Behavior Help for My Toddler

Hopefully the day care is already doing this, but they should annouce that "in 5 minutes we will stop this activity and do xxxxx". Kids need and want to know what's going to happen next. If they are not doing it, suggest it.

If you are not already doing it, you can do it at home as well. When she gets in the car, tell her what the next thing you are going to do (note, I did say tell her, don't pose it as a question). Throw in some fun stuff, like going to dairy queen, shopping, or whatever she likes.

Hope this helps.

Are the prek teachers and/or assistants giving a 2 minute warning "in 2 minutes we will finish and move on to ...the next activity"? This warning seems to help children that age because they are not suddenly interrupted.

I am a mom of two and a preschool director, I feel for what you are going through. It is really hard when your child starts a behavior that is not typical of your child. I have gone through it with my own and seen it with other children.

Preschool is a new experience and learning transitions is learned skill and part of preschool learning. Your daughter is not very unusual at all.

Can you ask her teacher about some of the ways they are preparing for transition? (warning, a signal, song, etc.) I do believe that some children are simply wired to need more pre-warning and signals for transition. I know that we have used yellow "caution signs" as a warning that it is almost time and then a stop sign to signal it is time to clean-up (or whatever), Line up songs that engage the child in activity, picture schedule so children can see what is next, etc. They may already be doing a lot of things and your daughter is simply adjusting and will get the hang of it. If they are, you can talk about the specific signals they are giving in the classroom with your daughter.

Just some thoughts that come to mind right now. I hope it is a little helpful.

As a young child I threw horrible tantrums, inside and out of school. Some days my mother would volunteer for a few hours in my classroom. It seems that maybe since she only throws the tantrums in school there is something there that is frightening her or stressing her. By volunteering in her classroom, not only could you see exactly what triggers her tantrums, you can help ease the transition of being at home with mom to being in a classroom full of strangers.

Hey J.! The teachers at the PreSchool have dealt with this before. Let them deal with her at PreSchool. Talk to your daughter once away from there and if she says she got in touble for this or that then explain how she should have acted in a different manner and maybe even have her apologize to the teacher/teachers at PreSchool. While out in public when you see a child misbehaving or throwing a trantrum explain to your daughter how that isn't right behavior. She's not doing anything that all kids haven't done before...she might be doing it more and for a longer period of time but, no child is perfect. Just talk to her....you'll be amazed at how they really do hear us. Tell her if she is good at PreSchool then afterwards you and she will do something special...it doesn't have to be buying her something it could be going to the park or going for a drive or her helping you around the house....or if you do want to reward with her with something bought then keep it simple like a barrett for her hair or some neat bubble bath etc.

Don't worry. My daughter did the same thing. She spent most of her life with her Nana doing whatever she wanted all day long. Then we decided she needed a little more activity and a lot less TV. Anyhow she spent a good portion of her first month in preschool in time out. But she adjusted and we talked about her behavior. Everyday she had a time out at school we punished her at home. She gets one show a night during the week and if she acted up at school we took away her TV time. It worked eventually.

Raising children is such an adventure. Just when you think it is smooth sailing, a storm comes up! My youngest of 4 is 17, and we're still scratching our heads, being challenged with parenting issues. My guess is that your daughter is wanting more control. She doesn't like being redirected off and on through the day, and the frustration is overwhelming her. It may help to give her as many options as possible: Do you want to wear this, or that? Do you want lunch now or when that tape is finished? When you HAVE to do something, like get ready to leave for preschool, be straightforward about it:"We are leaving in 15 minutes for school, so we will pick up toys and get dressed now." At 3, she may just not be ready for pre-school. One of my grandsons is 4, and his mom just took him out because he was so unhappy. Before taking her out though, talk with her teachers, and see if you can observe. Sometimes there is a problem (bullying, pressure to perform etc.) that can be remedied. Most of all, be calm and
gentle with her when she breaks down--but keep the comforting short. She needs to know you are sympathetic and will help her, but there are better ways to cope. Hope this is helpful.

I babysit a 3 year old and I often tell him if he is good for that day he will get a reward. I will have a bag with sticker, candy, $1.00 toys etc.. in it and at the end of the day if he is good he gets to choose one item from the goodie bag. Maybe this will work for you for your 3 year old. Show him/her the goodie bag with the treats and tell him/her if he/she is good that day he will get to choose from the bag. Believe they think about that bag all day long too. The 3 year old I babysit for asks me all during the day "Have I been good?". I also have his 5 and 7 year old brothers when they are not in school and it even works for them also. Good luck let me know if it is something you will like to try and if it works. I have babysat children for 26 years and had three of my own. So good luck!

TRansitions are hard, her teachers should recognize that. Have they told you anything that they are doing to help your daughter? TAlking to her when she is home is great - but it's not going to be the only thing you need to do. Does she have a hard time transitioning at home? If not, what do you do?

Talk to the teachers about giving her warnings, 5 minute, 1 min and a wrap up. (My daughter MUST complete what she is doing or she goes crazy - so the wrap up is critical for us) They can also use picture schedules to give her some sequencing..first we play with blocks, then we clean up, then we have snack. Have the teachers look at the schedule with your daughter and ask her what needs to be done next. Finally, something that works great with my daughter is she has a sheet of paper with the picture schedule on it and everytime she completes the task without prompting, she gets to stamp it with a choice of self inking stamps. Good luck

What a precious little girl. She is I feel seeing alot of different classmates around her. And see all that they are doing to get attention in what ever way they can. They are all learning a new wonderful life. That is how to get along with others. And finding out who they are and what all they can learn.
Just hold her close and give her all the support you can.
Ask her if other children are doing that in her class.
It just might be she is imitating what she is seeing.
I am sure she will adjust. It will take time.
You sound like a wonderful Mother.
Keep up the good work with loving hands.
Vicki W.
Have a good day TODAY

Toddlers often have a hard time with transitions, especially if they like what they are doing and don't want to stop. Talk to the teachers about giving a 5 (or 10)minute warning before they plan to transition. They will then need to count down the minutes so that your child knows the transition is coming and is given a deadline to stop. If they want to use a timer and set it to 5 (or 10) minutes and use the bell as the stopping point, then that works too (make sure they don't forget to count down the minutes even with the timer). A lot of times toddlers are upset at the transition because they were surprised that it was time to stop...resulting in an angry response. I hope this helps.

