Being a Mother Is So Hard Sometimes

Well, being a mom IS hard, but I think that after telling him you hoped he was ready for a lot of alone time, you should have just left him alone. If he was out of control, and it sounds like he was, you should have given him time to calm down, get control of himself, fall asleep, whatever.
It sounds like he was just overly tired and needed throw his last little fit and fall asleep.
Let him sleep.
If he sleeps all night through, it's what he needed and it's okay.
It's highly possible he will wake up in the morning with a completely different attitude and you can talk about it then.
If you ask him why he acted that way, he might not even know.
The hitting and the kicking is not acceptable. Period.
But, to keep going back in every 10 minutes might have been just aggravating him even more.
You told him you love him. You know that no matter what he said he loves you.
I would just let him sleep.
Sounds like he needs it.

Best wishes.

I would start with a trip to the ped and get a referral to a qualified therapist. Tomorrow. the sooner the better.

Is he on medication for something that may be giving him a bad reaction?
Does he have a father that can take care of his attitude?
Take him to a pyschiatrist, it doesn't sound good and I would be scared. ARe there any siblings you need to be watching and protecting?

Children can be difficult. Motherhood is hard, this is true. When my kiddos say they hate me, I respond with, "I know." When they say they want to move out, I say, "Please be safe. Try to call every now and then." I try to avoid interacting with their negative words/behavior because it (1) only makes them more worked up and (2) makes me angry. Children seem to love when we are angry. It's like a game for them...see how angry we can make mommy get. Or sometimes make daddy angry. They seem to thrive on it. I don't get it so it's best to diffuse it by not engaging with their antics.

If it were me, I would have sent him to his room and put the easter stuff away. And I would have totally ignored him and not keep going on to check on him when he was fake crying. Ignore the bad behavior at all costs.

1) I assume there have been no traumatic events (divorce, death) in your family.

2) He was probably overtired.

3) You should NOT have kept going back in every 10 minutes, asking him if he was ready to talk. You should have waited till he came out of the room calmly.

4) He is a boy. He is probably never going to want to talk about feelings very much. You should have just said, "are you ready to apologize and color eggs yet?" If the answer was no, then send him back to the room and go on coloring eggs with your daughter and ignore him.

5) The reason he said he hates your guts and wants to die is because he knew he could manipulate you. He knew this because you kept returning to his room and saying I love you and wanting to talk. He knows this way he can control you.

6) Why would you say, "I hope you are ready for a lot of alone time" and then keep coming back? He knows you're not serious when you do that. If you say you're going to give him alone time, then give him alone time.

7) Therefore, you should have just sent him to his room, and left him there until he apologized. 7 years old is way too old to be hitting and kicking your mother. At 7, you certainly don't need to check on him every 10 minutes. He's 7, not 1 or 2.

Next time this happens: DON'T TALK SO MUCH! You are giving him power, and letting him know how easy it is to hurt your feelings. Plus, your feelings are getting hurt too easily. Almost all kids have told their mother at least once that they hate their guts.

He's fine, he's just being manipulative, and you are letting him do it. Just matter-of-factly give him consequences, follow through with them, and tell him you love him WHEN HE IS BEING GOOD, not when he's just hit and kicked you.

p.s. I don't think he needs a therapist at all. If what you told us is an example of how you normally react to his tantrums, then he has been trained that he can get away with this stuff. I think setting limits and consequences (going to his room) and then ignoring him will work better than any therapist.

