Behavior - Winter Garden,FL

Hello,
Try with mixing yeast (B complex) with his favorite drink. Maybe this calm him down. You can buy it in healthfood stores. This help me a lot 19 years ago.
Thanks,
Jose
Puerto Rico.

Hi K.! What you are going through seems pretty normal. Frustrating, but normal. I have had to deal with some behavioral issues with my daughter as well. Not really hitting, but she is definitely a toy bully when we get together with other kids! They are so little, that it is definitely hard to reason with them. I think the best thing to do is be consistent (which you are) and just model what good behavior is. If he hits the dog, say no and show him the correct behavior is to love and hug the dog. When you see him modeling the appropriate behavior, make a super big deal of it. And when he is naughty, be firm, but don't give him tons of negative attention. Let him get more of you when he is being good. I know that is hard when you drop him off somewhere. Maybe he is not ready for that yet. I know it stinks b/c you deserve some time for yourself too...but maybe you need to wait a few months. Just put yourself in his shoes. You know what you want..but everyone is bigger than you, and tells you what to do, and you don't have the words to express how you feel. I would want to hit too! I think you are on the right path to do mommy and me activities for the time being. That way you can help him get used to group settings. It might mean that you only stay 5 minutes the first day, b/c he is acting inappropriately..but you take him out, explain why to him ( little ones understand a lot more than we think) and try again next week. Another suggestion is to take advantage of your local libraries baby/toddler reading groups. It is a great way for kids to socialize, with you right there..and it's free! In the end, you have a son with a lot of spirit and fire. Not a bad thing at all. He will most likely grow up and have a lot of motivation, and stand up for himself! Good luck..and remember..all of these things are just phases..it will pass!
A. C.

This is actually NORMAL for that age. You are doing the right thing by being consistent, and taking him away from the situation. You got really lucky with your 1st that he didnt go thru this phase...and yes, its a phase. Most kids do not do these things because they come from a bad home, or are not loved. (There are some, of course)....Going to My Gym, or joining a local playgroup would really do some good in your son learning social skills. Or stop by the local playground or even strike up a conversation at the Mall play area...:) Most people understand what you are going thru, and will see you are trying to help him learn.

Try to find out WHY he is doing this...Is he frustrated that someone had a toy he wants? Did they tell him to stop an activity that he was enjoying because it was time to clean up?? This can trigger frustration. Is he used to having most of your attention at home? And this environment lead to him being "one of many"--and he did this to get the attention he is used to? Could he be experimenting to see what the others reactions will be? Find this out, and you can start to explain things to him...He may not "get it" at first, but he will! :)

At this age, they are discovering their independence and get easily upset if things do not go the way they want them to, or things are different than what they are used to. And they are at an age when they are discovering that there are other people besides them in a room... :) They are now learning what is socially acceptable, and what is not. And its a learning process that takes time. And your child is actually acting NORMAL.

If he seems to be doing these things for no reason at all, you want want to look into medical reasons for the behavior. Food allergies and intolerance can effect the way anyone behaves. For example: My son was a biter at your son's age...He would do this for no reason what so ever. I would take him out of the situation, read him books on not biting, time outs, stay home, try to socialize him more, peditrician visits...everything I could besides biting him back...little did I know, that he was allergic to soy! Once we removed soy from his diet, he never bit again! (hitting and pushing pretty much halted to, when not provoked or frustrated)
We later found out he had many allergies and intolerance's that lead to almost all of his behavior issues! He is a totally different child now.

Hi K.,
We have two boys one almost 4 and the other almost three. I would say and still say bring your son over to our house for a playdate. Our boys do fight over toys and such, esp. the smaller one who has to stick up for himself. You know it's funny, kids rae just who they are from birth. I would say make sure he isn't watching any bad violent tv. If he talks well enough, encourage him to use his words. I would hug him a lot. When he hits you fake cry, it shows him empathy. Praise him when you see his good, nice behavior and explain to him how much you like his nice behavior. Well we live near the beach in Atlantic beach, so if you want to come over for a playdate, even though he is younger, that would be fun. We don't expect perfection from ours or yours, we just do our best and try to teach them to do theirs. So good luck, I'm sure this is just a phase he is going through. LynnZ.

