Behavior Issues and a Two Year Old

I would suggest getting him tested for autism or a sensory disorder. Has his hearing been tested?

His acting like a baby seems normal since you just had a baby. He may be adjusting to being a middle child.

Good luck!

Does he have a NEED to talk? I know he does from your perspective, but how about from his? Does the 7 year old translate for him - in effect doing his talking for him? Does he get what he wants or get everyone around him trying to do or guess what he wants withOUT him having talk? That is the situation I had. My 2 year old was capable of talking,(although I wasnt' sure at the time), but saw no need since his then 4 1/2 year old brother who was very talkative got all of his needs met FOR him. The older brother woud come running to tell us, "Johnny wants this." "Or Johnny thinks that." My challenge was to get the older brother to stop talking FOR him. Johnny, an above average wonderful young man at age 25, still only talks when he deems necessary. :-)
Yes, it may be wise to make sure there are no physical reasons why he can't talk. But, then remember he is only 2, kids develop at different rates and definitly have different personalities. Don't compare him to his older brother or his peers. You also mentioned they may both be a bit spoiled. That makes me think it is entirely possible that he gets his needs and even most wants met without having to put forth the effort. You may need to work at creating a need. That may involve a very uncomfortable time period where he is told you can't know what it is he wants unless he tells you. (You may have to "FORGET" some "signals" know.) Then the trick is to keep everyone around him from "serving" him until he at least trys a word or two. Calmly persevere in telling him he will get what he wants when he tells you. Then carry through. don't expect a speech. Give immediate positve reinforcement when he gives it a serous try. Be preapred for some frustrating hours and days when you all stop reading his signals. My guess is that it will be worth it all in short order (providing there is no physical reason he CAN not speak.)

Jodean,

I am a special education teacher and I applaud you for seeking out services for your son. I am sure as a parent that his lack of progress is frustrating. From my standpoint as an educator, keep going. Are the services continuing? I am guessing that they were occupational therapy and speech therapy. These are wonderful in home services that will help your son. The progress may be slow but most children once it clicks it sticks. I would find out if there are any toddler programs in your area. Where I live and work we have a toddler program where they get together twice a week for a short amount of time and work on social skills along with occupational therapy and speech therapy. All I can say is hang in there. There is help out there for you.

Hi Jodean,

Some of the issues you describe could be related to the speech delay. It's really hard to say without seeing your son. How are things like eye contact, play, and social skills? If those are also lacking than he sounds a lot like my son at that age who has high-functioning autism. One of the common signs of autism is acquiring a skill early in life (esp. speech) and then losing it. I wouldn't get terribly upset at this point, but I would check into it. If you contact the Wisconsin Early Autism Project they will evaluate your son for free and let you know if you should be concerned.

Regardless of why he's acting this way, it isn't the result of bad parenting on your part. Some kids have more challenges than others and require specialized help. You'll learn to do the things that he needs to help him be his very best. It will get better.

Good luck!
J.

Have you looked into he symtoms of autism? He sounds like my granddaughter who just turned 6. She has a mild case called Assberger's Syndrom (sp) Bill Gates and Donald Trump both have this condition. He also could be a crystal or indio child, there is info online about crystal and indio children.
He is a special child but will be difficult to deal with. Do your reasearch and make decisions based on your child. Teachers and doctors will try to convince you to put him on drugs to control his behavior. And he may need it but check out alternatives also.

what about sign language? Have you ever tried to teach him sign language to help you two communicate better. It will help him express his needs more with out getting frustrated. With that being said, sign language is mainly taught to younger children (10-18 months) and is normally frowned upon after they start talking to encourage speech development. But if he isn't talking to begin with, it maybe helpful. If you have a speech therapist or anything I would ask them about it. I would also say to make sure that you have consequences (like time outs) for him not listening, and keep them consistent. That way he knows that if he doesn't respond to mommy or daddy now, then this and this would happen