Yeah..this does NOT scream "Take Me To a Therapist" to me. He sounds like a frustrated overly tired 7 year old who maybe had a crappy day at school and the crummy egg was the last straw.
People ARE allowed to express anger. Kids are always being taught to stuff that anger down--that it's "unacceptable". Guess what? Anger is a part of life, a real emotion, and if he's angry--he's angry.
Problem is--when it's a child, all of a sudden it's "Our eggs, our vase, OUR good time" What's a kid to do?
A few observations: I would have given him more than 5 minutes of the "fake crying" (and I actually HAVE a recently-turned 8 year old boy) and then after his volatile reaction to you, I certainly would have given him--at that time--a consequence of a half our calm-down-in-your-room time out. I wouldn't have kept checking every 10 minutes. Just me.
When a kid says he hates you (or doesn't love you) you can say "That's OK...I love you enough for both of us. Come downstairs when you have calmed down."
Yep--it's easy to read your post and say "Pish-posh--unacceptable!" "Don't allow it!" etc. But the thing is--kids are kids and they haven't read the books and they do have lives and emotions! Situations like this DO come up. Your son is not the first and he won't be the last. 10:1 he gets up tomorrow with NO ill feelings toward you. Good luck!

Backing up a bit, has anyone ever picked him up by his shirt tail and pants when he starts throwing, punching, pulling hair? I think you let him go too far before giving some serious correction. He didn't want to color eggs, fine, let him sit and do NOTHING, just sit and watch you and his sister have fun and not be allowed to go to his FUN room...sit on a chair and keep his mouth shut unless he decides to participate.

"Hates your guts, wants to die?" Just as you replied, with the exception of:

"Sorry you feel that way right now, I don't like what you just said and I don't like the way your are behaving, but I will NEVER hate your guts or want you to DIE".

I am sorry you are experiencing this behavior with your son, but feel very sincere, that parents can not let their children, hit, punch, kick and be disrespectful without serious consequences.

Blessings....

You were giving him too much attention. When you sent him to his room for quiet time to calm down, you should have let him alone to be in his "cave" and come out when he was done. Even if you went to check on him, you shouldn't have tried to pacify and talk with him. You probably could have said "Son, when you calm down, let me know what is bothering you"

I think even among those "hate words", he really wanted to talk and something has escalated the true problem. Don't feel bad, you were just trying to be an attentive M..

Sounds like he had a bad day at school or something. But also that he hasn't learned the appropriate ways to deal with anger/frustration.

First, call his teacher, find out what's going on at school.
Second, don't feed into this behavior. You're giving it way more attention. When my 7yo acts out, he goes to timeout. When he's calmed down enough to ask if timeout is over, and then we can talk. I don't keep checking on him (if he is throwing things, I will tell him to stop, and he gets to clean it up afterwards).
Next, you mention this has happened a few times. It could be an indication of some underlying issue - his reactions do seem a bit extreme. Start tracking it - when it happens, circumstances around it, his exact reactions, etc. It might be something to talk to the doctor about, to rule out emotional/behavioral issues.

WHOA - so not normal or age appropriate.

This screams "Take me to a child therapist!"

First of all: You are too nice. Don't go back and check on him.

Next time, just send him to his room. Tell him that when he can be civil and act nicely, he can come out. Remind him that when he comes out, you'd like to talk about what happened.
Sometimes, they just need time to figure it all out.
If he comes out and he's still nasty, you send him right back.

Kids say things to see if they can get a reaction. My kids both told me they hated me and I ignored it. They only did it once and when they didn't get a reaction, they couldn't be bothered to do it again. My advice to you is: Don't react. Ignore the nasty comments.

Your son knew you really wanted him to participate in the family time. So he made your life miserable. Next time, if you simply send him to his room and continue doing what you were going to do, he'll stew for a while, and then he will come out and be nice. You need to not make a huge deal when he comes back. You can casually ask if he is feeling better. Then later, you can ask what his behavior was all about.

LBC

Ha. Gotta love meltdowns. Sooooo much FUN.

As with the others... the kid is old enough to stay in his room the rest of the night. ((Actually, it's even better if it's a before dinner meltdown, because they can durn well eat in their rooms as well. And the next day each and every single mess they made gets cleaned up by them. We don't even do school until he has put things to right.)) Ditto as well the constant checking on him makes US feel better, but it doesn't help THEM. Either in figuring out they've just been banned from polite (fun) society, nor in getting control of themselves. <grin> As a matter of fact, my 8yo knows quite well that I ENJOY his banishments, because I get to read a book. Nope, kiddo, back to your room. Since you're banished I'm doing my own thing.