K., your 20 month old is not ready to go into childcare. If he feels threatened, he will act out. This is normal for many children. You need to stay very close to him when he is around other children. Gently give him the words he needs to use to get what he wants or feels threatened.
Example, "May, [child's name] play with the toy when you are finished? "You are too close to me", "May I play with you". It will take hundreds and hundreds of times of you repeatng the apppropriate words, your son must say to get his needs met without hurting others. This young age, he's socially and emotioanlly immature to handle the know how of social give and take and frustration.

If your child has a difficult time around other children, he might have a sensory processing dysfunction. Do a little research on line and see if your child fits the discription.

Remember, you and your husband's role is to bring calm to the situation not escalate it. Great book, "Raising the spirited child"

Your son might be easily frustrated and not know how to express himself. He could also have a problem with his diet. I never.....never thought much about diet until my son had behavioral problems. At 3 yrs. he was easily frustrated and difficult to discipline. He hit often and couldn't express himself well. We eliminate red dyes and yellow dyes. He gets less sugar now and more protein. He is wonderful now! You have to keep trying and find out what he needs. You know him best. More attention, better diet, less attention when he hits??? These are questions that you probably ask yourself. Good luck on your venture!

i noticed that some mothers have recommended hitting your child. please, please don't do this! i am a psychotherapist that has counseled with many kids and i also have my own toddler. for so many reason this is not a good idea, and i am appalled that even at such a young age it is being recommended. they are so little and would not understand why they are being hit by the person they love and are so dependent on! a good thing to know is that before the age of 3 they do not understand concepts like sharing, and empathy is not developed until age 7. so when he hits and bites he needs to be shown another way to show his feelings, and do not expect him to remember--at this age they need to be shown over and over and over so it becomes "programmed" into his brain. his behavior may also be normal for his temperment--not okay, but normal, and he will just need more assistance at this age than your older child did. also, i like what someone mentioned about looking into nutrition issues, and you may also want to investigate whether anything has changed for him recently. some children are very sensitive to very small changes and can get very easily frustrated. not have a large vocabulary can also cause them to act out when they don't feel understood. bottom line is, be patient, and i'm sure he will come around! you sound like a very caring parent!

He is still very young. The world is a huge place with so much going on and at his age he is just not mature enough to understand how to deal with everything. He is also growing rapidly and that can be overwhelming for him. He is still not old enough to get empathy, and how others feel. In his world he knows how he feels, he's egocentric and probably has a hard time dealing with things that don't go how he thinks they should. That will come with time and maturity. I think the suggestion someone gave about looking up that book on redirection would be helpful. Anything that can show good ways to redirect, and teach problem solving skills as he grows would probably be very helpful.

Communication may be frustrating him, because he can't or doesn't know how to communicate what he is feeling, what is bothering him, what he doesn't understand. The adults in his life need to be very observant so they can try to intervene when it looks like he is getting upset or frustrated or whatever. If you can catch it before he hits or pushes, than you can acknowledge the problem and explain a way to handle it better so that behavior doesn't happen. Then you can praise him for handling the situation well. Rewards for good behavior don't have to be slushies or candy, anything your child enjoys should work, especially showing pride in his actions. If you catch it after he's already used violent behavior, than you or any other adult that has some idea why he got upset can redirect him somewhere else and acknowledge his frustration then explain other more acceptable ways to handle his feelings. If you aren't sure why he is feeling angry you can guess and if you're wrong that will at least open things up for the child to feel like he can explain without getting in trouble. Sometimes little ones just want someone to acknowledge their frustrations, that is normal, than you can redirect them to something less frustrating, or explain a better way to deal with the situation. We have had our entire long life to figure out how to solve our problems and frustrations, he has only had a bit more than a year. He wants to do things for himself, at the same time he can't always figure out how to do the things he wants.

I really wish those of us who were raised on discipline of fear would realize that there are many ways to discipline a child, and they do not need to involve fear unless it's for something dangerous. Of course they should be afraid of things that can harm them, but they should not be afraid of those who care for them. They can be taught respect without using fear. Discipline does not always have to involve punishment, it should be used to guide in the right direction. Discipline is meant to teach, so you teach them the right way. Punishing does not have a lot to do with teaching and guiding how to act or behave in a good way, and it often sets a bad example for how to deal with problems. What lesson does it teach kids if we punish them every time they do something we don't agree with? I think it probably at least sometimes teaches them that if they don't agree with what a person does they should punish them. So is it really a wonder that some kids hit when another does something they don't like? Is it really all that odd that some kids treat others with that same kind of anger and fear we try to instill in them?