Jodean,

Hang in there, I too have a child who had delayed speech. We just had a baby and my daughter was nearly 2.5. We thought it was because of the new baby she was acting out. She wouldn't talk, throw very extreme tantrums, and started to be aggressive towards her baby brother. We had her evaluated (in our own home even) by our cities Early Childhood Development staff. They agreed that she was significantly delayed and needed speech therapy. It was paid for by the city and couldn't do anything but help her, so we gave it a try. She has been in speech therapy since then and she is now 4 and won't stop talking. I think some children just truely take an extra bit of time to develop. It doesn't mean that your child is autistic, deaf, or something else is wrong. But, it wouldn't hurt to get all of those checked just to rule out the possibilities. I don't know where you live but I can refer you to a wonderful doctor that evaluated my daughter for autism, ADD, and ADHD who is located in the cities. Good luck with everything, and remind yourself he is just 2 and a half and every single child is different and he may just need some extra time and help with his speech. Good luck :)

I have two suggestions. The first is to request general developmental testing to make sure your child is attaining all the milestones within expected norms. Second, read What the Bible Says About Child Training by Fugate and see if you can detect any areas of your parenting style that may be contributing to the situation. It could be one, the other, or a function of both. Pediatricians differ on their ideas of "normal" but a mom's instincts are usually correct. Your request for advice indicates you have unaddressed concerns. If there is some minor delay or other going on, attending to it immediately is the best course of action. If you just need to sharpen your parenting skills, that's an easy fix with consistency and patience. Also factor in the new baby and how that effects family relationships. Contact me if you want to talk more.

SAHM of seven, 23 yrs - 22 mos, most with special needs, all well adjusted and well behaved (except the youngest - but we're working on that!) I'm a teacher by training, run a support group for moms of special needs kids, and and have homeschooled for 15 years

Hi Jodean!!

WOW! You sound like a very busy mom!:) As I was reading your post I was thinking that you should have your 2 year old checked for Autism. Especially since he was eating and he was talking and then he stopped or reverted back. I know that if it is diagnosed very early, like before 3 years old, sometimes there are things that can be done to work with the children to help them. I have a friend who had that happen to her and now you would never know that her son is Autistic. I would start with a really good pediatrician and go from there. Hope this helps or at least gives you some ideas! Take care, N.

Have you had his hearing checked? My sister's middle son did this same thing. He would not talk, except for a few wordsand he was 3. They had his hearing checked, per request of daycare center and found out that he was almost totally deaf. They put tubes in his ears and to this day, which he is now 19 almost 20, you can't shut him up. :)

Just a suggestion.

Here's a really good guess... There maybe a issue with his ability for learning. Kind of like some are dislexik, others are slow, etc. You may need to take him to a cognitive learning place to really see his way of learning. Usually the birth to three does this. For lack of a better term... labels his age of learning a # and his skills a # matched to his real age #. If you help him see how valueable it is speeking, he might. Good luck. Unsure on the eating.

If you've talked to your doctor about this and he/she says that this is all normal, you might want to get a new doctor! To not be talking much at all by over 2 would be a great concern. Continue to seek out help. Any signs of autism? Keep pushing until you get some answers. It will probably make you feel better if you know what's going on. Good luck to you.

This is just a thought, maybe you should have him evaluated by a neurologist. Many neurological disorders cause difficulties in speaking and eating. He may want to talk, but the signal isn't processed by his brain properly. I hope you find an answer, and that your son will eventually catch-up.

Issue with eating: I recommend the book by Ellyn Satter "How to get my child to eat but not too much". She's written a lot of books and they are all good.

Talking: Do others talk for him? Often the older sibbling will talk for the child. Does older say things like younger wants his cup? If 2 yr old wants a cup, does big brother tell you or give it to him. Do you give it to him even though he is just pointing and whining? Sometimes kids that can talk, choose not to because they don't think it's necessary. Have you tried doing baby sign language? This has made life easier for some people.

You may want to contact your county's public health department and ask to have your son evaluated by Early Intervention.

Ask your Birth to Three Therapists to give you a referral for an autism evaluation. The sooner the better. The autism spectrum is very large with varying degrees of severity. I would say the eating issue is a sensory issue in that he does not like the texture of food in his mouth. Children on the autism spectrum have lots of sensory issues. A speech therapist (hopefully that is one of the services you are already receiving) can help with that by doing texture therapy inside the mouth. Sounds like you have a real plate full, but the sooner a child with these types of problems is diagnosed, the sooner they can receive therapy and have the possibility of living a normal life. Your child is nearing the end of Birth to Three....do not rely on your school system to just take over after that. You need to have outside help as well!