My son has learned very quickly that anything he throws out of his room goes in the garbage (unless it's special to me, then I hide it, but it becomes mine). Old house rule: You throw it in anger, it no longer belongs to you). I have been known to give some items back IF and ONLY IF he washes them himself (they really do go in the yucky garbage), and treats them and us as we deserve to be treated. 2 strikes and "it's" gone for good.

Sigh. I unfortunately made a big deal out of the "I want to die" comment when my 6/7yo tried it on for size (doh!). So we had several months of "I want to die" or "wish I were dead" whenever he got angry at me, because he'd seen it hurt me. Did he REALLY want to die? No. He was angry & embarrassed ... and it was an effective weapon once, so he kept it up for a few months whenever he got angry or embarrassed. Low and behold, the weapon was a wet noodle after that... so it got put back in the 'box' and hasn't been brought out again in years. ((The other route is to go non-challant and start packing up all the things they won't 'need anymore' since they'll be dead, and cancel all their playdates/ activities/ fun family stuff for a week. Nope, sorry, if you're dead you don't get to watch TV/ play with friends/ etc.)) It didn't occur to me to do it though until after the death threats had stopped. Was commiserating with a friend who also had a boy the same age and she shared that trick with me. Could have nipped that one a LOT faster!!! It's the same kind of approach we do with a lot of things, and it would have worked PERFECTLY. Drats.

A while ago I nicknamed 7 "the bipolar 7s". My own son went through a *major* cognitive emotional integration between 7.5 & 8.5. Just like the terrible 2's (or 3's). I suspect he'll repeat again around 11. It took a few months before I really realized that was what was going on, and just treated it the same way I did when he was a toddler. Ms. Nonchallant & simple consequences (do this, get that) and reiterating of house rules.

Hugs.

SO hard sometimes.

You are getting beat by your 7 yr old. This will not stop unless you get him help NOW. Imagine how it's going to feel being hit when he's 14.

This did happen to my friend. At 13 she couldn't control her son anymore & he became more physical which means the hits got harder. He got more defiant. Refused to go to school for no reason. Threatened her life. I finally convinced her to get him help. Since November he has been living in a group home for kids. The kicker is that he didn't have problems at school & he was well mannered to all adults EXCEPT his mom. She did everything for him, let him do whatever he wanted, never had any boundaries & gave him everything. I think he just wanted boundaries, in not so many words that's what he told me & she just couldn't say no to him & he never got grounded & if he did it was never followed thru. He purposely broke 2 cell phones & she bought him new ones. He purposely broke her 52" LCD TV & he didn't get in trouble, she bought another one. She finally confided in me that she was afraid of him & would sleep with a bat under her pillow & her bedroom door locked. Is this what you want for your sons future & your relationship with him & his sister?

I agree you should have let him sit & gather himself rather than do the 10 minute check. BUT there is no way in hell my kids will ever "HIT, PUNCH, KICK, & PULL MY HAIR". I urge you to do whatever it takes to get the both of you the help you need.

I'm sure that if he's doing this to you he's also doing this to his sister!

go on difficultchild.com and if you want the group home info that is sponsored by the Moose Lodge, PM me. I am not saying that he should be placed in a group home, that is way to extreme at the moment, it's just good to have as much info as possible, you never know what the future may be like.

WOW! I don't think any part of that situation is normal behavior for a 7yo. It seems there was a total loss of control on his part. That episode would sound a few alarms in my head too. I think he may need someone to talk to about his feelings & emotions. I'm sorry you're having to go through that. It must be very confusing & saddening. Just keep reassuring him of your love for him, but maybe check with his school to see if anything is going on there or see if maybe they can recommend someone for you to take him to see for some help with this matter.

