Behavior Changes as I'm Weaning My Toddler

I would like to disagree with most of the responses by saying that if there is no NEED to wean (and what would necessitae such a thing?) keep on nursing until SHE is ready. I'm still nursing my 19-month-old and plan to until she's ready to give it up.

There are so many reasons to practice child-led weaning. I don't want to list them, but there are many sources online which display them.

USA is one of the only countries that seems to think it's weird to nurse a child past some certain age (and just about every person here has a different opinion of what that age is, but it's usually less than a year). Why allow other people's opinions govern how you will raise your child? And why take away what has been a huge comfort to her? I don't imagine you would take away a favorite doll because she's "too old" for it.

Breasfeeding takes place for (in the scheme of things) such a short time. Why short-change it? Let her keep nursing until she is ready or at least able to fall asleep on her own without it. Work on other ways of falling alseep in the meantime and make it less traumatic on both of you.

My son is now 25 months old, and while I wasn't blessed to be able to breastfeed him as long as I wanted to, we used breastmilk/formula combo until he was about 12 months...then straight formula until 18 months in cup and bottle.

I wouldn't go back to nursing, otherwise you'll start this all over again. Even though my little boy wasn't this age for weaning he displayed very similar behaviors. He wanted to hold me all the time and snuggle with me at night (co-sleepers), even though he had been sleeping on his own for a few months. He had night wakings every two to three hours, once I sat with him and explained he was okay and that this was new for both of us, and we'd get through it together he'd calm himself to sleep again. That did last for about a month and a half before he was sleeping through the night without any feedings.

His doc said, it was natural detachment issues that come along with weaning from breast or bottle. They've gotten used to us being a means of comfort and nourishment, and this transition is confusing and frustrating. It's really just a matter of talking to your little one, and making sure she knows you are going through a tough time too. As we all know, this transition is a detachment for us too!

As for the two year old stuff, my son now will not enter a room that doesn't have a night light in it and has been doing that for the last several weeks. He will say, 'Mommy, light please' and so, we got night lights for every nook and cranny that displayed darkness at night. Naptime for toddlers is just tough when they start getting older...my son fights me on naps too! It's just the age, my son's doc said it's common for kids this age to drop naps altogether. But, we came up with a naptime routine that is similar to our bedtime routine that signals it's sleepy time...read a book, change the diaper, brush the teeth and snuggle with our blankie...

I doubt your little one has any ill intentions, as far as being controling is concerned. She just needs a little guidance about why and what is going on with you as a team...

Good Luck!

Personally, I would wait. Not just because she doesn't seem ready, but because we are going into flu & cold season. She could use your extra boost of immunities.

... it is perfectly normal. Sure, she is weaning (and weaning is a process...not a slam dunk one time event), AND she is 2 years old.

I nursed both my kids until they self-weaned. My girl self-weaned at about 2.5 years old. Each child is different.

At this age, a child goes through TONS of changes- physically, emotionally, psychologically, developmentally. These changes are difficult for the Parent (hence we Moms ask questions)...BUT IT IS ALSO a difficult time for a child too. The child is the one being directly affected by all these changes...

Also at this age, YES... they develop 'fears' and fears of the dark. THIS is normal as well. They also have nightmares at this age too. It's all about ages and stages and development. My girl is 5 almost 6 years old.. .and at this age too, she still gets afraid of the dark. Her friends are the same way.

I would comfort your daughter....and not rebuff her. Sure, you don't have to nurse her again (maybe give her a sippy cup)....but it is a phase. Children, DO regress from time to time... this also is 'normal.' At times, it is in response to 'stress' or other changes in their lives. It is a "COPING" behavior.... this is what children do... they too need to learn coping skills and know that Mommy is there for them. I would NOT treat it as a control "problem."

If a child "feels" that their life is amicable, secure, and 'happy'... then they are more prone to adjusting easier and feeling that they can "trust" the situation. Your girl is going through a transition in her life.... and transitions take time- sometimes a week, sometimes weeks, sometimes months. Each child is different.

