Bedtime Problems - Overland Park,KS

Hi C., I would suggest either no naps or early to rise early to bed. She may be having issues with the new baby as well.B.

C. I would start taking away her favorite toys. When you put her to bed tell her that she needs to stay in bed and go to sleep and if she gets up then she can not play with a certain toy the next day. If she does it again then do the same. If that doesn't work then you could make a chart. It can be for anything. Like if she eats a good dinner then she can put a star on her chart, if she picks up her room she can put a star on her chart, ect, ect. Then right before bed tell her that if she goes to and doesn't get up, in the morning she can put a star on her chart and then reward her with her favorite candy or a toy or something that she really enjoys. Hope all goes well. K.

I have to repeat what everyone else has said. Earlier up, earlier to sleep. Also try that bedtime bath from Johnson & Johnson. It always has helped my 6 year old since she was little to get sleepy and ready for bed. We read a chapter book at night, one chapter a night. That helps her settle down too.

Hi, I know any little bit of advise helps, so here goes...
I also have a 3 yr old (3 1/2) and she went through this "stage" not very long ago. Some of the suggestions I received were to take a favorite toy if she continues to get up. I know this seems harsh, my daughter has a best friend (a stuffed rabbit) and it hurt me to say, "Rabbit has to come with me unless you stay in bed," but it hurt worse to follow through with my threat. After she learned I was serious, she would stay in bed. It may take a few tries, but if you are consistant, it may help.
Another one to try is to take books, toys, anything that is tempting for her to play with, take it out of her room. Get a laundry basket and set it aside. As you prepare for bed explain what the laundry basket is for (if she gets out of bed, you will have to take her books, toys, etc. with you for the evening.)

I hope this helps!

T.

My son tried to cry every night for a couple weeks, after we put him to bed. We never took him out of his room when he would do this. We would hold him for a minute, then place him back in bed. We also let him pick something to sleep with. This worked great, because now whenever he cries for us, after making sure he is okay, we threaten to take away his special cuddly animal. It works every time! Good luck, A. R.

We went through this when my son Sam turned 3. At the time, my husband was working from home. Even though Sam was in daycare, my husband didn't take him there until he (Sam) woke up, which was usually around 9 or so. So what we did was, I started getting Sam up with me when I woke up around 6. After a few days of getting up at the crack of dawn, he was falling asleep on the couch by 8! If that seems to be the issue at your house, try waking her up sooner, and don't let her go back to bed. You may want to limit her naps in the afternoon also, or even cut them out altogether if she's 3.

This is my suggestion:
Put her to bed, love and kisses, turn out the light, walk away. When she gets up, do not engage in debate or discussion. Lead her strait back to bed, put her in bed, walk out. Do this every single time she gets up. It will probably only take one or two nights of this. When she sees you're not going to batrgain with her (ie getting water, telling another story, talking, watching TV) she'll lie down and go to sleep. Trust me, this works. But right now, she knows she can wear you out by getting up, so you have to establish that it wont work anymore. Best of luck. Maybe you could give me some advice: my 13 month-old has started waling in her crib at naptime. She can seriously go for an hour. I totally cave after 15 or 20 minutes, and she is exhausted! She's doing it right now. Earlier, I went in and got her because I figured if she has the energy to cry for 15 minutes about it, she might not be tired. But trust me, the kid is TIRED!!!! I'm contemplating going for a walk or something. Any suggestions? Take care!

We had the same problem until I cut down on my daughters napping time. Now she only gets about a one hour nap and her bedtime is much earlier again. Don't know if it will help you, but it is worth a try if she is still taking naps. Good luck.

Hi Chelcie,

As hard as it is, consistency, consistency, consistency. My son when he first could climb out of crib, did so about 20 times within 2 hrs to come sleep with us. Each time, I would quietly take him back to bed. I would have no conversation with him, except to say goodnight and I love him. I think your daughter is reacting to a new baby. I would stick to the routine, strictly, take a deep breath and realize you & your husband may not get alone time for a little while. Good luck!

Hi,

I understand your problem as my daughter responds in the similar fashion in the night. But when I take her to park in the evening and she spends considerable time on swings and slides, she gets tired and sleeps on time. Also, don't allow her to sleep during daytime. This may help!

