Long story short my son's behavior has my husband and I at our wits end he is aggressive to other kids (pushing, hitting, etc.) and talking back to us (not listening, telling us to shut up). He is very smart little person who speaks in full and complete sentences knows his abc's, numbers, colors, shapes, etc. His behaior has been an ongoing issue that we were hoping he would eventually grow out of, time-outs are not working and now taking away toys, etc. is his only consequence. Of course his new sister being here things are worse we want to start him in preschool but I am concern he is going to act out there or pick up some new bad habits. If any of you could share some personal expereiences of what work for you or if there is a behavioral specialist you can reccomend I would appreciate it, we have spoken to our pediatrition and seeing a behavioral specialist is his reccomendation. Thank you
Thank you so much for all of your advice, it is nice to have a space were mom's are supportive of one another and not passing judgement. As diverse as all of your opinions were the one thing that stood out was CONSISTENCY which has been our approach all along. I guess I needed to hear that I am not the only one going (or gone) through this most of my friends either have girls or are not home full time with there kids and are dealing with other issues. I have signed him up for preschool so he can get out of the house and be around other kids and adults. I do think boredom is part of the problem with his behavior as for his little friends they act out in different ways so there parents don't have to deal with hitting and pushing. It is easier to pass judgement on me and him since their kids are being "typical" toddlers who just whine and cry but hearing from you all made me realize his actions are also common. I love my son and would not change his personality for the world we just needs to adjust his reactions to situations so everyone is happy. Thank you again for the reassurance and making me feel like I have not been deserted to the island of unruly children with bad parents. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, K
I really liked the book "Have a New Kid By Friday" by Dr. Kevin Leeman. I've never believed any parentin approach is one size fits all but it's worth a try!
Congrats on your new addition. He may be acting out as well because of the new edition. Try to spend some quality time with him as well or have the hubby watch the baby and you spend some time with him. You can get him tested through the public schools and if they see that he meets certain standards and that, they would put him in a special needs preschool class at the public school and come up with an iep that would fit his needs, they would aslo teach him the right way how to behave. I hope this helps. By the way going through the school is a free service.
wow - I had to double check your name because I thought you might be my neighbor! Her son is the same way. He has always been better at verbalizing than my son, was talking way before my son (though they are about the same now, both using complete sentences) her son is 2.5 also and mine almost is. Anyway, they are having the same issues, and their son is in day care/pre-school (not picking up but passing on bad behavior). They have tried time-outs, but say spanking works better. We haven't spanked our son because time-outs work well... I guess you just need to try some different forms of discipline and see what works for him. Maybe you can take away his books or toys if he misbehaves or send him to his room. Good luck!
I love the Supernanny. And while it might seem strange to take parenting tips from TV, I've found it really works. The KEY is CONSISTENCY. Whatever form you choose, you must be consistent. I gave that same advice to a mom who had similar issues as you did - also if she turned her back he was making messes everwhere, they also had a little sister join the family. She finds that when she's good, he's good. :) I recommended "naughty mat" or "naughty stair" or "naughty corner" or whatever you want to make it. Time out has to be in a place that isn't stimulating at all for them. You can't react to them. If they get up, you repeatedly put them back over and over. It might take you several days of madness before he realizes you are NOT going to give in.
Supernanny usually makes a family rules chart. I know he can't read, but he could help you create some rules (He knows "no hitting" etc) and you could try to draw them or find images on the computer. Hang up that sheet. When he breaks one of the rules (hitting) he automatically goes on naughty stair. You sit him down in the area and go down to eye level and tell him "You are on the naughty stair because you hit your friend. That's against the rules. In 2 minutes I will come get you." Then you leave him alone. If he gets up, put him back. If he does something you don't like but isn't hitting or something. Give him one warning (John, please get down from the counter, it's dangerous to climb.) if he doesn't listen after one warning, physically place him in the naughty stair and tell him the same thing as before (You are on the naughty stair because you didn't listen to me.) After they do their time on the naughty stair or w/e, ask them to apologize (to you or the kid or w/e) and give them loves. You, as the parent, will give them loves and say thank you for saying sorry.
