Bedtime Blues - Central,SC

I have a 4yr old and he has the same problems you describe at times. I think it is fairly common. Any disruptions to the routine nightly regime seems to set it off. We try putting him to bed a bit earlier to give him the settle down time if we see he is 'cranked up' or off the routine.

Bedtime struggles happen in our house too. We have an active 3 year old that has never liked to sleep. I agree 100% with the bedtime routine. Kids love the one on one love and attention and crave normality/routine. The lavendar bath (johnson & johnson is one brand) is soothing and makes them smell extra special. :-) Sugar, caffeine, too much activity before bed will also keep a child up. I've noticed recently that if my 3 yr old naps, it harder for her to fall asleep at night. She's growing out of the nap phase and is getting her quota during the night. At 4 years old, your grandson may be going through the same thing. If he's napping, maybe this can become a rest period instead so he'll fall asleep quicker at night. Warning though, they may become irritable around 6pm :-(
Good luck to you and his mother. I feel for her and know that her son is feeling the negative energy she has inside. Reading, taking a walk, a glass of wine or something to make her relax would also help him get the love he needs in this difficult time. xoxo

Diet is a big consideration - elimination of milk is huge (you just described what my son went through for a year prior to taking milk away). Also, you may want to have a OAT (organic acid test) done. You can order at www.greatplainslaboratory.com. Yeast or bacteria out of balence will also cause sleep disterbance.
The easy (but maybe not complete) answer to your question is that melatonin comes in sublingual (tasty and dissolves) tablets. Start with .5 miligrams. If he wakes early, like 4 AM, reduce the dose. If he does not wake, and it is not effective, increase the dose .25 at a time.
Best of luck, sleep is so important for all of us :)! J.

One of my children is like this (my 10yo is ADHD). He had a hard time getting his mind to shut down and relax to go to sleep, so that means he'd be awake late and it would be very hard to get him up. But now we use an herbal formula.

Now having said that, if I were you I'd order a herbal formula called Relax-Eze in extract form (it comes in liquid or capsules) from www.herbsfirst.com. OR you can go to your local health food store and they'll have some sort of formula for kids in liquid form to help with this problem.

Good luck

You may not think this is all effecting him because he is only 4yrs old, but it is. He may not understand what is going on but he knows mommy and daddy aren't happy and he just moved in with grandma. He can feel the stress and sadness coming from his mom too. His mom (and dad if possible) need to sit him down and explain to him in simple terms what is going on between them and that no matter what they both love him very much. He needs to be allowed to ask questions and maybe even learn some new words to express how he feels about the whole thing. Don't just brush off his feelings because he is a kid. My daughter was 3yrs old (almost 4) when I moved from Indiana to SC. She left everything she knew-home, babysitter, grandma, her dad, etc. There has to be an adjustment period for a child.

Also, take away anything stimulate to him about an hour before bed time. NO TV, rough housing, tickling, etc. That hour before bed should be used to get cleaned up, put on pj, brush teeth, maybe even pick out clothes for the next day, read a book or two with you or mom.

Good luck and tell mom to slow down.
S.

I don't believe pills are the answer to this problem. I would suggest a strict schedule for bedtime that does not fluctuate. If he gets used to a regular schedule, he will go to sleep when it is time. Wear him out during the day. If he is taking naps, try eliminating the nap so he will be tired when it is time for bed. Also, a nice warm bath before getting him in bed has always worked for young ones. It may also help if she would be more patient with him as far as the yelling goes. this could be making him hyper.

Just some thoughts..

Blessings

Hi W.. You are a sweet person for writing and thinking of your daughter, and grandson
What was he like before his parents split? Did he give them any trouble before? Maybe its because he is in a new environment. Moving can be traumatic on a little one. They are used to a place and a routine, and even though it is your house, he isnt used to staying there all the time. It could be because his parents split. How was the dad involved, like giving baths, reading, putting to bed, etc...
I have a 3 and a 1 yr old, both girls. They share a room, and the oldest one she can give me a hard time, but she was always like that. Sometimes she would be up until 10pm playing.
What time does your daughter put your grandson to bed? Maybe she should try a little bit sooner since he likes to stay up late.
Does he like books? Maybe a few bedtime stories and a cup of warm milk.
Im sorry, but i really cant think of anything else.
Have her try not to scold him (i know that is hard) at bedtime, instead perhaps try to make it mommy and son time, you know, just special.

I just read your letter and it's nothing wrong with the chid it's his mother. Children pick up things and he is picking up on the anxiety that his mother is going through and she is passing this energy on to her child and not ony her child but, the people that she comes in contact with. I suggest that she reconnect with God and ask for peace and understanding she must love her self again before she can love again. Not saying that she doesn't love her son. But, right now her life is out of order. She need to ask God for Peace that passes all understanding and ask for Divine Order back in her life. She doesn't need to give her child any drugs I totally disagree with using drugs to put a child to sleep. If anything she(mother) need the drug. But, most of all God will heal her heart and give her the Peace that she needs. The child is just reacting to energy he's receiving. Be Patient and just Pray. She should set aside a time for herself and then have a time for her son. And, explain to her son that mommy is going through some things and believe it or not he will truly understand. Good Luck!!!!!

Dear W.,
It is awesome that you are supportive of your daughter. I agree that at four years old he cannot help it nor can most of us with sleep disorders.
After reading your bio at the bottom it makes sense that your young grandson could also be experiencing anxiety over his parents separating.
If at all possible and it is not too late, encourage your daughter about the idea of attending a Retrouvaille weekend with the dad. Marriage is hard and difficult but if they would make this leap of faith for the sake of thier son it may well be more than worth it. Studies show that children from broken families suffer in school as well as with depression and anxiety.
Again, I don't know you or the situation but other than that the best advice is to take this all to prayer. Ask God what He thinks would be best for your daughter's family.

