sleep and everyone elses in the house. if they can stay up quietly and don't disturb people, no biggie. if they have chores to do just make sure that they know they need to be done before you get off of work. if they don't have them done then enforce some sort of consequences for them. my niece is 17. for the last few years she stays up until 1am or later even during school year. she stays in her room. she gets up for school. does good in school. comes home and takes a nap.

I definitely think the 20 year old with the part time night job is entitled to pick his own "bedtime". If he works nights, why should he be forced to comply with the daily schedule of people who work days? He may need some "me time" after work before his body is even ready to sleep. Now of course he should be considerate that there are other adults in the household that work days and that's a reasonable expectation. It would also be reasonable for him to expect that the other adults in the household would be respectful of his working hours.

For the 16 year old during the summer, I think 11 pm is a little stringent but again, I think the real problem is that he needs to be respectful of your sleeping hours. Talk to them both and tell them they woke you up with their nocturnal patterns so you wanted them to experience having to get up when you have to get up so they could understand your frustration. Than work out a solution that allows you to get needed rest and respects their rights to make certain choices as long as those choices aren't hurting others.

I would've done the EXACT SAME THING!!!

Unless it's an emergency - there are NO PHONE CALLS IN MY HOME AFTER 10PM - PERIOD. Emergency - okay...but just to chat with a GF at 1AM?! NO FRICKING WAY!!!

I would set the ground rules for the house. Give them chores and responsibilities and while they are too old for "bed time" - the fact remains that they WILL have a daily list of chores that MUST be done by the time you get home or there will be HE$$ to pay...

Maybe your 16 year old can get the job with his brother and ride with his brother - but the bottom line? YOUR HOME! YOUR RULES! PERIOD!!

I think the bedtime is unrealistic (except during the school yr for the 16yo). Expecting them to be quiet and considerate of your sleep schedule is not. I would talk to them about your expectations & what will happen if they don't meet them. I would also expect the 20yo to have a job unless he is only home for the summer from college.

Honestly- I would have done the same thing. Are they working this summer? If not, I would STRONGLY encourage you to have them get jobs so that they have a "reason" to go to bed at a reasonable hour. I'm assuming that the 20 yr old is home from college, so he really needs to act as a role model for his younger brother and find something productive to do with his day.

I remember coming home from college and my parents ONLY request was that I call if I was going to be home later than 2:00 am (completely reasonable) b/c they worry if they don't know where I am. I forgot once and only once b/c I arrived home at 3:15 am and found the front door bolt-locked and had to sleep in my car in the FL summer heat.

Sometimes those are the lessons that stick- the ones that actually "hurt" a little!

You feel that you were vindictive by disrupting THEIR sleep, what about them disrupting YOUR sleep? You are the one that has to WORK, not them! Don't beat yourself up on this! You DID the right thing:) I'm gonna guess that neither one of these kids has a job? Kids who are disrespectful like this are usually overindulged. Who is paying for your son's cell phone? If neither works and you are paying the bills, YOU call the shots in your household. If they don't like it especially the 20 year old, he can move out. If they don't have jobs to go to, then they NEED to start helping you around the house.

I would do the same thing and my parents did something close to that to me and my siblings. Our rule, no matter the age, was up by 10 at the latest and chores first after breakfast. When we were old enough, we were up earlier with more chores or to work. After high school, if we were not in school we were expected to pay rent. If we wanted anything of our own, we earned it either by extra-extra chores at home or outside the home. I(I am 42 and have been working since I was 14).

Good luck, and you are NOT mean!!

um...I am going to have to disagree here. Your kids are teenagers...and that is what teenagers do. I like to think that it wasn't so long ago that I was a teenager myself and stayed up late for no good reason other than I was a night owl. I think you were a little out of line thelling them that "they had no reason to stay up later than 11:00". What I would have done is talk with them and explain that you need to get up early for work and although you understand that they like to stay up late- please do so quietly in their rooms.

Having them help out around the house too, is a good idea whether or not they have a job of their own. They are responsible young adults and should help out at home.

HAHA! NO WAY was that too mean. I think that gave them a taste of their own medicine (and reminded them why mom's sleep is so important, so she doesn't wake up as the dragon lady!)... Hopefully they got the hint and it won't happen again, and they'll learn that respect is earned... if they respect YOUR sleep and go to bed at a reasonable hour, you'll respect THEIR sleep and let them sleep in ;)

You did exactly the right thing.

I would have told the one looking for TP to go out in the garage and get some rather than using our bathroom, but that is the only thing.

The one talking to his girl friend at 1-4 in the morning is out of line. The rule in our home was no calls, except for emergencies, after 9 pm to 7 am.