It IS a stage. Which is why you have to be consistent to work him out of this stage as soon as possible. If you aren't consistent with discipline, the problem will grow instead of subside.
As far as preschool, I've found that kids act MUCH better with an outside party - a preschool teacher or babysitter or aunt or grandma. They seem to know that you are the parent and will love them no matter what and that you are the one to really test.
Good luck!
Well as a behavioral specialist I would suggest you start by doing an ABC. That means you observe him and then write down what was happening right before he had a behavior problem, who was present,what exactly happened during the incident and then what happened after. You can usually identify a trigger or two. Something that sets him off. Like is it when you tell him no, or is it when you deny him something he wants. THat will help you better tailor what you do to intervene. Also try to figure out what he gets out of this. Is he getting attention when he does this, is it do escape or avoid tasks he doesn't like, etc. I would be happy to help you with this if you'd like to email me
____@____.com
I am a behavior specialist with Washoe School District and work mainly with special needs kids.
You just described my son. He is Super smart (he can read, spell and write) but he can be very aggressive and scream and yell alot. My son is almost three but this behavior is nothing new. I run and inhome daycare and I watch a 13 and 14 month old. I think he is alway afraid that they are going to get him or his stuff so he stikes first. He is VERY headstrong and nothing discipline wise has helped. We just try to be consistent in whatever we do. Also he does quite a bit better when he is around older children so preschool might help your son. Also my son is much better for people other than mom and dad. Good luck as I know how frusterating it can be.
L.
My husband has been taking Love & Logic course at our daughter's school. Seemed like it would be a tough fit for us...but the results are making believers out of us. The school is also utilizing it so having it at preschool and home will make it habit sooner for her. She is almost 4 and it would have been easier if we had learned this earlier.
I don't know if you got the advice you were looking for, I just read this post. If you're still looking for advice you may want to go to my website, www.proactiveparenting.net.
I have seminars that will help you with all the things you're experiencing with your child.
I would suggest seminar #2, Correcting Preschoolers, and Self-Control, seminar #8.
Those two seminars will change his behavior and allow you and your husband to correct him calmly and let the family go back to having fun instead of remaining focused on misbehavior and not listening.
Good Luck,
S. @ ProActive Parenting dot net
Hi K.,
I'm so sorry you're having such a difficult time. Our oldest was incredibly verbal very young. I always found it scary to know exactly what a two year old thinks! I've raised 4 boys and a girl. My daughter is 13, the boys are 14,16,17 and 21. Two of my boys were very aggressive. We believed in spanking but only if it was a first offense. For example if I said don't do this....and they did it they got a spanking. At 2 it was just a quick swat on the diapered butt. They didn't get a warning, a count down or whatever because by then I or my husband were mad. It was just the way it was. However, with these two hot tempered ones spankings most often didn't work. one of them responded better to isolation (being put in his bed/room with no toys for a period of time) and the other responded better to being held through a tantrum or fit. IF you want more info on that you're welcome to ask.
However, it sounds to me like you have another issue going entirely and its one we've seen in all our kids at different times. The solution is the same whether they are 2, 5, or 10. Little ones, no matter how brilliant they are, get too wise in their own eyes when they get to make too many choices. Try pulling back and making ALL the decisions for him, until he shows he can handle making some of his own. Serve him the cereal you choose, the sandwich you make and the dinner you decide, pick his clothes, shoes and tooth brush. You set the schedule. Sometimes, we even picked which toys they could play with and when. He is a baby, not just a miniature adult. He needs the security of parental control. Try it for a few days and see what happens. You have to assert your authority, but you'll all be happier you did.
I hope this helps. Best wishes!
K.
Happy homeschool mom of 5, married to college sweetheart, with four teenagers in the house...and guess what? We love it! They're amazing great kids!
Hi K.,
I too had behavior problems with my kids. I took a Love and Logic class and it worked so well, I decided to teach it. It is well worth the time to take the class--especially since now I don't have to worry about what they'll be doing when they are teenagers. You can check the website at www.loveandlogic.com and if you are in the Albuquerque/Rio Rancho area you can contact me to get more info about the classes. Parenting is fun for us now and we are having a great time with our kids. References are available--talk to other parents to see how it worked for them.
E.