I may take heat for this but I happened to look at your profile and past questions you posted. It seems to me that your 7yo son is mimicking his Daddy's behavior. I hope you are still in counseling as you said you were going for it after what went down this past Christmas. Your husband exhibits bullying behavior. You've allowed it in order to 'keep the peace'. Now your son appears to be a bully too. So much for 'peace'.

http://www.boystown.org/national-hotline

I read Donna H's response and so I read your Christmas question... I remember when you wrote that.

At first I thought it was harsh (Donna's comment), but after reading your other question I believe Donna is dead on. Your son is acting like your husband acts.... and you need to stop the behavior immediately.

You also mention that you're so in love w/ your husband but from the information in your Christmas question it is clear that co-dependent is a more fitting description. There is a book out there that is meant to be really good re: this subject I believe it is called 'co-dependent no more' . Best of luck to you and your family - it's going to be a rough path, but you have it in you to do it and to help create a functioning, healthy adult in your son.

You're way too comforting and he's playing you like a fiddle. You need to get a handle on it before he becomes a teenager. He gets rewarded with sympathy and has no reason to stop his behavior. His room is not a place for a timeout. My 5 year old daughter sees a child psychologist. Her issues are a bit different and not that extreme, but I was told under no circumstances is she to go to her room for a timeout. When she acts out, she goes to the chair in the living room away from everyone. No comforts with her what-so-ever. Nothing. Not even a blanket to hold on to. She asked if she could go to her room for timeout - HA! Of course she wants to go to her room for timeout. All her toys are there lol. Not a great timeout place. Once she is in that chair I ignore her. I don't check on her. If she gets up or makes a sound, that adds 5 minutes to the timeout. She hates timeouts now : ) and it's a great deterrent.

Don't tell him your feelings are hurt. That's exactly what he wants. That was his goal and it was accomplished. I go stone faced. Know that what he says he doesn't mean. He's trying to get to you and it's working.Don't let him manipulate you.

A child psychologist will really help you in this time in your life.

Yeah. I think you and your husband she really sit down and discuss getting your son counceling. This type of behavior is not normal nor exceptable. Its even a little scary. I hope you get him the help that he needs. Good luck!

Some reading material you might find helpful:

"How To Talk So Kids Will Listen and How To Listen So Kids Will Talk" by Fabler and Mazlish and "1-2-3 Magic" by Thomas Phelan. The Love and Logic books are good too.

I understand your concern and if this is becoming part of a pattern, you might want to discuss it with a professional. But this particular exchange sounds like your son was just getting more upset the more you tried to engage him and he might have needed to be left alone more. It does not sound like you really got down to the bottom of what he was so upset about originally. "How to Talk..." can be helpful for learning better communication techniques when he is calmer while "1-2-3 Magic" I've found to be good for more effective discipline techniques that initially take a lot of the "overtalking" and emotion out of it - unacceptable behavior earns a consequence, regardless of how much testing and manipulation the kids do. Some of what your son was doing sounds more like manipulation than anything and you still never figured out what he was so angry about. You might want to try talking with him again in the morning before he goes to school, and start with asking him directly, if something happened at school, etc.

He's doing this at 7!?! Does he have a diagnosed disorder or something? Is he on some type of medication that may affect his behavior or emotional state? He hit, kicked, punched and pulled your hair, smashed eggs, threw toys, told you he hated you and that he wanted to die because an egg didn't turn out the way he wanted? I'm sorry -this doesn't sound like a phase. This sounds like a child with deep anger, rage or emotional issues. I'm not sure of your background, but have you divorced or has he experienced a big loss in his young life? I have a "spirited" and some (including me) would say "difficult" oldest child who just turned 5. At this point in his life he doesn't even pull this kind of stunt even if he does go into a full-on, complete meltdown, and he's never gotten violent with one of us even when he was smaller and having a tantrum. If he did, I would find a therapist immediately. The rage and complete lack of respect for you is a serious problem.

