Bedtime Battles with a 3.5 Year Old

What if you made him 2 "bedtime passes"? He can use them for a drink, etc. but when they are used up, he has to stay in bed quietly? Maybe it would make the "only 2 times" thing more concrete. Leave a small amount of water by his bed in a covered cup with a straw so he can "be a big boy" and get it himself? A sticker chart for an extra bedtime story for the nights he does well? Good luck!

My daughter is about that age and bedtime has always been an issue. She did go through the period of need this, needing that, etc. I finally got to the point where I let her do whatever in her room starting at 7:00...that is the proposed bedtime. She does come out of her room to get her own glass of water or to show me some toys or to tell me something. Each time I acknowledge that and then ask her to go back to her bedroom. If she comes out and asks me to do something for her I explain that when it's bedtime it's also mommy time and that I won't do anything until the morning. Every night is different. Sometimes she comes out 5 or 6 times. Others once or not at all. Sometimes she falls alseep shorlty after 7 and sometiimes not until 9 or so. But, she does put her self in her bed and fall asleep...sometimes with the light on and sometimes not. It has been a lot less stressful on me and she has a little more independence.

Oh, goodness. It sounds a lot like our house. Frustrating, isn't it?

In our case, our 3.5 year old son has developed a fear of being in the dark. Our routine is to pick a time that we're going to go up and read books, then it's lights out with Mommy or Daddy staying with him. It's awful, but giving in has been easier (and quicker) to lull him to sleep than the tantrums. We've even tried turning on a light and letting him read himself to sleep. That works well, but only sometimes.

We have 2 nightlights in his room and keep the door open, and somehow he ends up in bed with me every night. Our 22 month old daughter is generally a rock star sleeper.

Good luck. I'll be interested to see what other Moms say as this has been our only means of survival so far.

My 4 yo used to do that too and still does once in a while. I usually tell him we are not coming in anymore and he has to sleep or he cant go to school the next day or whatever we are planning. It is frustrating and threats arent the best way to go, but what else do we have? If you stay consistent, he will grow out of it. Now he only does it once in a while. Just make sure you take care of all the needs before bed, like water, potty, stuffed animal he takes to bed or whatever else he can come up with.

Sorry - I have no advice. But wanted to let you know you are in good company. We are in the exact same situation! My son is the same age and we go through this every night. It is very tiring for my husband and me.

Good luck!

Have you tried a CD player in his room? He can listen to a story CD or a kids soft music CD. This worked for my son. My husband also gave outr son his own little flashlight to keep right by his bed--just in case....good luck.

My daughter is going thru this too (she's almost 3.5), I do give both my kids a sippy cup with water - as they both used that as an excuse and no longer can now that they have access to take a sip by themselves. But what I do is tell each of the kids (5.5 and 3.5) is that if they come out of their room or scream and cry, I will not have a choice but to shut their doors, so they each have a choice, do they want me to leave thier doors opened or do they want me to close them. Each and every night they both would say leave them opened and all is quiet. Unfortunately, if your son decides to call out, you have to go in his room and tell him you are now shutting the door. Go ahead and shut it and he'll scream even louder. Count to 15 and then open the door slowly (chances are he'll be right at the door and and you don't want to jam his toes) and bring him back to bed and remind him it's his choice. Most likely, he'll understand that you aren't playing games and will be quiet.

Good luck. Keep us posted.

I know that you said his crying wakes up his baby sister, but we found the best solution to end the same problem we had with EACH of our children (now 7, 5 and 3 1/2) was to tell them firmly that we expect them to stay in their bed and go to sleep; that reading a story quietly to their animals was ok; but getting out of bed or calling us EXCEPT in an emergency - i.e. sick, was not ok. And when they started calling us, we ignored them. They did cry (my youngest for almost an hour the first time), but they all now go to sleep and don't come out of their rooms until morning time. We were suprised that the crying didn't really bother their siblings too much. If they go out of their bedroom, we put them into bed, covered them up and left. We never talked to them. And we kept doing it over and over and over again. It only took about 1 week for each of them to learn that when we put them to bed, it was to sleep and we weren't coming back until morning unless they were sick.

Good luck

Hi. My daughter is very similar to your son, we even have the same bed time and wake-up time. My daughter stays in her bed and calls us if she needs us, which I consider a blessing. It is much better than her coming out of her room, seeing us watching TV and wanting to join us, in my opinion. Some nights she does seem to call me in a lot, I think those are the nights that she is the least tired. Other nights she doesn't call me in at all. The nights that she doesn't call me in at all I try to remember in the morning to tell her how proud I am of what a good sleeper she is. This seems to work, because a couple of times now when she hasn't called me in when I go in in the morning she tells me "I didn't call you at all last night!".

I gave my daughter a flashlight as well. She had told me that she was afraid of the dark, even though she has a nightlight. However it seemed like an easy solution. On nights when she isn't tired, she uses the flashlight to read books when I leave. She also has a CD player in her room and she gets to pick a CD to listen to while she falls asleep. One word of caution on this. For one of her CDs her father told her which song was his favorite. For about a week she would wait for that song and then she would call him in to listen to his favorite song with her. Then she asked me what my favorite song was and for a couple weeks she would call me in for my favorite song and her dad in for his favorite song. She seems to have gotten bored of that now, and has moved on to another CD, but for a while I was going to be stuck listening to the cookie song every night for a very long time.

Also, my daughter is a momma's girl, so after she calls me in 3 times I tell her that Mommy can't come in any more. She will usually only call Daddy in 1 time and then she is done for the night. I figure a few visits isn't going to hurt anything, but letting it go on for much longer than that gets frustrating. I find that it helps if I tell her that I have something to do. I almost always do a load of laundry at night so if I tell her that I have to take the laundry to the basement to wash her favorite pajamas or something like that it helps. Also, if she has something she is looking forward to the next day I tell her "I suggest that you go right to sleep so that you will have energy for" whatever it is, whether she is going to a birthday party or visiting Grandma. I didn't get called in a single time last night because she was resting for her trip to the dentist with day care today.

Good Luck,
D.

While you could give him a cup of water to bring with him, it isn't really the water he wants, it is the company of his parents. I would try to go in but really not talk, be very matter of fact and very brief. I think in a few weeks he will get over this. My daughter has been a real challenge regarding going to bed. She has procrastination down to an ART Form. I have read Ferber's book and it does indeed seem that we have "boundary issues" But I have found that she is gradually getting better. I am not as good as I should be at setting clear boundaries and sticking to them without getting into a tissy. your son of course has worked out that he has this great thing - waking his sister to hold over you. He is old enough that you could talk to him about this during the day and then prepare him in the evening for his going to bed and not calling you in a million times. I know some don't recommend rewards for good behavior but depending on your parenting philosophy, you could offer him "x" if he goes to bed and doesn't call out at all. Good luck.