No child is going to sleep the entire night perfectly....every night. We need to "allow" for the occasional restless nights too. I don't know of anyone, or any Adults for that matter, who has slept ALL NIGHT, every night, for their entire life. We all wake up from time to time or have trouble sleeping. If this privilege is "allowed" for Adults... then we need to reflect on that toward our child as well.

Maybe offer her some kind of "lovey." A stuffed animal or something cozy she can have when she sleeps. Both my children did that and my son still loves his stuffed cow. It's his pal. Also, my girl likes to sleep with a flashlight in her bed... and all her stuffed animals. For her, it's comforting. Maybe try to find an alternative thing for your child to soothe & comfort with?

Eventually though... she WILL wean from nap-time nursings as well. You can choose to let her self-wean or not, it's up to you.

Some Mom's tell their child that when the sun goes down, Mommy's boobies go to sleep. (ie: no more milk). Then give her an alternative... a sippy cup of water or something.

Maybe there are other things too? Maybe she is getting in more teeth? Or having night-mares? This also occurs at this age too.
I think your girl is just going through more than 1 thing right now, not just the weaning. That's my guess. She is going through a lot of transitions and developmental changes right now.

Just try to comfort her, in a way that you feel best. There is no right or wrong answer. Except I would not "punish" her for it... or make her cry it out. Talk with her.. .kids need to feel validated too, and understood.

All the best,
Susan

Hi L.,

I have three kids that are 10,9 and 7 but have never experienced this. This doesn't mean anything since we are all unique individuals; however, are there any other issues or things that have occured recently? Like a move, new baby on the way, doctor visit? Just some thoughts that might be the reason for these reactions (other than the nursing).

Hope you find what you need.

Rosie

Hi- I just weaned my 28 month old son about 2 weeks ago. There was only a few nights in the beginning where he woke up and cried and yelled for "boob" and I would just laugh it off and say, you're a big boy now...and either hold him or even resort to get him milk in a sippie cup. I read on the leleche site to not turn back, since it gives mixed messages. I started to feel guilty for cutting him off, when I've been a firm believer of self weaning (as my first son self weaned at 15 mos)however I've stuck with it and although he still talks about it, and "nurses" his glow worm and curious george when he puts them to bed, since he is nearly 2 1/2 I was able to convince him that he's a big boy now and that boob is for little boys and babies. I think the clinging and scared of the dark is normal since my son also has recently developed a fear of the dark too. I don't know if that is due to the weaning or just part of this age...my older son is also afraid of the dark and he's 5 now. The weaning process has been much harder on me than my children. Good luck.

Hi L., In my opinion, at 2 years old she is ay to old to being nursed like a baby, she should be at the table with spoon, fork and cup, she's also to old to be treted like a baby, but as long as you treat her like one,she will act like one, becasue it gets her what she wants, and gives her control over you, instead of you haveing the control that a parent is supossed to have. J. L.

L.,
I would not go back to nursing unless you want to go through this again in 6 months to a year. Do you want to nurse her until she's 3? I stopped when my son turned 2 and a 1/2 and I was 4 months pregnant. I just couldn't take it anymore! And he did real well, didn't fuss until 5 days later, but it only lasted a few days and then he accepted it. And I was so happy I did it, because I am about to give birth and I don't know what I would do if he was still nursing. Just hang in there and talk to a lactation consultant for suggestions. I've heard of someone putting band-aids on the nipples and saying that mommy has a boo-boo. I didn't do it, but its a cute idea.

Whatever you do, do not go back to the breast. If you do, it will be much, much harder when you next try to stop. Personally, I think that your daughter is way too old to still be nursing. I stopped at fourteen months deciding that when my child could verbally demand to nurse, it was past the time to stop.

It sounds as if your daughter is trying to manipulate you into feeling sorry for her and comforting her in the way in which worked best for you both. Try to comfort her in different ways - big girl ways. Explain that she is no longer mommy's baby but mommy's big girl and mommy can't nurse her anymore.

Weaning is hard work it took me four months before 100% success. Don't give up. You sound like a dedicated mother. I know you can do it. You'll both be better off.

I look up to you for nursing so long, my son is 17m and still nursing too. Try the Le Leche League web site or meeting, they have a TON of info. Or their book, The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding also has alot on topics other than breastfeeding. Good luck.