HI Jodean,
I think your son would benefit from a full developmental analysis. That way you could out what you are dealing with and get the right kind of help. Often school systems can offer this for free. Call the early childhood program and explain what is going on, if they can't offer the analysis for you, then at least they should be able to refer you to one who can.

Best of luck- been through it 2 times already and am just starting the third. My oldest is autistic my 3rd child has a rare case of spinal biffida (so unusual that no one knew there was a problem until he was 4), and now my 4th is 3 and still not talking. The joys :) of mothering.

Hello Jodean,
First of all, I think you have to remind yourself that your son is only 2 and he now has another sibling to compete with for your attention. Although he may have been acting out prior to the birth of your daughter, think about how young he was when you got pregnant? His behavior is pretty typical for a 1+ year old.
I would be concerned about his language development. The fact he's in a program for children up to 3 is great, but maybe he should be surrounded by more of his peers? Children at or maybe a little older than him? With "babies" around, he continues to view things as ok to act like someone younger than he is.
I would get the city involved as far as his language goes. If you live in Minneapolis there is a tots program. If he has a learning disability you are eligble for assistance. Fraser school in Richfield has great programs for children of different abilities and tuition can be subsidized by the city if there is a need (my daughter received some tuition assistance when she was diagnosed with a learning disability/speach delay).
I know it's got to be frustrating, but just remember, your hormones are probably still out of whack and your son needs you to be supportive and love him for him. All children develop differently and you can't compare your 2 year old to your 7 year old. They are totally different children in this world under different circumstances and have different needs.
I hope I don't sound too harsh, I just feel like perhaps you need to take a step back and remind yourself that he needs you just as much now as he did before the new baby came along. Perhaps you can recruit family or friends to take him on one-on-one outings where he can be the special person and get all of the attention. This won't last forever but what you do now can have an everlasting effect on your son.
I hope you are able to find assistance for your son and yourself so someday you are able to look back at this time in your childs life and be happy you did something to help him.
Sincerely,
A.

Hi Jordean-
Julie B made an excellent point. Having your child tested to rule out or confirm some physical/neurological or other issue is important, but it is equally import to be mindful of your discipline techniques. Being creative and developing different strategies can help: survival, curiosity and confusion produce change (to quote my resident expert, a therapist of 25 years!). As humans, we are programmed to resist change yet as parents, our duty is to equip our children to survive and succeed in this world no matter what cards life deals them. Additionally, my niece has a daughter that did not speak very much and had her hearing tested; it turns out she ended up needing hearing aids in both ears at age 2. I wish you the best-keep us updated.
D. W
parentwarrior

Hi,
What is your pediatrician saying about the speech? With a new baby, I can understand some of the bahvioral issues, but it sounds like this started long before new baby. You can also have your school district come to your home and do testing. If he has a speech delay or other needs, they will send a therapist to your home to work with him as much as once/week. It may be a start, but many kids often need more therapy than this.

Regarding the speech, you might look into apraxia. Check out this site: www.apraxiamn.org One of the signs of apraxia is having a sound/word and then losing it. Some of the issues with foods may also be oral-motor issues and/or sensory issues which can all effect speech. My suggestion is to have him evaluated by a speech therapist. I know a great one so feel free to email me if you need at ____@____.com

There is a lot of help out there, so keep asking questions. You'll find the answers. In the meantime, take a deep breath.You're got your hands full.

K.

I agree with many other people--get him evaluated for autism, Asperger's, ataxia, speech delay, sensory processing disorder, everything, by a child development/education specialist. It sounds like your home is a safe place for him to talk, so it seems like his speech delay may be due to something else. In addition, not wanting to eat solids is also an indicator of a possible sensory processing disorder. Many kids with sensory issues have a truly difficult time eating--like the texture of foods makes them so sick they can really not eat. This can be helped through physical therapy and speech therapy. You are certainly right to raise concern over his development, and push hard for an evaluation. The sooner he can start therapy the better off he will be, and your family.

Some kids with sensory processing issues really respond well to communication through music. Try getting a drum and letting him bang around for awhile, and a variety of other instruments, tambourines, maracas, little horns, beans in a can, anything. Show him that he can take out his frustration using music. Also, sit down and play music with him when he is not frustrated. Even though he may not speak, it may give you a way to share his world a little without words.

Let us know how things go!