Ugh, I can't believe all the sugar and therapy comments :(
Sometimes kids just have a bad day. Sometimes some little thing (like an egg not coming out "right") is just the last straw. Kids, just like adults, have a lot of emotions to deal with between school, friends and home. Unlike adults, they don't always understand why they are so frustrated, mad and upset, therefore they just snap and melt down.
I know it's hard but I think you're taking it too personally. He doesn't really hate you, he just needs time to cool off. You did the right thing by removing him from the situation when he got destructive and verbally abusive. Next time it happens, do the same thing, but don't keep going back to "check" on him. The loud fake crying is a clear sign that he's manipulating you. Let him come out when he's calmed down and ready to cooperate. And I don't believe in a forced apology, especially from a child. It's hardly ever genuine, they just say it because it's what they know you want to hear. It is important that some time later in the day, when you both are calmer, to say something like, "I'm sorry you're having such a hard day, is there anything you want to talk about?" He may say yes or no, but either way he knows that even though you won't tolerate the behavior, you do you care and want to help with whatever's causing it.

You're right parenting is hard! There have been a lot of posts with ideas about what might be going on. I'm not going to speculate, but since his behavior is causing you so much distress, disrupting the family, and likely causing your son distress, maybe talk with a medical professional and a child mental health professional to rule out health concerns that might be able to be treated. I hope you find a solution for your little guy and for your sake, too.

Well, I could see my 5 year old son giving this kind of a performance on a bad day, especially if he's overtired. As others have said, leave him be for longer to calm down. I try to redirect my son to do something with his energy when he is angry (jump on the trampoline, punch a pillow, etc) It doesn't always work but sometimes if I catch him soon enough it does. Other times he gets going and just can't calm himself down without a long time out. If this is a very rare behavior I wouldn't get too freaked out. If you are seeing it as a pattern or as a reaction to something going on in his life then consult with a professional. My sister still had occasional tantrums until age 7 or 8. She used to make my mom crazy saying stuff "I hate you, you're not my real mother!" It was just her pushing my mom's buttons to get her upset. And my sister seems to be happy, successful and well adjusted as an adult (but the true test is when she has a kid).

I may be a bit colder than some others, but my response to "I HATE YOU!" has always been "Well that is your right, but I still love you" very plain and without any emotion on the topic, and not gone into how it hurts my feelings (because sometimes that is exactly what they are looking to do).

He sounds like a very mild version of my Andy. About the sweetest child on earth until he loses his temper. He has an Autism spectrum disorder and I have been told this is part and parcel. I am not saying your son had Autism but I think this behavior can happen with the Autism component.

Andy is 12 and is growing out of it. By growing out of it I mean he can spot when it is happening and removes himself from the situation. If it helps I know Andy is not in control of his emotions or what he says when he has these attacks. I used to cry a lot, knowing he loves me in spite of what he says makes me feel a bit better. That as he gets older he is getting better makes it a lot better.

Andy started this when he was three so I doubt it is the same thing.

7? You're darn right this has happened more than once. And this time, he received no consequences at all that would deter it from happening many more times. He got put in his comfortable room. He was allowed to violently rage (this is what happens when people address tantrums this way from age 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7!) He was allowed to say horrible things to his mom and she comforted him and kept checking on him. He basically got rewarded for the behavior.

If my kids (3, 5) had ever looked like they were going to think about getting huffy and smashing the eggs, that would have been the end of the story for them. MAJOR consequences and task assignment so they could blow off steam being useful. Much less the rest of the theatrics. However, lots of my friends taught their kids that if they threw tantrums, they could go throw them in their rooms, and they too say these hateful things to their parents at about this age. Whereas us meanies stamped out the tantrums completely in the toddler years and never have to deal with this sort of hostility.