Some of us adults set a very bad example for how to deal with problems, when we should probably be trying to teach positive ways to deal with problems. Not that there's never a time or place for punishment, but I think we should really use it more sparingly. Another thing I think punishment teaches some kids, is that if they get punished they are "bad", and it can be very hard to teach a kid that they are not "bad" if they are frequently being punished. It also teaches them that others are "bad" if they are in trouble a lot. I heard that a lot from my daughter when she was in classes with certain kids who were singled out for being "bad." What does that do to a person if they are considered "bad" every time they make a mistake, every time they make the wrong choice? Adults don't like being told they're bad, anymore than kids, but punishment certainly makes us feel that way, so of course it would make a child feel that way. And how denigrating that is to feel that you are "bad". I just don't believe that most people are inherently bad, and I don't believe they should be treated that way.

Just remember he's not even quite two yet. He has a lot to learn, and it will come with time and guidance. In the mean time, I think lots of intervention, redirection, and problem solving for those frustrating situations will help limit the trouble he is having. While lots of praise for those things he handles well or better than ussual should help increase "good" behavior. Look for what works for him. Keep anyone who cares for him informed of the troubles he's having and the things you are trying to help deal with these things, and keep them informed when you find things that seem to work well, or don't work well at all. That way everyone is on the same page and his teachers can try using the same things that are working for you. Another good idea is probably talking to him anytime you go somewhere or do something with others. Explain to him what you expect before you get there, give him an idea of how to deal with some of the problems he usually has trouble with, and let him know what he can do if he needs someone to help him with his feelings, or needs someone to intervene. Explain that to them as well once you get there. I think good communication is half the battle. Reasonable expectations and reactions is probably the other half.

Hello K.!
This must be so tough on you considering you and your husband have been giving him lots of love and been a positive influence on him. Clearly, the cause is not bad parenting.

I'm a nutritionist and over the years I've had a lot of experience with the effects of food on behavior. It's absolutely incredibly how powerful foods are and their effect on the brain. Even foods you might think of as "healthy" could be foods he is sensitive to causing him to become more aggressive. (food sensitivities can develop at any time). Some of the most common things which can cause behavioral modifications are food additives, colors, artificial flavors, preservatives, artificial sweeteners, soy, and gluten (found in all flour containing foods). An example is the kids I work with who have autism. When they eat certain foods (i.e. gluten and artificial chemicals in food), their behavior goes out of control, or sometimes perhaps just exhibit more aggression. And when those triggers are removed, they improve dramatically. It's amazing.

The reason for this behavioral effect from food is that certain chemicals can leak out of the gut, into the blood, and pass the blood brain barrier causing a drug like effect. It's quite common (called "leaky gut"). If his gut is a little leaky, or organs not detoxifying well, all environmental chemicals including pesticides and household chemicals (and lead) can cause significant effects on behavior.

Anyhow, the info can get very technical, but I wanted to at least share with you some "food for thought". Try giving your son a very "clean" diet of fresh real foods, no artificial anything, no boxed/canned/packaged foods, no sugar, caffeine, and no gluten for a month to see if there are any changes. Here is an info page on the dietary recommendations I make for kids with ASD, but these apply to any child who may be reacting behaviorally to certain elements in his food:
http://www.rockwellnutrition.com/Autism-ASD_c_79.html#asd

Lastly, nutrient deficiencies can cause aggressive behavior. The research points to magnesium, zinc, Omega 3s, and vitamin B-6. Get him on some good nutrients. There are lots of great formulas for children which taste good. (i.e. Berry Frutol liquid, Vitavescense powder). If you want to get more ideas, here is a link:
http://www.rockwellnutrition.com/Kids-2-12_c_248.html

If you want to read some research summaries about nutrient deficiencies and aggressive behavior, type in " aggression, behavior, children" in the search box of Vitasearch.com

Let me know if I can help you further! Good luck.
A. R., CN

Whew! You've got your hands full, don't you?