Best,
J.

I have the same problem with my 5 year old son. He has acted this way regarding bed time for a couple of years now. It's always difficult to get him to bed. I try to keep him awake in the car, because a 5 minute nap in the car gives him a second, third and fourth wind, and he can stay awake for HOURS! Our sons haven't wanted to take mid-day naps since they were 1 and 2 years old, so they take no naps throughout the day now. If they did, I would never get them to sleep at night.

His excuses to stay awake are that he doesn't want to go to school the next morning (he's in Kindergarten now), or that he wants to watch a movie, or that he's hungry, or my two favorites...he MUST find a specific toy before he goes to bed, or simply asking me "why" at least 100 times. My responses to "why" never satisfy him.

Not only will my son fight not going to sleep, but he will get out of his bed and continue to nag me about staying awake too.

I have done what every parent has done posting on here, but I found out that the ONLY thing that helps with my son is I threaten to close his bedroom door if he can't stay in bed and be quiet. I do not tell him this the first few times he fights going to sleep, because I want to give him a chance to listen to me first. Plus, if you use it too early and easy, then it's not really a threat anymore. (By the way, my son DOES have a nightlight in his bedroom). There have been a few times that the threat of closing his bedroom door didn't work, so I went ahead and closed his door. That upset him, and made him realize I meant what I said. The threat of closing his door has worked a little better now. Unfortunately, we must follow through with what we say will happen if they don't comply, or else our children will never take us seriously.

I hope this helps!

Did you find Nanny Deb on tv? Friday nights.

You're letting the 3 year old rule your house!
The longer it continues the harder to break.

The nanny would keep returning the child to bed, no matter how many times child gets up.
No talking just return to bed.

The key to helping your daughter is to make her care about what you care about. If she likes to read books before bed, you need to communicate to her that if she doesn't go to bed and stay there for the rest of the night, the next night she will not be able to read a story, or something like that. Just pick her favorite privilidge that she enjoys during the day. That is why our children have priviledges, to reward them for appropriate behavior. If she is behaving inappropriately, you must revoke that privilidge. For my oldest son, it always goes something like this: "mommy loves you, but the way you are behaving is unacceptable, and if you cannot stay in your bed, then tomorrow, we are not going to be able to go to the park and we will have to stay home." you get the point. Be consistent on this, follow through with your promise, and reward her the next morning for staying in bed.

My daughter is 3 and she is also in the I'm in charge phase. I have found that being firm really helps. I make sure that she has gone potty and has a drink in her room. She has a nightlight and can pick whatever she wants to bring to bed. (i've found that by saying okay get your stuff ready for bed helps her feel like she has a choice in what she sleeps with wether it's a truck or a doll or whatever) and then I tell her it's time for rest and Mommy is not coming back in. The key here is to not go back in and the first few nights she may cry or yell for awhile but once she has figured out that I am not coming in she stops. If she really carries on you can open the door and tell her to go to sleep but don't go in or give her anything she asks for because that is what she wants. When my daughter went through this sleeping thing 6 months agao I gave her a flashlight. Little tikes makes flashlights that are tigers or pigs and when you turn them on they growl stay on for a minute and then turn off (or just a regular flashlight). She would stay in bed for about 45 minutes making shadows and feeling safe because she could control the light and then she would drift off to sleep. Also I bought some glow in the dark stars and moons and put them all over the ceiling. Now every night when she goes to bed I say "look at your stars" and I haven;t heard a peep out of her for awhile!!! Yaaaayyy

I do not know if this will help any, but I hope it will. My son ( which is 8, now ) has been having the same problem since he was 2 1/2. He also has ADHD, but I have been to the doctor a few too many times over this, and the only thing we have been able to come up with; my husband and I take him out to play every night; about an hour before bedtime, and we will play tennis, go swimming, play soccer; anything to run some energy out of him, and it does help some. Also, we went to the pharmasicist, and asked him what kind of medicine usually helps soothe, and knock-out a child so that he/she will go to sleep at a reasonable hour, and he reccommended Children's Benedryl ( alcohol free ), and 99.9%, he is knocked-out cold within 30 minutes of taking the medicine. Please reply back!!!