It may be true that his emotions have been allowed to run so rampant with him for so long that now he finally really IS depressed and hostile and angry and filled with hate. But even so, he needs to be disciplined or he will never believe that his parents care about him. Every spoiled violent teen in the book will claim their parents don't care about them when they've grown up without enough discipline.

Don't get sucked in, mom! You need a serious backbone and dad needs to MAJORLY step up. He needs a warning and a consequence WAY before a tantrum escalates next time and every time. Don't sympathize and try to tenderly win him back. He'll hate you for it.

Your answer should have been, I love you, but you're going to clean out the garage now while I take away everything cool in your room, and you can only earn the stuff back with a week of good behavior. And in my house he personally would have had a serious spanking from dad as well the minute he touched the first egg. But again, this never would have never happened. 7 is getting really too old for this, don't delay!

--holy cow, I forgot he was kicking and punching you. He has some major reconciling to do. Make sure he does it!

My friend's son had violent rages, too. She said that when she looked at him, he was no longer Noah. He had become someone else.

It turns out, he had a really strong vitamin deficiency. He was low in Omega-3 and Omega-6 as well as calcium. I am NOT saying that he needs to be on a vitamin regimen. I am saying that it might be something physical. Do you have a good pediatrician/dietician/nutritionist/naturopath/someone else you trust? That might help.

Good luck!

Hello,
to me you sound very invasive, why do you check on him every 10 min? And why do you ask him for apology, he has to do it on his own! You need to discipline him not bag him for apologies!

It sounds like something is going on. Is he being picked on at school ? I would talk to his teacher . It seems like he is holding something back. if you do an activity with him alone he may open up. Just don't ask him outright what is wrondg. That seems to make kids clam up.Good luck to you.

Well, my seven year old will 'kind of' do that too. Not to the extent it sounds like your son did it though. Here is how it goes- He will all the sudden start acting mean to me. The eyes knit together and he will say mean things to me and maybe through some things around and then stomp to his room. He will tell me to go away and he doesn't want to talk to me. When finally I am able to get out of him what it is it always turns out to be a perceived 'slight' on my part and his feelings are hurt. Once I forgot to send his picture in for the birthday board at school, once he saw one of his tests in the garbage, once I let him play instead of calling him in to eat with us, etc. All things I had no idea would hurt him but they did. I am thinking your son might have had an idea of how HE wanted to do the eggs perhaps....did you do it differently last year? DId he want to wait until closer to EAster?? I would do what you can to get it out of him...even bribe him-something I have unfortunately had to do. But if I hadn't I wouldn't have realized the reasons behind his snits and know that I have to be extra mindful of the little things that might hurt his feelings. Once I get it out of him I tell him how it was such an easy thing to remedy and how much easier and better it would have been if he could have just came up to me and told me he was hurt instead of having a mysterious fit.

Most children has some meltdowns like that and they say hurtful things when they do so. Sometimes it is because they are overly tired and needs some extra sleep, sometimes it is because they just don't feel good but can't pinpoint it, they just feel yucky. Sometimes it is because they were teased at school or by an older sibling and sometimes it is something more serious such as someone harming them in some way or a loss of someone close or a loved pet. It could even be a best friend problem. When they are in the melt down mode, there is no way you can reason with them so the best way is to stop it before it gets there. When it is going that direction maybe a little one on one cuddle time will help. If it starts put them in their room and leave them to get it out of their system and not go in until things have calmed down, then if you can get them to settle down with a bath and a calm talk that is great. It might help to wait until he is in a good mood, take him out for ice cream and then talk about how he was feeling and why he was feeling like that. Let him know that you will always love him with everything you have and that will never change no matter how mad he gets and how much he misbehaves. That he can come to you with anything and you will help him find ways to fix problems that he may have. Don't downplay his feelings if it is something as silly as "Joe wanted to play with David instead of me" point out how that must have hurt and how if that happens again, how he can handle it by perhaps playing with someone else.
If he is being bullied, make sure you go to the school and get a handle on it. Good luck and Bless you

you can take him to the doctor, and tell him about this. some kids get depression. some kids get vitamin d deficiencies. (ask to be tested, even if they dont think it is an issue.)