I have questions: how do you discipline your older son? your 20-month-old? (in others words, are you parents using hitting as a way to solve problems?) I'm guessing not, because you don't say anything about punishments, except time-outs - but - if you are, some kids will consider themselves allowed to do whatever you are allowed to do. (And it doesn't matter if you tell them they aren't - they will do what they see modeled.)

Does your 8-yr-old ever hit the younger one? (Maybe when you aren't looking?)

More likely: is your 20-month-old one of the younger children in school, the church nursery, etc? Yes - watching him interact at MY GYM may help you see the interactions. I wonder if it would help him to have a much lower adult supervision to child ratio (more like 3-4 to 1 instead of 7 to 1?)

When he hits someone / or something, who gets the attention? Him of the one who was hit? I might try, especially when it is the dog (because you're pretty sure the dog is innocent) - to give lots of attention to the one who was hit and exaggerate your empathy for them and concern about "how that must hurt" and "are you okay?" and "I'm so sorry you got hurt", etc. (While getting in between the 20-month-old and the one who was hit. This allows you to restrain the 20-month-old with one hand, if necessary, while facing the one who was hit and mainly providing attention to the one who was it.) Given how very young he is, I personally think you may do well to not give him too much negative attention, but rather to try to prevent the problem (which is why I think he's a bit young for "school", given he's not really ready to socialize too well).

Good luck - and don't worry too much - but - do try to find a way to intevene and prevent this from continuing...

I know that it must be hard for you to see your son hit other children. I would try watching him with other kids and if he shows aggression, address it right away. If it continues, pick him up and leave. Let him know that that type of behavior will not be tolerated. If you use the time out method they say 1 min. per year of age. If that doesn't work with your child, try reading Shepherding a Child's Heart by Tedd Tripp. My daughter gave us a very hard time with this same issue and this book was the only technique that worked for her. Every child is different and not all correctional techniques work the same. Decide what technique you are going to use and stick with it. Don't change it every time. Make sure he knows what his consequence is if he were to hit. Make it the same every time. Consistency is key. Good luck and God Bless

Check out a Parenting/Teaching resource company called Love and Logic out of Colorado. I have emany of their books on cd (downloaded to my ipod) and DVD's too. The library has a few of their books and I highly recommend you look into their:
Love and Logic magic for the Yearly Childhood (Birth to Six years). They also have a few more that might interest you as well: Toddlers and Pre-schoolers or Painless Parenting for the Preschool Years.

I wonder if you child is frustrated with his limited ability to communicate with others? He is at that age where this becomes a common problem. Be consistant, this too shall pass.

I've learned that kids have a hard time with comments that tell them "don't do THIS or THAT". Tell kids what they SHOULD have done or what they CAN do. Whenever my 2 yr old or 4 yr old boys hit one another I automatically give lots of sympathy to the hurt child (or pet). Once the hurt one has gotten lots of my attention, I then make the offending child say sorry and give hug and kiss. Then I help them say a statement like "hand are for? (pause to allow them to answer)HUGGING". Lets use our words and ask that little girl if she will share her toys. Say "share please" and get them to go to the other child and say "share please" and when the other one does . . . make sure they say "thank you for sharing". When my boys were younger, I used some sign language too. The sign "gentle" was a favorite amoung my boys. Anytime I saw them getting "spun up" and ready to hit . . . I would gently remind them to "Be gentle" and used the sign at the same time (the sign looks like you are petting/stroking the back of your other hand from knuckles to elbow). This reinforces verbally and visually what they are TO DO and what is expeceted . . . instead of tell them not to hit (which young kids don't really get the "don't" term).

Hi K.,
I am a Pre-school teacher and mother of two.
This is all very good advice. Redirection works great usually. Also, teaching appropriate behavior is a good one too. We say, "Friends are for hugging"(or the dog in your case when at home). It might be fun to use your older son to show him how to "play". Try to teach him to say "Can I play?" when he tries to take the older son's toy. Using simple sentences is best if he is just learning to talk. We also practice "positive talk". Instead of saying, "no", "Don't", "stop", we try to say things like...."leave it alone", "let's share", and "danger" if they are about to do something that might hurt them. My friend laughed at me when I used "danger" with my son when he was young, but it worked. If he tried to stand on a chair or got to close to the end of the driveway I said "danger" and he would stop. Best wishes with your little CEO!

