Being Developmentally Ready Vs. Being Strong-willed

Some kids just run. Keep working with him and giving him time outs shen he does not listen or wonders off. I would be more focused on disciplining him for the temper tantrums, that is so not acceptable IMO.

He sounds a lot like my son, who is 5 now but still strong willed. I used the leash at that age. I also put him in a stroller or cart for a time out when we were out. When he was 2 to 2.5 I used the leash as a consequence and was able to phase it out. Actually, still put him in the cart for a time out on occasion if he is misbehaving while shopping.

Since your little guy is not very verbal yet, this may or may not help. But several families I know play a STOP!/GO! game with their kids. This can be done with music at the beginning, and then the music can gradually go away:

Start the music and dance, jump, or run around the room like crazy. The assigned "leader" (you or dad) then hollers "STOP!" while simultaneously stopping the music. All players freeze in place. Then holler "GO!" and start the music again. Your son will probably watch this a few times, then want to join in and try it, too.

Make it a fairly regular game for a few weeks, then try it without the music. Play only as long as it's fun and engaging for your son. He will begin to respond more automatically to the STOP, you can try it walking down the street or at the park. If it "takes," you may be able to use this technique instead of the harness at some point.

Some children with brain/nervous system issues are not able to respond consistently, depending on what other input is distracting them. In that case, I'd be inclined to keep him safe with some combination of the stroller, the harness (in spite of the looks you may get – his safety is far more important than other people's opinions), or perhaps try a backpack – some kids really enjoy being up high where they can see everything.

There are a few really excellent books for parents with high-energy, high-spirited children. One good one is Raising Your Spirited Child: A Guide for Parents Whose Child Is More Intense, Sensitive, Perceptive, Persistent, and Energetic, by Mary Kurcinka.

My son and daughter were both like that. They were runners and I was thankful we had a fenced backyard (with padlocks because my son can figure out how to open anything it seems!) at our previous home. It wasn't until my son was about 2 years or 2 1/2 that it seemed like he really started understanding consequences. I did have a harness for him and used it occasionally. He actually liked it. He thought it was cool to have a teddy bear backpack! I started doing time-outs at 18 months too. Keep doing it consistently and always state why he is in timeout. Eventually you can have him tell you why he is in timeout and you can explain simply why the behavior or activity was dangerous/wrong choice etc. They will always test boundaries. Now my son is 3.5 years and just when I don't think he is listening to a word I say, I hear him parroting the same explanations I have said to him to his sister or friends! My daughter has been easier to manage because she watches him, so peer pressure helps too once they get to the age where they start interacting with other kids, which is usually around 3 years. He is just in a developmental phase where he is exploring his new found independence. He sounds like a super bright kid, so he is internalizing your actions more than you probably realize. Kids like routine and consistency. Keep doing what you are doing and if it means limiting his activities for awhile to keep him safe, then that is what you will have to resort to. Good luck!
A.

My daughter is strong-willed too. I would read 1-2-3 magic, setting limits with your strong willed child, and the book peg suggested. Any of those are great. What you said is great. Who cares if he has a tantrum? If he does, take him to a different place til he calms down. I know it sucks when your in the middle of shopping (trust me I know lol). One thing I did was with my daughter (now 2 1/2) when she was that age she was allowed to run beside me but if she went too far then she had to hold my hand, if she threw a fit I talked to her (even at 18 months) and told her I know your mad because you want to run but mommy is afraid you'll get lost. (pause) you need to stay by mommy. After a couple minutes I let go and told her if you run off again you will go in the cart (or carry you, if no cart was available). If she did it again I put her in the cart or carried her. For a while she fought and freaked out, but she quickly learned that running off was not going to happen if she wanted free reign. Kids cry, they throw tantrums, it's okay... how you react is what counts. Consistency and following through on those time-outs, cart time, and holding your hand. If he throws himself on the ground pick him up and leave. My daughter used to lock out her arms and turn them to noodles so I learned to pick her up with a hand on her chest and a hand around her legs (scooped up), I would put her slightly over my shoulder so my face couldn't be hit and I'd leave.