I think it is a time of adjustment for her and you-she is not trying to control you.
I nursed my son until his 2dn birthday. The way we did it for the night time nursings: he got to fall asleep with his daddy liek for a month. Then we continued to cosleep. In a sese first daddy was a replacement for momy and her breasts. After a couple of nights he got into the new routine, but to make sure we contiued to sleep apart for a month. Then momy was back for him-only th eboops weere gone.
i also kept a sippy cup for his night time so that he can drink some liquid when he feels like to nurse.

I think this is totally normal weaning behavior, she wants to stay your baby! If you don't want to go back to nursing at night, then stick to your guns on it... you won't harm her. Just sit her down and talk to her about it - you'd be surprized how much a two year old understands. "I think you're upset that you can't nurse at night anymore. You seem very sad about it. I'm sorry you feel sad, but you know what? You're still my very special girl, and I still have time to hug you and hold you and give you all the love you need....." Something along those lines. If you aren't feeling comfortable with all that, then go back to nursing her... again, you won't harm her with this option either. Do what's right for both you and her, it will all work itself out in the end! Good luck

Hi L.,

Thanks for posting such an important question. Over the past month, I have been weaning my 23 month old son. It has gone well EXCEPT he has been having a tantrum (or two) per day, these last couple weeks. He was getting a good proportion of his calories from breastmilk and he is such a finicky eater, I think he just needs to eat more and have been trying to always have some of his favorite food on hand--even if it means his diet is not perfectly balanced for awhile.

I haven't gone through this before, but I am trying to offer him lots and lots of affection, cuddling, storytime, etc. throughout the day. He definitely seeks it and I believe needs it.

I believe the choice of what to do is really up to you as you know your daughter and yourself best. I wish you the best.

-J.

Dear L.,
I loved what SH (Susan) wrote, below. SHe had the most thorough advice that grocked with all I've experienced with my 7 kids (now grown). I liked the idea of a snuggly toy to sleep with, too. I remembered my 2yrs 4 mo old daughter who would refuse to go sleep if I wasn't laying there next to her, so I made a large stuffed animal for her that was as big as she was, laid it on the pillow, hugged them both and told her in a happy and enthusiastic voice that the doggy would be like me, right next to her! I kissed her, said 'sleep tight' and walked out of the room. She looked puzzled for a moment then hugged the doll and went to sleep! It worked!
The other thing I would add is to avoid her exposure to TV and videos if possible. There is so much stimulation and an inability to process a lot of the emotional upsets that kids might see on TV - It's just like it's happening in your own living room when you see it through a child's eyes. They are so sensitive. Susan was right. "If a child "feels" that their life is amicable, secure, and 'happy'" they will adjust. You can't control everything in your environment, but you CAN control the scary things on TV!
Best, R.

Hi L.:
I have to disagree with the idea, that your daughter is attempting to be (controling) It's typical practice,when a mother is in the process of weaning her child,to drop the (bedtime) or (Morning feeding) LAST. This is a big transition,and caring mothers, want it to go as smoothe for their child as possible.Personally,I believe your timing ideal,but I know a mother, that breast fed her children to the age of 4,and never regreted it.Sure, she probably dealt with a certain amount of scrutiny,from others,Those who were in a hurry for their toddlers to (grow up)but she followed her heart,and her children are healthy and well adjusted.You may have done yourself a diservice, by dropping the night time feeding, and keeping the naptime. Typically, two year olds,become to active and preocupied to continue serious naps.Many will simply lay down and talk or sing.Her restlessness at night,and her talking (baby talk) tells you she misses that important night time feeding.Shes not trying to (CONTROL YOU) She is trying to let you know, the only way she can, that she still wants to be (your baby) at night.She simply needs that closeness and soothing from you before she goes to bed.In my opinion,I think you should drop the naptime feeding, and keep the nighttime feeding, so she can possibly sleep better,until she is fully weaned.Your daughters new fear of the dark, is quite common for two year olds. They have developed these new fears, because they are maturing, and have (wild imaginations)I'd Give her a little night light, and leave her door ajar. Let her know, you are close by mommy.I wish you and your darlin daughter the very best.