i hesitate to say that he would have been abused, but is that a possibility? i mean, no parent should EVER have to deal with that, but its something to consider (in the back of your mind, while you figure out if something else is wong!)
when did this happen? how has he behaved since then? did he have any unusual changes in his schedule? was he just overtired? did he have a bad diet of food that day? did someone at school pick on him or end a friendship? did you recently punish him for something, or not let him do something? not let him buy something? LOL

first of all, do not overreact. be there for him and give him space or love and attention, whichever is right for your family. this weekend can be a busy time with easter activities, but it doesnt sound like he would have very much fun if this funk stays around. could you and your other child do something else, at home, instead?
just take it easy. it is so hard sometimes. hopefully everything will be fine, and he was just tired or coming down with an illness or something simple. but i know we all have nagging things in the back of our mind too... and i just dont want you to count things out. good luck

Hugs.
Yes, being a Mom is hard.
Easy to say, hard to do.

There will be lots of suggestions here.
Try them.
See which one, will work on him.

Does he act like this at school too, or just at home????

Does he and his sister get along?
Is he expected, to be the same as her? She is after all, a lot older than him, developmentally. He is not 10.

Boys need to learn how to express themselves.... in a palatable way or they get all pent up.
He is expressing himself... but in an anger way.
Why?
Does he or can he, say what he feels, deep down?

How is his Dad, and what does he do when his son acts like this?
Is your Husband, nice to You?
Sometimes, kids/boys... do what they see their Dad do... To their Wife and their Mom. Even if the child knows, its wrong or not nice.

hugs.

I think something internally is going on. Maybe something at school, maybe he's depressed. I think he needs someone to talk to (professionally), figure out why he has all this anger. Don't think it's a phase.

Good luck!

Ahhh meltdowns! I wish we have to liberty to do mommy meltdowns and have the kids check on us and assure us that they love us regardless. Sometimes I too want to slam doors, stomp my feet and yell loud enough to shake the walls.

Hang in there. IMO it is nature's way of making things easy for us when it is time for them to leave the nest. ;-D

Does your family eat sugar? My son used to have crazy meltdowns like this. I researched sugar addiction, and this is a classic symptom. When we eliminated sugar from our diet, he became a completely different child. It was like the real boy came out! He also has had very few asthma symptoms without sugar in his diet. It's worth a try before you go down the path of medications, etc. Here's the article that turned the lights on for me:
http://www.enotalone.com/article/4350.html
I hope that helps! Don't take it personally - you're a great mom, or you wouldn't be trying to help him!

My kids all seemed to have melt downs that age. Stay consistent and calm. He needs to learn respect even if he's frustrated. It takes time and patience to teach these things. Hang in there! I think you handled it very well. Good luck!

I am in total agreement with Ladybug's response. I know your son's actions and hurtful words hurt you to the core, but when they are in meltdown mode you have to take on a robot-like mode. He doesn't mean what he says, he is just trying to get a reaction out of you. He is trying to pull you into the threat cycle. Child misbehaves-->Adult reacts negatively/threatens-->and repeat. It is a vicious cycle so try not to let yourself get pulled into it. I would have done what you did, put him in his room (or other safe place) and checked on him periodically by just saying are you calm enough to apologize? If he says no and screams mean things at you, just say Oh I am sorry. It sounds like you are still mad. Keep working on getting calm. Do all of this with a neutral tone of voice. Not threatening, sarcastic or pleading. Humans cannot think rationally when their emotions are riled up, so just focus on getting him back into a thinking state of mind. It may take awhile-even to the next day, but usually not that long. If he throws his toys and other items just say. Oh I am sorry. I hope those things don't break. I know how much you like them. I guess you aren't ready to calm down. Take your time. Leave the mess for the time being. He will eventually calm down. When that happens you need to have a serious talk with him. Just ask what made him so upset and listen to what he says. Use empathetic statements like I could tell you were really mad. What could you do next time so we don't have an evening like this again? Then also address the mess he made. He will have to clean that up. He will either comply or not. If he doesn't do it, then I would quietly clean up the mess, but put the toys away until he is able to take care of them responsibly. These are some of Jim Fay's methods from Parenting with Love and Logic. (www.loveandlogic.com) I recommend his books to people all of the time because the strategies really work. There are so many more strategies to use on a daily basis to keep these kind of episodes from happening. Good luck!
A.

