Bedtime Issue - Caldwell,NJ

Stop having bottles in your bed.
From now on - her bed is the place to be - you can snuggle with her there (it's a twin bed, right? not a tiny toddler bed?) when she needs you and when she's sleeping, then you go back to your own bed.
If you think you're having issues now - when you're all sharing a room - just wait till you expect her to sleep all by herself in her own room.
She'll eventually get use to it - but it's going to be a big change for her.

I'm sorry - I couldn't read the entire thing because my eyes go wonky if there's no paragraphs (my problem) :) But I think the gist of it is that your daughter is coming into your bed, your fiancé allows it, and there are bottles involved and also nightmares/or terrors.

I am sorry that your father passed. That is rough on any family and she could be picking up stress from you and your mom also - grief, etc. Hard time. So yes, regression is possible.

Comfort is one thing. Starting up bad habits that you can't live with (such as little sleep) is different.

I agree with Diane B about the bottle at night - not a great idea. That's another issue - but you've got to watch her teeth.

What I would do is set up a new bedtime routine you can live with. One of my kids had a light that shone stars on the walls. One of my kids had a music box they drifted off to. They weren't fully asleep by the time it stopped but it calmed them to the point where they drifted off on their own. Or could you sit with your daughter on her bed and read to her there (even if you have to start with the bottle) and just stay x mins the first night, and go progressively shorter each night.

As for waking in the night, we only ever allowed ours to sleep on our floor. But it was very short lived and definitely a phase. I did that so they felt safe/comforted but it wasn't in our bed. And I was too tired to get up. They didn't enjoy the floor that much (just a comforter in the corner) so it wasn't really an incentive for them to get out of bed.

If you're in this room all together, why don't you try getting out of bed and just rubbing her back .. just long enough to soothe her. That way she is not coming into yours. And say I will say x mins .. and wean her off it.

As for your fiancé, you guys just need to get on the same approach. If you don't want your daughter in your bed, she doesn't come in the bed. But just be prepared to comfort her in another way to begin with, and slowly taper off. It doesn't usually take long if you all are on board with it and it's consistent.

Good luck :)

If you want her to stay in her own bed, be consistent. I used to rock my DD (then around 2) and hold her til she fell asleep, which turned out to be a terrible routine for us. Once we really buckled down on bath, book, bed, she did sleep consistently in her own room. When she has bad dreams, I try to hold her on the couch for a few minutes vs me sleeping in her bed or she sleeping in ours (DH cannot sleep with her in our bed). We have a rule that if she waits til after DH is up for the day, she can come in til I have to get up, so she will sometimes wait for the hands on the clock (that I marked) to be right. I think that routine will be reassuring and get everyone back on track.

Also, what is she getting in her bottle? If it is anything other than water, you should have her finish it and then brush her teeth and that will eliminate the bottle in bed routine. You might consider changing it to a sippy cup or sports bottle (funtainers are easy for littles to handle themselves). My DD often gets a bedtime snack (something small and healthy, like crackers and cheese), but then it's brush teeth before bed.

We also compromise that the "big light" can be on til we go to bed, which means no scary shadows for her to worry about. If she really has trouble, I've also turned on the hall light and turned off her light, but had the door cracked. Things like that might help. But you and DH need to be on the same page about putting her back in her bed after nightmares or holding firm on your bed. You might also consider a lovie like a large bear that she can hold in lieu of the bottle or you.

ETA: More for those who say that a non-water bottle is not a problem. One article. http://www.knowyourteeth.com/infobites/abc/article/?abc=c... If you went to bed not brushing your teeth after a snack, your teeth would suffer, too. So IMO it's not just if she falls asleep with it dripping or not. It's if it's on her teeth (anything is on her teeth) at night. And if she has any teeth that touch, floss those, too.

Just stick to your guns. No coming to mom and dad's bed anymore. And if she has a night terror, get out of your bed, bring her back to hers, give her a few moments of cuddle time. It's okay to change the rule. You can flat out say, "You can't just come to our bed every time you wake up at night."

Also, she's too old for bottles. Time to switch over to a cup and stop giving it to her at night.

couldn't read this huge run-on novel, sorry.
only put water in the bottle if you want her to keep the bottle.
be firm about putting her back in her bed. consistency is always key.
khairete
S.

Our kids got a bottle for as long as they wanted. Our pediatric dentist knew too. No big issue.

As long as they do not hold the bottle in their mouth while they're sleeping they are fine.

Bottles do not cause tooth rot. Dripping milk on their teeth all night while sleeping does. When they drink a bottle then put it down they are perfectly fine.

Think about it. If we all ran around brushing our teeth after we have a sip of coffee or pop, all day long...., or after we take a bite of anything we'd all be brushing our teeth all day long.

Our saliva has numerous jobs. One of them is to rinse our mouth. The saliva takes the particles and such away.

If saliva didn't work we'd all have mouths full of rotted teeth. But we don't and we don't brush all day. That's because we don't keep drinks and food constantly in our mouths all day. We eat and drink then saliva takes over.

We brush to get food particles deep between our teeth and to freshen our breath.

If your child is taking this bottle and then putting it down she's fine. Our pediatric dentist agreed with me when we talked.

I told him I'd rather have our kiddos take the bottle as long as they needed to suck instead of finding out that their thumb is a nice thing that fits in their mouth great AND it can't be taken away.

So you have to consider what benefit she's getting.

The biggest thing with me is this.

People who breast feed get to nurse as long as they want. They're told the longer the better, that kids who nurse longer are fine. They, for the most part, do not wean their baby off the breast the day they turn 1 then put them on a sippy cup with full vitamin D milk. Nursing mom's integrate other nutrition in their kiddo's diet but they continue to nurse.

So nursing mom's are allowed to nurse as long as they want and they are applauded for doing it.

Moms who give their kiddos bottles are ridiculed and told they need to wean them at age 1 and if they continue past that it's horrid. What hypocrites~

I think she should have a bottle until you are ready for her to stop. It's absolutely no different than letting her have a glass of milk with a snack at bedtime.

Choose your battles. She wants a bottle in your bed so be it. It won't be forever and she then stays in her bed all night. Seems like a good deal to me.