My daughter has been a hitter and occasionally still tries it, and even graduated to biting occasionally, although that seems to have passed! You can't discipline hitting with hitting (even just his hand). And while you may think it's too soon to reason with your little guy, I had good luck with the book "The Way I Feel" and talking a lot about feelings and what they are and what are appropriate ways to handle them. My little girl just wanted to know what she was feeling, so once she knew what it was called and could have other ways to express those feelings (see below), she seemed to handle it better. Usually it's just their way to deal with frustration.

Also, I've had success giving my girl one thing in the house (a stuffed frog chair in her room) that she CAN acceptably hit) so that she realizes that there is a way to let that out. Also, find other ways to express frustration, which is what hitting manifests. Stomp your feet (like dinosaurs), roar (like lions) or do silent screams when he feels overwhelmed. But there has to be a way you teach him to handle frustration, which is a natural part of life. Yes, it's true, toddlers will always resort to "caveman" behavior, but it's up to us to teach a better way. Time outs also work to diffuse the situation, although not long ones... at your son's age... 90 seconds at most. Just enough to stop behavior and redirect.

Good luck!
K.

It's hard for us to be objective of our children. I get so bad when I hear my daughter say someone pushed her or hit her but I know she does it too. I would not pull your son from every school because they tell you he is not behaving. You always put a child in time out everytime they misbehave, whether it means they spend all day in time out because they keep misbehaving. Based on his age he should be in timeout for 1 minute. Once he gets out of time out and he does it again then he should go back. With the previous school that is probably what they were doing and you got bad because he was acting up all day. The only way he will start behavign better is if he knows the rules, time out everytime he hits etc. If he knows he can act up and you will just pull him out of the school, then he is winning and not learn. You would be surprised what a child his age can understand. My middle child is 21 mths and she understands everything I say to her. She understands consequences and rewards. She knows if she has no accidents that she will get chocolate at the end of the day and expects it. She knows when we go to Target she will get a special drink at Starbucks if she behaves in the store. Your son does understand the situation, he is smart. He will get a reward system, as long as you constantly remind him throughout the day, set attenable goals. If you expect him to not hit all week to get a special drink, then it wont work because the week is too long. Take him out give him a special drink, call it that then the next day say if you are good all morning, no hitting then you can get a special drink or something he will like and want. Rewards have worked for my daughter since she was 16 mths old. All kids hit and act up, it is normal. Your son is only 22 mths so yes he is a good kid, just one that needs guidance and you to show him how to behave appropirately. Good luck.

Does he talk?
If he doesn't he is probably acting out because he can't tell you/caregiver what he wants. My sister and her husband going through the same stuff with my almost 2 year old nephew. My husband and I went through it with our now 7 year old son and are going through hittling with my 4 year old son. I strongly believe it is because they are frustrated. Stay strong with him. You could also try holding his hands looking him in the face and saying No when he hits. In my experience they do out grow it as long as we, the parents, stay very consistent in letting them know hitting is an unacceptable behavior.
Good luck!

I do believe I hid out for nearly a year when my son turned two because I never knew what the heck he was going to do while we were out. Three is a pain in the arse but at least I can reason with him more. sigh.... I wish I had some wonderful advice. Each child is so different. For us punishment never worked. he is so dang stubborn. We are now working on a Good Boy and Bad Boy jar method. basically I have these craft pom poms in a jar. When I see him doing good things, or he is a good boy when I ask him to be, he gets to move one pompom to the good boy jar. When he is bad it goes back to the other jar. When the good boy jar is filled he gets a reward. Right now he is working towards a GeoTrax Helicopter bridge for his train set. This has worked more than anything we have ever tried. Time outs never worked. I dont care what anyone says it does not work for every child. I do not believe in embarrassing my child by sticking him in a corner or something, and I would hate to know that he was spending his day on a time out chair.

Dont blame yourself or you home life for this. When kids hit this age things start happening. When my son hit three I swear we thought he had been possessed by some demon and were considering an excorcism...lol I mean it was BAD. As I said each kiddo is different. Try different things, even if it is not in the book of child rearing.