Although I agree that Donna is likely correct about your son imitating your husband's behavior, I have this to add:

This could well be a chemical reaction to something in his environment. My younger sister was a "Jekyll and Hyde" kid; one minute she would be happily doing something, or eating, or playing, and the next she would basically tear your face off if she could.

I was enraged by my Mother's inability to control her (I was a young teen, my sister around 5-6), and thought my Mom was being unreasonable by not smacking her down. My sister would hit, bite, kick, scream, holler how much she hated us (especially my Mom), throw things...practically foam at the mouth.

Turned out, my sister was just very, very chemically sensitive. After a particularly bad experience involving painting the walls of our room, Mom connected the dots between chemical exposure and my sister's behavior.

My Mom and Dad had a long sit down discussion with me and my brothers while my sister slept off her chemical reaction (she slept for fifteen hours straight, btw). We got rid of everything that had an ingredient we couldn't pronounce or know what it was: food, cleaners, beauty products, shave creams, shampoos, soaps, EVERYTHING. Any fabric in the house that wasn't natural (cotton, wool, linen, etc), went. Any toys that were polyester, went. Sharpie markers, paint pens, metallic paints, went. Anything with a chemical scent or name got thrown away. It was a CRAZY change for everyone involved, and we figured that the throwing away of everything like that would send my sister into a fit.

We were shocked. She slept a LOT those first few weeks after we had thrown everything away. My brothers and I had to grapple with the fact that our sister had caused our lives to do a 180. My friends thought we were NUTS.

My Mother began to read food labels, and to buy directly from farmers and ask about what they used on their foods. She learned how to cook from scratch instead of rely on boxed meals. My Father had to buy new suits for work.

And here's what happened: My sister stopped acting out like that. Her entire personality and even the way she LOOKED changed. She used to have these dark circles under her eyes, and they suddenly went away. She didn't look like a sick little girl anymore, she looked healthy, and vibrant and full of life. And she became the sweetest little girl. She stopped hitting, kicking, biting, screaming. When she'd get angry, everyone in the house would hold their breath, waiting for her to "explode", but she just acted like a normal child (stomping her foot, crying, pouting). No more explosions. No more Jekyll/Hyde.

Then I remember a couple years later (she was maybe 8?) we were at a friends house and they had recently gotten new carpeting....Yup. My sister went BERSERK! When we got her out into the fresh air again, she calmed down after a while and fell asleep again...for twelve hours.

It hasn't happened since then, and my sister has gotten a little more tolerant of chemicals in her adult years.

So my thought is that this COULD be what's affecting your son. He could have had a reaction to what was in the dye (or even in something he had eaten or been around) and the fact that his egg didn't turn out sent him off.

It's just something to consider. Just remember that, no matter what he says when he's in a fit, he does still love you.

Wow. I'm sorry that you both had to go through something like that. My heart broke after reading your post. 7 years old? That's a lot for a little man. Is his father around? Have you talked to his teachers, just if or maybe something is going on in school?

Let's see..if I were in your shoes...I'd have to talk to him often to find out what is going on, but not seem so pushy, and reassure him that I love him so much and if he wants to talk that I'd be glad to sit down and talk with him. I would also check in with is teachers..and I would also consider have him talking to a therapist. You'd be surprise sometimes how therapy might just help. I would like to know how things turn out for all of you. Good luck.