I would get them up every morning at 6:30 am and get their show on the road. Get a job. Save some money. After my kids graduated from high school, they either went to college or paid rent.

Good luck to you and yours.

I don't think you were vindictive. You told them they needed to be in bed at a set time and they didn't. You had every right to wake them at six and to have some work done. I don't know why they need a car to work. My kids ride a bike or walk as I did. If we couldn't find jobs we mowed lawns as do my kids. We expect our kids to do work around the house on a daily basis not as a punishment, but so that they take pride in where they live. You have every right to be upset with them and to expect better behavior. Your house, your rules. You need your sleep.

Waking at 6:30am was not vindictive -- it's life. At least yours -- you had to wake up to go to work why shouldn't they? Even it's work around the house?

My suggestions:
overall, if I have to get up early to go to work -- WE ALL have to get up early to go do something productive.
While the 16 yo can't find paid work in the area -- I'm sure he can find many volunteer opportunities that would look good on his resume or college applications and he'll learn a lot. Tell him he has 2 weeks to find something. if it's during the day -- he'll need to get a ride when you go into to work ro find a way to ride-share with someone. if it's at night he stil needs to find a way to get there or catch a ride when you take your older son in.

Older son -- he needs more work hours. College isn't free -- even if you adn your hubby are paying and he needs more to do. a part-time job doesn not begin to fill his day. He too could look for volunteer opportunities to round out his experiences adn introduce him to other opportunities he might not have been exposed to. He, too, would have two weeks to find an opportunity.

I would teach the boys to drive immediately. Why -- they could take on more errands that you would usually do thus freeing up your time.

The chore list that you made for the boys was it the heavy lifting like cleaning out the garage or attic? And then organizing it? or painting a few rooms in the house? Hope so.

Good luck!

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If you couldn't sleep b/c they were keeping you up, that's one thing. If you didn't get any sleep b/c you got yourself in a tizzy, that's another.

As long as they aren't bothering you while you sleep, are not disrupting the household no matter what time it is, and are contributing to the household (keeping things clean, helping w/chores) then let them sleep whenever they want.

HOWEVER there is nothing wrong with asking someone to be considerate of how you manage your household. If you have an 11pm rule, then you have an 11pm rule.

This is what teenagers do. Stay up at night. If they are going to stay up
they should at least be quiet. The older one works at night so he is used
to being up. Cut them some slack. The 16 yo is 16; a night owl. My question is: Are they productive when they are up. Do they help etc. If not
that would be a stipulation. Have a nice summer.

I have a 22 and 18 year old. The 22 year old is in college and comes home on the weekend to work. She does not work during the week because she is taking summer classes at the university she attends. We live about an hour away so that is why she works on the weekend. Our rule is 1:00 a.m. in the house. If she wants to watch tv thats fine but upstairs and quietly. My husband and I get up at 5:00 a.m. I will say she is generally home before 1:00 a.m. and that is when her boyfriend is home as well. The 18 year old is at boot camp so not too worried about his sleeping habits!!

You were not too hard. The problem we have with our daughter is that she likes to think of herself as a "guest". Which means she won't clean up after herself. I wanted to drop kick her out the door last weekend!

Just set up rules and be consistent with disipline. Good luck!!! Aren't kids grand???!!

I feel your pain mine are 16 and 19. my 19 yr old goes to bed 12 ish 16 yr old caught up at 3 am i hit the roof. she wakes up at 11 am thats the problem. Dont expect teen to go to bed at 11 in summer aint happening
ask them to go to theres rooms and be quite do whatever as long as you dont hear them

Yes they were inconsiderate, and you had every right to wake them up, but I think to avoid this problem in the future I would set up different rules. First, they have to get jobs. The job market maybe tough, but I still see help wanted signs in every store in the mall and every fast food place around, so they can get something. It would teach some responsibility and not give them the option to stay up late and sleep late. If they want to watch TV and talk to the girlfriends, they can buy their own TVs and talk to their girlfriends in their rooms. I would probably draw up a lease about what can be done in common spaces and what can be done in their own spaces and charge them rent.

Now if they have jobs, what's the harm in them staying up late and sleeping late as long as they aren't disturbing you? It doesn't sound like the 16 year old woke you up by watching TV, you woke up on your own and found him watching TV. As for the 1-4 behavior, I would of put my foot down.

If you hadn't gotten up to pee, would you really have noticed them getting up and talking on the phone? Were they doing something that would have woken you up out of a dead sleep (with the exception of having to use your bathroom due to lack of TP)?

I would give them a list of household chores that need to be accomplished each day-regardless of what time they get up (or go to sleep). After 11, they need to be respectfully QUIET (but should NOT be givin a bedtime).