I have a son just like that. He's 9 now and FINALLY has learned to fear things that might hurt him. Sorry, it was a hard road with that one. VERY strong minded which will serve him well as an adult. He's learned alot and I'm sure will continue to mature but it is tough when they're little like that.

When he was little like yours we were ALWAYS in the emergency room with some injury! He just did the craziest things....

yes, he's developmentally ready to learn to behave according to your rules.

yes, he's definitely a strong-willed child.....as many are.

Watch the "1-2-3 Magic" video. It will save you! It will teach you how to lead your child into a better-behaved world which all of you will be able to enjoy. .....Peace.

Hi there,
I definitely do not recommend smacking, I agree with Leigh R about this topic. Look, this is so typical, and will eventually pass as he gets older. Just try to stay close to him and find a park that he can run. 18 months is still young, but at the same time, they can understand what your telling them and just flat out ignore you. It's just what babies do. Be patient. When crossing a parking lot, or when you need him close to you, make him hold your hand, and if he doesn't want to, pick him up. You could start using a reward system as well. If he listens, he gets something he loves.
When you are out and about, use a leash with one of those animal backpacks on it. Put his favorite toys in it. Who cares what people think about those things...it's YOUR child, and you are keeping him safe.
Otherwise, he will eventually grow out of it. Good Luck!!

Hello C.,

You have a child who is intrinsically motivated to move and run, most likely a high energy natural athlete. Instead of seeing the behavior as a battle to fight, why not find a way you can work with it and give replacement behaviors. For example, you may be in a location where you don't want to chase him every where, but you can give directions, "Run to that tree and back, see how fast you can go." Start these games with racing him, then send him to the tree on his own, he'll return when you clap your hands and hug him on returns. You can even start timing him, which he won't understand for a while, but it is still part of the game. Imagine how excited he's going to feel when he crosses that finish line when he's on the track team in high school!
Society asks us to conform to many situations our children aren't ready for, perhaps this is the time to live in his world for a while until he's has the developmental capacity and self regulating behavior to frequent less restrictive environments.

Good luck,
Wendy

I believe a lot of children have trouble listening at this stage of life, but your mention of his not saying many words prompted me to bring forward another possibility. My own son had the same exact behavior. He would run off without a care, and not listen when we asked him to behave or stay close. Our son was also speech delayed and said few words at 18 months of age.

Before assuming your child is uncooperative, consider the possibility he is not hearing you or misunderstanding what you are saying. If he has had ear infections, a child's hearing is impaired for 45 days after the infection is cleared. They can also have glue ear, which can last indefinitely without doctor intervention, and this creates intermittent hearing as well.

My own son ended up with auditory processing disorder (http://www.squidoo.com/capd) which causes problems understanding speech. All those years I thought he wasn't listening, when in fact he wasn't hearing/understanding what I was saying.

Sign language saved us before we figured out the hearing trouble. It seemed the best way to communicate with our son, and was actually a clue that something was amiss in his auditory system.

And it may just be a strong-willed personality, but I feel so sad thinking of all the times I punished my son, and he probably had no idea why he was getting into trouble.

If timeouts work for you at home, then you should continue to use them outside of the home. You don't need a playpen or anything special to enforce a timeout. When we are out and my son starts getting out of control, I tell him he obviously need a time out (by the way, time out is not a punishment, it's a way to get the child to calm down, and then listen to you) and then I pick him up and take him away from the activity and sit him down somewhere - it could be a bench, a railing, anything where I can sit him down and stand or sit next to him. I calmly tell him that he will stay there until he is ready to listen.

If your child doesn't stop, run after him, swiftly pick him and firmly tell him, "I told you to stop (he understands), if Mommy or Daddy tell you to stop, you must stop! Do you understand? You must freeze when we say stop." I know you think he's too young to really grasp this, but he's not. He really really is not.