Good Luck
T

Hi, K.. Well, some kids are ready for socialization earlier than others. How do the two brothers get along? Has the older one been too rough with the baby? If so, this is how the baby has learned to relate to other children, and this is one reason why he's doing this to others, especially if he's older or bigger than the other kids.

I think that instead of putting him into a big bunch of kids where there is less supervision and the social contact seems to be overwhelming, you might pull him out of that situation, where he is obviously unhappy and no one else is happy with his behavior, either, and try putting him together with one or two kids at a time, VERY HEAVILY SUPERVISED. You will have to get down on the floor and play with all of them all the time until he learns how to deal with other children in a nicer way.

I'm also thinking that because he is the baby, he is threatened by having to share his toys and share his position as the youngest with a whole bunch of others his age. He's used to having his baby toys, which his 8-year-old brother probably doesn't want at all, so when the little one sees other kids playing with the same things he is used to playing with, it probably threatens him. He hasn't learned to share yet, and believe me, sharing does not come naturally to most kids, let alone a baby who is almost like an only child because he has no siblings close to his age.

So break things down for him and give him a less stressful environment to learn socializing. You also have to discipline him very closely so that he knows it is wrong, minute by minute, to bully other kids. It's going to take a lot of doing because he seems to have some very, very strong emotions about the situation.

Understand that when the baby of the family is suddenly displaced by a new baby brother or sister, it's quite traumatic. That child has lost his whole identity as the baby of the family and needs help finding his way. Here, he has been displaced by a whole roomful of toddlers; can you imagine how upsetting that must be for him? So find some ways to reassure him that he is loved just as much as before, that he can still be the toddler that he is among other toddlers in the room, and that he is going to get his fair share in spite of the fact that there are other children to compete with.

You might try some kind of play therapy for him that is appropriate for his age if he cannot seem to be eased into social situations this way. Good luck, and don't lose hope.

Peace,
Syl

Hi K.,

I am a SAHM of 3 boys. My oldest lives with his father and was a very easy child. My two younger sons were a little bit more of a handful. At this age they tend to start to see what they can and cannot get away with, they start to push the boundaries. Consistency is the best thing as well as redirection. The only time I have ever spanked any of my boys is if they intentionally hurt the other after I already corrected them. But spanking is not something I would recommend. At the tender age of 20 months, redirect his attention to something that you know he enjoys. This worked really well with my middle son who is the one I had problems with hitting. My youngest son who is now 3 is starting to hit and we are just be consistent by telling him no that it is not nice to hit. Be patient and it will work out.

If you are getting nothing but negative feed back from care givers and they are not willing to work with you instead of against you. It is time to find someone willing to help instead of hinder.

I wish you all the best and luck with your little one.

S.
35 y/o SAHM of 3 boys
13, 6 and 3

First of all--hitting just happens at that age--my son did it around 18 months, and so do many, many, others. SO don't think there is anything wrong with your son!
Just keep consistent with the discipline (time outs)and make sure you are giving him positive reinforcement when he is being "nice" to his brother, pet, you, etc. If you catch him hitting you or anything or one at home, I would also immediately stop what you are doing...warn him and tell him--if you hit again, you will get a time out and we will stop....whatever it is you were doing. And if he does it again. DO just that--time out and stop whatever kind of play he decided that hitting would be OK. This gives him sort of a double whammy with first the time out, but also with "when you hit, the fun stops."
I would also let any caregiver know ahead of time that this is something that has started and to watch for it, and to also give hi a time out, each and every time he does it. He will eventually get that "nice hands" are the way we play.
Oh yes, and hitting anyone or anything in front of them (including them) only makes them learning that hitting is OK.

We went through the hitting/bitting stage with my daughter. She was at home with me or a nanny. Her reaction was related to communication frustration. At that stage, they have so much to say but don't know the words. Time out never worked for us at that age. We do a version of time out with my 4 yr old but it is more of a "go to your room and you can come out when you are calm and ready to apologize". With the youngest, as soon as we saw her hit or bite, I would immediately say "No Bite" and then get down on her level, face to face, with a huge sad, upset face. I would say something like "We don't bite. You hurt Samantha. You made Samantha cry. See her face, she has a bobo. Say "No" or "Mine" if Samantha takes your toy. Don't bite." It is important to give him an alternative action to hitting. Acknoledge his feelings, then give him a word to use instead. If he is mad and needs to let that out, have him hit a pillow. Best of luck and this will pass. Make sure he has lots of attention when he is behaving also. you don't want the only attention he gets to be when he is misbehaving.