God Bless!

Hello W.,

I am having the same issue with my four year old son. At first he wouldn't sleep in his own bed, he wanted to sleep with my husband and I. Now he shares a room with his ten yr old brother and he is alright with that. BUT, he still can't settle down at night. The kids are settled by 730 watching tv. He's in bed by 830, watches Nogin and drinks a small sippy cup of milk until 9 and then the tv is off and his nightlight comes on. He'll be in there singing, talking, trying to turn the tv back on. Trying to get out of bed and keeping his brother awake and mad. He'll eventually fall asleep by 10. Maybe I'll take him to his doctor to find out if he can give him medication to help. I'll let you know.

W.:
I have 6 1/2 year old twin girls and they began giving me issues just with their laughing and giggling when I would put them down. Nothing worked and two or three hours of non-stop goofing around would go on. Then the next morning they would be ill as all get out and it would make me so mad and I would try to explain to them that if they would go to sleep when I told them too it wouldn't be so hard to get up the next morning. I heard about melatonin and asked my ped about it. My kids were taking melatonin at 2 1/2 or so. I would only give them a half of one but I would crush it up and give it to them with a sippy cup of milk before it was time to brush teeth and go to bed. Anyways I know your daughter would most likely feel more comfortable asking her ped before she does anything of the sort but just as an FYI my twins were on the stuff at 2-2 1/2 years of age. Some melatonin is chewable but they are hard to find. My kids said they tasted like banannas???? They now know how to swallow a pill so I don't have to go searching the world for the ones that taste like "banannas" mommy. I usually found those at the dollar store but the dollar store I go to I haven't seen them. Good Luck I know how stressful that is-been there done that and Melatonin was my life saver-or sanity saver. Kids need their sleep and my kids just couldn't ever settle it down-they fed off of one another as twins and I tried everything!!!! Making one lay down 30 minutes before the other and that created even more drama!

Dear W.,
We all know that kids need their sleep. Don't we all! I can't imagine that the yelling helps anyone - only the opposite. She needs to put her childs needs before anything else and get a happy pill for herself if necessary.

My son is 5 as of August this year. He didn't sleep through an entire night until he was almost 4. I stayed exausted to say the least. I'm sure it was related to breast feeding for 2 1/2 years. He was never away from me being a SAHM 24/7 literaly, so I was always there for him, probably too much.
You can try Hyland's homeopathic "Teething Tablets". I use it from time to time when my son hasn't had enough activity during the day and it really works. It doesn't nock them out. It just eases them into getting ready to sleep and relax. Since it's natural there are no side effects.
This helps too now that he's in kindergarten and the schools don't have physical activity as much as they should.
Good luck.
P.

I'm sure this transistion is affecting him. How long does it take for him to settle down? This is the amount of time I would put him to bed earlier. If he should be asleep by 8 and it's taking an hour, put him to bed at 7. V.

Hi W.,

They make a melatonin in a liquid form. You just use a dropful. Also your daughter should find a way to deal with him calmly. I would limit his sugar intake, this will keep him up also. There may be something going on at school that is bothering him. I am here if you want too talk.

S.

Hi W.,
I really feel for you in your dilemma. I have 2 over-active children 6 & 5 that both hate bedtimes. I agree with what everyone else has said like eliminating sugar and having a set bedtime routine has really helped my children. We have supper, nice warm bath, put pj's on, brush teeth and then we have story time. The story time works best if you do it in their room either sitting or laying on their bed. Then when story time is over hugs, kisses and lights out. This has really helped them settle down. Also, the one person mentioned Hyland's homeopathic teething tablets. Those do work wonderfully and Hyland's also has another product called "Calms Forte". You can even buy this at Wal-mart in the vitamin section. This is an all natural product and it dissolves under the tongue. My children love them - I only use them on days where they didn't get to run their energy off. It just naturally relaxes them. You can also get them at health food stores but the price is more. They are sometimes hard to locate at the Walmart stores as they sometimes tend to put them on the very bottom shelf. You may have to ask for assistance. They are in a small blue box. I hope this helps. You might want to try these for a night or two with the bedtime routine to get him in the habit or being relaxed and calm and then you might not need them anymore.

My 4 yr old takes Melatonin (on the advice of our pediatrician)at night. He takes 1 mcg but you can give up to 3 as needed. He takes it an hour before bedtime and it has made bedtime a thousand times easier. He is able to swallow the pill without a problem. Just give it to him with a drink that has a straw (for some reason this makes it easier for him). If he does chew it, it is not the end of the world...it will just work quicker :)

It sounds to me from what you said that this isn't about bed or going to sleep at all, but really about the mom and dad splitting up. This little guy is going thru a lot right now - moving to a new place, not being with his dad, mom is yelling at him. That's a lot for anyone, especially a 4 year old. Maybe he doesn't know how to say hey, I'm a little upset right now and this has been difficult for me. All he can do is try his best and he can't get to sleep - well no wonder. Give him time and lots of love. I am sure it will get better when things settle down. Please don't medicate him.

Maybe this advice is redundant but, I think that a nice dinner, warm lavender bath, and story time is a good way to soothe kids to sleep. Play some calming music. Get into a "calming mode" this may take 2 hours to do in all, but if you remain calm, maybe he will too.

Mom: yelling is totally not the solution, even if you are at your wits end. Drink a glass of wine with dinner,it may help you to relax.