Hi Chelsea,
I have a 2 1/2 year old trying to pull the same thing! I think they think they are missing something when they go to bed. Some nights she gets up only once or twice. Other nights she's up 10-15!
I'm no expert, but maybe she still needs a little nap in the daytime. I've found that when my daughter gets "overtired", it's harder for her to fall asleep.
One thing we've resorted to (and I know some people will frown at this, but, hey... you do what you have to do!) we put on a baby einstein video on repeat play. This is classical music with pictures. She watches it for about 30 minutes and usually falls right asleep. Sometimes she wants a "real" movie, but the only other ones we'll put on is a Winnie the Pooh, or Care Bears. I tell her that the other ones are "scary". We don't want bad dreams!
Another thing is I make her repeat to me what she's to do. "I promise I won't get out of bed anymore."
Also make sure she goes to the bathroom so that won't be an issue.
Hope this helps. I'm still dealing with frustrating nights myself and any tactics you find to help I would appreciate!!!

S.

It sounds as though maybe her nap is too long. Is the rest of her day structured? That may help. An average three year old needs about 12 hours sleep so if she is getting that at night, she may no longer need her nap or at least a shorter one. Otherwise, you have to stay firm and put her back in bed regardless of her actions. No conversation, give her a small drink of water and make her go potty before bed then that is no longer a point of contention either. Sounds like she is trying to get a little extra attention now that she has realized that baby isn't going anywhere! Good luck!

I'm sure you are pretty busy being a stay at home mom with such a young baby and a small child. Kids her age can be really frustrating as well, it seems like I spend the better part of my day repeating myself because my 3 year old daughter is off in her own little world with her own agenda. Try to make sure you make time everyday when you are totally engrossed in your child, you aren't offering any criticism or direction, and you are giving her positive reinforcement for the entirety of the time. As little as 5 minutes will be a great foundation for her to know she's still important even though she has a needy little sister. Every time you notice her doing things the way she should without being told, compliment her. "What a big girl you are for putting that toy a way," for example. She might be feeling a little left out with baby needing so much and you wanting to spend time with your spouse. You want to get through your bed time routine at a fair rate, but you don't want to be so engrossed in sticking to the routine that you overlook her. Something I've started doing recently with my daughter is having tea before bed... she gets chamomile with milk and I get earl gray. It gets her out of the bathtub quicker, she feels grown up and important, and we talk about our day or what we dreamt about the night before. She doesn't linger too long... she's ready for her stories pretty quickly. When she says she wants to do this or that (play with dolls, watch a movie) we always tell her she can do it tomorrow, make it something she can look foward to. And follow through. I tell my daughter she can get up one time... to use the bathroom if she has to. I check on her every 5 minutes or so when she first lies down, and tell her I want to see her eyes closed when I look in on her. If she's restless or says she can't sleep, I talk to her very sweetly and tell her to take deep breaths into her belly to help her to relax then tell her to tell her feet to go to sleep on up to the top of her head. She usually falls asleep pretty quickly. Her average is 15 minutes. If all else fails, a few minutes in the room with the door closed (lights on, of course) always gets my daughter to understand she doesn't have a choice in the bed time matter...but I rarely have to resort to that (we have a lock on outside of the door). This may or may not work for you... my daughter gets upset when I do this, but I feel she's mature enough to learn to console herself in a few minutes and it gets my point across. Sometimes, it helps her to just get that last little burst of energy out. Your daughter might really be enjoying the attention her antics are getting at night,so be as detached as possible once she's supposed to be in bed. Good luck!

My daughter tried doing that sometimes when seh was a couple years younger but we just put her back to bed tucked her back in bed and left the room and told her that it was time for bed no more excuses kind of like nanny deb

Hi C.,

Watching Supernanny on TV has helped my husband and I a lot. You might consider watching a few episodes. Also, the Johnson County Library has a book of hers. Here's some info. copied and pasted from their site.

Happy Parenting,

D.

Supernanny : how to get the best from your children
Frost, Jo.