I don't mean to sound sooooo old, but why do we rush to put children in school? My two daughters had to go to daycare so I could provide for them as a single parent getting no help from their dad (even tho it was court appointed). When my oldest was almost 5, I could have started her in Kindergarten, but held her back one more year, just to be a kid. She is now in college and doing great. Why are we pushing our children to grow up so fast. Can't they be kids for as long as possible. It's the only chance they have. Didn't mean to preach, but let them be kids.......

I haven't read the other responses, and someone may have suggested this already but here goes....if the preschool is not already doing this (and they should be at this age) they should give the children a heads up that an activity is about to change. Letting the kids know that they will have a few minutes to finish up what they are doing gives them time to process that a change is about to happen. I have found it extremely helpful to give my son five, two and one minute warnings that something will soon happen or change. Whether it is bath time, dinner time, leaving the park, or putting away toys. Maybe you could talk to the preschool and find out if they are giving warnings ahead of time that an activity will change, and if they aren't maybe they could start, especially with your daughter. I'll bet a few minutes of "heads up" that things are about to change could prepare her for a new activity, and keep the tantrums down. Good Luck!

Hey J.,

Sounds like you've gotten some great support already. I just wanted to let you know about my site for moms that offers free parenting webinars and group coaching. One of the discipline tools I share with parents is that if it can be predicted, then it can be prevented. Since the teachers know that your daughter is struggling with transitions, then they could bring her aside in the beginning of the day - maybe even with you present - and explain what they expect of her and how the day will go. Of course, I would be surprised if they aren't giving some transition time before the children are to move to the next activity, but that is and can be helpful to a child who is not as flexible. Flexibility is a quality or virtue and she needs extra help in strengthening it. Setting boundaries and expectations before the misbehavior or tantrum begins, is a good first step. I just recorded a recent podcast on "No More Punishment: What To Do Instead" and it talks about these things.

Just visit:
http://noblemother.wordpress.com/tele-class-information-a...

Hope this is helpful!

When I taught preschool we had a similar issue within our classroom. I had 4 year olds. I started by giving them a 5 minute warning. In 5 minutes we will clean up to have story time. This let the kids know not only that soon we will stop this activity but what the next one will be. It also helped them with sense of time. Maybe check with the teacher and see if she does this, if not maybe she could incorporate it into her day. When the other teachers in my school heard me doing this they started it also. We ended up making it part of our daily routine and had a new teachers do the same. Hope this helps. Good Luck C.

I can only tell you what worked with my daughter. She was having trouble sleeping through the night and staying in her bed. Since I knew it was something she could do...if she really tried...we used rewards. I got her a gift, nothing big, but something I knew she'd like (from the dollar store, if I recall - be sure the first one is extra special to get her attention) and told her that if she stayed in her bed all night long she would be able to have the present. She was intrigued by this pretty package with a really big and shiny bow that she just had to have it. She did it the first night. We did this every day for a week. Then we backed it down to two or three days in a row...then to a week. It worked!

Good luck and God bless.

I had the same issue with my in home daycare and daughter. I agree with the other pre-school teacher that the 5 minute warning that it was going to be time to change helped a lot. Some kids just don't like surprises.

J.,
I am a Child Protective Service Worker, and a mom of two (6 and 3 year olds) When my 6 year old boy was three, he was kicked out of a daycare, they were targeting Social Workers kids unknown why. He had been at the daycare since he was 18 months. I wrote a letter to the state and talked to the director of the daycare. Unfortunately, my child acted the same way at home, so we had him evaluated by a Pedatric Psychatrist. He is ADHD, truely, because it was happening in a school setting and at home. He is very loving but does throw tantrums, and the whole 9 yards and is on meds that he needs. I do not believe that all children need meds. Your child sounds like a typical three year old not getting her way in daycare, and not use to there structure. If she does not act this way at home, there must be some transitioning going on as you said. If it continues you might want to look at the teacher and her tolerance level. Talk with your child and ask her open ended questions about her day and her teacher. If there continues to be a problem after a period of time talk with the director to have her possibly moved to another class. My current three year old is the same way, he has just adjusted to his new daycare room even though he has been at the same daycare since he was 6 weeks old. He loves to throw tantrums and I thank God that i have a patient teacher. They are not little robots and sometimes I find teachers are not as patient or that teaching was not their calling. Hope this helps. A.

J.,
At the beginning of last school year my son was only 2 and having the same problems. He turned 3 in March. I think it was just an age issue. Some kids, like yours and mine, just had it worse than others. This year he is doing much better. His preschool teacher told me yesterday that he got mad at her bc all the kids were running around the classroom yelling and that is not allowed. So she made the whole class sit for a minute to calm down. My son told her that wasn't fair. She said I am sorry that is the rule here and he huffed a couple times and said okay and sat down. Such a turn around from always getting into trouble and being in the director's office. Try to be patient and hopefully she will grow out of it. Last year was really hard for me because I felt like I had done something wrong with him. Come to find out a lot of the stuff he was doing was just his age and that he was a boy. His teacher was a little to hard on him in my opinion. I am not saying he was an angel but they are kids and they need a break to grow. Good luck.
G.