K.,

I have been a professional nanny, taught parenting classes, been a preschool teacher, and children's Church worker for over 20 years. I am now a mom of my own with a 15 month old.

Every child is so different and needs discipline according to their personality. I have kept and taught some children that were so easy and putting them in time out did wonders! Other children, the award system works wonders, and then those children who have the greatest potential to be leaders someday are usually the ones that are the hardest to discipline because they act out so much trying to be in control. This is a great gift that they were born with, but raising them can sure be a great challenge.

This may not be the advice that you want to hear, but I have given this advice to MANY moms and those who took it, within two weeks were hugging me and thanking me. Your son is not too young to be disciplined with a spanking spoon. There are moms who discipline in anger and moms who know how to discipline in love. When using a spanking spoon, you simply need to take the child after the very first hit and take him aside and in a calm voice say, "no, no, that is not acceptable" and give him one or two spanks on the side of the leg. Then pick him up and hold him, then go on with whatever you were doing. Playing with him or whatever. Your child has to learn there are disciplines in life to wrong behavior.

Spanking your child does not teach them to hit, as you can see, he already knows how to hit. Every child knows how to hit, bite, and throw a fit without being taught. I was spanked as a child and I NEVER confused spanking with hitting. I am now grown and have never hit anyone in my whole life. I also got spankings in schools from my teachers. This taught me respect, obedience, and there are consequences in life when I do wrong things. I'm now 40 and am very grateful for the discipline that I was shown as a child. I also have a good relationship with my parents today. Think about it, and do what you have a peace about in your mothers heart. Every mother knows what is best for her child.

I hope this helps you,
T.

If the people caring for your son have nothing nice to say, maybe they are not the right people to watch him. When I hear about chidren hitting, which is normal, I wonder more abuot how the normal behavior is handled. Your son is showing you he is not happy in that environment. You can love him to pieces and have a wonderful home for him, and still he hits if he is feeling frustrated or upset and has no way to express those feelings. While we don't want to teach hitting is good, we also want to figure out the emotions behind he behavior and fix the reason as well as the behavior. Studies have shown that children his age who spend to much time in day care center environments are more aggressive. So, perhaps he is just needing a break from the type of day care he is in. Maybe the care providers are not properly educated in child development, are nto filling the time with appropriate activities and experiences, so acting out becomes an issue. Maybe they are not paying enough positive attention to him, who knows. Before we blame a baby for being a baby, we may want to ask what the care providers are doing when he acts out and needs to hit to express his feelings. I bet you can watch him at home and see when he is triggered to respond with hitting to express himself, then work to prevent as many of those experiences as possible. Once he is verbal he will be able to use his words to express hiself and this will change. It is not that you are doing something wrong, or he is, it is just that he is a baby and this is what some do at this age to epxress feelings they have no words for.

K.,
When little ones act out with hitting, they are doing two things, one-testing boundaries, and two-trying to get attention. It may be that you and/or your husband need to give him more one on one time teaching him how to handle his feelings. When you observe him hitting, you go to him and tell him No, No!(emphatically so he will see the seriousness of it) and then show him how to do it right (how to express what he is trying to accomplish).
The key is to observe him very closely for a few weeks and see what is happening when he hits and how you can redirect him in an appropriate way and teach him to do it right.
He may have feelings that he doesn't know how to express and it is your job to investigate what it is and show him how to handle it correctly.
Take Care,
T. (mom of 4)

I am not an expert, K. but I have two children myself, one is 20 months (girl) and one is 3 1/2 yrs. old. She has started to push her older brother, we do not do time out with her because she does not yet understand what that is. We explain to her that our hands are for sharing, helping and caring for others not hurting. When she acts out and pushes her brother I remove her into another room and she can play in there by herself when she continue to do what she has been asked not to do. There is a great book out there called "Redirecting Children's Behavior" by Kathryn Kvols this can be a good guide for you to use. Best wishes, God will give you peace.