Summary
Jo Frost, a.k.a. SuperNanny, is the answer to every stressed-out parent's dreams. In Abc's upcoming primetime tv series by the same name, Jo works miracles on problem children by dispensing hard-won wisdom and reassuring us that parents really do know best. The SuperNanny method gives parents the know-how to tackle problem areas such as mealtime, bath time, bedtime, bedwetting, homework, sibling rivalry, aggressive behavior, or a child who just won't do what he or she is told to do. Divided into action-oriented problem and solution sections, SuperNanny will show parents how to restore harmony and authority in the home using the SuperNanny's ten basic rules.

Let her know that bedtime is 9pm, period. Be firm. Let her know that adult time is after 9, and she must be in bed. Take away her favorite toy or movie and let her know she may have it back if she goes to bed with no issues. I have been told, and indeed have come to learn that you have to be consistant with any kind of behavior teaching. Don't feel like you are being mean or uncaring. Children do need direction, and it is their nature to push the boundaries, if only to find out where they are. Respect for adult time is so important, because if you and your husband dont get it, stress infiltrates, and eventually spills into your ability to parent well. If you find a leverage that works, make sure you stick with it and not soften because of guilt pangs. Consistancy will go far!
Good luck!

Hi there!

Does your three year old still take daytime naps? If so, you could try shortening them or cutting them out all together so that she is more sleepy at night. Or try waking her up earlier in the morning. Maybe start the bedtime routine at 7:30 and once she is in bed letting her read books for awhile.

I wish you the best of luck! I know how frustrating that can be! (((HUGS)))

You might try taking away a favorite toy or activity when she gets out of bed (for the following day). She continues to do it because there is not a sufficient consiquence to her actions. You know your child best so get her where it hurts. If you have a favorite activity planned for the next day tell her if she gets out of bed she can not do it. If she gets out of bed remind her the next day.... We would be doing this, but you didn't go to sleep so now we can't or you would get a certain toy, but you got up last night so now we can't. Remind her again the following night. Reward her when she stays in bed. It will probably take a couple of nights of her missing out on something, plus being rewarded before she gets it. If you aren't militant with it, they are smart and will not believe you!!!

Good Luck

C. I think your daughter is having issues with not being an only child anymore. I am going through similar things with my 6 yr. I have 8 month old twins. Try to spend a little extra time with just her evfery day. do special things together when the baby is sleeping, ask her for help changing diapers getting bottles bathing and dressing her sister. make her feelapart of all the new excitement. I'm sure she is affected by everybody giving the baby all the attention. it is a hard adjustment no matter what age. good luck.

I've got two magical words for you: Nancy Birkenmeier!

Unity Health Sleep Medicine and Research Center
232 S. Woods Mill Road
Chesterfield, MO 63017
###-###-####

She is a goddess to our family. Luckily our insurance covered almost all of it. But let me tell you, even if you have to pay, it is worth it to have a bit of your life back. Good Luck!

Our son went through this about a year and a half ago. A combination of things worked for us:

1. Limiting (and eventually) removing naps during the day. He was getting so much sleep in the afternoon that he wasn't tired at night, so I started shortening his nap and after a few days of me getting him up after just an hour, he decided not to nap at all and he was okay mood-wise, so I let him give up the nap and that really helped.

2. Putting a baby gate up at his door at night. He couldn't get out of his room and we didn't keep any toys in his room, so there wasn't really anything for him to do but go to sleep. At first he was upset and would cry a little or yell for us, but we just firmly and consistently told him it was time for bed and that he had to stay in his room. We didn't let him out for anything and we didn't go back in after we'd tucked him in. After about a week, we could put him to bed and tell him "we need you to stay here, if you don't we'll have to put the baby gate up." He didn't like having the gate up, so he'd stay in bed better.

3. Rewards for staying in bed. I know...bribery is a bad thing, but instead of punishing him by taking away his lovey (security blanket), I felt better telling him "if you'll stay in bed all night, we'll go get you a new matchbox car tomorrow." And then "if you'll stay in your bed all night for 3 or 4 days, we'll get you some stickers." The rewards were never big, and he only realy got 1 or 2 of them before we phased them out because we didn't want him demanding a toy everytime he spent the night in his own bed without a fight at bedtime, but just him knowing that he had something to look forward to if he would do it helped.