Finally, it sounds like maybe your child isn't getting enough interaction with other children. I say this all the time on mamapedia to Moms who are concerned with their children's speech level. If you can, take your child to daycare at least 2 days per week (all day or only a few hours). Your child will be in his own 'society' - they learn so quickly in that situation because they have to - they are there with children their own age (maybe a few months older) and just blossom. I met a woman who became a good friend, at the park one day whose son was the same age as mine. Her son wasn't talking a lot, but could clearly understand (and was 'on track', so was essentially fine), but the parents were getting a little frustrated because it was like he was just being strong-willed. She was a stay at home Mom. I told her how our son went from pointing, grunting to full on communicating very quickly after entering day care. Why? because he had to communicate to the other kids and the providers. She entered her child for 2 days per week, and within a month, her child was speaking almost full sentences. I'm telling you, putting them with their own 'tribe' makes a big difference. I entered our son at 18 months. He's 3 years old now and blows my mind the full on conversations we can have now.

Best of luck,
S.

Well, my daughter doesn't listne either and she is 21mo. She thinks it is funny to run. My son would have never done that and he is 4. As for the language, I would get a second opinion, even though it could be normal. My son has so many friends whose children ended up in speach pathology who started out that way.

I also think kids need preschool early (1)to burn of energy, (2) children learn from other children better than adults, and (3) for consistant socialization. Both my children started a Montesori at 18mo. and love it. Some have it from 9-12am or all day. The choice is yours. Check into it, he may be bored and not getting enough stimulation and acting out. Parks just don't do enough for some kids.

My almost 3 year old son was just like that, and to some degree can still be. Sometimes when we are at the park he will wander off, even though I tell him every time that he has to tell me if he wants to go somewhere else (which he totally understands). When he was younger and really bad at running off, I would keep an eye on him at the park (and often be near him if he looked like he was going to go somewhere he wasn't), so if he did take off, I could grab him. This worked much better than just yelling stop. I think kids at this age, especially boys, just don't hear you. They are in their own worlds and just go. When we were out we would always hold hands, from the time he could walk, unless we got to a safe area where I would let him be free. Although he didn't always want to, and still sometimes doesn't, training him to always do that really helped. He still does run off sometimes (our punishment now and starting when he was about two is that we leave wherever we are if it is a fun place for him). So they will do it for a while, but it does get better. We have also taken him to the car if we needed to stay somewhere, put him in his seat and talked to him, and then went back to whatever we were doing once he has calmed down (like a mini timeout in the car), and that works pretty well.

my little boy is almost 4 and still runs away and wont listen. you still have a long time yet.

I suggest that you might want to take him to a developmental pediatrician it might help put a few things in perspective. At his age he should have at least 100 words and or be able to sign appropriately. I am not trying to worry or concern you but a regular pediatrician usually have not extensive training in over active children. If you need help in find the right developmental ped for you I would be glad to help you.

Penny Amic CEO/Clinical Director
Special Beginnings, Inc. An Early Intervention Network
____@____.com
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Hi C., In my experience as amother and a daycare provider even at 18 months they inderstand stop, or at least the tone of your voice when you say stop. I have a 14 month old that understands stop, Commands (I don't really like that word) that you use on a frequent bases he will understand. I lot of people take playpens to the park, I used to,. I believe times outs don't work, if they did you would only have to use it once per miss behavior, Timne outs are apunishment not discipline and in my opinion 18 months is to young for punishment, I never used time uts with my kids whom are all grown now, that seems to be the way with this generation parents, and I think that may be why some are having the same behavior issues again and again. Sign language I would stay away from it may hinder his speech, you want him talking not using his hands to tell you what he wants/needs. A child who runs off needs to be taught not to, it's to dangerous for many reasons, discipline is what works, age apropreate of course. J.

Kids this age and even at 3 years old... do not have, fully developed "Impulse-Control".... yet.
Sure, maybe they understand what you say, but their impulse-control is NOT developed yet.
It is all about lack of impulse-control.. which this age is.about.

Get the book "What To Expect The Toddler Years."

And, kids this age, are not still as statues.
They are very active. And boys more so.