There were a couple of other things I wanted to touch on: you said she's waking up your younger daughter... are they in the same room? If they are, is there anywhere else you could move your younger daughter until you get the situation resolved? And can you use the fact that she's waking up her little sister to convince her to be quieter? Plus your younger daughter is so young, could this all be part of the adjustment to having a new baby? If it is, maybe special times with her or whatever else you can think of to help her adjust might make her feel better and more willing to go to bed.

Finally, after dealing with the situation with our son for a month, we discovered he had a sinus infection that was apparently bothering him, but had no real symptoms that we could notice. Once we got him healthy, the problem got better a lot faster. So, if nothing else, maybe consider taking her to the ped, just to make sure nothing's going on that you can't see.

Hi C.!
You must be exhaused! For many moms, when bedtime goes wrong somehow we always think its our fault. I have worked with many parents who have kids with "less than desirable behavior" at bedtime and I'd like to offer you a few suggestions. Feel free to email me at ____@____.com for an offline conversation and additional support. I have also done home-visits for families as well if you're interested.
First, look at when this started - did something change at your house? Did you have any schedule changes or did your daughter experience anything (such as a reaction of fear to a movie or develop a new fear) around the time this started. Sometimes the root of this kind of problem is as simple as searching for the root cause.

Second, take a look at her sleep. Is she getting too much? Does she need to get up earlier in the morning or take a shorter nap?

Third, take a look at her eating habits - is she snacking before bed? If so, what is she eating? Low-sugar complex carbs stimulate sleep and milk also helps. A child this young would benefit from a bedtime snack as part of the routine.

Next, how are you and hour husband encouraging or discouraging this behavior. It sounds silly, doesn't it? Sometimes, in our efforts to give our kids the best possible experience in life and help them develop in a healthy way, we encourage some behavior we'd rather not see. Does your schedule allow for enough time to be "together" without the baby before bedtime or does she get up and cause a hassle after bedtime because she can be with daddy and mommy alone (even for a few minutes and being in trouble!)

Finally, be consistent. Make "coupons" with drink, hug, kiss and story on them and make it into a game. Kids this age fight the world for control (they're so little they don't have much control of their lives yet). Put her to bed about 10 minutes early so that there is "time" for her to cash in her coupons. Have a discussion about what an emergency is and encourage her to seek you out in an emergency (i.e. she is very sick, something dangerous is happening, etc.) and let her know that after bedtime, she will only get returned to her bed: her job at bedtime is to be in bed. No more hugs, no mroe kisses, no more drinks. In this case you're not withholding love or affection, but, instead setting clear boundaries. Kids need boundaries to keep them safe and these clear expectations make them feel safe. If she still will nto stay in bed, consider putting up a bedside rail (the kind that keeps kids from falling out of bed) and sit on the end of her bed reading a book or doing computer work. She might try to climb on your lap - firmly remind her that she needs to be in her own space and that you're working. Remind her its her job to sleep now. After a few nights you should move off her bed and into a chair in the room - setting space between the two of you. A few nights later move to the door of her room. Finally, you move out into the hallway and then after that is successful then she should successfully be transitioned into her own bed, routine and space.

Its very possible that your daughter is reacting to the presence of the new baby and demanding your individual attention. Pick either you or your husband to be the "bedtime" person and stick to it during this time. Have dad be responsible for the baby while you're putting her to bed. Remember to appear "busy" when you're in with her and providing space - no chit chat or questions answered unless its an emergency (i.e. Mom, when are we going to the park could be answered with "shhh, we can talk about that at breakfast.")

Let's talk offline - I'd love to hear yoru story and work with you.

Warmly,
S.

Be prepared that the next 7 evenings will be tough - she'll get better and then lots worse. It's part of the behavior change cycle and is normal - thats how you know this is working.

Hello C.,
I have a two year that I had the same problem with and I found that this option helped, what I did was I started taping all the shows that made him still/content then When He gets ready to get in the bed I just pop one in the VCR and He will sit there focused until he falls asleep. Now I wouldn't suggest that you make the tv your permanent babysitter but the truth of the matter is that small children barely even need sleep. They powernap so they just keep going like the energizer bunny if you ever plan on getting any alone time with your husband than you need to occupy her.